October 2007 - the golden piglets have landed

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I couldn't find a postnatal thread - not sure if I am just missing it with post-childbirth brain! Anyone else around??

Well done on the bf in public Winnie. How do you do it without giving the world an eyeful of boob?

More big hugs to Dalrymps, Stefka and Inzi (and anyone else who's feeling down!). Well done Stefka for getting out today. I had a horrendous morning and called up DP in tears saying I couldn't cope but he couldn't hear my because I was drowned out by the sound of DD crying hysterically Anyway, I somehow managed to get out to b/f support group (didn't manage a shower but did get dressed...small triumphs) and I feel loads better for it. It was nice meeting other mums who are struggling.

Midwife said my latch looked good and I should persevere with trying to feed without the nipple shields. It was just nice to have someone tell me I'm doing well. Also weighed DD and she's gaining weight so that's a relief.

As for DP being back at work, my DP didn't take any time off at all - not even a day! - because he's on a full time course and he couldn't afford to take the time off. It's really hard being on my own during the day but it is do-able so don't stress too much. The day seems to fly by. My problem is that he's always got work to do in the evenings and he's always knackered so he's not even helping out much with DD in the evenings. A lot of the time I feel like I'm trying to keep her quiet and calm (easier said than done) to keep her out of his way so he can work. It makes me sad that he's not really getting to spend much time with either of us and he's missing out on so much. Also makes me annoyed that I'm the one who's doing all the hard work!

x

Just read through the posts, so sorry to hear all those who are feeling low. I can really sympathise as this was me last time round. All I would say is that if you think you need a little extra help, then try to get it asap. Don't leave it like I did and tell yourself 'I'm fine'.

If you can get a cleaner for a couple of hours

do it

If you can get someone round to take the baby for a walk that you trust so you can rest/sleep

do it

Talk to the dr/hv don't suffer in silence.

Book yourself in for a little treat even if it is just a nice hot bath with some new bubble bath and candles with instructions to dh to LEAVE YOU ALONE then do it!!!!!

Keep talking to anyone who will listen even if sometimes you don't even know what the problem is, even if all you say to dh is 'This is a bad day but I don't know why..' at least he can start to understand how you feel. He will want to 'fix' you and make you happy again but sometimes dh's just can't and they do find this hard.

Try to separate out being a new mum (again for those with more than 1!) and someone who needs more.

I found myself

1. Not going out
2. Being anxious about everything
3. Not able to speak on the phone/talk to friends
4. Being overly obssesive about cleaning
5. Not enjoying my baby's company at all.
6. Living for the weekends as dh was at home and dreading mondays as he was at work.
7. Having delusional thoughts ( iwas convinced Ollie was going to die and I would go to prison)

Sorry if I've gone on but this is something I feel really strongly about.
Hope you all had a better day,
emma
x

Thanks all for advice on shields. Sorry so many are feeling miserable - if it's any consolation it's utterly normal. One of the amazing things about being a Mum - the highs are fantastic, the lows are worse than anything , and often there is no more than 30 seconds between them!
Stefka I am on flucozanole and topical cream and baby on drops for the thrush. Think the tablets really helped. Breastfeeding network site has great information. I have now resorted to good old cabbage leaves in my bra - they certainly reduce the pain. I feel great ( just starting to smell of cooking cabbage!). Definitely recommend trying them to all with sore nipples.

I am on those tablets too and LO has gel for his mouth. I am giving it till sunday then I am going to review things and see if I can keep going or not.

It is sort of a comfort to know that other people are finding things as hard as I am. I thought it would be all sweetness and light but it has really just felt like a chore. I am like you Miss B - my DP works and has college and a band that he is in so he is always busy or out. He does help out when he can but it feels like I have to do everything and never get any time for me and I am getting less sleep than him. He's at a band rehearsal tonight and I have had a bad day and could really have done with him here. I didn't even get a proper tea.

Inzi - that doesn't sound good that you feel sick. That is the last thing you need. Keep an eye on that and see your GP if things don't get better, maybe you've got a bug or something.

