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wriggles, dribbles and giggles.. nov '06

863 replies

saralou100 · 27/02/2007 08:19

good morning!

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mygirllolipop · 26/03/2007 22:19

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podglet · 27/03/2007 08:26

Have posted for you Mygirl...

Debbsy, DP and I have found it really hard to keep our relationship going and there have been sticky points in the last 5 months but we try and do nothing else in the evenings apart from be together and at the weekends when DS is asleep, we snooze as well or play a board game (sounds sad but it is working) or read the paper together etc. We are having our first night out together on Saturday, just going out for a meal but am v excited. Not sure if this helps you at all, just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone.

saralou100 · 27/03/2007 08:46

podglet, i don't think your sad at all, dp has just taught me how to play backgammon.. love it! boards out most evenings, or we play shithead or scrabble! date nights a fab idea!

debs, i think it was harder to get back into it after ds1 was born, life was thrown into such chaos, and ds1 was the most important person in the world.. we nearly split a few times, but this time round our lives have settled back into the same old routine really easily.. it wasn't such a shock to the system!! you'll get their, it'll improve when your ready! one night you'll just jump on him!!

mygirl, thats so nice! i hope you have a lovely time together! i'd be nervous too..

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NatalieJane · 27/03/2007 09:43

Mygirl, how lovely for you all I really hope you have a lovely day,

Same here actually with my first I think we waited about 6 weeks, and then it wasn't as though we had sex very often for the first few months, tiredness being the main reason!

I am off to get some breakfast, just passed it round to the girls on the Labour thread and forgot to get myself some!! I am starving!! Catch you all later xxx

Debbsyandson · 27/03/2007 09:54

thanks girls its good to know im not alone.dh and i seem to be at breaking point though, and at this present moment in time dont know if i still want to be with him.I feel like im stepping on egg shells all the time he is very quick tempered.I feel like a drudge he speaks to me like shit then says its me with the attitude grrrrrr.He also questions with everything to do with ds like eg k had 7 ozs drank it straight down yesday morning,so i have done him 8 today why have you done that he doesnt even drink 7 so why you have done that i dont know,thats just stupid.All because last night ds only had 5 ozs through the night .i have told him so many times to give me a break im a first time mum,im doing my best.Yesday ds was v clingy and crying all day i was still in my pjs when dh came home.But he just kept going on and on and on so much so that i ended up screaming at him,i really did reach breaking point yesterday

Debbsyandson · 27/03/2007 09:54

thanks girls its good to know im not alone.dh and i seem to be at breaking point though, and at this present moment in time dont know if i still want to be with him.I feel like im stepping on egg shells all the time he is very quick tempered.I feel like a drudge he speaks to me like shit then says its me with the attitude grrrrrr.He also questions with everything to do with ds like eg k had 7 ozs drank it straight down yesday morning,so i have done him 8 today why have you done that he doesnt even drink 7 so why you have done that i dont know,thats just stupid.All because last night ds only had 5 ozs through the night .i have told him so many times to give me a break im a first time mum,im doing my best.Yesday ds was v clingy and crying all day i was still in my pjs when dh came home.But he just kept going on and on and on so much so that i ended up screaming at him,i really did reach breaking point yesterday

mygirllolipop · 27/03/2007 10:03

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NatalieJane · 27/03/2007 10:33

Debbsy, I know you probably don't feel like it, and it will feel like you are pandering to his needs, but why don't you plan something really nice for DH? Could you get someone to watch DS for a couple of hours and go for a meal or something? Just some time for you and him to be alone, just to chat and find each other again? Or if there is no one to look after DS (as we haven't) get DS settled for the night in his cot and turn the telly off, put some music on and do something then? I don't mean sex, at all, just some time for you to show DH that he is still important to you, and for him to show you that he isn't always going to act like a baby.

I would expect that bar major money problems the first child causes the most amount of pressure on a relationship, all of a sudden everything has changed, you as a mum, the daily routine, priorities, just about everything in your life turns on its arse, you need time to work through that together, as a family.

Debbsyandson · 27/03/2007 10:46

Do you think thats what it it then nj he is jeolous?

saralou100 · 27/03/2007 10:47

the trick debs is to keep an eye on the time and do a quick change before he gets in!! he doesn't need to know about the finer points of your day!! yesterday we all stayed in our jammies till about 4pm!and i think ds1 never actually got into clothes!

and tell him to bog off, if you wanna give him 8oz you give him 8oz!! your his mummy you decide (at least thats the rule in this house, i decide on these things and dp does as he's told)

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saralou100 · 27/03/2007 10:51

i think all men go through the jealousy stage.. their not no1 in your life anymore, you have someone far more important and who you love unconditionally! men bless 'em, they need some time to get their heads round this.

i cannot tell you how much i hated dp after ds1 as born... that man!! no bloody help, went out all the time with his mates... oh how we rowed... he knows i have never forgiven him and will never forget!!

