April 2015 thread 2 - ruling our lives and stealing our sleep, our babies are growing up already!

[PenguinPoser]

New thread for those of us left here

Congratulations cinnamon that's great news on the inspection
I'm shocked and annoyed for you that you had to miss out on what would have been a lovely evening out for that ridiculous reason. If he's trying to convince you there's nothing for you to be concerned about why would he need to avoid you seeing her? Argh!!

Sorry I can't see the other older messages as the page has changed so apologies if I'm missing things I should be replying to.

It's one of my non working days today so I have dental appointment and a few other bits and bobs to do with DD. Lots of housework too. And I need to write a cv - I need a permanent job from later this year when my current contract ends and one has come up somewhere I used to work. I'm not sure if they will want to wait for someone until later in the year but I think it's worth applying anyway so I shall.

Definitely worth a try PenguinPoser! Is it usual for gp contracts to be fixed term?

Not really cinnamon - but I'm still on a training contract at the moment. My training ends in August so then I'll need a permanent job to go into, or start doing some Locums!

Well good luck with your cv.

Ds3 is poorly so he's been too bunged up to sleep well and in knackered! Not used to it these days

How was everyone's Mother's Day? I almost ran a race before lunch out but it didn't pan out so we had a lazy morning at home and a long dog walk followed by a meal out with my family. I saw some oh' we're better than others at organising things.

I had a course Friday and felt sick and had stomach cramps all the way through, made it home before vomitting. I still went out in the evening as it was a get together of all the top people from parkrun, only 30mins from home and I'm glad I did it was a tear evening. I learned a lot and met some lovely parkrun people. I knew dh would have been messaging all day and evening so I checked when we went to bed. They messaged in the day but not the evening and it was all just friendly chatter. I have decided for my own sanity to stop checking up. It's taking all my will power!!! I read something Thursday evening that upset me (mainly complaining to her about me) but had a chat with my brother and cried and dh that I was so worried he was going to leave me and felt better. We've been mutually saying how we feel and I feel more like we used to. I get a feeling in my gut at times that fills me with dread but if I don't trust him this can't work and I don't want to keep checking so that's the plan so far and we'll see.

Ds3 rolled from front to back for the first time yesterday and he also pulled himself to standing from sitting on my leg! He's such a joy now, gives me kisses when I ask, waves to everyone and makes loads of noises. He nods his head and says uh as yes but still nothing even vaguely like mama and only a little bum shuffling if he's desperate for something.

Having problems with dss who is now in love so doesn't want to see his dad. Dh's ex was on his side and they agreed he should still come. Got off the phone and he apparently kicked off at his mum so dh got a string of messages about how he shouldn't make him come and their relationship is at risk better that than no relationship because he doesn't come here! They had a chat last night and it seems a bit smoother for now.

Gone quiet again, hope everyone is ok xxx

I don't like this new font it makes my eyes hurt!
How are you cinnamon is everything ok?

We have been shopping today I bought dd 2 pairs of dungarees and I have just spoke to my Mum who has also been shopping and bought the same dungarees! They were only cheap though from a seconds shop selling ex chain store clothes so I will keep them and it doesn't matter if they get ruined at nursery.
I go back to work on the 20th April 😟 It has been the best year of my life I can't believe I won't get to spend every day with her but we will enjoy every weekend doing something fun.

Someone on one of my other regular threads said the same wineandchoccy, I used the mobile site and can't see any difference.
Are you going back full time? I was terrified of maternity leave with ds1 and look at me now! I guess you never know how you're going to feel about things until you get there!

I am ok, I think! I'm not saying anything about her at home and things are better. I spend my days flitting between being terrified he's pulling the wool over my eyes, to worrying about what he's bitching to her about me, to thinking that he does love me and its going to be ok. I worry a little too that she's not going to like getting less attention and may be difficult with him at work or perhaps I'm kidding myself he's showing her less attention I don't know. Anyway my house is clean, I'm super organised with paperwork as I darent just sit! I've been super busy, I feel I'm constantly suppressing tears but when he's home things are good so that's better than suppressing tears all day AND fighting.

Yes I am back full time Mon - Fri, my Mum & Dad having her Mon & Tues, MIL Wed and nursery Thurs & Fri so a busy week for dd but I am happy with the nursery we have chose she has her settling in on Mon & Tues next week. Now I have my date to go back I have accepted it but if I win the lottery I am having more babies and staying at home with dd
I wanted a childminder but the one I planned to use is expecting twins and is not taking any more children until she knows how she is and if the babies are ok. She is 43 with a 23 year old son she got divorced last year met a new man fell pregnant and it is twins she is a bit shocked

I am glad things are ok when he is at home it is hard trying to be happy at all times though so don't make yourself ill thinking of everybody else and if you need to vent you know where we all are X

cinnamon please do try and make sure your taking care of you, I'm glad things are a little better.

