The 11th Gemini bus - Trudging through the terrible twos

[AGnu]

Lor - so good to hear that! Thank you I even think I vaguely remember you saying something about your weight gain. E must have woken up Sorry to hear about C I know I'll have the same problem and I'm dreading it. It must be hard for you to see with all the post baby hormones floating about. Has the basket of breast feeding goodies bring suggested helped at all? I'm sure you're at the end of the sad phase now. Most people say it only lasts a few weeks and like you say the nursery routine is a great distraction/help! Great that it's helping C. Very soon your family of 4 will feel like it was never 3

Well, I've cheered up. DH took me shopping yesterday on a Saturday. I don't remember the last time we were together on a Saturday because of his work!! Turns out I needed a bit of retail therapy that wasn't maternity shopping. I brought a sun hat, flip flops, random summer shoes and a handbag.

Yay so I did the bed and bath routine tonight without a mobile and bpear was back to his normal reading story self Makes me so happy! I did have to go back to using the money box game and filling the sink with water. Tomorrow I'll have to maybe introduce ice into the sink. Does anyone else have to do this much entertaining at bedtime? Or is this just me. I'm sure you can understand why we fell into the mobile phone trap. Letting him not use my mobile also means I have to use the mobile less which is probably a good thing as I've definitely slipped back into my old MN addiction ways

So, on Monday night I felt crampy and had a bit of an upset stomach during the day. It was really low level but by about 8 DH knew something was up so I told him. I went to bed to rest and by 11-ish thought it had all calmed down but by 1.30 could see a pattern and knew that this was early stages. We called my mum to get on the first plane over to mind C and started to call/text friends to mind C until she got here.

I did sleep more during the night, on and off, and then got up around 7 and had breakfast. To complicate things, C, who is NEVER sick, sparked a temp that night and seemed really ill that morning. I went to the toilet around 8 and felt a gush so thought my waters had broken. Rang the hospital and they said that since it was a second baby, I should come in as they're unpredictable. So, we called DH's friend to come mind C and grabbed my bag and jumped in a cab. When we got there, I was admitted to the birthing centre and examined but the MW didn't think my waters had fully gone as I wasn't trickling. She told me to stay at the hospital but go for a wander, walk up and down stairs etc. and come back in 2/3 hours. After an hour and a half of this, with increasing contractions, we went back to the room because I was getting really tired. I was pretty foolish to wander around that much.

Anyway, it was now around 11.30, contractions were increasing slowly but nothing major happening. By this stage my mum was minding C so we could relax a little. They gave me some aromatherapy oils to perk me up and try and get contractions going a bit more too.

By around 1pm things had definitely increased so the mw (who I think was a supervisor) assigned a mw to stay with us. She came and examined me and said I was about 4-5cms but stretching to about 8cms during a contraction and my waters were still intact. So I got back on the ball, and next contraction, whoosh, waters went. The official record shows that E was born 27 minutes later! The MW obviously got things going a bit! Once my waters went the contractions went into overdrive, every minute and really strong. Within about 4/5 contractions after my waters breaking, I could feel the baby crowning! They were filling the pool but it's massive and takes ages and it was never going to fill on time, so I got down on the floor, on all floors leaning on a big beanbag thing and ROARED E out within about 6/7 contractions, if that, at 2.15pm. I mean, I really roared. It's kind of funny.

C was a calmer experience in the water I think. E entered the world to his mama's roars.

So that's it! Small 2nd degree tear that's healed nicely now. It was much tougher than C's birth. I was more tired and found it much harder to focus on breathing or moving etc. later on. I was mentally stronger during my first birth.

The great part was they soon informed us that the postnatal ward was full and 'was it okay' if I stayed in the room I was in instead. Eh, YEAH! The birthing centre at Chelsea and Westminster is new and the rooms are lovely - like a spa (check them out online). We had a double bed, DH could stay all night with us, and we had our own bathroom. DH went home around 5.30 to check on C and put him to bed and my mum jumped in a cab to come see us. I was glad she was there as I was feeling incredibly weak and light-headed, but just needed some food. I finally got dinner around 6.30 and perked up after that. DH came back and stayed the night and we got home at lunch the next day.

So that's my story!

Awww wow! That's a true and lovely birth story I love that you roared E out!! You're amazingly brave not to have any meds! Well done you!! The aromatherapy oils sound very intriguing! I'll have to look into that! I can see how easy it was that you got exhausted walking about the hospital. That happened to me and I was exhausted too. They didn't have space for me so told me to walk about all day. You can see why home births make sense sometimes! Woohoo for the reward of staying in the nice room That's a v nice ending So pleased that you've healed well. Thanks for sharing...I remember those first bubble days well. Hard to do anything for yourself! How's C doing after the long weekend with you both?

