The 11th Gemini bus - Trudging through the terrible twos

[AGnu]

Not often you'd be pleased with your DH saying you look bigger! How are you feeling now? Any more bleeding?

I cried in church on Sunday... because there was a baby nearby. I feel like I need another baby & like I'm going to slowly lose my mind until the point where I steal someone else's! I've tried talking to DH about it but he just goes silent & refuses to even discuss it, I cry & feel like he thinks I'm trying to emotionally blackmail him. I can't figure out if he really doesn't know how I feel or if he just doesn't care, he's just adamant he doesn't want another & seems to expect me to just accept that & stop talking about it. No idea how we're going to resolve this since we're so firmly diametrically opposed.

No, no more bleeding since yesterday. I did the right thing not admitting myself into hospital but I will go if it happens again, just to be safe.

Agnu - I really feel for you The desire to have another baby is just the strongest and most time consuming feeling (mentally) that I've ever experienced myself. I have to encourage and persuade push my DH so I understand the pressure it puts on a marriage, especially when it doesn't work at the time you want it to Do you think you could play a clever game by hiding your feelings for let's say 3 months to give him time to come out of his cave on his own? I do think that summer makes men more relaxed! Or have you gone past that point now? Sounds like maybe you have I guess you have to have faith that he will change his mind Is he even giving you a good reason for not wanting another?

He won't talk about it. I can understand that 3 would complicate things - bigger car, rearranging bedrooms, etc. & I know he was depressed after Runt was born but there's no reason to think it would happen again. We've both changed in the last 3 years & we could watch out for any symptoms. I understand the negatives but... none of it changes how I feel. I well up every time I think about it. I don't feel depressed in general, just like my ovaries are making me crazy!

I made him talk about it! I burst into tears & told him I couldn't cope with his "computer says no" attitude & needed to understand his reasons. Turns out he's not completely opposed to the idea! He identified all the potential complications & I listened carefully & then pointed out the flaw in his logic for each one... mostly that any one of us could fall down the stairs tomorrow & suffer life changing injuries meaning we'd need 24-7 care, life is unpredictable but that's not a reason not to have another child! Loooooong conversation later & he's going to think about it some more. This is his process whenever there's a potential change - we put off moving from our first flat for 2 years longer than planned because he was freaking out about it. Also how he reacted when I first mentioned HEing - tonight I asked him if he'd be more open to another child if they were all going to school & he immediately, very firmly said he really did not want to do that! If I can convince him that breaking with his parents' expectations societal norms to HE is a fantastic idea then I think I'm in with a good chance of persuading him to have another child!

Trying not to get my hopes up - he's said he'll try to get his head around the idea & be more open to it but was keen to point out that he may still not think it's a good idea. At least I've got a chance though!

Ahh Agnu that sounds really positive! It certainly helps to know his thought process! Hope you managed to have a good night sleep after that chat! I think some men just need persuading I'm always envious of the DH's who drive the "I want a baby" convos...I think if I remember rightly we have a couple of them on this bus?! However, I'm sure there are even pros and cons to that conversation!!

Good clear night from me here. Phew!

I hardly slept at all... you know that anxiety that kicks in right after you get a BFP & you start imagining every possible scenario?! Classic me... desperate for something until I might actually get it & then I want to run away! I spent ages googling names too. I like slightly unusual Biblical names, but nothing really out there. I'm quite liking Susanna but I'm less keen on Sue/Susie. Zanna could be cute though.

not that I'm getting carried away or over excited before DH has even actually said yes!

Yay for no bleeding pear! Hoping it continues!

Sounds like a very productive conversation Agnu! I'm happy you were able to break down that communication barrier with him to at least get something out of him. He sounds like a very pragmatic sort of person so that's gotta be difficult to reason with sometimes, especially when it involves another baby in the house and before they arrive it seems like it could be a horrible idea, and then they are there and you wonder why you ever considered otherwise! I really hope he comes around for you. (soon and not like another 3 years down the road). It's so frustrating having to try to convince a partner about something you really, really want. Totally understand your position! Trying to get my DH to get his butt moving on issues sometimes (moving, not moving, house remodel, yard work, etc) is probably one of the most infuriating things I've had to deal with in my adult life besides small humans

SO glad the bleeding has subsided Pear!

