December 2019 babies

[TTc2019BabyNo1]

Hi All,

Thought I’d just start a December 2019 babies thread for those who have given birth in December and want to catchup/chat/rant/need support etc.

We are 11 days in...!
How is everyone doing?

Is the dry skin quite red too?
Mine had really red scabby skin round his mouth and we got some cream from the doctors that worked miracles . Other than that I use e45 cream too

@forevercurious yes we also have very dry skin on face and feet. I read somewhere that the dry skin peels off eventually and leaves nice skin underneath so we haven’t put anything on ours yet. But interested to see if anyone has advice on this :)

For the dry skin, Epaderm.

We're trying to get DD to sleep in back and somewhat independently.. but, she wakes up and doesn't sleep... And then get to the point where she's hungry, will fall asleep in the boob.... Put her down, she wakes up!

It's hard to know what to do .. she needs to sleep. If I put her in the sling she'll sleep. But that's not always practical.

I don't know what to do.

Health Visitor has no advice :/

Also,.... I worry that I don't "play" or interact with DD enough.

It's so hard! I talk to her and stuff. But often I don't even know what I'm doing. I keep thinking ..should she be asleep? Am I keeping her awake? And when I leave her Ali in the Moses basket or bouncy chair.... I feel guilty because I'm 'ignoring' her. Because I want her to sleep. She will lie there for a fair while looking around.. but not sleeping.

I wish babies came with a manual.

@AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps, our Joe does not really self settle yet, he usually either falls asleep on the boob or we hold /rock him to sleep. Things that (sometimes!) work for helping him stay asleep for a while -
Making sure he's properly winded (just started using infacol, waiting to see how effective it is.
Warming the bed a little
White noise
Blanket /t-shirt that smells of me
He's just big enough to use his grow sleeping bag, he seems to like it, so far! Keeps him nice and snug but his arms are free to flail around
A few friends have suggested raising the bed a little, might help with wind/reflux. We're about to try him in the snuzpod again now he's a bit bigger, using reflux bar to tilt it; will report back in a few days!

@AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps, cross post! Just seen your one about interaction etc and have similar worries. I talk to Joe alot when he's feeding and have started introducing toys etc when he's awake and seems happy. I also read to him sometimes. He's only just started to be more alert to be honest, looking around etc and hasn't smiled a non wind smile yet. Hv didn't seem too worried, but has booked us in for a follow up in a couple of weeks to monitor that side of things. I think as he's only just 6 weeks and was 4 weeks early, might just need to wait a little longer! Have you tried putting her by a mirror?!

Baby curious is fed or rocked / cuddled to sleep too.

About playing and interaction - we go to rhyme time at the library and a sensory play session each week. at home he will lay on his play mat and look at the toys above him, he also enjoys his swing and bouncer. I try and talk / sing to him when doing jobs around the house etc. he enjoys playing peek a boo too! I definitely feel like I’m just winging it and have no idea if it’s enough. My HV mentioned tummy time but he doesn’t like being laid on his tummy or the tummy time cushion we have. He spends a lot of time laying on our chests and I’ve been told that counts too!

@AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps I feel your pain, this sounds exactly like us! I’m trying so hard to keep putting her down but when I know she’s going to scream and we have to start the process all over again I just give up and let her sleep while I hold her!
Same here she’ll sleep in the sling or car seat when we’re out and about. Just not in her own bed!! Lol!
If you get any advice on this I’d love to know as we’re really struggling too!

I don’t really interact either as she doesn’t seem to focus on us yet, I don’t know at what age that happens? She doesn’t really know what to do when she’s awake so she screams, that’s generally her awake time!
Obviously I talk to her a lot and try and wave and make faces but it’s like she doesn’t register!

Has anyone had the 6 week check yet? What do they do?

@AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps not sure if you have one or have tried, but I recommend the love to dream swaddle bag. It’s the only way DS will stay asleep once he’s put down! It’s like a sleeping bag but the top half is tight / swaddle and his arms are kept up by his head - his startle reflex was waking him up a lot! we got ours from amazon :)

Our 6 week check is being done at 8 weeks, along with immunisations.
DD is 6 weeks tomorrow.

www.madeformums.com/baby/your-babys-vital-6-week-check-up/

@TTc2019BabyNo1 we’ve had our six week check, the HV weighed him, asked some questions about his development: eyes following objects, smiling, cooing. I filled in a questionnaire on depression and anxiety. She told me about services in the local area and that was it I think!

I’m struggling with my relationship right now, it seems since DS has came along we are really struggling. DP is a brilliant Dad who does his fair share of parenting so it’s not that that’s the issue. We’re going through a majorly stressful time with DSS’s mum regarding custody and I’m left feeling like I’m giving and giving (energy, support, practical care of DSS) and receiving very little in return. Sorry that turned into a bit of an essay! It’s hard to know if it’s because of the circumstances or new baby hormones / emotions etc!

@forevercurious, I'm there with you on the relationship front! Dh does his best with Joe and does loads around the house, but struggles with confidence /feeling overwhelmed. Also, his parents are separating so there is drama there. As you say, it feels like I'm giving as much as I can, but now I'm starting to feel the strain and don't feel like I can say anything because I don't want to make him feel worse?!

