May 2017 #16 Sleep deprivation, mumnesia and first smiles

[crazyzooo]

New thread to celebrate the small things (like first smiles and eating steak with one hand), commiserate over the less fabulous stuff (poonamies, vomit eruptions and wind spring to mind) and someone to talk to at 4am

Original reply

Barnes this book might help with your co sleeping worries
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/302210263151

Fwiw I read the studies first time around and, imo, they are largely flawed as (eg) there's no distinction between planned and accidental co sleeping (very big difference falling asleep completely exhausted on the sofa vs sleeping normally in a bed), there's no breakdown of the deaths by multiple risk factors, etc. So in our case (on a bed, baby on back, breastfeeding, not exhausted, no smokers in the house, baby full term and healthy) I'm very happy with the choice. If i remember correctly, the book linked to outlines some benefits to cosleeping too - your breathing regulates the babies, your temperature too...

Can you C&P @savagehk ? Sounds like an interesting read!

Oh cross posts.

I'm on the other side - I wanted to bedshare, read up, planned how to manage and reduce the risks... and I can't sleep like that! I end up sleeping on some kind of red alert where I'm hyper aware of him and me, and it isn't restful sleep.

After 12 hours of a temperature, sleepiness and reluctance to feed baby-crazy was back to normal! Well worth it to avoid the nastiness we vaccinate against..!

I co-sleep... It wasn't a decision that came easily but once I had fallen unintentionally asleep feeding, both in bed and on the sofa, I decided it was much less dangerous to make the area safe and to make sure I wasn't exhausted.

Essentially, as far as I understand, many of the studies lump SIDS and accidental suffocation in the same statistics. There are suggestions that bed sharing reduced the risk of SIDS by stimulating breathing, regulating body temperature, making sure they don't sleep too deeply etc. Obviously it needs to be done safely to avoid suffocation and there are some really clear guidelines on how to achieve this.

I struggle with the "no duvet and pillow" thing and found this on Amazon. Just need to figure out how to make holes for the boobs

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B01LCQJKCE/ref=s9u_simh_gw_i7?ie=UTF8&fpl=fresh&pd_rd_i=B01LCQJKCE&pd_rd_r=WZG1YNGMKYWFRVTSJGH0&pd_rd_w=xMOAI&pd_rd_wg=4nfmp&pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_s=&pf_rd_r=Y2S7F2SYYTN1MXDBMTGN&pf_rd_t=36701&pf_rd_p=0251090a-f603-4562-9ae2-a9631d2a518f&pf_rd_i=desktop

@savagehk and @esmesbees hope you feel better soon! I had mastitis early on and it is awful!!

I'm feeling better today thanks, breast still tender but better than it was and not having yesterday's random temperature fluctuations so hopefully this is just a mild case that'll clear on its own.

Dumb question but does having the sleepyhead on the bed or in a drop sided snuzzpod next to the bed (and me lying next to it) count as co-sleeping? I often put my head right next to his on the edge of sleepyhead or a pillow at the and level next to it, and either hold his hand or put my hand on his tummy so he knows we are there (and I like being so close).

I've still got a terrible fear of SIDs and get waves of tearful anxiety depending on how tired I am. I try to reassure myself I'm taking steps to reduce (bf as much as I can, sleeping on back at night, dummy, etc) but I'm still gripped with anxiety to the point where I'm scared to leave him with DP. Does anyone else have these feelings?
I bought a movement monitor yesterday (arriving today), against the wishes of DP. Not sure how to broach wanting to use it. Or even if it's a good idea. It's called a snuza hero. I've been worried about baby doing weird breath holding for a while now so figure this might reassure me that it doesn't go further...

On a settling note, I think having a babysitter has helped make baby mighty a bit more independent- he settles in Moses basket, sleepyhead and sometimes on playmat provided he's not super windy (he's 6+5). Prior to that he wouldn't settle anywhere but on me or the sleepyhead. Occasionally having someone else put the baby down (who doesn't smell of milk!) might be a positive in settling practice? Who knows though. I'm just muddling through still.

@mightymouse76 We have the Snuza Hero and love it! It was set off just once when we hadn't attached it properly and the baby wriggled enough in his sleep to dislocate it, but this was a user error Made me feel better that it works despite the 3am shock! It's so reassuring to look over in the dark and see the green light flashing with each of his breaths. It's just bright enough to show through the swaddle, too (though not enough for baby to notice).

