December 2012: the one where they're all potty trained. Sort of....

[Barbeasty]

The old thread was getting dangerously close to 1000 messages, so thought I'd better start this one.

I know spotty. It does make me worry that I'm being unreasonable or have unrealistic expectations though.

There's also the fact that we haven't had sex in months. No attempts even. Our sex life has been slow for years and mostly we are both kind of ok about it but it's only me who suggests it might be a bit of a problem and makes advances (even if few and far between).

(Name change alert)

It does sound hard. I don't think it is unrealistic at all its not like you're asking for diamonds and for him to wait on you hand and foot, just an equal adult relationship. I really hope that relate is of some help

Thanks wreck that's exactly it. I really hope so too.

WL I really feel for you! I can understand exactly how you feel. You're awesome, don't let yourself think otherwise. You've had a rough time and now DH needs a kick up the arse to be the supportive loving husband you deserve.

Ok, so the appointment for the business chat: it's a way off (due to children I think the fastest way to. I've ahead will probably involve selling them, sad but you know, needs must and obviously she has other work to do too), but it's a company that support you through set up and offer advice and basically translate all the official, complex, brain hurting language into something understandable for mere mortals like me.
I am excited. I have no idea what I need to have ready... I have no idea generally, but it at least gives me time to sort out some of many plans and make me structure them better.

I have no idea how much of the support will continue to be free; but I believe they are supported by the government because small business is vital and Germany is pretty good about recognising that.

Fantastic nutella! Do you know what your business will be or is that a closely guarded secret at this stage?

Well the plan is to sell cloth nappies. I've had the idea in my head for a while and I also have a sort of expansion plan on top of that. So, I guess, I'm apparently a giant hippy.

I'm open to selling children though if that turns out to be more profitable especially since I'm almost over the tonsillitis and seem to be getting a head cold

Check out the nappy lady over here - it sounds like a version of what you want to do. I had them visit me when I was expecting dd1 and I loved them! Might give you a few ideas.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0747561729/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1455315429&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=wifework

It all totally makes sense WL. The little things that show that you love someone (making their favourite food, picking up a 60p bar of chocolate, even sending them a link to something they'd like or find funny) all add up over time and if you feel like you're always putting in and never getting anything in return it's soul deatroying over time.

I hope you manage to get an appointment and that you can open up to each other and work through it.

We're still ill. Hopefully we'll be better tomorrow.

Clues to who you are Wreck? I though you were Geoffrey then she popped up!

Poorly babba is up again. He keeps burning up and hallucinating. It's horrid.

Wednesday night he was terrified screaming "My lifeboat is sinking!" Over and over. Funny but scary.

I'm the one who has a crush on you

WL I totally agree with what frazzled said in that it's the little things.

The dc have been up since 5:15

Eh? I thought wreck was geoffrey too! Now you're going to have to give me a clue!
frazzled poor little mite. Was he hallucinating? I used to hallucinate a lot as a child with a high temp and it was terrifying.

Thanks for your support ladies, we've got an apt for Monday evening. I think he's beginning to get it but I'm not sure that he's got it in him to change, and I'm scared that I've gone beyond the point of no return.

Wreck I'm going to guess that you have a DD who could do with seeing the physio??

Frazzled I think you're awesome I'm sorry J is poorly. Hope you're both feeling better very soon!

I've decided, if for any reason DH stops being "H" one day, and if I ever get married again I want to marry a grown up. We're all still a bit poorly. DH is moaning that he has heartburn and he doesn't know why.
Really DH, after your little breakfast of a big mug of milk, a slice of toast with a lot of jam on and another slice of toast with Parma ham on???

He smiled at me and said "oh, yeah, that could be it" fortunately I can usually see the funny side too. But oh dear god!!! Why are men like this?!

Yes Nutella

It must be scary WL

I would like to marry a grown up too but tbh I'm not sure they exist. Just thinking of, for example, the male doctors at work they're like little kids too. You've got the annoying little brother who moans about everything, the one who has to have all the latest gadgets and the one who's like an excitable toddler

Dh said last night that his boss wants him to take on more responsibility at work (more money) and dh said he doesn't know if he wants the stress

That's my fear - that they are all like this so I'm wanting dh to be something he's just not capable of being?!