Love the mental image of you roaring over a beanbag! Thanks for sharing, I do enjoy birth stories!

You know those days when the first thing you hear in the morning is grizzling?! Since waking up they've whined, grizzled, shouted, argued, & sung as loud as they can... & they wonder why I'm getting stressed! Don't even get me started on the fact that we were going to go out today but I decided against it because Calf said yesterday he didn't want to & I couldn't be bothered with the hassle of dragging him somewhere he didn't want to be... Now that it's too late to go, guess who's had a tantrum that we're not going! I've been doing so well recently at getting out & doing things with them but the last couple of days they've been impossible & I've reached the point where I don't even want to be in the same room, let alone doing nice things for them & spending quality time together! I'm climbing the walls being stuck inside with them but I can't be dealing with the tantrums in public like I had to yesterday! I think I'll stick CBeebies on while I chant "it's just a phase" & rock in a corner, under a blanket, with ear plugs in...

That's just the DC, I've got so much to do & organise over the next month & I just can't make any decisions about anything!

I'm having a really good day today...

Oh dear. I haven't posted in so long that I lost the page!

Last weekend in Seattle was absolutely wonderful. I love it so much over there. The kids did great on the plane and some how we managed to survive having 5 family members in a one-room small hotel room. Thankfully the weather was very uncharacteristic for Seattle and it was sunny and warm so we were able to go out and explore. It was just a really nice way to escape real life and have some bonding moments. Although with the kids in close proximity at all times, it wasn't exactly romantic... so we definitely want to go back just the two of us another time. It was really nice to just feel happy. The depression has really been getting on top of me for some reason this year and while I have had moments or a day or two of feeling not bad or "meh" as the baseline for the day, it felt really good to be having several good days in a row where if I'm not exactly happy or laughing, at least I'm feeling grounded and content. It feels like an uphill battle right now. It's hard to talk about and I don't even like sharing it on here because it just makes me cry to have to face it. DH has been extremely supportive and I know he's concerned for me (not like concerned that I'll do something, but more concerned that this is an illness and that I'm not feeling well). I know I should start going to my therapist again but our health insurance is so bad that I'm paying a ton out of pocket (which then in turn just amps my anxiety about money and trying to fit it into over very busy schedule, it's very counterproductive to get help for mental illness when the help itself just exacerbates the damn thing.) so currently trying 5-HTP, fish oils, vitamin D, probiotics, and B-Vitamin Complex. It feels like it's helping, but it's a lot of tablets to remember to take and the fish oils make my stomach feel goofy and I get citrus burps. There's always something, right? I just really hope that my kids never have to deal with this in their life. It's hereditary and I see a lot of the signs that my mom probably had depression when I was little that she obviously never received help for. Now she's a nutter so... it's my job to make sure my kids don't have to deal with me being that way when they're adults, right?

Lor your birth story sounds lovely and empowering! I hope you're having a lovely 4th trimester with newborn snuggles and the adjustment with 2 is going well!

Pear I'm sorry that you had a hard week last week. Hormones will do that to you! I second Lor's comment on the second pregnancy weight. Your body remembers being pregnant and so it's just being super speedy and efficient (however annoying). You are probably going through a small growth spurt and they do happen where it will seem like you put on a lot of weight and grow quickly over a short period and then it evens out for a while. So what's the news on baby Pear's chicken pox scare?

agnu I completely and wholeheartedly understand what you were describing in your last post. It's unreal the things these children put us through isn't it? It's so bloody exhausting !!

Hello I'm here I'm here! Just about!!

Bring - I'm so pleased to read that you had a lovely weekend away and that it did you all good. Seattle is a city I've always wanted to visit. It sounds amazing! Depression sounds really really tough I really mean this is no patronising way at all but when I had a few dark weeks battling with hormones in April I did think to myself...wow it must be so hard for those battling with depression I'm not comparing my few rubbish weeks at all but I was actually thinking of my mother and sister who suffer from depression and like you say it runs in the family. My mother likes to remind me a lot about her depression and it makes me so sad that I can't help her more I think it's amazing that you can recognise already how it has effected your mother so that you can use that to protect your children's future relationships with you etc. My mother had a terrible childhood and talks about it a lot. I didn't have the best childhood growing up with my alcoholic father but I've already made that decision that I won't be re living my past with my children and that I don't want to constantly remind them of unhappy times like she does. I think once you recognise these things it's just so positive to work towards working out how to avoid passing it on...genes are so strong! Anyway, my thoughts are with you. I'd love to say spend the money on getting support for yourself but that is so easy for me to say! I do think that support would be good for you at this time though. Have you thought about looking into support groups to meet others in the same position without the hefty bills or is that just a complete no no? Have you cut down in exercise recently, could that be the cause of your dip? I'm not helping am I I'm thinking of you though

