The 11th Gemini bus - Trudging through the terrible twos

[AGnu]

OK so after bpear turned the house upside down this morning we finally managed to go out for a walk. It was nice to get out. Decided that I will go out with my friends tonight and go to the spa. It's not like I can mope around watching daytime TV if I stay at home and DH has taken the day off already to look after bpear.

On another note my stomach really hurts where the baby is lying. I am guessing this is due to all the coughing Going to try and nap this afternoon. Feeling really blessed that I can!

Glad you are feeling well enough to go. It should help boost the morale a bit! Hugs for you!

More mama drama on my end. Too much to even put up on here and I'm sick to death of discussing it, tbh. I'm just so fed up with her crap.

So, now that I'm spending time in bed this afternoon much to DH's delight I can finally set up my new shiny laptop!! Very excited since I haven't had a computer since quitting my job! However, I can't remember my password for the Pear account so conveniently it says many years a go I chose the name spring!

Bring - So sorry to hear that. Its emotionally draining to say the least! I think you and I have similar lives. I'm always saying Eastenders would love my family (but maybe a slightly more countryside version).

Ah ok....sorted it now

Ahhhh before I go and get ready I just have to share....

Received a postcard from MIL saying how wonderful their 11 week Europe holiday is and they're still looking for a cheap holiday for us. WTF? Seriously? So it turns out that my DH has asked them for recommendations because they're good at finding cheap deals and now they're taking it upon themselves to visit travel agents. Bear in mind that they don't know what we're looking for, dates, requirements etc etc. I am so annoyed! MIL has emailed a holiday to DH. The hotel is on a cliff. I know she doesn't know I'm pregnant yet but seriously? A cliff? It's also a massive sardine complex completely opposite to anything I would like. I can't believe DH even bothered asking them..... grrrr! Oh you just have to laugh.

that is odd pear!

We are officially in the throws of toilet-training. M had clean pants all day yesterday and all day today! I'm a paranoid mistrusting wreck and am really trying to not bug her about it all the time. We are currently watching Lady and the Tramp and I'm nervous she's going to wee on the couch!

Our exciting news over here is that it's Super Tuesday so we've got 11 states voting primaries for the nominees. I've got every finger and toe crossed that Sanders beats out Clinton tonight so you better believe I'll be watching all the news channels when I get back from voting. EEEEKKKKKK. It feels scary no matter who wins the presidential race on what the end result is. I'm ready to pack up and move to Canada so we don't have to be around the nastiness that is sure to ensue.

Can I cry now? Just had an awful time settling Calf that had him repeatedly expressing his, apparently highly amusing, wish to kill us with a knife & chop us into little pieces to eat. We both tried various strategies before deciding we'd stop rewarding his behaviour with attention & came downstairs. He deliberately defecated on the floor & threw it around. DH had to remove the door to clean the underside of it while I bathed him. His bath was probably more chamomile/lavender essential oils than water in my over-zealous attempt to soothe him! Seemed to work though, that & putting a tiny amount of my conditioner on his hair & saying he needed to lie really still to let it soak off! He went to bed fine after that! I really don't know what to do. I bumped into an acquaintance today who has a child in a facility five hours away because it was the only place that could cater for him. Right now my mind is going to worst-case-scenario & imagining Calf there in 10 years. Drugging him is actually looking faintly appealing for the first time. It breaks my heart to admit that.

DH tried to call the paediatrician yesterday but she was busy. He left a message but was told it may well be next week before she has a chance to call us back. He's been doing this every other night for several weeks now & it's getting worse. We did manage to record some of it tonight though so we'll have some evidence of what we're dealing with when we do eventually see her again.

bring how are you feeling about Super Tuesday? I noticed your state was one of the sensible ones! It was also reported over here that google searches for how to move from the US to Canada were dramatically increased after the results! Canada is lovely though. DH has family in Ontario & everyone was super friendly when we were there, although there was some confusion from the lady at the local museum we visited about quite why we were there. "Ohhhh, you're BRITISH?! What are you doing here?" "Err, visiting family...?" "But why would you come here? I mean here!" She seemed to think their small town wasn't worthy of our presence!

Awww Agnu poor you That's sounds so tough on you all. Well done for thinking of essential oils... I always forget about that! I'm sorry if this is a stupid stupid question but how does he know about cutting and killing at his age? Does he hear it from other children? I really really hope that lady calls you sooner then next week! Well done for catching evidence, at least you will have some support to back you up! I bet it takes you a while to wind down when he finally does go to sleep

Bring - yay for potty training!! Woop Woop! We've completely abandoned it here. I've really tried to get him to stop peeing in the bath but by encouraging him to use a potty or the toilet it's made him hold it in for the entire bath time and become really anxious about it all etc. That's just not a road we should be going down so I've said to DH I'm completely forgetting it now as he's very against it. The nursery have said he may show interest when he sees his friends use the mini loos. At the end of the day he's got a lot to take on this summer...starting nursery, new bedroom, new baby and I just don't think potty training will make it to the list but hey you never know!