I am trying a bit of a routine from tonight - bath at half seven, boob then bed. We shall see how it goes!

Hi All!
I absolutely love you all...if it wasnt for you I'd be certain that I was the only manic depressed irrational usless new mum with permenantly sore boobs.
re sore boobs;for anyone who is having trouble with nipple sheilds (I used Avent ones for a few days, but Alex hated them)as well as cabbage if you havent already tried them the best things I have found are breast shells...the Avent ones come with 2 different pairs; one pair of shells are solid for collecting dripping milk let down from one breast while the other is being fed from and the other pair has holes at the top and is for collecting dripping milk during the rest of the day(milk not for consumtion as exposed to warmth and air for too long)allowing sore nipples to be exposed to the air and keeping clothing from chaffing so really aiding healing... the only down side to them is they give you a really funny shape so no tight t-shirts or close cuddles with anyone who isnt exepcting contact with something considerably more substantial than usual

Highs of today; I also breastfed in public for the first time today..in the coffee area at the Lowry Outlet...no one stared so I think I was fairly discreet. Also I went to the health centre for the first time to get Alex weighed (the mws or hv have always brought the scales to me before)and he has gained 12oz this week so at least his eating me alive is having some effect!
Low for today is DH is going to be working away ALL of next week . With me back to working 3 days a week myself I really dont know how I'm going to cope...Dh does one of the night feeds with ebm which is the respite that keeps me going through the day...I must admit I'm dreading a whole week of going solo and have nothing but awed admiration for those of you who have done so from the start.
Well it is bath time for Alex now so I had better get off for today...by the way I'm not half so depressed today as I was at weekend so the mantra does work..for those of you who are still suffering "this will pass"

Ladies sorry to hear so many of you are really struggling. I think it IS normal to feel pretty low, to be tearful, to worry you can't cope and to feel dependent on your dh / family etc. However if you are worried about how low you are even if you are just not sure you should talk to someone - better to get help if you need it. And like muppet says you should accept ALL help offered. Its bloody hard work this parenting lark, esp if you are bf and esp if you have dh's with demanding jobs. So don't feel bad about asking for help.

Bf clothing - I used to have a pashmina. I would wear wrap over tops / dresses, pull it down on the side I was feeding on and then coer the top of my chest by wrapping the pashmina round me like a scarf - not over lo though. I also put vests under wrap tops and pulled them up with the wrap top pulled down. H&M also have great bf tops that do this with a vest effect under the wrap. Good luck! I never minded bf in public once I managed to do it without getting my whole tit out but I'm not that self conscious and appreciate this is a big deal for most esp if you're having a tricky time bf. Well done all who have managed!

Thanks too for advice about the mirena - much appreciated!

And ejt honey hope today went as well as it could x

We had a pretty good day shopping in town with my mum and sis. Bought lots of baby and maternity stuff with my sis - she is very very excited! And also much appreciated all the bits and pieces I got for her bag so thanks to all who gave me ideas! And double big thanks to J20 for the hypnobirthing cd!

hey everyone, feeling not too bad at the mo, makes me feel better that others feel the same and i'm not going mad! Tried ds with a dummy tonight as we woke him to change him and it wasn't quite time for his feed and he was grizzling, anyway he loves it, took to it straight away and is sucking away happily, just gonna use it to try space his feeds regulaly, had a sore nip today but rested it and expressed a bit from that side to stop it getting too full and then when he fed on it again it wasn't too bad .The infacol seems to be helping too, not as unsettled today and farting more and burping a bit more so thats good. My MIL has offered to come round and help if i want whilst dh goes back to work thurs so i might take her up on that if i feel i can't cope at any point although i kind of don't want her t think i can't cope either .Anyway big hugs to you all, will keep chanting it will get better

Just popping in - thanks for your good wishes everybody ... today was gruelling to say the least - but we got through it ... Mairwen was very good considering that we were in and out of the car all the time - she didn't have a proper nap except for the 2 hour-long sleeps she had in the car on the way there and back ... she was very tired when we got back.

