May 2017 #16 Sleep deprivation, mumnesia and first smiles

[crazyzooo]

New thread to celebrate the small things (like first smiles and eating steak with one hand), commiserate over the less fabulous stuff (poonamies, vomit eruptions and wind spring to mind) and someone to talk to at 4am

@Badgerbird yep it's to help with feeding, I've noticed a small improvement and she has suddenly come out with a lot of new sounds, which could be a coincidence I suppose. Interesting to hear you also didn't do the massage, they kept emphasising how important it is but it's just so horrible. I hate how it's called massage, no massage should cause that kind of response.

@newbieho that's great about the osteopath, I think this will need to be my next course of action (though dreading another trip to London!) she's pretty much forgotten how to open wide for food but I'm so pleased you have seen an improvement.

She screamed down the surgery at each of the injections and I couldn't even temp her with a feed which is unusual, for a good few minutes. But then she fell asleep for most of the rest of the day, so much so that I only gave her two of the three doses of calpol and just kept checking her temperature. I know it's heartbreaking but I kept more rational than at the tongue tie clinic as the diseases they protect against are horrible.

@Tickyboovicki I am trying to join the group but get an error message. Could you please add me in?

@newbieho if your in the other Fb group can you send me a friend request (Vicki louise) and I'll add you 🙂 Sorry I think it's because I made it secret!

Thanks @savagehk I did think the sterilising every time was a bit ott that link seems like more reasonable advice 😊

@Tickyboovicki done I'm Hanna

Ridiculous isn't it @PeachIcedT - I remember at NCT talking about Perennial Massage... same thought!

For you tongue tiers out there, we also didn't do the massage and his almost complete tongue tie hasn't reattached. We play the sticking tongue out game too, although we did this purely for fun and didn't think about the positive impact on the TT.

If I'm honest we're having a bit of a nightmare here with everything. Mm is still refusing my bountiful boob and only feeding fitfully on my left. Lots of crying during and after, evidently still hungry even though he won't feed. I'm pumping and giving occasional formula top ups, but I can honestly say nothing has made me feel more useless than the inability to feed him.
His bleeding birthmark is actually in his lip, which we think is why he prefers bottle right now as it's less pressure on the lip, but even bottle feeds are battles full of tears.
Combine that with his crying out when pooping and passing wind (so almost all night), and we have one seriously unhappy baby (and mum).

Yesterday I pretty much broke after a week of his near constant inconsolable crying and 3 nights of sleep no longer than 40 minute chunks. I seriously thought I can't do this, and he'd be better off with a mum that could cope better than me, soothe him better than me. I feel so inadequate as a mum.
I'm currently staying with my mum and dad who have been wonderful. Dad took over at 3am this morning so I could crawl into a different room and try to get a few hours of actual sleep in the bank. I feel a bit less desperate today as a result, but my confidence is at an all time low.
Even those of you having tough times in different ways sound so at ease with dealing with your babies alone and coping with the sleep deprivation. I can barely leave the house again. I admire your capabilities.
I really hope I get better at this, and that he gets better too.

mighty that sounds really tough, similar to how my DS was and I still remember how awful it was. Gaviscon often makes them constipated which probably isn't helping the poo/wind crying. I have similar feeding problems with DD, I can only get her to latch by walking and lightly bouncing her while dangling boob in her face , if I sit down she just screams.

@mighty you sound like you're having a really tough time of it. Don't beat yourself up - you are absolutely the best person to look after mini mighty. I know it's easier said than done but don't compare yourself to other mums - our babies are as different as we are and as a result our experiences are too. The only words of support I can really offer are that things will improve with time. I had very similar feelings a few weeks back (well months now probably) but things eventually righted themselves. I know that bad wind, for instance, gets better with time.
It sounds like you're doing a great job - I would have already broken with that level of sleep disturbance. Massive hugs to you! (Sorry I can't offer any practical suggestions to actually help)

I'm very behind but @mightymouse76 are you ok? It doesn't sound like 'normal' fussy feeding or wind. Do you think you need to see a GP or HV tomorrow? Is miniMighty weeing and pooing? Can you concentrate on just getting any milk by whichever method is easiest for now? Glad your parents are being supportive.

I don't post often on this thread but just wanted to tell you Mighty that this stage will pass and it will get much easier. My third baby is 5 weeks old now and he has been so easy compared my second who sounds quite like your little one. If this baby had of been my first, I would have thought this whole parenting lark was a doddle.
If my second child had come first, I would have thought nothing was ever so difficult and would I ever leave the house again. She cried so much for months and wouldn't settle for anyone but me so I got no breaks. I was so exhausted and tearful many many days. But it passed, she is now a really lovely sunny happy 3 year old, and so affectionate.
Just remember it will pass, it will get better, it's not a reflection of your parenting at all, no doubt that some babies are much harder work than others. Take the support you are offered as much as you can.