So, got some news... I'm going to be an auntie! My brother and SIL are due in November. So excited to have another baby in the family and it doesn't have to be me! Yay!

Congrats on your impending auntie-hood! Hooray for babies!

Pretty sure he's coming round to the idea very quickly - lots of talking about it this afternoon in positive terms with the occasional "hypothetically" thrown in just to reassure himself that he's still in charge of the decision... Where should I get cheap tests from? With both previous pregnancies I got a strong +ve a day or 2 before my period was due so I never got to do the whole squinting at imaginary lines thing. Next time I plan on buying a whole load of cheap tests & will POAS daily from a couple of days post ovulation to see at what point I first get a BFP. If it takes more than 1 month to conceive it could get expensive!

Agnu - you need to buy these "one step" pregnancy tests or ovulation tests or both like I did Buy 30 at a time If you can and shop around for the best deal on eBay/Amazon. https://www.ebay.co.uk/ulk/itm/270957784832

I actually got my first glimpse of a bfp from the one step ovulation test as I had loads left over and didn't want to crack open a pregnancy test, this was at 12dpo but it's good for you to know that they're sensitive enough to pick up a bfp. When you get a faint line on either of the one step tests then I would recommend the Superdrug branded test (same as First Response but a fraction of the cost).

Eeeeek I love a test

Yay! Congratulations Auntie Bring Are they going to find out if it's a b or g?

I may have accidentally ordered a basal thermometer that comes with a few ovulation tests & a few pregnancy tests... I haven't told DH. I'm also not planning to tell him when I obtain folate tablets. Just want to make sure I'm ready if/when he is! I wasn't like this with either previous pregnancy, I think the expectation that it'll be my last pregnancy means I'm giving in to the crazy! I probably will tell DH what I'm up to... I can't keep a secret when I'm excited!

Ha ha I think the beeping thermometer might give your game away lol Hope you got one with a backlight! I was absolutely hopeless at taking my temperature...TG for ovulation tests!!

DH is usually out of the house before I wake up in the mornings so I should be able to take it during the week without him knowing. Weekends may be trickier but my cycle is pretty regular & I suspect that I ovulate on Thursdays or Fridays so hopefully I'll be able to skip weekend days... Or I'll insist on having a cup of tea in bed & take my temp while he's downstairs! Have I mentioned I have a well-developed devious streak?

Anyway, this is a postnatal bus, not TTC! I'll rein it in a bit! How's everyone else?

Just don't forget that you can't speak before taking your temp

Nothing exciting to report apart from my meltdown before lunch when I came home from a play date and went to make lunch straight away. DH automatically gave DS his mobile to shut him up so he could have a sit down even though today is his day off work. When I heard what was going on I stormed in, snatched the phone off DS and said that's it I've had enough. There will be no more use of mobiles unless I'm in the shower or cooking alone. Argggghhhhh DH just doesn't get it!! I dragged them both (not DS because he obviously doesn't need to be dragged) to the park this afternoon. I just wish DH wasn't so lazy sometimes Apart from that...all is merry

And no you don't get a blinking medal for going to the veg/fruit stall for the 3rd time in the 3 years that we've lived here and stop putting fruit in the fridge...it DOES NOT ripen!!!!! Arrrrrrrr!

Hahahahha oh pear are you sure our husbands aren't the same guy? Mine does the same thing. Just hands the kid a tablet or his phone if he doesn't feel like parenting. Drives me mental b/c then I have to be the bad cop and take it away when they have to do actual RL things, like eating or taking a bath. I'm always the mean one .

You have me giggling over here angu with your scheming! Hey, absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to know exactly what's going on with your body and knowing exactly when you ovulate. I'm always very fascinated with my cycles and knowing where I'm at with it, even though we are golden with the coil firmly in place. Rock on you temp-taking sister!

