November 2012 - The exciting all new all singing all dancing fred

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1983613-November-2012-What-is-going-on-with-these-babies

Do you mean why are some parents shit?

I dunno. Shit people become shit parents? Mostly. I guess some shit people turn that shit around though.

S'not fair.

Pass You must see some heartbreaking things.

I bite grapes in half. But that is because I buy huge fuckers.

Regarding age gaps, my heart is saying 2.5, and I think that would be the best thing for O.

My head says 3.5.

I might not start a thread now, as it would become long, complicated, and I CBA!

Basically, I don't particularly like the thought of a double buggy and 2 in nappies. Although I guess I would manage, like millions of others. I just don't want to .

I also have loved the one on one time O gets. You don't get that opportunity with your second usually. And now I'm being greedy and wanting it with my third ffs!

I've loved taking him to groups, and making friends, and doing things with them and their babies. Adding a 2.5 year old in to that mix will make it unlikely I could get that again.

With a 3.5 year gap, baby would be due in April, I would have time at home in the first few months, with both children, while still on mat. leave and not have the stress of nursery/school runs in the early days while I get established with a newborn again. I would then have the bonus of nursery for O in the September, and get the next few months of some quality one on one time with the baby, and get to do the going to groups and making friends thing.

I will be taking 9 months off next time, and using annual leave to MY!!!! full advantage not their fucking advantage this time grrrrr. I'm going to try to get as long as possible I can without resorting to unpaid leave. This may involve taking a loan out . I don't care. I want that time off, and they are only little once.

This is why it must be an April baby. So I can use my annual leave prior, AND after, without ending up with no AL for the rest of the year. Which would have been my only option last time. Planning to use 4 weeks up to due date, and the full years worth on my return to work which would be January, so could probably extend leave to feb, possibly march.

2 in childcare isn't a worry, as even if we did end up doing that, we can still afford it due to DP's part time hours.

The plus side to DP only working 2.5 days is that I probably could have the best of both worlds with a 2.5 year gap - as I could plan one on one time with both children (DS1 doesn't 'do' one on one time much these days!!) on DP's days off.

So I suppose theoretically, typing this out, 2.5 years could work out okay, if I can do the whole double buggy, 2 in nappies thing etc!

BUT (!) there is the issue that I've had 3 pregnancies with hyperemesis. High chance that this will happen again. The complication to this is that we are getting married in November. By that point I should be around
18-19 weeks pregnant. I still had hyperemesis with DS1 at that stage, although not with O. I am not sure I want to be pregnant and getting married! I probably wouldn't be showing though? I wasn't with both boys at that point. And I was 9 stone with DS1, so don't think it was my fat that was hiding the bump .

We could - if hyperemesis did not rear it's ugly head, do a double shock announcement at my 30th 'party' by announcing we had got married, and were like nearly half way pregnant hah. I would LOVE to see my mums face...!

Anyway, I will end this post here. As yup, it's rambly, and daft.

I need to woman up, and just make my own fucking decision. Then tell DP.

Oh, and something else I need to look in to - but just wondering if anyone knows anything, seeing as we have lots of us here...

If hyperemesis happens again, this will massively affect my maternity pay. Pay is calculated from weeks 17-25. But it is taken from the 2 months pay which include those weeks, so for example, with O, they used the months May and June. I was 13 weeks at the start of May, and 22 weeks at the end of June.

The unsocial hours are paid in arrears. So in May and June, I was paid for April and May's unsocial hours. This meant I was just 8-16 weeks when my unsocial hours payments affected my maternity pay.

Are you following here?! (BTW none of this is clear in the policies, I had to dig to find all this out).

Now, this last year sick pay unsocial enhancements are no longer paid. So if I am off sick, I get basic pay. Basic pay is around £400-500 less per month.

So instead of getting 2 months full pay and 4 months half pay based on my usual wage, it will fall in these 2 or 3 months of 'crap pay' due to being off with a pregnancy related problem.