I used the Snuza last time, forgotten all about it! Must find it and see if I can change the batteries. Though she sleeps so close to me that I'm not sure it'll work effectively.

Went to cranial osteopathy and they said to cut out wheat, as well as dairy and soya . I'm not even sure what it was based on (really should have asked) but I suppose I can give it a go. They also said to stop the reflux meds, seeing the doctor later but I'm pretty sure they'll tell me to ignore the osteopath.

I count using the sleepyhead next to you in bed as cosleeping, that's what i planned to do, and still hope to eventually. I read a lot about cosleeping too, and agree that providing it's done safely can actually lower the risks of sids.

Interesting acorn re wheat. I didn't think that made it through to milk but seems it does :kellymom.com/health/baby-health/food-sensitivity/

@crazyzooo I'm like you co-sleeping just happened, because I felt myself falling asleep in places I knew weren't safe it was more important that I got some sleep at night to get me through the day. Like @savagehk I think the studies seem to lump together falling asleep on the sofa with total exhaustion with everything else. @Barnes79 I find it a very different sleep when planning the co-sleeping than the exhausted totally out of it sleep. It's not sleep as I used to know it (I could sleep through an earthquake) because I am aware of her being there but it is sleep. Bizarrely I also found that I was then able to put her down during the day and she'd stay asleep, I think because I was then able to spend more time shushing and cuddling til she settled. I do want to get to the stage where she will sleep in the next2me at night but while she's still feeding 2 or 3 times in the night there's less waking up to do if I don't have to move her too far to feed. I have the duvet at my waist and tucked in under my legs (and more pjs on) and no pillow although I wake myself up with a dead arm sometimes from lying on it 🤔

@mightymouse76 I'd count the sleepyhead in the bed as co-sleeping but not if he's in the snuzpod - but I think this is where it's difficult because everyone seems to have different definitions 🤔 I think if getting a movement sensor helps you settle then it has to be a good thing, but I think keep an eye on yourself re the anxiety. You're obviously still happy leaving him with the babysitter (and I agree having someone who doesn't smell of milk to put him down does help) so what's different about leaving him with your DP? Or is it the difference between night and day?

Also dummies absolute necessity imho particularly when she's tired but trying not to go to sleep.... I was worried that they'd make me miss feeding cues, but she totally knows the difference and when she's actually hungry the dummy is out in 3 seconds 😊

@Sipperskipper well done for bf this far! Like @teainbed any bf is good and a fed baby is the best baby 😊

Six week check for baby Rise tomorrow and I start my exercise class tomorrow and I drove for the first time yesterday.... going to buy a pump this week might feel like there is some freedom on the horizon!!

Thanks @Acorncat, @KLane and @1004Rise .
Rise I think there is a difference between day and night in my head...daytime with us or babysitter and he's being watched. Nighttime I just get the fear. And I don't know why I feel less easy when he's with DP, as he's caring and doting and he's probably safer than the sitter. I really need to sort my head out surrounding this.
I've got my first appointment for some talking therapy on Friday which will hopefully help me halt some of these thought patterns, including the huge guilt I have about working already (albeit in the house while the sitter is here so I can still do most of the day feeds as BF)

Acorn and Klane, good to hear you liked this monitor. I think I'll try it tonight on my part of the night shift. I'm not sure DP will ever agree to use it during his watches but we'll see...

I've just bought an angelcare mat, going to try and see if it stops me leaping over every time he's sleeping silently!

@mightymouse76 so maybe tiredness has something to with your anxiety... which is understandable. Talking therapy sounds like a good plan. 😊 Don't beat yourself up for working already it's just another thing you're doing to look after him!

We seem to be having more leaky nappies than I'd expect, roughly one a day.... Tell me this isn't normal and what am I doing wrong? 😞

1004 poo or wee? Where's it leaking?

@mightymouse76 that's my biggest fear too. We mostly sleep in the sleepyhead inside the snuzpod with the sides up and a few inches away from the bed so that the movement monitor only picks up his movement and not mine/my husbands.

Also with regards to settling, he settles way quicker with other people than me. If he's crying and I have him he won't stop until I feed him even if he's not hungry. It makes me feel a bit useless to be honest but when I'm being sensible I know it's not that he doesn't like me but because I smell of milk.

If they're disposables make sure the waistband is flat at the back and the frilly bits round the legs aren't tucked in.