mighty sorry you're having a hard time, it sounds really tough!! No one would feel ok on that amount of sleep (It is used as a torture technique for a reason!). Assuming your GP has ruled out oral thrush (can cause frethful latching and wind) in addition to birth mark? Also I had some amazing help from a breastfeeding consultant (le leche league) with latch, which reduced wind considerably. Obviously we didn't have a birth mark to content with but it may be worth a call if you haven't already? Fingers crossed for a resolution at your appointment!! In the mean time, give yourself a break. You are doing bloody amazing! And when I am having a 3am snotty crying session I try to remind myself that this too shall pass (a day at a time). Hug from me!!

mighty really feel for you. Maybe contact your HV or a feeding consultant and see if they have any advice? No wonder you are on your last nerve after a week like that. It can feel like everyone else has it sussed, but I can assure you they don't. I doubt my parenting all the time, and constantly feel like I'm winging it. Cut yourself some slack. You are doing brilliantly.

Have taken cluster feeding to a new level... Stuck laying in bed, with a baby licking my nipple. Yup, that's licking and not sucking... Tried to move and that was so not worth it...

Mighty you're doing fantastically and please don't think mini-mighty would be any better for anyone else!

Have a look at cry-sis for support too.

Re feeding, have you tried syringes or cups etc? If the birthmark is also uncomfortable when bottle feeding might be worth a try?

I know I've got lucky with my two - my first only ever cried for hunger. This one's a bit more unsettled and there's no more rubbish feeling than being unable to calm her, and for us it's for such a short period - for longer periods it must be even worse and that's without the lack of sleep!!.

mighty hang in there. Things will get better. I know that's pretty useless as a phrase when you're in a bit of a dark hole but try to remember it. You are an excellent mummy! A rubbish mum wouldn't be posting about how worried she was etc. I say again, hang in there...... and keep trying to steal extra sleep. Sleep = sanity! Fingers crossed minimighty soon feels more settled. Hopefully the hv will have some ideas or put you in touch with a good feeding consultant for ideas.

crazyzoo we had a day and night of cluster feeding again on Saturday. My poor boobs are still recovering!

@mightymouse76 you're doing amazingly well, I don't think I'd still be standing on that little sleep let alone anything else. When I was in hospital after my section everyone said accept all the help that's offered, I think that applies to all things parenting related. I'm glad you're with your m&d let them look after you so you can look after mini mighty, you are definitely the best person to do that. It will get better and in the meantime you have a bunch of strangers on the internet sending you tea and hugs!

Mighty you have had it really tough and have managed to bounce back multiple times, be great support to others and work all in the space of a few weeks of total upheaval and everything in your life being different and new. You are amazing. You absolutely are everything that mini mighty needs but that is asking everything you've got of yourself at the moment. It is pot luck with babies but all the experienced mummies, and all the cliches say that they change so fast and that hellish times are not forever. Please be easier on yourself, no one can function on that amount of sleep and well done to anyone that is helping you. Hugs xxx

We had our jabs last week, it was to be expected straight after but silly mummy here forgot to take calpol with us on walk for second dose, don't make that mistake anyone still to have jabs, he was in totally avoidable pain

Curly haired ladies! I'm another loving it being thicker. No brushing between washes here either, tiny bit of serum and mark hill perfecting polish before everything I do with it and then leave well alone for the day!!

Does anyone on here do / have tried the curly girl method? I kept thinking to try whilst on maternity leave. Anyone up for trying it?

I've been doing it since Jan @dreamofhungarianlanterns

I will have to look that up dream. I have tried the various helpful suggestions on dd's hair, and it's still a bit of a nest. I've attached a pic but it doesn't really capture the scale of the fluff. I wonder she rolls around on it too much at night for it not to be brushed?

Hope things are a bit better today mighty

@dreamofhungarianlanterns don't beat yourself up too much for forgetting the calpol baby Rise had it right on schedule and still screamed the house down for a good hour after she had it!

We're having a "I will sleep but only on you and if you move because I a getting heavy or you're getting cramp Mum I will be wide awake and require bouncing" day 🤔 Even taking her for a walk in the pram failed 😣 and now there's no Wimbledon to watch either!

Is anyone else feeling like they're at risk of getting a black eye from an out of control baby head? There is a lot of head waggling going on in this house this week🙄

I may be preaching to the converted here but puppy pads (cheap off amazon) are not just awsome for nappy free time, they are also great for putting down in public changing rooms 😊

@1004Rise - yes! Luckily no black eyes yet, mine or his! Although it does make him jump if he's sleepy and his head wobbles - or smacks down on my collarbone...

Wow your daughter has gorgeous hair esmes I swear by cheep as chips argon oil serum from home bargains, lots of moisture needed for the curls. Looks like you could get away with wide tooth combing hers and then dry scrunching it with serum on your hands to bring back the curl between washes?

So it sounds like you've kept the curly girl up for a good 6 months fox, how have you found it? Have you stuck religiously to the method?

Thanks rise I felt awful for my own baby and for my friends toddler who gets very upset at his little friend crying