December 2012: the one where they're all potty trained. Sort of....

[Barbeasty]

The old thread was getting dangerously close to 1000 messages, so thought I'd better start this one.

Can I join all those on the poorly sofa?

We had DS and DD at home today. DD because she had a rough night and I wasn't sure how "well" or poorly she was (she was fine really). DS because he had a temp over the weekend and must have had a virus, he has come out in a rash and today he has been fine. Of course.

DH was also home today - and he will be home tomorrow. He has a man cold. A real, very serious, man cold.
I have a sore throat. I think this is what DH has but at the moment I'm getting off very lightly with it

And Beasty I really hope poor DD gets a new date super fast. Poor love!

Ds has a bit of a temp. He woke me up screaming/sobbing last night. I ran walked slightly fast into his room and he was hysterical then said sobbed 'what was that??' Turns out the sound of the wind and rain against the window has really frightened him! Poor monkey. I brought him into our bed for a bit but he can't sleep in there so asked to go back into his own bed after a while.

Half term next week and we've booked to see dinosaur zoo live at the festival theatre. It looks really good! It appears it's touring so might be worth looking into for others.

I'm on the poorly sofa too. Sent home sick due to the cold virus thing that's going round.

Caught it from my poor 1yo niece. She's so ill. It's a shame.

Frazzled poor you! get well soon.

The kids seem fine. But DH and I are both on antibiotics I got a sore throat last night. Woke in the night with a fever and was shaking. This morning it has evolved into proper tonsillitis. The dr remarked on my giant tonsils... I really should have had them out many years ago

Hope everyone gets better soon. My nan always recommends hot toddys before bed when ill. We all follow the same recipe of lemsip any brown spirit but whisky is best and two teaspoons of honey in a cup full of boiling water it helps you sleep as well.

Sounds like a winner to me hales

How are all the poorlies today?

Ds was up coughing again in the night and is full of cold but at pre school anyway. I've got a cold. Dd still had a cough but is on the mend however she woke up unable to weight bear on one foot. She's at school anyway and I'm waiting for her physio to phone me as I know gp will be no help.

Hope everyone else is ok?!

Was the Physio any help? I hope all the coughs disappear soon.

spotty is that related to her need for casts?

I don't know WL. MIU said ligament damage but she still can't walk on it. Physio can see her next Friday but they were as perplexed as I was.

Oh poor DD Spotty. Has it just happened out of nowhere?

We're still not good. J has come down with it now. He's burning up and can't stop crying. He keeps saying "Tears keep falling"

He's so funny ATM. Apparently last night he couldn't just shut his eyes and go to sleep cos he keep "blonking" and that kept him awake!

That's heartbreaking frazzled
So it looks dh and I are going to go to relate. Just need to try to get an apt we can do - they only release apts on a weekly basis and then get a babysitter and try to hide the upset when we get back. I see dh making an effort but I just don't know if it's enough. I don't know how to fix us.

Spotty I hope DD is feeling better and the physio has been in touch. FX DS is also coughing less and sleeping more.

Frazzled Awwww poor tiny love! Hope you're both feeling better too.

Hales I would have totally done the hot toddy, but for a lack of ingredients and not wanting to drink anything hot . But the antibiotics seem to be kicking Arse, my tonsils no longer look like they are aiming to have a meet up and have calmed down a bit.

WL I don't know what to say. But, you have been under huge stress while your mother was ill, and I think that has all lessened off a bit for you now. I remember my therapist lady saying about how we can store up stress and then it comes out later; when we feel safe and able to deal with all the stuff that we have been putting off and carrying around. I don't know if that applies or even helps, I don't know what's wrong, but I hope that it perhaps helps and gives you some comfort.
Keep talking, to us, to each other, to a wall, whatever, just get it out. I hope you make an appointment soon and find some time to talk.

I was looking back at some of the messages DH sent when DD was tiny. He was super stressed and quite unhappy. I still don't understand why. Something seemed to hit him when she was born. I know I wasn't well and I couldn't help him then. Things seem ok now I hope. Anyway, sending you huge hugs. X

Yep it just happened out of nowhere. She's still limping but not as bad. Ds still has a cough and I have serious man flu

Glad you're feeling better Nutella.

WL I hope you manage to get an appt I think it's massive progress that you're even going tbh. Obviously no one here knows the ins and outs but I really hope you manage to work it out.

Thanks ladies. nutella that is helpful, thank you. I actually think the crisis with dm last year probably hid our problems a bit as that was the focus of all our time and energy. I think the problem really is that I feel that we are no longer 2 halves of a whole. I think we've become very functional and I don't feel actively cared about by him. I don't doubt he loves me but in a default passive sort of way. I was really disappointed at Xmas as I always try to get personal meaningful presents and did so for him and for the kids (including ones that would be personal from him), he was not involved at all, only bought for me and I got very generic gifts - wine and chocolate (all bought in Tesco I suspect so no effort or thought) etc. Even the link I sent him he cocked up because he didn't make time to do it. I think that just summed up how I've been feeling for the past few years and I don't seem to be able to get past it. I certainly don't want to split up but I also don't want to just wait for us to drift further apart until there's a catalyst. I have told him how I feel many times and he can't or won't get it. So is it actually my problem that I'm asking him to be something he can't be? Does this sound unreasonable?

WL that doesn't sound unreasonable at all. It does sounds really hard to articulate and therefore extremely hard for some men to really understand. I think you have to be super blunt and word it very simply "I don't feel like you are making an effort, with me,to be a part of this relationship. That makes me feel like you don't care about me"

I would also go tentatively to relate (are there any independent marriage counsellors locally that might be better fit for you both time wise?) and be open minded about what they and your DH might say. A friend went to counselling with her DH many years ago and sobbed her heart out when he said, quite honestly at their first appointment, that he didn't know if he wanted to work on the marriage. They are still married and seem happy, almost ten years on.
She was really caught off guard and felt the rug had been pulled. But gradually she realised he was being completely honest and open and that meant they could both open up and talk. It was bloody hard work and I'm sure it was pre kids. anyway, just an anecdote...

Trouble is nutella I have been absolutely that blunt. He seems to think that saying 'but you know I love you' etc is enough. I really hope that relate can help. Good idea to look for independent counsellors too. Will def do that.

Stories of people who have come back from the brink are absolutely what I need!

Wl I'll send you a PM.

We are gradually all feeling more human here and less like pill popping zombies

I have made an appointment to talk to a lady about how I might go about setting up a business I am excited and terrified. But she was really lovely on the phone. Fingers crossed I have managed to spell my name correctly and she sends me the email she promised.

WL I completely understand what you're saying. I have similar with dh (on a lesser scale) wrt to presents and he will just say 'well you know I'm rubbish at these things/you know I love you' etc. Is it really that hard to put a bit of effort in?! He's been better recently though I could type more but need to get dd

It's not just presents (that would be a bit shallow!) it's all sorts of things. I think of nice things for us to do or eat, cook special things etc, make space for him to exercise, watch tv he likes etc, and I don't get anything back. He never ever thinks about what needs to be done - will do anything if I explicitly ask him but won't put in any mental effort. If he does a task that isn't instantly completed, he won't go back to finish it off etc. There's so many examples and I have been explicit with him over the years but he can't or won't get it. Have an initial assessment apt on Monday.

nutella that sounds so exciting! An antidote to my gloom so do tell all!

I know I was just using that as an example