Yes, they want to find out the sex. I can tell my SIL wants to ask me 12,000 questions, and I keep telling her that she can, but I just need to make sure I'm not the former midwife- unsolicited advice purging older SIL with 3 kids so I'm trying to keep cool with the whole thing.

Welp. It's been snowing on/off all day here again. Have I ever mentioned that I really hate spring time here? Mother Nature is a total cock-tease where we live.

Omg how can I be so uncomfortable at only 20 nearly weeks? I can't get in any comfy position and the stupid pregnancy sausage pillow is only making it worse. I feel so heavy in my stomach and light headed I'm not even that big bumped at all. Not feeling well at all today but just can't put my finger on it. Hoping this light headed feeling is just my body coping with the changes!

Lor - how are things with you? Feeling more prepared and packed yet?

Bring - maybe that's why I love your stories because I can relate

I'm really paranoid that the thermometer etc is going to turn up while DH is home & I'll have to mumble my way through a plausible excuse of what it could be & why I'm not opening it in front of him. I'm already pushing boundaries by mentioning folate tablets & ordering a hat for his currently still alive grandmother's funeral... We've been told she only has days left & it'll be an event that requires a hat. Hats don't suit me & the last funeral we went to had us scurrying around the local shopping centre trying to find a black hat that didn't look completely ridiculous. It was ugly. I just want to be suitably prepared this time! Not that I've given much thought to what else I'll wear... more than a hat would probably be a good idea...

pear have you tried normal pillows? I used to construct myself a support frame from strategically placed pillows - one between my legs, one under my lower back/bump, 2 under my head... I think I had one just to cuddle for a while!

bring hope the sun starts shining properly for you soon! We've had just about warm enough weather here for me to turf Runt outside with no nappy on. Last time I suggested playing in the garden he announced "I don't need my peanut not a typo in the garden" so I think he's probably getting a little chilly. He does so love sitting proudly on the potty outside... & then insisting he doesn't need a wee before wetting himself 2 minutes later without seeming to notice. I don't think he's quite ready for the whole toilet training thing yet!

Ha ha TG my DH doesn't ask what's in my parcels lol

Sorry for the moan last night. I did eventually fall asleep

Planning to make rhubarb crumble and roast lamb this weekend Anyone else making yummy food?

Rhubarb crumble plans shattered as apparently sainsburys didn't have any Pear and Apple crumble it is!

DH is trying to put DS down for his nap before he heads off to work. Doesn't sound promising when I can hear them both jumping up and down. I swear my life is like an episode from Peppa pig sometimes

Bring - just so happens that a local lady is giving away a free copy about Hypno birthing so I'll be able to have a read about that. Assuming you know something about the subject is it basically all about breathing techniques and mind? Something I'll still be able to follow in hospital care? I was told by the chronology osteopath or whatever the name is treating bpear for reflux that she felt it was the epidural that caused his bad reflux and my bad tearing. I've always wondered whether there was any truth in that statement. I wonder whether I should toughen up and prepare to avoid the epidural even though I remember saying "I feel like I'm going to die, give it to me"! Was that just my fear speaking?!

pear I'd really recommend reading Birth Skills by Juju Sundin. It gives loads of techniques based on breathing, visualisation, using sound, stress balls etc during labour. The authors didn't both have drug-free births so they also give amazing visualisations to use for effective pushing if you do have an epidural, or how to keep calm if you need interventions etc. I read it last time and am rereading it. It's brilliant.

It might help you feel like you have options to try but also if you do have an epidural how to still work with your body?

I read Ina May Gaskin the first time I was pregnant. I can't remember much of it now but I do remember it gave me confidence in my body's ability to squeeze a melon out! I'll have to borrow it from my friend again if I can convince DH to have a baby with me after he finds out I'm hiding my conception aids in the box with the hat I ordered for his grandmother's funeral before she'd even died... We got that call this morning. Thankfully they arrived in a little bag, rather than a more obvious Amazon box & were left in the porch while we were out so I could squirrel them away undetected. He's out early tomorrow so I can start temp-taking! Not planning on trying until June hypothetically but at least that gives me 2 full cycles to monitor first.

