November 2012 - Diet plans and love bubbles

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1958191-November-2012-Any-words-yet

Looks like we're down to one feed a day, boob completely rejected this morning

Stormy I really think any stigma is in your head, not others. You are a mature young lady who has a career. When I think of a young mum, I think of a schoolgirl or possibly later teens. You are an adult who has been to university. Also I think the fear of judging if you left P is unfounded. I think you would get respect and support.

And less of the middle aged!

PP a time to rejoice, not for sad face. R is choosing this, your boobs have served him well and he will likely still feed at night for a while yet. DD2 stopped feeding around this age, but continued with bedtime boobie for a while.

Stormy I agree with VQ I think much of the sense of being judged might come from self esteem issues IYSWIM? I hope you aren't judged at baby groups . To be honest I've always thought you were older and as she says you've got a career, been to uni - are very much not a stereotype (even if you were who cares?).

I think most folks today would be more critical of exposing kids to a toxic relationship than being a single Mum. Most single Mums are only in that position because of relationship breakdowns - its only the right wing press who tell us they do it for a lifestyle choice.

Technically I think we're both kids of 'single Mums' - I was never ashamed of my Mum and would defend single mums to anyone who got even vaguely judgey - I was damn proud and if it comes to it I am sure M would be too. TBH your P is v judging of single mums and I think he's done that to make you feel insecure about your background and scared of leaving.

Good luck for the house. V exciting!

stormy one of my fb friends shared this quote thing on fb the other day which you should probably take away with you .....

the essence of it was that when you walk into a room stop thinking "oo will they like me" instead think " do I like them" .

I have a tendency towards self esteem issues but I have fought hard against them, when I have pmt, am I overtired or the like they rear themselves again. I liked this one and it made me make a couple of changes (stopping going to a particular toddlers eg the other week)

Milk wise we have cup in the morning and a cup in the evening. No idea how much is in them

Sophia I will be taking that one on board, thank you

Yeah, i can't see the bedtime one going for a while yet. Never thought I'd get this far, 14 months and counting

Isles the only thing i give a crap about with other mums is do they attempt to deal with the inevitable snatching incidents of toddlers and are they paying attention. Everything else doesn't even register tbh!

I like "those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" .

Isles my Mum was only two years older than you when she had us (twins!!!!) - and she never seemed too young. I don't think there is a universally right age it depends on you. I preferred to have my kids later as I had other plans for my twenties but there's a lot to be said for having them younger. I'm sure many of the older Mums feel they are being judged by the younger ones too if they're insecure and some probably are. I blame the Daily Mail and its crusades against women and mothering .

I agree YW. Nobody has said it to my face, but I know what folk think when they see me pushing a pram with my zimmer.

"VQ did I hear right when you said you are just back from Mat Leave?"
"Yes, my youngest has just turned 1. I know, I am far too old to be having babies" (get it in first)
"Not at all.. Don't worry, it won't be long until you are up to speed again with all the current kids programmes"
"My other two are 7 and 3"

From that conversation I gather that having an accidental baby in your 40s is ok, but to plan a family at that age is wrong. A lot of people think it is selfish.

I was shocked that when I was having DS1 I was classed as high risk because of my age (apparently a geriatric mum at 37) as well as previous c section.

People's judgements work all ways so try not to worry and be true to yourself everyone.

It's your heart that makes you a good parent not your age

Regardless of what others think, and what we think, we are the centre of our children's universe, and always will be

Well said , as always, Pass

It's over! Exhausted. Both boys are napping.

Bit concerned about A as he was being held, person let go of his head then he fell backwards with quite a force. He didn't hit anything tho but worried he hurt his neck? In a whip lash way. Felt awful as I saw it happen. He cried loads but then fell asleep. He was tiered and due a nap, but found I was constantly checking he was breathing. Worried as its not like he can tell me if his neck hurts. I'm sure he is fine, he has woken to feed and is napping again. Which mirrors yesterday nap times. I'm being silly right?

Anyway. Off to a party tonight. Need to wrap a gift but A is sleeping in that room.
Will upload pics soon.

I often feel judged at baby groups for being a single mum (and the fact that I look about 12 years old really doesn't help...) - although I am sure that is completely unfounded. I found out last week that another one of the mums has recently split up with her partner and all I felt towards her was the utmost respect. Her DD looked happy and she was clearly a great mum. So, I completely understand feeling judged, but agree that it probably comes from our own insecurities more than anything.

I didn't mean to upset anyone with my post earlier, and sorry if I did.

VQ I think you are a FAB mum! I really do. I am immensely jealous that you have had so much life experience and the chance to actually have an adult life before having children. In an ideal world I would have been at least 35 before I even contemplated having kids. You are a fab mum, and whether he was planned or not, I see absolutely nothing wrong with having J at your age.

I wouldn't change Til for the world, but some days I wish with all my heart I could be single and reckless and selfish. I become really envious when I see the lives some of my uni friends are now having: gap years in Oz, whimsical nights out, even the trainwreck relationships they can walk away from. They talk about being stressed and they have no idea, how can you when you still live at home and have no responsibilities what so ever?

I guess what I'm trying to say is I wish I'd had more of a life before I had M. I am also very hormonal and a raging/sobbing verging on bipolar PMT nightmare today.

Isles you rock and you are allowed to feel like that. God some days I feel like that! It is hard how absolutely and irrevocably children change your identity and life (for either parent) but especially if you are Mum. At least when M leaves home you'll still be young enough to travel the world without going on a Saga break

I don't think I ever was judged for being a single mum. But than most people who know me know that I didn't become one by choice. I hate when people say, oh I can imagine how hard it is or I know how you feel. No, you fucking can't, you have no idea. Sorry, but I get mad when hearing those.

O says kissa, kissa in Hungarian , I just want to eat her up, she gives proper kisses now, blows some and than says kissa.

Flying onto offer hugs for them that need them, from my swanky hotel room. New dress. Off for dinner and wine! Only slight negative is that am on antibiotics for tooth infection. But made sure to get ones thayare compatible with vino!

Shall catch up properly later. Or tomorrow if I get sloshed.

Just checking in, I'm off to wrok.
Evil

Have fun pig!

I need a quiche cuddle. We had a first today - one that I have been dreading. Usually when XP drops O off, he is happy to see me and there aren't any tears when XP leaves. Today, he clung to XP, crying and wouldn't let him leave. When I took him he screamed. Then when XP left O sat at the door crying and having a tantrum. I feel heartbroken It is the first time he hasn't wanted to be held by me and I am now dreading the day he says he wants to live with his dad