November 2012 - Teeth? Don't talk to us about teeth.

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1826507-November-2012-To-sterilise-or-not-to-sterilise-bottles-that-is

Yes we should definitely have a get together when you're settled in Sophia. I know a couple of mums near your area (Banbridge and Bangor) if you would like to meet some more locals.

Fruit the thing is he's only been like this since J was born. It's as if it's pushed him over the edge. He's always had an authoritarian manner with the boys but not this over-the-top harshness. He wants to take them shopping today to buy Lush bath stuff and chocolate, tomorrow he's taking them to a family adventure fun day. So he wants to spend time with them and do things for them but it's coupled with a general inability to cope with them. I asked him if he wanted to try counselling but he is dead set against it. I have suggested that he takes a few days off and goes to visit his brother, or stays with his parents for a few days. And I have taken the three boys away to my mum and dad's a couple of times. But nothing seems to help. And preparing to move house next month has added an extra level of stress to everyone.

Stunt that sounds awful. How are ds1 and ds2 coping? And is he good with them some of the time? Did you find things easier when he wasn't there or harder? Would couples counselling in combination with counselling for him help do you think? In the past you've been determined to make things work but it does all sound quite awful for you and also for the kids. I am wondering if an arrangement where you live separately for a while might be better for all of you? Bloody hard work for you though with a sleepless baby and a son with additional needs. could your hv help you find some more support I wonder? Big big hugs.

Yw - lovely to have you back, glad your hold were great.

Mm I hope you got a bit of sleep and a hug from your gran. Take it easy today and be kind to yourself. Xx

He is very lucky to have you stunt you are so understanding of him. Maybe once the move is done and your all settled in and J starts sleeping a bit better he will get back to how he was before. That sounds rubbish sorry, I have no advice though but didn't want to say nothing.

det did you manage to get a good night? How is O this morning?

My dad was a bit like that occasionally stunt. Very lovely and great fun most of the time but once dragged me upstairs by my ear as a teen because he thought I had swore! (I hadn't). I wouldn't swap him for anything though. It sounds like your dh is harsher and not coping more of the time. Is j in his own room? Is there anything you can do to separate them a bit more? Not that I think it is down to you to fix him because you can't. But if you are sure you want to stay with him you do probably have to find a way to make things more survivable for you and the boys. It sounds really horrible for all of you.

I second fruits thoughts that he is lucky to have you. Your boys are very lucky to have you too. X

MM have FB messaged you x

Lily thank you for the tip.

stunt xx

9 month regression is shit.

Good luck today chasing! Hope it goes well and is fun. Do you have anyone helping you with the assembly?(scans horizon for a non date...)

all round. I'm off for a couple of days so hope things improve

bry my dad is helping but help has also been offered by non-date guy Who has also offered to come round tomorrow night to help me toast my first night

MM huge hugs. Glad you are safe with your gran. Xx

Stunt. That sounds hard. I have no advice. Just big hugs to you and your boys.

PP have a fab time

Det, pass, vq and all those having a tough time. How are things?

YW lovely to have you back.

I'm tired and tearful today :(

Oooh and chasing good luck with furniture making!

Came on to moan about the shitty time I am having but see there is a lot going on for the quiche.

MM hugs. You know what you need to do. Let us support you. You and M will be fine.

chasing good luck, hope you and O are very happy in your new home.

stunt doesn't sound great. Can the two of you get away to talk?

pass hope the melancholy lifts.

Totally agree about the sleep regression hell. Except it has been going on so long I don't know if regression is an accurate description. Can't settle himself, doesn't ever want to go to sleep even when obviously exhausted, awake loads, back killing from rocking/bouncing, loads of wake ups after he does finally go to sleep, he fucking hates the cot, sleeps with me more often then not, but by sleeps with me I mean he comes into bed with me and then spendx hours being a jack-in-the-box or using me as a climbing frame and not sleeping. I have to continually put him down lying down again. Can't let him cry because DD will wake and the two of them think that's party time. Eventually I end up dosing while he climbs all over. He fell out of bed the other night though, dove off the bed onto our wooden floor. Felt so shit. He was in with me again because I was too tried to rock him for several hours and deal with several transfer fails, so I took the easy option, dosing because i am knackered, and he hurt himself I can't see an end - he is 10 months on Monday and sleep is practically non-existent. I am averaging a couple of hours a night. izzy I don't know how you survive. Fortunately when the DC decide its morning (between 4 and 5am) DH takes them and I get to snooze until 6 ish.

It is all happening at the worst time too. Work is horrific at the moment. Have not been home for bedtime for 2 weeks. Kids won't know who the fuck I am soon. I'm out of my depth dealing with something and I am so anxious. I'm not prone to anxiety but I feel awful, like butterflies/sick feeling all the time. i've had no support. I cried on the phone to my boss last week (he's away). I am a crier in life but usually get to the loo first keep a professional handle on stuff at work. I just openly burst into tears in an open plan office. He was great but nothing he could do from a distance and no one else to help me. I have a colleague who is technically senior but useless, who saw me crying and did... nothing. At all. It should resolve itself one way or another on Monday but until then I am a mess and really worried.