I've re-watched the recording & it's not that he wanted to kill us with the knife, he just was going to kill DH by head butting him & then cut him up for his dinner. That's mildly better, right?! It all started when he asked questions about the food on his plate being called the same thing as our friend's pets. I carefully explained that "they" had to kill the chickens before we could eat them & we couldn't just go eat our friend's chickens. Cue a million questions about precisely how the deed is done. I feigned ignorance! The cutting thing, I think, is just because DH is obviously too big to eat whole. He did pick up the concept of "bulleting" people from pre-school though. Yet another reason I'm glad we withdrew him.

That first "where food comes from" conversation was weeks ago & he still tries to catch me off-guard to trick me into telling him how various animals are killed. As a general rule we try to answer all his questions in an age appropriate way but this interest in death, and the fact that he's using it when he's manic, concerns me enough that I won't be going into any more detail or looking it up on my phone, which is what he expects me to do when I say I don't know something. I love his thirst for knowledge & I want to encourage that... but I'd like to steer it away from such morbid fascinations!

Frus, I've brain-dumped at the poor Goose & Carrot-ers. I should've been in bed hours ago but I've got myself all wound up about it. Daft thing is, he'll be completely back to his normal self in the morning & will wake up at 6.50 on the dot another new phase I'm not a fan of & act as if nothing happened. I, on the other hand, will be exhausted, moody & just a little scared of him.

Agnu - oh goodness. Hard to dodge questions like that! How are you feeling today?

Argh, we seem to be on nap strike this week boo hoo I knew my days were numbered but it was always going to hurt Am wondering if nursery might put it back on the agenda next week?!

Other news...had my flu jab this morning. Still feeling totally un pregnant. I brought my mum two cute breakfast bowls for Mother's Day but the pram flipped back and they hit the floor...just praying that they're OK. I haven't been brave enough to look yet. I'm cooking fish pie and a batch of fish cakes later...not looking forward to that!

I'm ok, a little tired & drained but feeling less like I'm going to have to send him off to some institution, or like I'll be sent to one myself! He's completely back to his normal self & I'm trying not to half expect him to fly at me with a knife that he's kept hidden in his pocket or something!

Runt dropped his nap months ago. Occasionally he'll fall asleep while playing though. The other day he tucked himself up in his bed when I thought he was playing! It was at the point that Calf dropped his nap that we introduced "quiet time". Initially I'd leave him in the cotbed with a few toys, he'd play for a bit & then fall asleep. That may not work for a child who doesn't actively want to be left alone though!

Fx you don't get any side effects from the jab.

I found out that one of my friends is upduffed. It took a lot of self control to pretend to just be happy for her & not stamp my feet & shout "but I want a baybeeee!" I came across one of my childhood dolls while tidying the other day & am now crocheting a dress for her. DH hates dolls. I'm hoping if I wave her in his face enough then he'll start thinking a real baby is preferable. I've also mentioned getting one of those realistic dolls so I've got a girl to dress up... he recoiled in horror... I'm still optimistic that I'll wear him down eventually! I've only got until mid-June if I'm going to stick to my plan though. I wanted about 4 years between Runt & DC3 & a March baby would fit nicely with other family birthdays. Yes, I know I have issues!

Agnu - ha ha no you're just a planner like me! Aww I hope he wears down quickly! 3 babies on the bus would be lovely I know I'm going to have to trick my DH next time lol Like I may just say hey it will take us 1.5 years again so don't even worry about protection and then because Sod's law is Sod's law I'll get pregnant really super quick next time However, we all know I'll have this baby and say never again until 12 months later

Yes, my mother keeps banging on about introducing quiet time. I do actually think that sounds like a great idea BUT I am struggling to think how to make that work without involving my mobile or TV

No symptoms yet.

We did use youtube videos sometimes to begin with. After being shown the same videos regularly he got bored of them & started playing instead!

DH came home this evening & started telling me about his colleague who's just gone on paternity leave after his wife had a baby... Once he started trying to recall the weight & her name I told him to stop talking. How does he not get that I'm a little sensitive about this right now?!