@1004Rise I think it's very common. I worry about dying/kids dying or getting sick a lot more in the post natal period. I assume it's a combination of exhaustion and hormones. Good you're getting to talk to someone. How is work going? For the first time today I felt a bit bored, brain bored rather than body if that makes sense. I've not worked since the end of March.

@savagehk poo, out the sides. I'll double check the frilly bits as @teainbed suggested... just don't want more washing if I can help it 😖

Also newborn nappies don't have as good capacity as older baby ones. We've just got some size 3 Baby-Dry for overnight, he's at the bottom of the weight range for them as they're 11-20 pounds. They do look quite big on him but haven't so far leaked when he does his big sleep at the start of the night.

@mightymouse76 Sometimes I feel batshit crazy.. Particularly when very tired. My DP/friends have gotten quite used to me stopping to make sure he's breathing in the sling/pram even during really short walks . I seem to be getting better though.

@crazyzooo I do that too! Just to be sure. Baby W sleeps in the sleepyhead and snuzpod with one side down and I often just look over to check her breathing.

Once we get her to sleep at night we are fine but it's a bit of a battle. But I've realised that she's increasingly fighting sleep during the day and can go quite a long time - maybe 10 hours - not napping properly for more than 10 minutes or so. So I think it's time to start trying to get her to sleep during the day otherwise we get an overtired baby in the evening.

rise different brands fit differently so worth trying a few. I really rate superdrug ones. And I have a long skinny baby.

Mighty agree it's really common to have feelings like that. They are so precious and we have evolved over millions of years to prioritise their protection.

Baby Bees is one month today! Had a bad moment in the library earlier when I had a pile of books in one hand, a screaming overtired baby in the other, and the toddler suddenly decided to make a break for the doors to the outside. I had to dump the baby in the pram and run after her, and then manhandle her (also crying now) into the buggy. People were staring. Still figuring out how to handle the two of them out and about on my own. Feels like a steep new learning curve.

@Rustler74 I'm pleased to hear ☺️ he's lucky to have your support

@coxsorangepippin I'm pleased you went to CBT and that it was a positive experience! I hope you manage to get everything sorted with your episiotomy

@EsmesBees it's lovely and refreshing to hear that Molly won't be like it forever! What was the nursery outcome for you?

@newbieho I've been trying to make sure she gets a good feed before bed. She slept from 10.45-5.10 last night! Just over 6 hours, I've fed her for 10 mins this morning and she's gone straight back to sleep! 🙌🏻

@jennymac31 I hope things have eased up with DH now? Like @newbieho I try to get a few bits done at home during the day but it doesn't always happen and isn't my main priority

@teainbed I'm rubbish at planning for time during the day too - we're only 3 weeks old today, but still haven't mastered the planning element of things!

@Acorncat Interesting advice from the Osteopath about diet - will you see how things go first?

@mightymouse76 Our shopping budget has gone from £160 a month to £300! 😩 I used to get lunch for free at work and I'm also eating copious amounts of crap at home now too! The increase in our budget was supposed to allow for nappies etc which we haven't bought yet as we got given so many as gifts!

We do seem to be getting into more of a routine here - around 9/9.30 Molly has a bath followed by a feed, nappy change and then DH and I give her a little massage with the lights turned down low so nice quiet time, then upto bed for another feed and we usually have her down before midnight. She then sleeps anything between 4-6 hours, wakes for a feed and change and goes back down within an hour.

@Barnes79 we've started giving Molly a dummy when she's really grizzly, much to my dissatisfaction. Really ruins her beautiful face too

I can't believe she's 3 weeks old today already! She's such a beautiful wide eyed little girl 💕

Where does the time go??

@raspberryinmelon - things have calmed down. Spoke to dh and as suspected there was a touch of jealousy that I was at home all day and was able to go to coffee groups, especially as he was going through a difficult/stressful period at work which came to a head on the day that I went to watch Wonder Woman (hence why he had his back up!) but how was I to know he was stressed at work when he doesn't tell me! I always ask him how his day has been and he's been saying that everything is fine. Told him he needs to let me know when he's having a hard time at work. Also told him that I need to go to these groups for my own sanity, which he understood.
Told dh that am happy to do nursery runs so that he gets home quicker to spend time with kids but needs to understand that I won't always get anything done if baby has been demanding during the day and he said he perfectly understood that & he again was happy to do any chores etc that needed to be done around the house. He apologised and I think he's got the message now.

Hope you ladies are doing well xx