So, we did end up vaccinating bpear in the end. Who knows if it was the right thing to do. I felt really bad about it as it made him sad. His 10 days are up and no signs of spots yet. God knows how we will get him to sit still at the next vaccination in June. I think it will have to be a good bribery treat I won't be vaccinating my girl though because of the dangers of having chicken pox when your pregnant. Hopefully she will catch it mildly and will understand why I did one and not the other later in life.

My life is crazy at the moment. I am running around like a headless chicken. Literally. I've got the hen party next weekend which I have had to organise (another long story), then bpears party and then our holiday. So I've got a million things to prepare for plus find bridesmaid shoes, outfit for DH and a lot of other stuff. My head is literally spinning

Love this weather but my hayfever is just awful and obviously I have to just get on with life while I'm pregnant. It's nice to know that I won't be effected next summer when I'm BF

Agnu I hope the weather has made things better for you and the boys?

It's 11:30pm and I'm only just going to bed Every night my list is just crazy long! Tonight I brought bpears wedding outfit including shoes to wear to DH's cousins wedding, several wedding outfits for me to try on (please God may one of them fit!), my friends wedding present, sorted nursery fees and made hen party photo props. I really hope I can physically keep going

bring as Runt would say! I've found vitamin D has helped me a lot. I had a bit of a down phase mad baby-needing aside a couple of months ago & then realised I'd not been taking my vit D. Once I started up again I perked up in a couple of weeks! I use this stuff. It tastes nice! Even if it is hard, do keep talking. We're here if it helps, plus we're cheaper than therapy!

Calf is whinging slightly less but now Runt's hit a "cry because I don't have it, scream because I do" phase. He was offered crumpets or toast for breakfast, he chose toast. Calf had the last crumpets. Runt cried. Calf shared. Runt screamed. Runt went to his bedroom. Runt came down & ate everything happily as if nothing had happened. It's utterly infuriating!

On the plus side, we've had a productive weekend just getting bits done around the house. I deep cleaned the bathroom yesterday afternoon! I've been baking rhubarb-based things this evening. Our plant's suddenly enormous! DH pulled 11 huge stems off & it's barely made a dent! I shall be fobbing it off on friends tomorrow. Talking of friends, my best friend is pregnant. I suspected she might be but I'm excited & not at all jealous to have it confirmed. DH is still very much on the fence. I'm trying not to pester him...

Ooooooo now that's a good idea! I should plant rhubarb. I made another 2 rhubarb crumbles this weekend Where do you plant your rhubarb Agnu? Just in a bed?

I planted sweetcorn, lettuce, carrots and sunflowers with bpear last week. He's suddenly grasped gardening but it doesn't last long! When it has all grown though I'll have no idea where to put it all It's nice though that I've been able to do a bit of weeding and planting. I feel like I've got a bit of myself back again which is probably why the cloud has lifted!

Nursery will be interesting this morning Bpear is already saying "no go nursery" again I realise it's still early days but damn it, it's so hard to hear! I keep reminding myself, this is good preparation for us all Now that we've been invoiced for the term DH has asked me if I regret sending him before September. I can hardly regret it though because wow would this be tough on both of us if I had a newborn to deal with too!

Agnu I don't know if it's a age thing but we're also going through a bad behaviour stage too! Bpear started hitting us both last week which is sad

Is a good idea to send parents the birthday menu to choose from a week before bpears party?

I've brought boxes and was thinking of everyone to choose from:

Sandwiches

• cheese
• egg
• ham

Kids crisps
Houmous and veg sticks
Fruit cocktail

Or am I creating more work and maybe should just ask who is veggie? I forgot to put diet requirements on the invite

My friend pre-made lunch boxes for everyone for the last party we went to. There were some with cheese sandwiches & some with ham & it was just a first come, first served type situation. I had to traipse around hunting for a ham box so Calf wouldn't freak out - he's not a cheese fan. Seemed like a sensible way of doing it.

We have raised beds specifically for the purpose of veg growing. The sunnier one grows our annual veg, this year it's sweetcorn, peas, marrow & potatoes, & the shadier bed has our perennial fruits that can cope without full sun. We've got strawberries, rhubarb & blackberries. The rhubarb has a 1m square all to itself which mostly contains it. I think you can grow it in pots too if you don't want to sacrifice precious ground space!

