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Babies after Infertility

566 replies

Blue2014 · 20/12/2016 11:38

Here is a thread for all of us who got our babies even though we never actually believed this could happen us ...

Too sleep deprived (and surprised!)!to be witty or more interesting in the thread title ...

Come join us.

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HP07 · 08/02/2017 04:46

Hi Blue, baby HP is 4 months already. We go to swimming class and have just finished a massage course and a first time mums group. You will find so many mums with incredible stories out there, from infertility to ivf or difficult births/poorly babies etc. All the women I have met seem to be muddling along in much the same way and are really genuine and lovely and supportive of each other. If you get in with the right groups it can be a great thing and make motherhood social and much less lonely. The sleep isn't sorted here either. Dont beat yourself up about it and don't play into the sleeping through the night competition it will just make you feel worse. Take the small victories and cope however you can, babies arent really designed to sleep for 12 hrs solid! It's so nice to speak to you guys on the other side, can't wait for more of the group to 'graduate'

Original poster
blue2014 · 08/02/2017 16:40

4 months already!

Thanks HP, I think classes may be more my thing than generic groups. I've been trying to make myself go to a baby/toddler group for 6 weeks now! Seems Bluelet doesn't want to go either though, he's slept badly each night before we were due to go so we've both overslept! Grin

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HP07 · 08/02/2017 16:56

Just back from a meet up with my first time mums group. It was an initiative set up by the health visitors in our area and I e loved it. It was a 4 week course but we have now set up a fb group Southampton we can carry on meeting and today we went to a soft play place that has a baby sensory room. Every single mum in the group is just so nice. I think it's great for the babies to interact with each other and the mums get time to chat about anything and everything. They should have them everywhere because I think baby HP has made some friends for life.

HP07 · 08/02/2017 16:57

*So that we can!

Original poster
blue2014 · 12/02/2017 13:58

I would have loved such a group but nothing in my area. Am looking at baby massage type groups. Actually have loads of friends and family around at the moment but no babies so feel I should find them

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BabytoBoris · 12/02/2017 21:10

I've name changed... Still boris.... This is my third variation on the theme.
HP I think we live near each other. I work in soton and live up the m3....
Hope you are all doing no on abs your little ones are healthy.
Can I ask when you all started/plan to put your babies to bed in the evenings in a bedroom rather than keeping them with you till your own bedtime?

Original poster
blue2014 · 12/02/2017 21:19

I really don't understand the SIDS guidance but I'm sure it reads that they should stay in the same room as you for all sleeps til 6 months. I'm really lucky, Bluelet sleeps through any noise so he just stays asleep downstairs with us til bedtime - no plan to change that as yet.

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HP07 · 12/02/2017 21:33

Oh my goodness Boris, so close! If you ever fancied meeting up I'd totally be up for that!! Well baby HP has been gping up to bed from probably around 8 or 9 weeks I think. We have a video monitor and it just means we get a bit of time in the evening for just the two of us. Doesn't always work out quite like that and sometimes he won't settle and comes back downstairs for a cuddle and sleeps n my arms but sometimes it's just nice to cuddle up with my husband and watch a film together or take a nice long soak in the bath. Do whatever works for you. There isn't a right or wrong way. Blue you are right about the SIDS guidance but it's not a perfect world and sometimes you need a break or on the flipside you may find that putting them up to bed causes you more stress and anxiety than keeping them with you and if that's the case then it's not worth it. You can always try it and if it's not for you theb revert back.

HP07 · 12/02/2017 21:58

Wanted to ask you ladies a question as it's not something I feel like I can talk about with real life friends and mums I know. Do you miss being pregnant, like really miss it? I never enjoyed my pregnancy much, first of all with all the bleeds, multiple midwife appointments, anti d injections +++ nausea, then extra scans to make sure baby was growing ok. Well you know it all as you went through it with me. But now I have this real sadness and miss the kicks, the anticipation everything. Don't get me wrong, I am really loving being mum and having my baby with me but I can't stop thinking about being pregnant and all the excitement that lead up to giving birth. It's so strange. I don't know if its because I'm worried it will never happen again, if I'm partially mourning my old carefree life or something else. I also keep welling up when I look at photos of my baby when he was first born and keepsakes etc. Is this normal because of the trauma of the past years of infertility, the difficulties during pregnancy and the fear that I may never be able to do it again? I know how lucky I am to even have him and if I can't have another I don't think I will go down any treatment routes ivf etc. We were so lucky to conceive naturally in the end but with my egg count so low and my FSH creeping up and having endometriosis I'm not sure what the future holds. I just can't stop thinking about it. I'm also constantly thinking about my own mortality, time is going so fast already and I keep thinking that one day, not long from now I'll look in the mirror and Ill be old and grey and my life will be finished. I never felt that way before I had him as time seemed to plod along at a normal rate. I don't know, I know I'm waffling. I just thought maybe one of you might tell me they feel the same, after everything we have all been through, I guess it's like a fairytale and maybe I'll wake up from it and it never actually came true?

