March 2007 - where the babies all get feisty and we "make rods for our own backs" or develop arms like a trucker!

[Mossy]

Couldn't help it!

to all those with babies who aren't settling...

... some resemblence of success here. Samuel just fell to sleep in 6 minutes with only a slight grumble...

... that has never EVER happened EVER EVER EVER with him before.

It has taken me four nights to get to this stage.

I am apprehensive as to how he'll behave when he wakes in a couple of hours and i'm in the room in bed... we will see and I'll let you know tomorrow.

hugs to all with partner woes. I can relate to you all. Despite us all having different lives, backgrounds, families etc when you boil everything down we're remarkably similar.

Aargh - dh is away (again), Toby won't sleep (again), work have given me so much to do (again) that there's still another 4 or 5 hours worth to do before tomorrow morning and my network connection to the company systems has just gone down (again).

Poor Toby can't understand why I'm getting annoyed with him when all he wants to do is lay in my arms and grin at me.

gosh we all seem to have a pattern...! i had a big shout at dh last night and then the baby kept me awake all night being bouncy- he feels better am vvvv tired so actually poss am over emotional.

made mince pies - think put too much apricot liquer in the filling (hic)

dh apologised today, so hopefully all will be ok. hope it gets better for all of you having issues as well.

hugs to everyone!!!

Morning all
thanks to helpful comments about dp
It's a relief to hear that not everything is a bed of roses for the rest of you. I wish it was iykwim.
Dp and I are all talked out. he can't meet my basic needs because he feels the relationship has gone too 'sour'. He believes it will right itself over the course of time but as far as I'm concerned I have waited YEARS and I don't want to wait anymore. I don't fancy him anymore. He spends all his time in horrible trackie bottoms. He does nothing for me and I have lost my sense of self being with him.
We had another horrible row on Sunday and I have barely spoken to him since. He said some horrible things which he still maintains he means.
I know he can't quite work out why I'm so quiet. He asks if anything has happened (wtf?). The normal pattern is he has a go, says vile things and then I cry and it muddles along in its own pathetic way.

Not this time I want out.

kitty will come back after being a proper mother (how the F+++) I am supposed to do that after so little sleep who knows but that's by the by)

As I said I will message you for a proper
bitch moan constructive chat about things.

Love to all sorry for sick babies (have really gone off mine today grrrr)
and useless dp's dh's and employers

mornign everyone. sorry to hear about dps and dhs!

MrsS - It takes alot of guts to finally come to the conclusion that it is not working anymore and it is time call it a day. have you tried everything to rekindle the relationship? i know what you mena though when they let themselves go! i always have full war paint on and nice clothes and he picks me up unshaven still in work attire covered head to toe in paint and not forgetting his chavvy baseball cap! what a catch i have to tell myself!!

am also having broken sleep. would not be so bad but he insists on gripping with his teeth these days! then he laughs as i scream in pain, i swear he is the spawn of satan, should have named him Damian!
also tried him on the bottle and he blatantly refuses it from me! though according to my parents he likes tea!!

betho, we've been 'working on it' for years, I mean years. I know, we've so many children and such little ones too. But now everything he does annoys me.
He's always making sexists comments and it bothers me that the children are hearing that. I think he has a real resentment of women.

He called dd3 " a brat" the other day. She's not even 2 ffs. I asked him not to call her that.

We've never shared a bed all night as he has M.E. and insomnia so he always wants to go back to his own room. I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this. He won't come on holiday with us because of this. It's pathetic. And he hates hot weather. Not that I would want him to, but I want to be able to go on holiday with someone who is not my mother.

When I do take the kids away he's always going on about how he needs the break etc. it's never "I missed you, it must have been such hard work for you"

The list is endless, if I carry on I'd be here all day!

Tea Bethoo?

Kitty IKWYM about trackkie pants - I sometimes refuse to go out the house with DH until he changes into something less scruffy. Do you still love him? (as opposed to fancy him). Could you imagine life without him - would it be sad or a relief?

Lunar - did you get your work done in the end?

Monti would only sleep lat night if I was holing him - he has a really bad cold poor mite.

Straw poll:

Who is still co-sleeping?

Foxie

...add your names here

Our (first ever) cleaner has arrived. She looked a bit daunted when I showed her what needed to be done

co sleeping ha ha ha ha
atm I want to be about a gazillion miles away from the little oik...