C is a shadow of himself - he gets very confused very easily, and has lost most of his vision - he is also having seizures now, which make him lose consciousness for up to 20 minutes at a time. He's not long for this world now, but he seems to be fairly accepting of it. We also went to the farm to see C's mum and dad (dh's aunt and uncle) - they're in their 70s and are not well themselves: they are finding it all very hard to cope with - you don't expect to have your child die before you ... MiL wasn't too bad in the hand-wringing stakes - but I decided just to let it ride - this is her way of dealing with seeing her nephew slide away from her - who am I to judge how she deals with it?

DH has been very quiet tonight - he's fallen asleep on the sofa at the moment - I'll go and give him a big hug in a minute: we had a good talk in the car on the way there and back - it's the most we've been able to talk to each other since Mairwen was born - and that was really good for us both ...

Oh, and a good exercise to relieve wind ... (in your baby, not in you ... when they're lying on their back, put their feet together and circle their feet (bending their knees), so that it massages their stomach - make sure you go clockwise, as you're working with the body's anatomy - otherwise, you just push the bubbles down ... I do this regularly to Mairwen - I also rub her tummy (again clockwise) - in a daisy wheel pattern around her tummy button ... it does mean that she often lies there farting for about 5 minutes after I've done it, but ... rather that than the wind!

I've also been told that you shouldn't eat too many bananas (doesn't apply to me as I'm allergic to them anyway!), as they contain a lot of phosphorus (I think), which does something or other ... and that I should avoid brassicas (that's a killer - I love broccoli - although I always have to correct it when it spell it!)

My post-natal check tomorrow ... going to arrange having a mirena fitted ... and will also hae a flu jab (am asthmatic, so am encouraged to have it)

Right, my ramblings have gone on long enough - I'm off to bed!

Night all!

Just to add, when bf in public, I make sure I'm wearing a cardigan / jacket, then sit with my back to the room ... when it's impossible, I make sure that I have something on the table in front of me ... I fed Mairwen in Costa Coffee last week when I popped into Cardiff to do some shopping (you would not believe the difficulty I had finding a nappy bucket!! Ended up with one with Winnie the (bloody) Pooh on it ... I'm a grown woman, why on earth would I want Winnie the Pooh on a nappy bucket ... that's another of my rants, I'll save it for another time!) - anyway, when I was feeding her, an old lady came up to me, and told me how proud she was of me for not being ashamed to feed my baby in public - I just smiled and said thank you ... I've so far fed in the following places:

• church
• the GP's surgery waiting room (several times!)
• Costa Coffee
• the staff room of the school where I work (!)
• the office where dh works
• on the bus

and nobody has batted an eyelid!

One last thing ... I totally second what muppetgirl said about talking to the HCPs if you aren't coping ... do it sooner rather than later - I had pnd with ds, which was never diagnosed - but which messed up my head horrendously when it came to thinking about going for another one ... I'm keeping a very close eye on myself this time ... and on you ladies too!

love to all ...

morning everyone. Aren't the people on our thread just brilliant? I woke up this morning after a thoroughly depressing night which drove me to a point of no return, logged on here and now feel that at least I am not alone and that the ups and downs are absolutely normal. So thank you everyone.

Inzi, I really feel for you - I am in a very smiliar position. DH leaves for work (commute of 1 1/2 hours away) at 5 in the morning and gets back at 9 in the evening, 6 days a week. So I am on my own with this LO and DS who is at home all the time too. No family near by and friends all at work. It is hard and lonely sometimes but I promise you there are as many moments when you will truly feel like superwoman - saying that though, I do echo everyone else in that if you feel it is something more fundamental you really should talk to someone soon.

And muppet is so right with her suggestions - esp the cleaner. That has proved to be my sanity saving thing - just having an organised, clean house makes it so much easier to operate on no sleep and is one major less thing to have to contend with.

well done evryone for b/fing in public - I found with DS that actually noone ever seems to notice what you're doing! Remember that Mothercare and Boots have baby feeding rooms if you want more privacy (and the mothercare one has those fab glider chairs to sit on!)

