August/September 2019 Babies (Due in Sept 19)

[IVEgottheDECAF]

Couldnt see a post natal group so have taken it upon myself to start one! Will obviously still keep up on antenatal also until babies have all arrived!

Shall we start a list of arrivals?

IVEgotheDECAF - DC5 - boy - 07/09/19 - 9lb1oz

Oh dear stroan sorry to hear your dd is unwell. Funnily enough i thought dc4 was maybe starting with something yesterday as he seemed hot and emotional. However he is fine now, currently playing with hoover attachments under the kitchen table!

Oh no @Stroan the double bed invader whammy! Hopefully your DD's lurg will be a speedy one and nobody else will get it!!

She's completely fine this morning. No idea what it is.

Glad DC4 seems ok decaf, how is he coping with the new arrival?

We've had 2 proper inconsolable screams over the last few days - if the boob is delayed, we're talking a minute or so whilst I sit down and get everything where it's supposed to be. It's horrible he goes almost purple and seems to not inhale! And his eyes get tears in them. Breaks my heart. He gets over it really quickly but it's just awful in the moment.

Dh had 3 cigarettes when we went out for lunch with friends. He's been completely nicotine free for 6 weeks and cigarette free (was using a vape) for about 5 months, aside from the odd few when out with the same friends. But he promised to knock that on the head too when ds got here. Am I overreacting to be really pissed off? They're so addictive I don't want him to slip back into the habit. I've sent him off for a shower and a change of clothes.

kyles that would piss me off, i would have struggled not to voice this at lunch! What a waste to go so long without then just throw it away!

@kyles101 I would be equally pissed off about the smoking, I don't think I that's an overreaction.

We have similar meltdowns if it takes me a few minutes to sit down and start feeding. Almost wheezing and sounding like she's about to pass out she gets so cross waiting!

My DD is 2 weeks 2 days and my DH has gone back to work today. Feel so anxious, and still very teary and keep crying. Anyone else still having some crying episodes/baby blues?

@Senners yes, I’m definitely still getting bouts of the baby blues, baby is 3 weeks today and I’m still spending most days in my pyjamas. Also, she has been really unsettled the last two days and if she’s awake, she’s crying within a couple of minutes and the only thing that will console her is to bf so my nipples are in bits! I’m just trying to take each day as it comes and sometimes each hour as it comes! Don’t forget your hormones will still be all over the place as well. Do you have anyone else who can come and keep you company for an hour or two? X

@kyles101 I would be pissed too and have a lot to say about it 😔

@Senners it will pass. Lasted good couple of weeks for me too, but like @puglover said, just take each day at a time, you will be fine 😊

Thanks, I feel better knowing it's not just me. You just assume you'll be one of those mums in bliss constantly happy and when you feel sad instead its like, what's wrong with me? I'm so grateful for my little DD I just hope I feel better soon, for her!

@kyles101 totally not ok!! Does he realise the increased SIDS risk from there being a smoker in the household? He might be thinking that now you are not pregnant it's ok. Errrrr no!!!
@Stroan glad your DD is fine again!
@Senners getting out of the house always helps for me. And baby groups near you? It will pass!

@Senners a slightly different angle here - I’m at 2 weeks 4 days and very anxious/teary still. I cried at the midwife at my 10 day check so she didn’t discharge me and is now encouraging me to go to the GP as she thinks I’ve got PND.

Don’t just accept that feeling bad is normal, because if you’re really low then there are people to support you and treatments to help so that it is easier to enjoy your baby. PND is really, REALLY common so while you might just be suffering from the baby blues which will pass by itself, it might be that you need a bit of extra support to get through it and that’s ok too.

@Senners I would also echo what @Fortheloveofscience said. I felt beyond anxious with my first (DC1 screamed day and night for 10 months and I could barely cope) and that feeling of such anxiety coupled with just feeling miserable lasted for me well beyond the 'baby blues'. It may well be normal and go away soon but if not, please speak to someone and get some additional support. I wish I had as it lasted a year for me, until I went back to work.

This time round I can sense the difference already. We're only at just over 3 weeks and I'm anxious but it's nothing like what I felt last time.

Avalon spent most of the night making noises, especially from 4am-6am. I don't know what to do with her because she will even throw in a cry or two, but I go over and she's back asleep. This repeats every 5/10 mins for hours! I find that time of night my most sleepy time as well so its tough. I didn't trust myself to hold her, so I just dozed terribly and let her grunt and squeek. I think it's farts bless her.

@kyles101 I'd be livid. Some of my family smoke and they aren't allowed near the baby within an hour. I hate having my baby handed back to me smelling faintly of smoke, and then there's the SIDS risk.