Hope bpear goes in ok!

Ahhh so maybe I should stick to 1 cheese sandwich and 1 ham sandwich each? Thinking about it...even though bpear loves egg, some kids have allergies don't they!

Oh goodness, I'm not green enough for raised beds yet Your garden must look amazing!

Bpear was super brave going into nursery. He didn't cry! He didn't eat his breakfast though because his anxiety built up too much beforehand. On the way in the car he said "bpear no be sad at nursery" So proud of him

I may have accidentally purposely spent £40 on 9 pairs of pants omg though they're like AMAZING! M&S High rise short pants in size 14 act as the best maternity pants in the world! It's 3 for 2 at the moment hence why I got a bit carried away

Oh and I've finally found a dress that fits me to wear to the party but my shoes now don't fit me Mad rush to the shops tomorrow!!

Only 40 pounds on 9 pairs!? That's a freaking STEAL! Good for you on grabbing such a great deal! Love it :)

How'd nursery go after the self-pep talk?

Calf sounds just like M right now. Nothing ends up being right for her no matter what we do. It's infuriating beyond belief. You sound like a domestic goddess over there agnu. Jealous of your gorgeous rhubarb plant.

MIL is sick again and we are all holding our breath that the cancer hasn't returned. She's saying she's got a really sore "nervy" back and is having a really hard time being mobile. They did some bloods last week and they keep pushing forward the results which in itself is not a good sign as they would have just told her straight away if it was nothing. Now DH is pondering having a work transfer to a division in S Wales. The anxiety of MIL combined with my anxiety on the prospect of emigrating again is enough to make me just want to hide under my duvet. Just even thinking about the culture shock of moving back and what home life would be like with extremely stressed out kids in a new school (who let's face it will most likely be facing some horrible taunting with their very American-sounding accents) is freaking me out. GAH!

I knew a family who transferred to S. Wales from Texas. The DC were older than yours but were generally considered exotic & interesting because of their accents. Which part of S. Wales would the job be in? Tis where I grew up! Some areas aren't terrible places to live!

Sorry MIL isn't well again, Fx it's not the cancer & it can be sorted so you don't have to worry!

Omg bring that's huge Is it an idea DH has been thinking of for a while do you think? Don't blame you for your panicky feelings! Is it to look after your MIL or just because he wants to visit more? I guess you're trying to hide your true feelings until he knows the results?!

I'm up at ridiculous o clock because DH woke me up an hour a go to say that he was going to the hospital because his dad has had a heart attack. It was really odd when he woke me up, I was in such a deep sleep that I woke really panicked and I now I can't go back to sleep

I've sent DH about 4 texts since and I've got nothing back. This is his usual behaviour at the moment so it doesn't surprise me. I'm actually really confused at the moment. Things don't feel right at all between us since I got pregnant. I went to bed so angry with him tonight. Every night he stays up so late and gets so tired. On many nights I stay up with him and it's just exhausting me. I don't know why I stay up to be honest. I think mainly because I'm so desperate to try and communicate with him as its our only chance in the day but then when I do stay up I resent him and the lack of communication only frustrates me more. Our anniversary was a flop. My birthday was a flop and I just feel so un cared for. I have to nag him everyday. My mum rang him up this afternoon to ask him to dig holes in the garden for the plants she brought for my birthday. Has he done it? No. He says he was too worried about digging in the wrong place (even though she gave him very clear instructions). I'm just nag nag nag all the time. He doesn't have any passion to garden. He's the idiot who wanted to buy this house with the big garden in the first place and if he refuses to pay for gardeners then wtf are we to do?!

Plus, he has zero interest in the baby. Every once in a while he will make the effort to put his hand on my bump to feel a kick but it's so false that it actually just drives me nuts and I don't feel like he deserves to feel anything. I'm actually really looking forward to leaving him this weekend He's just so miserable all the time. He never smiles or tries to make me smile. He's insanely annoying. Like tonight, I didn't have any energy to cook so I ate leftovers and because there wasn't anything for him he had cereal. He's so lazy, he never ever attempts cooking. He does clean so I can't say he's lazy lazy but it's this attitude that is driving me absolutely nuts!!!! The question is really, is he always like this and I normally turn a blind I? Or is me being pregnant making it 1000 X worse?! I just want to be with someone positive right now. Someone who shows interest in me. Someone who notices that I went to the hairdressers today

I realise this post sounds a bit selfish considering his dad is in hospital. Am I allowed to be a bit peeved that he woke me up to tell me he was leaving when he could have just text me? Probably not

DH just called me. It's the worst news I'm a terrible terrible wife Terrible for thinking and writing all these things online when he's just received devastating news. I didn't think for one second that it would lead to this tonight I don't actually know if he can survive this. I lost my dad a few years a go and it was horrendous and we won't even close. I've tried to call my mum tonight for some wisdom but she's not picked up the phone, I guess she's sleeping.