MrsS - so sorry to hear about your troubles with dh... I have been there... when ds1 was a toddler my dh and I split up for 8 months... we were totally going down the divorce route but somehow once the pressure of being together was off we remembered what it was we loved about each other in the first place.

... is there any way you could get some space from each other - as in could he move out for a bit? When you are both under the same roof and feeling as you do towards him it is very hard to climb out of the negative spirals.

... easy for me to say all this of course... but just wanted you to know I'd been through something similar. It doesn't have to spell the end of your relationship.

On the co-sleeping front - we stopped as of 6 days ago as I had got fed up of the constant all night buffet i was providing.
Last night he did wake 3 times but his crying was 5 or 6 minutes worth and pretty half hearted at that. Things may be looking up! Crazy thing is I keep waking up even if he doesn't. Have i turned into an insomniac?

yep, co sleeping quite happily here.

Foxy, I don't love him or fancy him but it would be strange not to have hime around, however, that's just the familiar old slipper routin.

I stopped co-sleeping ages ago. Ronnie wakes about 4-.30 and really wants food. When he was in bed with me he snacked all night. A sperate bed has always helped with all of them.

Thanks muppet. It's definitely got to be the way to go. Glad you and dh sorted things out though.
Tbh I've always know that dp and I were totally incompatible but I knew he would make a good father and hoped we could mend our differences. He's turned in the proverbial grumpy old man though. Always moaning and complaining.
I can't see him finding any one fool enough to put up with him, although he was always telling me how irresistable he was to women, always telling me how they'd been eying him up etc in the end I told him to keep those gems of information to himself . He thinks I'm jealous

Mrs S do you think it's really likely to end up as the ned of things or do you think you can salvage some of the feelings back somehow if you both worked at it?

end not ned

kitty sorry things are so bad

I've been on the verge of leaving my DH for years. Can't quite get the courage to do it. It isn't that he's a bad husband or anything but I just wonder what I saw in him. He falls asleep in front of the TV every evening he's here. When I complained last he said he was bored- we only ever watch TV. That's because he won't do anything else! I go to ballroom dancing with DS2 because DH won't do it. I like iceskating, horseriding, laserquest- he won't do it. If I want to do anything active I have to go with one of the kids.

Enough about me. DD now has a nasty cough and a constantly running nose. We're on calpol, calprofen and calcough (thinking of buying shares in Pfizer) which can't be good for her. She is now feeding- but every hour, and finishing with a nice hard bite (DH tells me off for shouting at her )

DS2 went back to school Monday after a week with D&V and DS3 went back today- he's only been off 2 days. The house is strangely quiet. First time I've been alone for weeks. It's nice but I need a cup of tea and there's no-one to make it!!!!!

yes i am still co-sleeping and probably will until he moves into his own room which i have yet to change from spare/ironing room! and getting there slowly, still got bags of his baby clothes and stuff like his bouncy chair and bath (just in case!!!) in there so it is packed full! problem with too small house and being a hoarder!!

MrsS- I am sure we will all support your decision no matter what you choose. Personally it sounds as though you already know what you have to do. do you work? i would start making plans as to what you are going to do. it may make your hubby snap out of this attitude he has. like muppet said maybe a separation will bring you back together, and if not then it is obvious that you were not meant to be. i am sorry to hear it but being a single parent is not that bad (though i only have 1 child!)

Got carried away and forgot to add that we are still co-sleeping (not that there is much actual sleep happening )

mrsS-sorry you are having such a hard time.i didnt realise he was like that,i knew you had problems but i thought it was just being incompatible.it sounds more like emotional abuse from what i've read now.my xp used to go on about women eyeing him up and fancying him all the time-despite the fact that he used to bath about once a fornight if that and was generally an ugly git.

i will send you a message on FB later.i agree with bethoo that you should start making plans to leave him,find out what your rights are etc.i have been a single mum of 4,and i have to say its much easier than being with somebody you no longer love.

i think its male PMT week at the moment.i have been fantasising about sledgehammers(that is sledgehammers coming into close contact with computers/brains/gonads)

fox-no co-sleeping here.nononono.after reading the posts on this thread i am very glad i started the sleep routine from birth(phew).have you tried monti with different types of teat?i have a selection that i go through when Elsie is teething to see if i can get her to take some milk.i would advise against nesquick-i(and the dc)find that stuff very dehydrating.i read somewhere on MN that you can get vanilla flavour follow-on milk,i think it was one of the organic ones?
if you go for the milkshake thing in the end crusha is much better

Will post proper reply later - I have a full living room! Just wanted to say Mrs S - will send you FB message when I get a mo away from extended family {{{hugs}}}

Still co-sleeping, yes second the crusha not nesquick it's made by nestlé doncha know?