I feel slightly more awake now but have to say I have started dreading the nights - Madeleine just will not settle back to sleep and wants to keep feeding and cause there is only me to get her back to sleep, she smells the milk and so wants to keep latched on. She doesn't even really cry, so I'm lucky there, she just wants to eat me alive!! My milk supply is so low at night there just doesn't seem to be anything there......I felt so depressed last night but I know it is just that night time thing - those early hours can be so lonely can't they??

anyway -nothing anyone can do - just need to grin and bear it really ! It's not for long and she's nearly 4 weeks now, so almost through the worst bit. Sorry if that was a depressing rant.

hope everyone else is ok - have a good morning and enjoy going out for those who do and if you're not up to it, who cares? Staying in is just fine. Really don't worry about it. You have the rest of your lives to be shopping and doing jobs out of the house.

By the way I'd be interested to know if anyone has any top tips for how to not eat my body weight in chocolate through the night....at the moment it's the only thing keeping me awake but I know it's a bad idea - any thoughts??

nellie - re the chocolate - at this point in time, just do it! There's plenty of time to get your pre-baby body back ... it took 9 months to cook the baby, so therefore, it should take 9 months to get it back to some semblance of normal ... having said that, you should try making sure you're only eating the good stuff ... that make make you ned less...

Bf in the middle of the night is lonely - you often feel like you're the only person awake in the whole world ... hang on in there - it does get better - Madeleine may be going through a growth spurt ... tha said, if she's just comfort sucking, it may be an idea to cuddle her with a dummy to give you a break - try squirting a little berast milk onto it ... you could also try putting a muslin in her crib with her that you've had with you to give her that reassuring smell ...

Post-natal exercise class today ... jelly-bellies of Penarth unite!

Nellie re choccy.....swap with me..coffee

I am bad with the chocolate too - I used to be a really healthy eater and want to get back into good habits so I can loose the baby weight but I feel hungry all the time.

Made a first attempt at creating some kind of routine for Dareh. Gave him a bath at half seven, fed him (agony as usual) and then put him down. He woke up after 45 minutes and would not go back to sleep. Eventually at ten I fed him again and he slept till three which wasn't bad as I had gone to bed at eleven. I don't know what you are meant to do when they just won't go to sleep though. After his night time feed he just grizzled away for an hour before he went to sleep. I know if I had put him back on the boob he would have gone to sleep but I couldn't face it.

Health visitor will be back out today so hoping she can watch me feed. She should also let me know about this special clinic in the city that I might be able to go to for feeding probs. I don't know if it is my latch or the cracks or the thrush or all three but I can't cope with this pain much longer.

My mum wants to come through and stay for a bit and I am not sure what to do. I would really like the help but my mum used to have a drink problem and I am terrified that she might kick off while she's here. I know she really wants to come though and I think I hurt her feelings when I put her off. Part of the problem is there isn't anywhere for her to sleep although she says she will kip on the sofa. That doesn't seem very nice to me though. Dilemma.

Hope you feel a bit better today Inzi - remember to be kind to yourself just now.

hi all, just want to say, anyone having trouble with bf babies taking a bottle, i tried a NUK breast lookylikey one last night and lo loved it and the teat doesn't go in like the boots ones i've got.

right off to watch dd's assembly then going shopping, have a nice day all

thank you ejt for your words of wisdom there! Feel a lot better - just a quick one to pass a tip on J20 - I used the NUK bottles for DS and I would thoroughly recomnmend stocking up on teats of each age (newborn, 0-6, 6-12month) because I could never get hold of any for love nor moeny - went to every Boots in a 50 mile radius! It was so annoying cause they were the best bottles for us. Get them when you see them! just thought I'd let you know!