Wine glad the nursery is ok what a shock (good one) for the childminder, hope dd settles in well at the nursery.

How are you thomas I hope everything is ok?

Boring info - I have just painted my toenails and fingernails but I can barely keep my eyes open but don't want to smudge them! We are going for a picnic at a farm open day with a group of Mums from a baby group we go to. It is a tractor ted launch day and we won free entry and the weather is supposed to be nice so looking forward to it.

Thanks ladies, how I was being didn't make me feel any better so at least now there are good bits and dh is happy with my lack of emotion! He's been off sick today and has been away from his phone while I was around. One of my ex minded boys looooooved tractor ted

Hope you had a good day wine.

I'm just a really tired, trying to stay positive hoping to not fall back in to old habits which is really hard in the early hours as ds still won't sleep well.

Hope both of you have a good weekend.

We had a lovely day Thanks, dd loved the animals although she wasn't to impressed when a llama spat at us or the emu tried to pinch the animal feed it will be lovely to take her back when she is walking as they have mini tractors to ride, sandpits and a maze.

The middle of the night is the worst time for feeling low it feels like you are the only person in the world that is awake, I hope you can have a rest at some point x

How's things thomassodorisland? Hope you managed to make your mum see the error of her ways and ds is ok.

Glad you had fun Wineandchoccy, I can't wait for those wobbly little toddles

Struggling today, dh and I have been fine and I have no reason to be anymore upset but I can't get all those messages out of my head today. I know he's still spending time with her at work but doesn't seem to be messaging her. I just don't know how I can get past this if he won't talk about it. Hopefully the counsellor will help me deal with it and perhaps if he does decide to start coming he will open up about it a bit more. I still feel so threatened by this woman despite no evidence of anything going on

Hope everyone's ok

Hope you ok cinnamon

I don't think I'm doing well at all lately, I keep trying to stay positive it's easy for a little while then it just isn't, I've been crying for hours tonight trying to think of ways to help dc but all I think off Is it's got to be something I do as everyone else can help their children And I can't.
I just feel I've gotten it all wrong I've not been doing the right things or we wouldn't be in this situation and they deserve someone who can keep it together, I can't even think straight and hide away crying.
I honestly don't know how long I can cope with feeling like this, The whole thing keeps getting worse.

Sorry for the vent

It sounds as though you need to go back and see your GP, I'm sure things aren't as bad as you think but the fact that you're feeling like rings alarm bells to me, that you may need some more help. I really think you should consider some medication to help ds sleep, I know you don't want to but it's made such a massive difference to the little boy I mind and he's on a very low dose. He's a Different child during the day and him and his family are much more rested. Lack of sleep makes everything worse!

Things have been ok. Dh put his phone on silent last night and I asked about it he said he just doesn't want the hassle of his phone going off. I knew she'd messaged him and he'd replied and gave him a couple of chances to tell me. I then told him that I knew he'd lied to my face and I didn't know where to go from here. He was very quiet for some time and then he eventually said he asked her to leave him alone for the weekend but she messaged and he didn't want to be rude, so he replied. He said he's asked her to stop messaging but she still does and he doesn't want to ignore her, which I can understand. He said tonight that he struggles with things and it's not necessarily because I'm difficult just that he can't cope. He admits he got it wrong but he was afraid of my response if he said she'd messaged. I feel we're making progress, perhaps I'm being naive but I do think he doesn't want to upset me anymore and that he wants it to stop. I'm hoping that the fact that she won't do what he asks will annoy him and I do think that he does want to make things work. i need to stop looking, it's not good for anyone. I am trying to tell him how I feel all the time as he says he doesn't understand me even after all this time, so I'm saying that's nice, I'm glad you did that etc. We had a nice walk together and a few hours all together at a local nt place.

I'm glad things seem to be improving and I hope it does, it's good you can tell him how you feel and he's listening and also your getting out on walks etc with him.

I feel I'm close to just being back to The way things were and I feel so crap for letting it get bad.
I have counselling tomorrow and I'm dreading going as half way threw the amount we are allowed and I'm like this again makes me feel worse.
I'm crying all the time and just feel really sick.
We are doing a sleep diary for the consultant who needs that before they will give medication, I wish I could just be a good mum and do the right things then ds wouldn't be struggling and maybe we'd have avoiding having to get him medication or be thinking of respite.

His need or not for medication is absolutely nothing to do with you being a good or bad mum, it's a physical lack of a hormone required to sleep don't blame yourself for that please! Your counsellor will hopefully be able to suggest some strategies for you and I'm sure if you're still in need you won't just be abandoned by them. Be kind to yourself x

How are things going cinnamon I hope everything continuing to improve for you.