WL, i think you both going to the appointment is a great thing to do. I often find just speaking in a neutral area helpful so having someone unbiased will definitely help. Plus it might make your DH realise just how serious things are i find the men i am friends with often need it spelling out for them.

Frazzled, how are you both today?

Nutella, go you, i am sure that will be an amazing venture, especially nowadays. Have you thought about giving leaflets to your local midwives to hand out to expectant women? Or going to parentcraft type lessons to explain there use. I am on alot of fabric groups and sewing groups on facebook and there are a few women who make custom nappies with custom fabric, if thats something that interests you.

Wrecked, hows your Dd? Is she weightbearing now?

Aha! My back up plan Wreck. Move up to live with me and we'll take it in turns being the grown up!

Glad you got the appointment WL. I think there are some grown up men out there but they're few and far between. I met a lovely bloke on match who was going through exactly the same thing with his STBXW. She breezed through life taking no responsibility, expecting him to organise everything and basically wipe her arse (like lots of men do). He was physically unable to even let you make him a cup of tea as it was so ingrained in him that he was supposed to do it for her. It was awful, like seeing the worst traits in yourself reflected back. I think it's rare to work that way though.

I'm quite a bit better. DS is worse again. Was up Til 3am trying to cool him down. Yes he was hallucinating WL and having screaming nightmares last night.

I packed him joyfully off to XP's though. I love him dearly but 4 days caged up with him have been more than enough.

In other news I joined tinder. I'm not taking it at all seriously but it's very nice realising there are some nice looking men out there who like the look of me. I've turned down all offers of dates. I'm just in it for the ego boosting banter ATM!

That's funny frazzled I've fancied joining tinder for the fun of it but being married gets in the way

Hales her foot is fine now! Took a few days though.

I don't know WL. I think there's always a bit of 'the grass is always greener' but I don't think you're naive or expecting too much from your dh.

Nutella I wish you the best of luck in your new business how exciting!

Dd is grumpy that she doesn't have a valentines card.

Woo-hoo go frazzled!

Thanks everyone. And happy Valentine's Day!! (I think )

We exchanged presents last night. Because I bought a big box of extra yummy chocs for DH and I to share and we both knew that presenting that in front of the kids is a bad idea all round worst case scenario we would have to share he bought me a book. I was really impressed. Just something simple, but useful! And a really good English author who I enjoy.

On the business front, I'm only planning to sell them, maybe one day I'll look into customs. I have one, with a kermit the frog face on the back but I bought it second hand so it wasn't so pricey.

Hales are you on any good beginner sewing groups? I might have to Fbook stalk you if you are like I seem to do with Geoffrey and nappies

nutella that's lovely.
We've actually had a really nice day and made me think I'm going mad and what is tomorrow all about!! I do think we'll be OK as we both want to be but I do think we need to work through some stuff. Am hoping that tomorrow will not be quite as gut wrenching I had feared.

Wl the man in the shop recommended the book to DH. I told him he missed out on some brownie points. If he had kept quiet a bit longer I'd have told him how impressed I was that I went on about this author ages ago and he had remembered . Bless him. He laughed and agreed he missed out.

Thanks. You've cheered my day up thinking about that. I was feeling really bleurgh all morning. I'm lacking focus, energy and discipline. I feel like I could do loads of stuff, if I could just get off my Arse.

nutella set yourself a goal of doing something for 30 mins then a reward (chapter of your new book?). I'm just about to tuck into my book - am at hideous soft play which I hate so we have an agreement that dh will go round with them while I drink tea and read! It was a bribe for the dds to be good while we looked round a bathroom shop.

Glad you had a nice day WL.

I've not done anything today really. The house is a tip and washing needs doing but we're all feeling ill. Ds is in bed and I'm watching tv.

Dd has such a bad cough I used her ventolin this morning and she was shaking for about thirty minutes after it. She then went to sleep and woke up with a temp of 39. I dosed her up and sent her to a party she was looking forward to it so much and I checked with the mum first if it was ok although her temp was fine when we spoke it's just a hair and nails party anyway no food or games etc so she should be fine.