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Debbsyandson · 27/03/2007 10:55

Sara this is exactly how i feel its like i hate him some days

NatalieJane · 27/03/2007 11:01

Debbsy I think every new dad gets jealous at some point in the first few months, they might never admit it, or even realise that that is the problem, but it is always a factor.

I think it is important though for us as the new mum to realise that the dad is feeling left out and instead of thinking what a bastard, how can he be jealous of a baby, his baby no less, we have to make sure that we do what we can to show that DH is still as important.

It seems really unfair, you are the one providing most of the care for the baby, you are exhausted, why should you have to do all the running to DH? But, I think it is quite fair to say that a man will NEVER fully understand how a new mum feels, as far as the man goes he is feeling left out, perhaps side lined, he sees his social life go down the drain, he sees his previously doting wife slipping away, and I think we have to do what we can to say hang on a minute, yes this baby means more to me than anything ever has done before, yes I am exhausted, and I might not always have my hair set right and I might not have had chance to do the washing today, but you are still my partner, partner in life, love, parenting, everything.

The thing is to try and establish almost a silent rule book, you don't get involved in DH's day to day job, and he doesn't get too involved in yours.

Above all, you have to talk to each other, if you don't talk what is there left of your relationship?

Debbsyandson · 27/03/2007 11:15

exactly we dont talk and when i tried to tell him how i feel last night he just said he had heard enough to be honest so where do you go from there,and if its not that he just shouts or sweeps things under the carpet.

NatalieJane · 27/03/2007 11:39

Ask him if he is happy, he can't say yes can he? So when he says no, say well you're not happy, let's sit down and talk about it tonight when DS is settled, no shouting or calling names etc. just talk.

I know this is hard, but be prepared for him to tell you it is all your fault, you've done this that and the other, you have changed, etc. etc. you already know this, this is why things have been difficult so try not to get angry at him for pointing out the obvious, but make it clear to him that you are now a mum, you are never going to go back to being just Debbsy, and that you either have to find a way to be family instead of a couple, or it just isn't going to work, tell him you both need to work at it, because you do, and that it isn't always going to be easy and plain sailing, but if you both try to be more thoughtfull and patient with each other, things will eventually get back on track.

Ah nothing like a baby to throw a huge spanner in the works! You will get through it Debbsy, I bet if you start a thread asking how many people had relationship problems after the birth of their first child, you would have 100 replies in less than 1/2 an hour!

NatalieJane · 27/03/2007 11:40

In fact to reassure you, I will start it

Debbsyandson · 27/03/2007 12:04

thanks njxx
this is very close to the bone and has made me cry it need to be said though thanks again for your wonderful support xx

NatalieJane · 27/03/2007 12:08

Sorry,

If you look on one of those threads there is a reply from JacobsDad, maybe giving a slighter better mans POV.

It is so hard, but you will get through it, and come together again.

Chin up hun xxx

Debbsyandson · 27/03/2007 12:11

No no please dont be sorry i meant its hard for me to talk about without getting upset,but it needs to be said and sorted out thanks again

saralou100 · 27/03/2007 12:48

oh no and i had to pop out and then it took longer....

i think nj has said some beutiful words their... they brought a tear to my eye!!

my dp was just like yours.. not very talkative when it came to talkng about our issues!! so, what did i do... packed me and ds1 up.. loaded the car and drove to my mums and stayed their a week... gave us both the opportunity to think apart what we wanted.. it turned out i missed him like crazy and couldn't wait to see him!

i'm not saying this is what you should do, but it definitely helped us to get over being so angry so we could sit down and have the long deep and meaningful conversation!!
i'm sure you do still actually love him deep down, very well hidden somewhere inside! otherwise you wouldn't have made a bby with him! you just gota find where you've hidden it!!

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NatalieJane · 27/03/2007 12:57

Oh bloody hell you have all gone from LOLing at George with him bumbo stuck to him, to crying.

Not one of my best days is it!

saralou100 · 27/03/2007 13:01

feck it... i'm an emotional wreck (1st period, came on last night)

of course i'm again laughing at george's fat bottom!!!

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NatalieJane · 27/03/2007 13:03

Bloody women and their hormones, no wonder the men folk wash their hands of us at times!

mygirllolipop · 27/03/2007 13:13

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saralou100 · 27/03/2007 13:28

dp deserves a medal at times... just never ever tell him that!!!!

gonna get ryan weighed today!!

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