@Fivebyfive2 sorry to hear you’re struggling too but in a way it’s a little reassuring that someone else is going through this too! I wonder how much more I can give before I break and that isn’t fair on DS.

I told DP last night that I was unhappy, he didn’t seem to care - like you, I don’t want to add to his stress and problems but I’ve realised my feelings are important too and I don’t want to spend the first months / years of DS’s life being unhappy and resenting my relationship. It would seem there is no easy answers!

How would your DP react if you tried to speak to him?

@forevercurious, we actually had a chat this morning, he finally told me what's been going on. Basically, there are 3 things ; worrying it will never get easier with Joe, scared he'll turn out like his dad and also over thinking about the world, as in the fires, war, disease etc?! I then said I'd been worried that he was struggling, because although we both planned and wanted a baby (we had a loss before Joe), I was the driving force with talking about it, ttc etc. I've said again he needs to speak to someone, either another dad friend or maybe even health visitor or gp?? Not sure he will, but if it carries on I may need to insist!

Your feelings are most definitely important! Do you have any family or friends you can lean on while this is going on?? Xx

Our relationship is rocky too
I'm glad he's now gone back to work tbh.
I'm not sure if it's been more me or him . I've been really quite nasty to him but I think he also has the habit of really winding me up .
4 days after my mam died he was telling me how sad HE was and that I needed to make HIM feel better. I mean wtf!

@Fivebyfive2 it’s good you two have managed to have a talk and he’s opened up. Do you think he could be suffering with PND (or whatever the male equivalent is called?) I hadn’t realised men often struggle after the baby is born. Could you speak to your HV about it if he’s not willing to at the moment? my DP is so reluctant to talk to anyone about how he feels, including me which just makes it harder to sort anything out.

@Comps83 sorry to hear you are struggling too! That was a really insensitive thing for him to say.

I’m sad that it seems most relationships are tested after a baby is born, what should be the happiest time often has all this stuff going on underneath the surface it would seem.

Sorry to hear there's a few of us struggling in the relationship side of things, but as @forevercurious said, it's almost reassuring to know it's common... Hopefully just a phase while everyone adjusts?? I set our bedside crib up today, to try again now Joe is bigger. I'm hoping to stop the shifts and start all going to bed together so dh and I get more time together and can support each other in the night. If he wants to sleep downstairs for a bit if Joe is unsettled that's OK, at least I get the bed 😂 I've also decided that this week, I'm gonna try and relax more and try to prioritise getting some rest etc over doing house stuff... Time to start being kind to myself and not just looking after everyone else!

@fivebyfive2 good luck for tonight in the next to me crib! Your last sentence really made me think: only a few weeks ago we gave birth, going massive physical, emotional and mental changes! I certainly put pressure on myself to have a clean house everyday (to be fair I find it hard to relax if it’s untidy!) but you’re right we do need to be kind to ourselves. Now more than ever!

Another one with a slightly strained relationship. It's so hard to please everyone on such little sleep. Little things wind me up and I sometimes cry at the drop of a hat. I am also one that struggles to relax when the house is untidy... I think it's because people tend to just turn up randomly and I hate it being a mess. I actually made myself have a nap yesterday afternoon when ds was asleep and I did feel a lot better for it. We really need to be kinder to ourselves, this isn't easy looking after a newborn!

Hi ladies, we're halfway through the week! How's everyone doing?

Things are a bit better at home after dh and I had the talk Mon morning. We've adjusted our evening routine a bit to try and improve things, will let you know how it goes!

Also, I breastfed in public for the first time yesterday! Just at a little soft play place in the town, thought it'd be a good place to start with. Hoping to build my confidence up so I can feed him in regular cafes etc if needed.

We're not too bad touch wood
Although yday baby started doing the most stinky poos, all day
Also, and I know this sounds quite bitchy but I've just this minute text dh to ask that if I'm fast asleep when he goes to work at 7 can he pls not wake me up just to say goodbye. Ffs like I don't find it hard enough to get enough sleep as it is . I didn't get back to asleep and now that's me up and awake for the day
Rant over

We're at 6 weeks old now (Monday)

DD gas poor weight gain. Just 60g last week, following no gain the week before. She's EBF and I really want to continue. But am considering formula :(

She's getting weighed again today hopefully and if not in Monday. Have also asked for help from a lactation consultant.

We're pretty much just feeding formula now
I'm worried he's eating too much, he can really put it away and he's getting a chubby face. Whoops . Not sure how you can restrict food for a newborn though . If he's hungry he's hungry

@AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps, Joe has formula in the evenings, between about 8 and 1 and the rest of the time I breastfeed. I know everyone is different, but it works for us; gives me a break, dh gets some time with him and joe doesn't seem bothered how he is fed, as long as the milk keeps coming 😂

@Comps83, Joe has proper chubby cheeks and is mixed fed ; health visitor just said he looks like he is thriving so I'm assuming it's fine at this stage 🙂

Well! He is on his 3rd outfit of the day 😂 Seems happy enough though.