Hey everyone, hope you're doing ok, not feeling too down/tired/hormonal. Well my dh goes back to work tomorrow so i guess i'll either sink or swim! Managed to get up before midday today and feel much better for it, more human although not less tired . Ds has dry skin on his arm, looks awful but apparently normal, just like when you have sunburn then it peels, not sore, just peeling, we baby oiled him after his bath yesterday but it's still there, midwife says it's ok though and just to try not using top to toe wash next time we bath him and just to use plain water so we'll try that, he probably has sensitive skin cause both me and dh do. Hada visit from the health visitor the other day and at 13 days he had regained his birth wieght and a bit more, was 6lb5oz at birth and weighed 6lb7 and a half oz on mon so at least his feeding is going well. Inzi, i know exactly how you feel about it getting you down that dh is going back to work, i feel moderatly positive about it today but am certain will cry when he leaves in the morning . Ah well we're gonna go get some more napies,infacol etc so i don't run out of anything when i'm on my own. catch ya later

Baby news!

Sorry not had a chance to read posts yet as been out this am and about to go for a sleep...

Sure you will all be pleased to know that Choc has finally had her baby! A little girl, Rebecca Alice weighing 6lb 13oz. She was born at 10.30 last night by emergency section. Apparently all progressed rapidly after induction with a pessary but she was distressed and had the cord round her neck hence the section. Text from her dh says they are over the moon.

Will be back to catch up later....

How Wonderful.
Congratulations Chocolate Hobnob!!!
And welcome to the world Rebecca Alice

Is that it now for the october crew? Are we all now safely delivered?

Congratulations on the arrival of Rebecca Alice!

Hope people have had a good day. I had yet another person come out to watch me feed. She also said it looked fine but it hurt like hell. I am really at a loss with what to do now.

My aunt came over so I popped out to Boots just so I had been out and driven the car. I didn't like being out though. Also I saw this woman with her new born baby in boots and I got really upset because she was able to be out with her baby and I can't do that

Congrats to chocolate hobnob

Sorry so many of us are feeling low. I'm still really up and down. DD had another grizzly, unsettled night and morning but she's been quite good this afternoon. DP came home and announced he had to go out again for a meeting at his college which he'd forgotten about. I just burst into tears. I find it so hard coping on my own during the day and I'm just counting the hours until he comes home so I can have some company and he can hold DD while I get a bath/do the washing up/eat a proper meal etc. I just can't cope if he's out in the evening as well. I'm actually starting to feel a bit resentful. I feel like I'm running myself into the ground trying to do everything while he's carrying on with life as if nothing much has changed. He just gets the nice bits (cuddling DD for half an hour or so in the evening) and changing the odd nappy while I do absolutely everything else. Sorry. Just needed to grumble.

As for chocolate, I wouldn't worry. I've been eating lots of choc and biscuits but not much else because I don't have my hands free to make any proper food (that's my excused anyway ). Apparently you need an extra 500 calories a day if you're breastfeeding so I reckon that justifies a chocolate based diet!

Stefka, well done on getting out but don't worry if it didn't feel right. I hated going out the first time. Going to shops can be quite hassly and bustly at the best of times but even worse if you've been at home for a few weeks. My SIL was saying today that she didn't go out for 5 weeks with her youngest LO and that she thinks it's normal to just want to cocoon yourself and your baby in a safe environment. Your body's been through a lot and your life's just been turned upside down so it's understandable if you don't feel like getting out and about.

Anyway, since I've been left on my own for the night I might just have to console myself by eating a whole apple tart and custard while watching crap telly!

Hope you all have good nights.

sorry lots of you are feeling down. i hope all the lovely ladies on here who have been through similar are helping.

cant rem what anyone said apart from someone mentioned wind. if marcy doesnt burp straight away i lie her flat on her back for a few mins and then pic her up when she starts squirming and she nearly always burps then once i have picked her up. i did the same with dd1 too and it worked a treat.

next time any of you ladies who are feeling down in the middle of the night when baby needs ANOTHER feed and you are knackered, just remember that probably most of the women on this thread are awake too and feeding their los and feeling knackered, so you are not alone!

congratulations Choc! Great news. Welcoe Rebecca Alice.