I'll look into Birth Skills too, it feels like forever since I last thought about all of this. Runt was sufficiently soon after Calf that I didn't feel the need to re-read everything. I did have my homemade birth book full of quotes & info about various techniques & interventions so I could make informed decisions in the heat of the moment... of course, I didn't look at it once during either labour! Maybe I should update the book with a section on what to do when they tell me my perfectly healthy baby has no heartbeat/may not come out alive...

Are the current bus-bumps going to be born in the same place as their siblings? I'd definitely aim for another homebirth, assuming no complications. There's a very real risk that if I went into labour after DH went to sleep one night that I'd not tell him until I was wanting to push so he couldn't insist on calling the midwife to come hover around, stressing me out & predicting the baby's death. I'd be quite relieved if I managed to do the whole thing solo. Wouldn't mind the ambulance men from last time though - they were stunned I refused G&A it makes me dizzy/nauseated & one was the only person to tell me I was doing really well. I don't doubt he'd been trained to say it but it made me smile at the time! I'd rather not get in their ambulance though...!

Lor - thanks that's exactly what I need...preparation reading! And yes...just to know how to deal with avoiding 2 amounts of pethidine and like you say coping with an epidural if it goes that way again would be good!

So, I've been proactive this weekend and I've signed up to a few hospital classes which I think are free. Not sure if they have any spaces left for late June/July but I've signed up anyway. I've put my name down for a Hypnobirthing class and the active birth class. I think the more I prepare the better as at least I can get my head mentally prepared. Also need to get my head around the p massage. Totally grossed out by the idea and the name but I know lots of health specialists have already advised me to do it this time and no doubt the consultant will bring it up again at my meeting in two weeks

I've totally over done it again by running around making lunch. Why does a roast take forever?! My mother however is a superstar as she's helped me put a rocket up DH's bum and he's finally out in the garden sorting out our moss problem. About this time every year I have to stir her up and point her in his direction so that she gives DH a earful at lunch to get him into gardening mode. Feel like a mean wife but seriously... He needed it! I also feel like I've failed though as I've been trying nagging for 3.5 years and I've still not turned him into a gardener. I nearly spat my water out when my mother told him he needs to start thinking of it like a hobby

It is a bit sad though to think I won't be able to weed my beloved patch that I've talked about on here a lot. Still, got to remember that a baby is much much better then weeding

Bleeding hasn't stopped Still getting lots of lovely kicks to reassure me. 5 more sleeps until the scan.

Agnu - Yes I've chosen to go back to the same hospital to have dc2 and I'm praying it's a better experience next time. Must say...they really looked after me the other week which is helping me restore a little bit of faith even though I know it's different wards. I truly think a lot of it is down to luck with how busy the ward is etc. Did you fall pregnant quite quickly with your two boys?

Hope everyone else is having a lovely weekend x

Yes, first month with both! I read something earlier that said fertility dramatically decreases after 30 so now I'm panicking that I need to get pregnant by then! From what I hear, our local labour ward is pretty good, but I know the postnatal is awful. I do slightly wonder about going to the MW-run birthing centre, in the hope that I'd get more supportive, less anxious MWs there & therefore wouldn't need to go to the hospital for postnatal monitoring like I did with both DC. I think I'll be calmer at home though, I just need to be firmer about telling people to back off & let me get on with it!

I love your mum. Can she come lecture my DH?! My parents take his side & his parents expect women to do basically everything. You can oversee the weeding - sitting there with a cuppa & telling him he's missed a bit will be just as satisfying!

5 sleeps is both forever & hardly any time at all!

Agnu - wow, first month with both. That's pretty lucky. Hope it works again for you! Omg I cannot believe you're not 30 yet...makes me feel v old! Can't believe I'm 34 this year either Ha ha maybe this is my mums new retired career? Whipping DH arses all over the country She would be brill at it Sorry to hear about your DH's gran...I guess you'll have a funeral date soon?! I can actually relate to you being organised though because it's a nightmare finding hats last minute!

Eeek 20 weeks...half way there woohoo I promise to stop giving you a weekly countdown ha ha! Didn't have my usual Monday morning panic bleed...Woop de Woop! 4 more sleeps