Original poster
blue2014 · 13/02/2017 22:29

Thanks lovely that you're getting time with DH HP Smile
I think the way you feel sounds completely normal, I know others who have felt that way. I don't miss pregnancy but it never felt real to me anyway. I'd say you are the normal one here

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HP07 · 13/02/2017 22:38

Thank you Blue, it feels really weird because I didn't enjoy the pregnancy all that much at the time but I wish I had enjoyed that stage more now. I feel like I wasted the experience hoping for the baby to be here. I suppose the other thing is even if I were lucky enough to have another it would never quite be the same as your first, all that time to laze around lovingly stroking your bump! I keep thinking I must stop wasting time thinking about that so I don't look back and regret wasting this stage too!
How is bluelet?

Original poster
blue2014 · 14/02/2017 18:58

You know, I do wonder if that's part of what motherhood is about - looking back and wishing you'd appreciated the past more? I'm already forgetting Bluelets early stages!

I guess it's so much harder for us, because you are right - infertility makes it hard to just enjoy the pregnancy like others can. I never stroked my bump or talked or sang to it, I never bonded with it, I was always convinced something could go wrong. To be honest though, I don't regret it. I needed to be that way to survive and Bluelet is fine for it. He's content with me, my voice, my skin ... we didn't need that pre birth bonding

He's doing fine Smile I got 2 blocks of 4 hours sleep last night, he's usually awake every 2 hours Confused
Baby HP doing well?

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HP07 · 14/02/2017 19:17

He is thank you Blue, he's a very happy boy. He doesn't do sleeping thought. We have the occasional good night interspersed with lots of rubbish ones lol! Other issue is at 4 months they start going into the sleep regression which makes it even worse. Are you breastfeeding? I am, and baby is getting so big he needs lots of milk so he's guzzling constantly!!

BabytoBoris · 15/02/2017 11:14

I didn't enjoy being pregnant at all, and I reallly don't miss it. I wish I could have enjoyed it but health and fears stopped me bonding as you describe blue.

HP Ill message you :)

Original poster
blue2014 · 15/02/2017 19:42

Ahh I'm jealous on the meet up - am too far away though Sad

Yep, am breastfeeding and he feeds every 2 hours including in night but apart from waking to feed currently sleep quite well (am now scared I've jinxed it!)

Am terrified of the 4 month sleep regression!

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BabytoBoris · 18/02/2017 08:59

The 4 month sleep regression is terrifying me to!
My boy has a cold again and didn't sleep last night... It's going to be a long day!

HP07 · 18/02/2017 09:14

Add teething into the mix and you have the recipe for a nightmare!

Original poster
blue2014 · 18/02/2017 09:44

Oh no! Poor poorly baby Boris 👶

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Newmother8668 · 18/02/2017 10:22

My baby was a miracle. I had less than 1% chance of having him and less than 5% chance of having him with IVF. Three miscarriages and a failed IVF, we gave up and he is the result of me partying to forget about conceiving. A combination of fags, a brandy hangover and food poisoning overseas. Bought a cheap test when I was back and got a positive. He's four months old and the other love in my life. It's beautiful and frightening all at the same time.

HP07 · 18/02/2017 10:33

Welcome to the thread newcomer. It definitely is the biggest mix of emotions you can imagine isn't it?

Newmother8668 · 18/02/2017 12:54

Thanks HP! Yes, it was stressful through pregnancy as you think it won't stay and then you're frightened you'll be a bad mother or something!

Original poster
blue2014 · 18/02/2017 12:56

Beautiful and frightening describes it well!

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loopylou1984 · 19/02/2017 14:03

Hi everyone, just popping my head in from SCBU. Our twins are doing well and just need to grow, but think we're still looking at a good few weeks longer in here. It's really tough but they are so amazing that it doesn't matter. I'm just so glad they're here safely :)

Hope everyone is ok. Xx

Original poster
blue2014 · 19/02/2017 14:15

Hi sammy,
Huge congratulations - looking forward to hearing more once you are all ready Smile

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BabytoBoris · 20/02/2017 08:45

Yeyy Sammy! And welcome to the world baby girls :) x