@senners I also agree with the others. It could be the baby blues (I hate that phrase, it normalises something that we don't actually have to put up with) but it could be PND. Either way, it wouldn't hurt to mention it to your HV. I was a hormonal mess with DD and I constantly wrote it off as the baby blues because I WANTED to be happy. It took months to accept it wasn't right.

@kyles101 I'd also be livid and would be letting him know. Have you had a chat about it since?

@Lavellan my DS is exactly the same. He's nearly 9 weeks now and if it's any consolation is much quieter now until the 3/4am feed. From then onwards it's exactly as you describe; I find it really tough too as although I doze I don't think I'm getting a proper sleep from 4am onwards. I go to bed at 8pm and DH does any pre midnight feeds and then I take over so I know I'm getting at least 4 unbroken hours. I just keep telling myself it won't last forever and hopefully he'll quieten down soon! I also co sleep from 4am onwards as I find rolling him into his side or running his back / tummy sometimes settles (silences) him

Thank you everyone. I will definitely keep an eye on it and see how I'm feeling each day, if I don't see an improvement I'll speak to the hv. As it's my first I'm not sure what is normal and what's not, what's just tiredness what's real sadness, if everyone feels how I'm feeling or if it's just me. I hope it gets better each day as I navigate my way through this, but if not I will def ask for help.

Fortheloveofscience are you going to go to the GP? Thank you for being honest ♥️ hope you feel better soon

@Fortheloveofscience and @Senners I really hope you both feel better soon

Thanks for the comments, I wasn't sure if I was overreacting as he has done so well to quit otherwise, but yes, it's the sids risk that is obviously a concern. I think he thinks it's ok coz it was a one off and he had a shower and got changed when we got home. My point is though that he therefore couldn't help with the baby at all for the duration of the lunch as there was no way I was letting faggy breath near my love. For the record I used to smoke before falling pregnant so absolutely know how hard it is to quit, but I haven't touched once since bfp and wouldn't again as I know how much of a slippery slope it is. And, you know, I don't want those shitty toxic chemicals within 10 feet of my baby. Argh. Rant over... I think.

I’m used to sleep deprivation but even I can’t survive on an hour a night and an hour in the afternoon. I’m not enjoying this at all and then I feel more guilty. Got first appointment with the GP i could get in a month to ask for antidepressants.

@senners I’m still crying all day every day.

My partner is way better with the baby and gets him settled no problem, but he is away with work during the week. The baby hates me and I’m failing him.

@Moraxella the baby doesn't hate you at all my love. Ds went through a stage of not settling with me at all - I think it's because they can smell the milk so just want that. Now though he's a right little mummy's boy. Are you still under mw care? Can they help you get an appointment sooner than a month? Well done for posting about how you're feeling, we're all here for you to try and help. Is there someone in real life too who can come and be with you during the day?? Their chat isn't great at this age is it?

@moraxella big big hugs. I felt like this with DS1. In the end after a while I massively benefitted from going to a local peer support group called Smile and having talking therapies. Wish I'd done it sooner. Is there any support in your area? Your HV might know if you feel you could chat to her?

I'm jumping in a bit late to the party if that's okay??
DS2 10/09/2019 9lb (I was 43+2!), also have a DS who turned 2 at the end of July.
Got health conditions myself and nearly died after a chain of craziness following collapsing an hour after the birth (which this time in itself was great) and have been told by doctors would be very unwise to get pg again so now counting our blessings as a finished family of 4 ♥️

Hi @danigrace sounds like you had a traumatic experience there. I hope it's not stopped you being able to enjoy the new baby? How are you finding the jump from one to two?

Thanks @kyles101, how many children do you have?
I think it was significantly more traumatic for DP to be honest who says he was having to contemplate life without me. He'd been awake 48 hours for the labour and birth and then me collapsing etc. Docs thought they'd got me sorted and he went home to sleep only to be woken 3 hours later at 1am by a phonecall saying I'd been rushed to emergency theatre and he should come, he asked if I was okay to which they responded he should get here as soon as he can so that shit him right up. I on the other hand kind of missed a lot of it by being unconscious so didn't experience the worry and stress!! I struggled with postnatal anxiety after DS1 and although this time I struggled even more with medical / physical complications, mentally I'm sooo much better this time around. Has given me a wobble and made me incredibly thankful and appreciative for what I have and much less stressed about little things that really shouldn't matter.

With regards to going from 1 to 2, it's much harder to efficiently get out of the house at a certain time (I'm sure poos seem timed for leaving the house times!!), but overall compared to DS1 who was an absolute little monkey from the start and still is DS2 is a dream so it's easier than we anticipated because we were ready for another like DS1! This one will sit in his bouncer for 10 minutes whilst I eat toast and everything, seems like absolute magic!!!