How is everyone doing? Stefka, sorry to hear you're still low - I was just wondering, is your feeding pain like a stabbing sensation deep in the nipple?? Just that I have that on one side, and did with DS - had problems feeding at first with him and still hurts this time - eventually I've just realised that it's the breast shape and nipple position that make it hard cause the latch is good etc. One trick I have is to roll up socks or muslin and put it under to push the breast up - does make a difference. Maybe that'll work for you??

dalrymps - madeleine has really dry, flaky skin too and olive oil massaged in seems to really help.

and greedy, great tip for wind - works with Madeleine too!

hope everyone else is ok and fingers crossed we have better nights ahead of us. I had such a crap day, and took out my sleep deprivation on my poor little boy so am now knackered and guilt ridden! The joys of motherhood!

Hey there everyone, congratulations choc!!! so glad your lo has arrived safe and sound, hope you're recovering well from the section, . Stefka, sorry to hear you're still having trouble feeding, i really feel for you! Glad you managed to get out even if it wasn't that enjoyable, at least it was a first step for you, i'm sure one day you'll be out with lo and having a great time and this will seem like a distant memory, i still haven't managed to get out on my own with lo yet, hoping to try soon but i bet it'll be dark by the time i actually manage to leave the house! Lo is reavnous today, wanting to feed every 2 hours and for half and hour to 45 mins at a time, maybe this is normal but he used ot go 3 to 4 hours between and feed for about 20 mins most times, probably just a growth spurt, hope so anyway cause my nips are burning... although they're still holding up, thankfully not too much pain, being really carefull with the latch cause don't want another blister, that took ages to heal, ouch!
Nellie - thanks for the olive oil tip, will try that, my brother in law used to use that on my nephew, i remembered once you mentioned it . Well we're just winding down for the evening as dh back to work in the morn, MIL says to call her anytime even i just want her to watch lo whilst i have a wash so thats nice to have the option of a bit of back up. dh has been doing nearly all the nappy changes as i'm breast feeding, he' still going to do the nighttime ones even though he's going back to work in the morning so that'll be a big help cause i find it hard enought to stay awake through a feed never mind anything else, he's so sweet don't know what i'd do without him, he even hoovered the whole house this evening also so i'm not in a total tip. Anyway off to bed for us now until feed time, catch ya all soon

Dal hope your first day flying solo is going well!

Ejt glad your visit to c went as well as could be expected and that mil didn't do your head in too much.

Greedy how very well put that when you're feeling low in the middle of the night we're probably all up too. Maybe I should put my laptop in my bedroom!

So sorry to hear lots of you are struggling. Today is a good day for us but I definately have my fair share of the rough ones. I was very tearful on Tues night at the thought of another night of interrupted sleep. Its wonderful having my family to stay though - they have been really helpful helping with the night feeds and also letting me sleep during the day to catch up. Even went out for a curry last night with my sis which was lovely.

Not looking forward to Tues though when they leave and dh is in London so although Sam will be in nursery till 5 ish I will have to put both boys to bed at a time when they are both very demanding. Any tips? Nellie know you have been doing this for a while so I'd be very grateful to know just how you do it!!

Anyway off to give Adam a bath and get us up and out for the day. Massive hugs sending their way to all of you lovely ladies xxxxx

alice - i was dreading giving my 3 tea and then doing the whole bath and bedtime routine, but i have had to do it most nights for the past 2 wks since dh went back to work and its really not that bad!!! ( not that i would admit that to him!!). just expect to have to let one of them cry for a bit and dont let it get you stressed! ( i think i am immune to their crying now unless its a real pained cry). i even have the 3 of them in the ath together with marcy in the middle and the bigger 2 dripping water all over her! only lasts for about 2 mins before my 4 and 3 yr old get bored and want to be boisterous and noisy and splash lots, but then i can leave them to that while i dress marcy and then sit on the toilet seat and feed her!!! means they get a super long bath but they love it!!!