I've not gone as far as a dress but... see Facebook...

wowza, yeah that would be a very spooky evening agnu! He's not actually acting out on toys or his brother, right? More just like a morbid fascination? So do you think it was his way of joking because he was just pretending that he'd like to eat his parents like he eats his food... or...? I'm just trying to think of ways that he could kind work through this whole dying animals bit. Maybe a few predator/prey videos or something? Keeping it natural and not totally cutting him off on the subject since it's something that actually does happen in nature? I dunno...! That's definitely something that would freak me out a little too!

Haha about the "real baby"!

DH and I had the Big Snip convo last night after our date. He said he'd actually do it since I am so totally completely done with babies in this house. I hurt all the time when I'm pregnant. I'm unfortunately not one of those people who are able to forget what giving birth is like so going through that again- nope, no way, no thank you! Breastfeeding for 2 years again. Having to wake up for night feeds. Dealing with PP depression which I've gotten with all 3 kids no matter how prepared I was for it. Sex was horrible for over a year after all three because of the breastfeeding hormones so DHs and mine relationship would really suffer. Dealing with another 2 year old and going through the hells of potty training again. I can safely say that I'm certainly done with the baby stage in our life.

OMG there are some insane people on Mn!! Seriously! I don't get wound up about MN much but I can so see why social media would drive some innocent people into a dark dark place. Some people just say horrible things behind a screen don't they! Anyway, I've officially mentally removed myself from the horrible September ante natal thread... bunch of bullies wasting time picking on people!

Back to normality...

Bring - I think you've just described me in a few years time Oh man how I'm dreading the birth part, sleepless nights and painful dtd. What have I done?

So it is totally possible to be 100% done with children then? Hmmm, interesting. I can actually totally imagine that after 3

I think he's just picked up that it gets a reaction more than anything. My dad asked him today why he does it & he said "my mind just tells me to be silly". Not entirely sure what to make of that, I'm trying not to assume he means he's hearing voices! I showed a few clips from the video we did the other night of his behaviour to my family, my dad was amazed with DH's patience, mum hugged me & my foster sister who has a daughter with HFA cried. I didn't think it was really all that bad!

Even with bring's list, I still want a baybeeeee! I mentioned it in front of my parents in a jokey sort of way & they told me DH will resent me for years & it'll destroy my marriage if I convince him to have another one. Never mind that I'm feeling quite resentful towards him for refusing to let me have one. I just have to get over that, y'know, to avoid upsetting the man. Why should I be the one who has to work through my disappointment? At least if he had to work through any feelings he might have then he'd have another child to love to help with the process. I should add, my parents have 3 DC, DM only wanted 2 & her DC3 is the clear favourite.

Agnu - I would imagine that your parents are feeling protective towards you and DH about the subject of having another baby because they could be worried about you going through the same stress that you're coping with ds1? Is it genetic? Maybe they worry it is even if it's not? I wonder whether your parents and your DH will feel more positive about the subject once you start getting proper help?! My DH can only think about one thing at a time. If I was in your shoes that would be my problem... He would be solely focused on sorting the problem and wouldn't be able to take on anymore thoughts, especially the idea of having more kids. He could warm to the idea once you've got professional support! Sorry I don't know whether I'm being helpful or talking nonsense Generally trying to be helpful though... Promise!!

Do you feel a sense of relief for sharing the video clips? I'm glad to hear you did. Nothing like your own family to support you and it sounds like they were really sympathetic and proud with how you're both coping with the difficult nights. You should be proud

DM's always been a bit funny about my pregnancies. She seemed disinterested when I told her I was pregnant with Calf & when I told her about Runt she went very quiet & said, "I thought we were going to wait a bit longer... I don't really know what to say..." Firstly, she's not part of the "we" who get to decide such things; secondly, I'd always said we'd wait at least 9m between pregnancies but that I wanted them close together & I was 8 weeks when Calf turned 1; thirdly, is "congratulations" really such a hard word to say?!

To be fair, the clips I showed them were ones that I'd filmed of DH dealing with him. They do adore DH, to the point where I feel like he could leave me for someone else & they'd imply it was my fault for not taking him back, even if he didn't want to come back. Just before we got married, Dad said "I don't look at it as gaining a son, more getting rid of a daughter." Hilarious.

There has never been any suggestion from them that I'm being reasonable to expect DH to prioritise coming home in the evenings. They're very much of the view that he's the man that does the hard work to earn the money & my job is to support him in that. Never mind the days when Calf's behaviour leaves me sobbing, it's still fine for DH to be faffing. I've tried venting to Mum about it, she said "Hmm, it is difficult." She meant for him.

We did have quite a good conversation about home ed though, which is a first. They seem to be coming round to the idea. Probably because DH thinks it's a good idea.