Right off now back later.

Blimey, it's all heavy stuff here. MrsS, MAJOR big hugs to you - I really hope you can come to a decision either way which will make you happier. No advice to give, although DP and I did have a separation of about four months, although actually a year not living together, about seven years ago. We obviously got back together, although I have to say this year I have had many, many days when I have been within a whisker of calling it a day. I think we're coming into a better period now, but I do wonder at times if we made the right decision all those years ago, because although we get on well in many ways, we do have some fairly significant differences too.

Hope all the poorly babies are on the mend. I'm on the verge of getting a cold/throat/chest infection which has been dragging on for days and I wish it would go either way. Feeling pretty crap atm, and I'm hosting coffee tomorrow pm so have to do some organising in the morning and tidy up a bit and try and babyproof for the more mobile kids - this could be difficult as we have lots of danger zones and things DP wouldn't want damaged around, like the four guitars in the main room - I kid you not! Think they'll just go upstairs otherwise I will not relax the whole time. Also have nice smashable glass things on a hard-edged hearth which need removing... fortunately I don't think more than about two or three of them are coming so it might not be too bad.

MrsS - yes we had a trial seperation too and got back together again. I think you sound like you nee a bit of space. You could ask him to move out or a couple of months. He sounds arrogant to me and a rocket up the arse might help.

Give me a ring if you want - or I can call you at the weekend. Dunno if I'll be any help but I've travelled to Decree Nisi and back with DH . I think you need to call the shots a bit - does he belittle you because he thinks you can't leave him because of the kids? It certainly sounds as though he doesn't value you. Git

Snoo - I have had loads of advice on my local thread basicaly telling me that the only way to stop Monti wking is t put him in another room so he can't smell me (or rather cant smell his favourite meal)

Moss/snoo good point about NESquick -I will look out for some crusha. I sucuumbed to Nesquick last night and he drank it but still blardy woke hourly (though not every 15 mins...)

Cleaner is fab BTW - house is spotless (but still untidy)

Hi fox - finally finished yesterday's work just after 3 am this morning! Still co-sleeping here too - I can't be bothered with getting up during the night!

shitty here, Finn not sleeping at all, snotty, coughing, teething have to medised him to get any peace and that's only good for one hour
Me really bad sore throat, headaches, bunged up... I cannot sleep cos of Finn and even the hour he will sleep I am up because of my throat

Am at end of tether and have said to dp if we have another night like last night I wil not cope tomorrow on my own, he looked at me like I'd told him I wanted his testes on a plate with a sharp knief and soya sauce...

will report back tomorrow, you may be all that stand between me and nervous breakdown

Mrs S I have FBd you. I'm really sorry to hear about things between you and your dp. As you know things weren't great between me and dh for a while.

They're still not back up 100% but he is much, much, much better with Bertie and better around the house which for now is all I want.

Foxy I don't know if it's any use to you; I still co-sleep but got fed up of the constant night waking and wanted to do something about it whilst still maintaining my level of sleep.

I basically taught Bertie how to go to sleep without a nipple in his mouth; I'm not a great fan of leaving Bertie to cry (he screams and makes himself sick) on his own, but I discovered that if I fed him until he was sleepy, then took him off and cuddled him to sleep instead, he still cried, but it was for a far shorter time. The longest was 26 minutes I think, but because I was cuddling him I didn't feel guilty.

I do this for putting him to bed, and for the first night waking, and now there's no crying. After that I need my sleep too so I feed him in bed. But my plan is to do it for the second night waking soon... then so on and so on. Then I'm going to feed him for a bit less time each time until one day... voila... he will sleep longer and longer stretches.

He already sleeps much longer in the evening.

Piffle your lack of sleep sounds a total nightmare you must be losing it. Would it be worth you taking Finn into bed with you for a few nights so it's easier to do the feeds and at least you can lie down and rest - if not sleep - while you're doing it? After he is a bit better - and you are too - you can move him back to his room?

Foxy / Bethoo I'm afraid here I am the one in trakkie pants or more often a dressing gown although I dress up to go out of the house!

Right hi to everyone else, better go Bertie is getting wail-y.