I have done very little training for Ben Nevis which is just a couple of weeks away. I'm worried about that too. Realised my boots rub. I can't afford new ones and haven't got time to break them in either, it's just another thing to worry about at the moment.

Enough of the woe is me. Going to ignore work phone until this evening and play with the DC.

((Hugs)) MM I hope you can find some clarity this morning, and make a decision about what you want to do.

YW welcome back, glad the hols were lovely. Reading a book??! What a luxury! But what a lovely one.

Stunt no helpful advice from me either, just more ((hugs))

Chasing good luck today! Hope you have some nice for tomorrow, for when you crash out with your feet up amid the boxes!

Pikz sorry to hear you're feeling under par today.

DH at work today, so am left with both girls. I have a squillion things that need doing, but have a less-than-100% gut situation which may complicate matters. Going to have to try to brave the bus into town though

((((((Hugs)))))) madam too xxx

Quiche group hug anyone? With MM in the middle xx

Bplp hope the guys hold out for the bus.

Madam. I hate that anxious feeling. Sending you giant cuddles. With the boots wear them round the house and get some second skin patches and proactively use them where they rub. Iirc compeed do the best ones xx

I am okay. Havent had time to read and will later but thank you so much for all of your support. I really do not feel like i deserve it.

I am in a mad rush to get to work this morning. I am so exhausted I cannot think straight and it is likely to be a disaster.

MM you will ALWAYS have our support.

Here here chasing

Big hugs to you madam aswell. Xx

S wasn't having a bar of her breakfast this morning, (weetabix) so I thought I'd try her with a crumpet. She loved it! She only threw a teeny tiny bit on the floor and ate most of it. I know it was a while ago, but thanks to whoever suggested it.

Thank you pikz and fruit. Amazing what a full nights sleep can do. I feel human, and ready to face whatever is thrown at me. However not what DP throws at me. He's in the bad books, and tempers are very frayed.

When I went to bed last night, he clearly can't manage to tidy up and sort things without me instructing him. He left all O's clothes strewn about the house, wires trailing everywhere so I had to run around and move them all plus all the small bits off the floor before I could put O down this morning. He'd left the kitchen an absolute state, mop bucket with bleach in the middle of the floor shit all over the sides, dirt everywhere, oven filthy. And the worst thing, as he got ready this morning, I heard him put the ice packs back in the freezer. I had a funny feeling that he put the bottles - made at 7pm last night - in the fridge. At 7am this morning.

I tested my theory by heating a bottle at the normal 45 seconds. It was piping hot. 45 secs puts it at room temp.

So I rang him, and he laughed and admitted it.

I can't even tell you how mad it made me. Sure you can guess! Okay, so you make a mistake, but to put them in the fridge and then make pathetic excuses as to why the fuck you didn't tell me, and risk me giving them to O and making him ill? What the fuck is wrong with him? Why would he do something so fucking stupid?

So I had to shovel breakfast in O first, while trying to make bottles.

Luckily after the initial screaming because he saw the bottle, he calmed down. And when he did finally get a feed at 8.45, he fell asleep. Thank fuck no rocking required!

Yesterday he had a total of 35 minutes sleep. ALL DAY. He's now having 2-3.5 hours sleep across the day, occasionally longer, occasionally shorter. But 35 minutes is unheard of.

Anyway. It's a new day, DP can fuck off, and I am not tired. So I can deal with everything life wants to throw at me.

Shall reply to fred now I've got that little lot of my chest!!

MM wishing you lots of luck in sorting out the mess he has made (him, not you!). I know it won't be easy. But it will be so much easier eventually. It will take time. Be easy on yourself in the meanwhile.

Madam fuck, you sound as pissed off as me with shit right now. It's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes. I know what you mean about the energy to deal with that shit in the night. I don't have it either. If I have to get up to rock him back to sleep, I feel so fecking angry inside about it. Sleep is definitely the biggest cause of arguments for us.

I read further back about the toddle pod - I don't know who asked? Or what. I will go back and check. O isn't in his now as he is just too active in his sleep . If anyone wants to borrow it to try, I can post it and they could give it a go, then post it either back to me or on to someone else to try? I will need to check about the washing it, as it does need washing. Mine doesn't have a cover. I just put one over it myself. I don't want to sell it on, as I would like to keep it for, well, perhaps a baby. But right now, a kitten seems more preferable than a baby.

Pikz ((((hugs)))) What has upset you?

Stunt I wish I had some good advice for you. I hope your DH realises how fecking lucky he is.

Chasing I do not envy you with your furniture building day. Nope, not one bit! Not even if Mr Not A Date is helping too . Have fun!

Crying straight away after a fall is a good sign isn't it? S just fell off the settee and banged her head on the laminate floor, she cried straight away but it's nap time now and she's asleep, should I have kept her awake?

Oh dear det I wouldn't fancy being in your dp's shoes! I can't believe he put the bottles in the fridge this morning.