I'm struggling with feeling down then feeling sorry for me, trying to keep busy today by cleaning but it's making me more miserable as the mess seems to be building up while I clean (sounds strange I know).
Not as teary though which is a good thing although I now have another black eye as ds hit me with his tablet during the night when it died.

Oh thomassodorisland, sounds like it's tough at the moment. Glad you're not as teary, but not good you're feeling down generally. I find cleaning is good as it gives me focus and I feel I've achieved something afterwards.

I'm doing ok she messaged him last night that she's thinking of applying for another job and what does he think, he of course replied. He said he told her she should go for it, he told me that it's better for us but I couldn't get into his phone last night which made me think maybe he knows I've been looking but then I got in the shower after he'd gone to work and when i got out mine did the same (had to put pin in not thumb print) so perhaps it's a glitch. I will try tonight even though I said I wouldn't. It does my head in all the time that he may or may not be sharing stuff with her at work about us he says he isn't anymore but how do I know. He says he loves me and wants everything to be ok and that we're getting on much better which is true and why would he want to leave this. I don't know, I'm so confused most of the time. Part of me thinks he should ignore her messages but the other part sees his point of view why he doesn't. He's trying in lots of aspects of our relationship and home life but still won't unlock the phone or talk to me about her so I don't know. We are hoping to have an afternoon out Sunday but ds3 and I have caught the bug ds1 had earlier in the week so I feel awful and he's a hot, grumpy, clingy baby so I won't leave him with my mum if he's not ok. He didn't eat lunch today but then had milk and has been asleep for 3hrs otherwise I'm good. Had a visitor yesterday and met with my cm friend with her mindees at the park today, the sun is shining and there's no school run to rush about for. Dh is working tomorrow, starting at 7.30 so I have to take the boys to parkrun (I'm not running) in the morning which will be a challenge! Then we have a free weekend.

I hope things improve for you and that counselling is still helping. Hope that you get the help with ds you deserve and please keep talking here or in the group, we all think you're fab for coping with what you have to xxx

Sorry you are having a tough time thomassodorisland I hope counselling went ok and the sleep diary helps you get the support you need X

Fingers crossed she gets the job cinnamon and she gets outs of your lives for good. Sorry you and ds3 are not well I hope you are both better soon.

I'm in bed having a cheeky afternoon lie down! Dd is still not 100% well she is asleep so I thought I would have 1/2 hour in bed in case we have a bad night again. I only have 2 weeks of mat leave left so I hope she is better soon.

Cinnamon I've got my fingers crossed that she gets the job to, I hope you and dc feel better soon.

Wine sorry that dd isn't well, I hope she sleeps ok tonight and feels better soon.

Dd hasn't been well here but is sleeping a lot due to it, she's had a bad cold and is getting tired easily so I'm hoping she sleeps it off as ds does not want to give me any sleep and dp is useless as he just falls asleep leaving ds to get up to anything which isn't safe and then we land up arguing because we are both exhausted.
I'm hoping as he was up from 11.30- 5.15 last night that he sleeps tonight but i doubt it with how much he's jumping around.
Dp won't be home until 3 so it's not fair to get him to do overnight anyway then he's working again tomorrow.
I don't like nighttime very much everything tends to feel harder and I struggle more then.

It doesn't seem she actually intends to take it, just an attempt to force her boss to pay her more for what she's doing. Not that she needs the money just wants to be the same pay grade as him I think as she's told dh eventually she wants his job, then she'd be dh's boss great!

So sorry ds isn't sleepin at all and that dp isn't staying awake for his turns, ideally you'd do a night each and get some sleep one night too. Everything does feel harder at night, it's really hard when it's dark and you're alone. Keep loggin in your sleep diary and hopefully you will get some help with it in the long run.

How is dd now wineandchoccy? Hope she's better now and you can enjoy your last bit of mat leave. Weather has taken a turn for the worst here today so dh has taken the car, I have too many kids to use it anyway.

Hope everyone has a good day

I really hope that doesn't happen cinnamon :( so sorry she's still stressing you out, you don't deserve any of this stress.

Wine I hope dd is better.

I'm not coping I'm actually scared to sit down incase I fall asleep and leave dd and ds unsupervised, I scared everyone around me hates me I don't even know why.
I just wish Someone could help, I don't know how I'm meant to last each day like this.
Dd isn't well I'm guessing a reaction to the mmr that's common so she's having a grizzly few days and last night she was up 6 times I felt so sorry for her but so tired and unsafe.
Dp isn't working tonight but he can't get them to sleep so I have to, I really wish he could though.