So, my maternity pay could cripple us, if I am off with hyperemesis. I don't know what I can/will do if it happens again. I will have to go in. But I will not be able to work.

It sucks. I understand why the NHS have done this, but it doesn't mean I agree or think it is fair.

Couldn't keep up with that Det. Sure you'll make the best decision though.

Pass hugs xx

F has had icecream 2 days on the trot according to her nursery book. Tell me this is miracle dairy soya egg free icecream. Will be beyond raging if it is not all singing, all dancing, freaky eater icecream.

I had a fucking nutjob dream. My boob skin peeled off into a pocket and underneath my flesh was like a corn on the cob, and when I squeezed the corns, pus came out

hey all, just a quick check in. Move went smoothly as in getting from A to B was fine. But when we got to B, my god I could have just cried. I knew we'd taken on a project but I really didn't expect to be greeted to the sights that I was. After having a bit of a mental breakdown we put in an action plan and are getting on with it so feeling more positive but it's so bloody tough. Would be fine ish if it was just me and DH but it's hard with kids. Still i'm very lucky in that lots of people are taking them out/having them for sleep overs whilst we get some of the house in a habitable condition.

After skimming the last couple of posts I jumped to the conclusion that det was in the same camp as yw. I now see I was wrong!

Anyway I'm physically and mentally exhausted so will climb into bed and catch up properly soon. Night x

Eliza that sounds exciting and terrifying x

Pass, I think I get what you mean now. I have had similar thoughts with my work, and reading the news, but try to focus my energy on being the best mummy I can to the little ones entrusted to me. Big hugs x

BP I hope you get clarity today, and I hope it was appropriate food. I often read in Js diary he has had yoghurt, but that it what they call his fruit pot. Did you have a reaction that would suggest it was dairy etc? I guess it is hard to tell as sleep is a distant memory for you x

J woke three times, and the day started at 5. He was coughing a lot and smells acidy so I think I cut back the Omeprazole too quickly. I will give 15 tonight.

I love it how if the kids are all asleep, DH starts his day willingly at 5, but if one is awake, he stays in bed until the last minute. I have been up a lot in the night to DD2 (no idea what is up with her) and I am coughing up big lumps frequently, but no, he stays in bed. Grr!

I have already voiced my opinions on the pay matter Det, so will not do so again for fear of causing offence

I've worked out that school wraparound care plus lunchtmes will be more expensive than full time nursery. I was hoping to have half the fees to pay once DD1 is at school in September but if I were to work out of the home it would be more than now . So much for free schooling.

I think I cursed myself by looking up the 18mo regression. LO has had two bad nights in a row.

BP argh!!!! it could have been booja booja but at £6 a pop I doubt the nursery would fork out for it!!!! I'd go mental if they've given her dairy.

VQ sorry if its a daft question but why are you cutting his omeprazole if his sleep is still bad and he's coughing a lot? Sounds like he's refluxy still to me?

Det I think once you get to the point of planning that a baby has to be born in a specific month the fates of premature delivery or going massively overdue always like to step in and mess up plans! My sister was determined to have a 2 year 3 month age gap - then her November baby arrived in August .

Perfectly sensible question YW but I was wondering if the omeprazole was doing more harm than good. He slept well the first two nights I dropped the dose, with no sign of reflux, but last night it appeared again. The omeprazole gives him wind and I was wondering if it was that waking him.

The evidence suggests non-freaky eater icecream. Will not be imprressed if this is the case...

Hi all,
All is well with us except for usual rounds of winter bugs and g's sleep still being patchy. But he is so much fun at the moment. Dd1 is doing well too - her speech is starting to really build which is amazing. I love the sound of their voices. So nice to have the odd bit of sun to play in again too.
Just jumped in to say congratulations to wellies and that we recently got the nipper double and I am in love with it - should have done it ages ago. Dd (who is a small 3.5 but still learning to walk) and g fit in it brilliantly and lcve being side by side - and it fits through standard doors as long as they open fully. Irritatingly it doesn't make it through our front door (though it does fit through all our internal doors) because of the way it opens. But the I an take a rear wheel off to fit it through even with them in it! Very clever quick release system. I love that I can take them to feed the ducks etc and both can see - and that I can get each out individually for a splosh around holding hands very easily. And it is red and I feel proud as punch pushing them around in it.