God I feel really bad. Obviously I'm not feeling so keen to leave him this weekend after all

Pear I'm so sorry. How awful for you all. Don't beat yourself up. You can't have known and they're two totally separate issues anyway. You're entitled to feel how you do, even if you have to park it for now. Thinking of you

Bad news has nothing to do with how you were feeling before. Sure, you might want to give him a little slack for a while now but it doesn't mean you're not allowed feelings! Don't feel guilty, just concentrate on being there for him.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through pear. There really is no need to feel guilty, feeling frustrated with someone can lead to all sorts of other feeling that you didn't realize were pent up so it does feel like everything is because of them sometimes. That's what we're here for though. Sometimes it's just way better to get it off your chest somewhere else other than directly at them. You're not a bad wife!! You are a human (who's growing another human). All you can do is move forward from here. I so wish I could just give you a hug right now as words aren't always going to fix it. We're here for you. Always.

Thank you x It's been a very hard day 1 with lots of tears. Everyone is in shock. His mother is acting very normal which is just odd, as in I haven't seen her sad yet. I'm not sure it has hit her. We think maybe she's gone on auto pilot. Anyway, she's now staying with us on the pull out sofa. DH still wants to go on holiday so they're thinking the funeral will plan to happen when we get back.

Now the decision falls on me whether I go on this Europe hen party this weekend. I'm 50/50. Part of me feels I'm no good to DH as I can't stop the hormonal waterworks going and I also think maybe a weekend alone with his mum is the closeness they both need but the other part feels like I'm not here for him if I go

pear I'm just so sorry for you and your family. Such a shock, so painful, and just not fair. I wish I could tell you whether going to Europe would be better or not. It's put you in a tough position to have to decide whether to continue on with the plans. Do you think the bride will be understanding in your decision? Or supportive of time you may need for yourself if you do go?

Is this just the week for horrible news? MIL found out that the lymphoma has returned in her abdomen. The consultants are planning for a full-body scan next week and then radio therapy and chemo. DH is devastated. I'm devastated. I adore this woman. It's not fair that we are so far away from her. It's not fair that she wants to spend as much time as possible with her grandkids who are 4,000 miles away and my parents are shit and just take us being here for granted. Now our heads are spinning trying to decide what the right path is going to be. Obviously we don't know how many more rounds of being sick, having treatment, getting better we have left since this is the 3rd time around in 4 years. DH's work has been super supportive in offering a leave of absence with job security and payment. There are connections in the UK within the same job-type that he would possibly be able to move right into if he decided to move over... although I don't know exact location at this point (whether it's directly at the centre or a satellite location). We are trying to figure out whether we can squeeze in a visit, but hauling a family of 5 over the Atlantic is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE not to mention ridiculously expensive. We had plans for working on the house this year, now if we go- all money from putting into the house will be on the trip. Do we put up our own home for let and stay over there in a hired home for 6 months to see how things go? I mean our heads are just going crazy right now. I wish I could completely numb myself because I go between sobbing and then frantically going through all of the possibilities. It's exhausting. I'm. So. Tired.

Thanks Bring! We've decided I should go. Several reasons really. It's very sad at home seeing my DH so devastated but his mother is really strong and that's a massive comfort to him. He's an only child with no other relatives. We've had some really good chats and I've cried a lot. I'm ready to just be distracted for 24hrs so that I can be strong for DH next week when his mother is thinking about staying with a friend near the funeral arrangements. I planned a lot of this hen party, she's been my best friend for 12 years. I know she would understand if I didn't go but she would also be very sad. Life is full of regrets and I don't want to look back and be sad that I wasn't there for her at this time. It's a very short amount of time. If it was any longer then Sunday then I wouldn't go but bpear is staying the night with my mum and he will be very happy.

We just can't believe this is all happening now. We have so many happy things about to happen like bpears birthday, our holiday and the birth of our baby girl. It feels so unfair for everything to be turned on its head so suddenly. I told DH that at least all these happy memories about to come will help keep us strong together as a family.

Bring I'm so so sorry to read about your MIL. Life can be so cruel, so true One day, one event can happen and your whole life gets turned upside down. Just like that. I hope you and your DH find the strength these next few days to help make these huge decisions whatever happens. Big MN hugs. What a tough position to be in but how lucky your MIL is to have such a caring son and DIL xx

Right, better finish packing.