Forget who has dropped contraception because it took ages to conceive - we did that last time as we'd waited over a year for dd - and I fell in the first month with g! We were proper shocked :-).

Big waves to all of you - and hugs for your crap day pass and hi 5 to all.

All this talk of age gaps is interesting. I always imagined having 2 quite close together - about a 2 year age gap. I even bought the icandy peach 2 on the basis it could go double in the future. Anyway, I have struggled with motherhood to be honest and just can't see myself wanting a second, but at the same time would like to have 2 in the future when they are over 5 say to play with each other, but just can't face the baby stage again!
My DH def wants a second, so I keep thinking a compromise would be to have a 5 year age gap so F is in school and it won't seem so hard to have 2. But then I'm aware they probably won't play together!
I would probably be in the camp of do it quickly and get it over with except for the fact F still needs alot of help going to sleep etc and my husband works long hours and a long way away so he isn't here to help except at weekends so I just can't see how I could feed F to sleep for 30 mins at bedtime whilst looking after a baby, or for naps I lie with F for about 20 mins to get him to sleep - again not something I could do with a new baby.

Hmm - sorry for the ramblings, this topic seems quite thought provoking for lots of us!

Mine are 7, 3 and 1 and they all play well at times. You could have two close in age who refuse to play together.

hello everyone! stopping lurking to add my thoughts about age gaps. I had 2.5 with ds2 and it was difficult but good. I had six months with both before ds1 started his free nursery sessions and then had every morning with ds2 one on one. we did lots of groups with ds1 so ds2 went to all of those and it really benefitted him. he talked very early and I am sure the classes aided that. I toilet trained ds1 when ds2 was six weeks old and, whilst not without its difficulties, it was easier with one in nappies. it was very much ds2 fitting in with ds1's routine which worked for me. it was hard work but the double pram helped and I think ds2 benefitted from having a toddler brother. he just copied moody all the time. he still kicks with his left foot even though he is right handed because he plays football with moody. he talked, walked and toilet trained early.

I'm going now but congrats yw

I don't see how you can aim for a specific month to have a baby Detective, there's just no way to be certain you'll conceive on a particular cycle. J took a number of years to conceive which is one reason why I have such a big gap between mine: 11, 7 and 1. The 3.5 years between DS1 and DS2 was quite good as it meant DS1 started nursery a couple of months after DS2 was born. I also delayed toilet training DS1 until I was off on maternity leave before DS2 was born and because he was over 3 it only took a week to get him fully trained. My older boys love J though and are quite happy to mind him for a bit if I want to have a shower or something. I don't even have to bribe them! Tbh I think they quite enjoy playing with the baby toys with him, especially the ones that used to be theirs.

I agree with stunt. I don't think you can really plan age gaps. I'm no expert though.

Having a bit of a shitter. On this Thursday I am thankful for my gorgeous, hilarious son and for my friends. Men can fuck the fuck off though.

Oh no chasing. Is it something you want to talk about or would you rather not?

DP spoke to a friend in Belgium yesterday. He lived there before coming to England and they are both originally from the same city. He invited DP to go and visit him so he is thinking of going in the summer. I told DP he should go even if only for a few days and I will take C somewhere on my own or perhaps with my mum.

Chasing I do hope beardy is behaving x

Oh no chasing - hope all okay

I am thankful for my gorgeous girl who seems to have finally decided i am the best person ever.

Age gaps. If I ever have another I'd like m to be much older. Maybe in 10 years I'll be ready to start again. I am happy with just one though.

I have just spent a small fortune on twigs and pebbly shit and fairy lights. Damn work and their unplanned days off!!