Dec 11: Not tonight dear, I've got a haddock.

[PerilousStiletto]

I liked this one. :)

^Chip has a good point about the age of the child. DH found the baby part very hard, unrelenting and exhausting as well as just not very rewarding. He still struggles a bit now with the tantrums/unreasonableness of toddlerhood, but gets more back from DS iyswim? I wonder if he would be OK having another if we could just skip the first two years sometimes. I'm at a point now where I want another, but I don't want it enough to break up what I already have. I think only you can decide on whether you can be OK with things as they are or not.

oh dear figgy. That's shite. Not what you want to hear. I'm afraid I've no advice. But I second queen. Come on here and talk it out as much as you want/need.

Queen hope sky improves soon. You're sure having a long old run of poorliness (is that a word?!).

I've successfully got through 5 hrs of teaching and 2.5 hrs of driving in the LASHING rain today. Exhausted and now have to turn around and prepare tomorrow's classes. But pleased I got through OK!

Mopsy well done on the driving front - I really dislike driving in the rain.

Yep, winters kicked in for me which means my girls will come down with all manner of colds and chest & ear infections :(

Oh figgy, how shite.

I think the first thing I'd say is don't make any decisions immediately- your DH has been all over the place with his health, and work, and I'd give it at least a few days before tackling it again, and weeks before making any big decisions.
But you must feel so angry at a) essentially being lied to over the summer and b) him not wanting another. The awful thing is that as you say there is no 'right' and you're both entitled to a view on how many children you want.

You could always explore counselling- go as a couple and see if it helps, I'm pretty sure there are people who specialise in this area.

Whilst work is now officially trying to kill me (and it's one of those things where our boss is having to go off for a dying relative and so can't really complain...) and I've had an, um, interesting chat with our lawyer about the survey results, on the up side DP got the job
A lovely dinner with champers awaits....

I'm generally not talking to him tonight .....childish I know but still very annoyed so prob safest.

Sorry to hear about the supplementary dc issues so difficult when there are different views

Am in controlled crying hell right now

F has been taking an hour to go to sleep and insisting on me being in the room while he does go to sleep. I got fed up with it tonight so now we are an hour into controlled crying and I feel really shit. He needs to learn to go to sleep on his own which he can definitely do and has done until recently. Am just fed up of being stuck in with him for most of the evening but now I feel terrible to hear him crying when I know that I could stop it right now. Slap round the face needed or hand holding whichever you can offer!

Are you bobbing in occasionally or just leaving him to it?

Sounds grim for you, but you do need your evenings back...

Oh dear hinky. I'd say now that you've gone through over an hr of the hell, hold firm. I'd to do this with minim a cpl of months ago. Was hell. But worth it! I feel your pain!

Northern what's up with the survey?

GBBO ... what'll I do without it? boooooo. Interesting result. Deserved I think.

Right. Bed. Early start but only 3 hrs teaching tomorrow. Phew. Sooooo wrecked.

Popping in every 15 mins

He is still going strong I hate this but I know it's got to be done

Lg - that's awful. I don't know what to say. (((Hugs))) first.
There's been some good advice given. I agree that absolutely don't make any rash decisions. Take your time. Chip could be right about your DH struggling with a baby, but maybe better when he's older. It's worth taking a little while to really consider your options, and then having a follow up discussion with your h. He needs to know that you are considering leaving - that it really means that much to you.
What can I add? You only live once. You have to be a little bit selfish.
I thought that I would be 100% better off without my DH. But, 2 months in, I've softened. The situation is a bit better. I'm sticking it out. We're going for no. 2. But, pg or not, 1 kid or 2, if in 12 months or before then, if it doesn't continue to get better, if I'm not happy, then I 'll be thinking "you only live once". But not just for me, if we aren't good together, it'll be obvious and miserable for Boi.
Take your time. X

Well done mr NC!
Sorry for poorly QoC babies. X
We're one step closer to DH coming working back at my place. That'd be interesting!

Hinky- I really hope he settles soon. It's soooooo tough when they do this. ((Hugs))

It's all quiet. That was rough. Took 2 hours in the end and I feel awful. Should have had wine. Should be all done by the weekend right?

Don't tell me who won GBBO, I'm watching it tomorrow night!

hinky glad he finally settled. I done it with DS. First night was awful, the second night wasn't quite as awful then we had no more problems from the third night onwards.

queen poor Sky, hope you get some better luck soon. What rate DLA does Darcie get? DS gets middle rate care and higher rate mobility which pays for the car. Ours just goes into the normal bank account which everything gets purchased from, including any extra costs associated with his condition. I used to feel really guilty claiming it (on advice of HV) because we didn't have any extra costs back when we started getting it, until DH pointed out that there are people who don't deserve it and get it by lying and cheating the system, if they thought we shouldn't have it we wouldn't have been awarded it. Now I get carers allowance too and I just think tbh it adds to my carers allowance because £58 a week does not cover my looking after DS rather than working.

LG that's really shit and I think I would be more upset by the delaying tactics rather than not wanting another. And of course we all know that 38 is not too old, I agree give him a it longer then try to get a once and for all definite answer, then you can think about what's more important to you. Chip has a valid point but being completely honest if your heart is set on having another then one just isn't the same.

northern hope the survey is negotiable and not too awful. Was it on yours or the one you're buying?

Whoever asked (gary?) we're going to Somerset on holiday.

DS has a big hospital appointment tomorrow, today, I should be in bed not on MN I suspect they might want to start him on steroids, at which point I guess he'll officially no longer be a normal little boy, and then probably comes the time to tell him why :(

Yay, stress-related insomnia, woo... DP and I shared a bottle to celebrate, not exactly going wild, but as ever if I'm stressed and have a glass I'll wake in the middle of the night.

Good luck for tomorrow/today seven ((hug))

Hinky that's tough going but needs to be done if you want your evenings back.

Seven hope all goes well today. Darcie gets lower rate mobility & middle rate care. So I should just treat it as extra 'housekeeping' money thanks for the input

Right must have a shower and the get the girls sorted for school & nursery. Sky def better today...medication def helping!

So far for DH Xmas hamper is:
Ironman 3 on 3D Blu ray
Bacon salt
Tabasco chocolate
Carrington & Butler choc & oat biscuits
Tracklements onion marmalade
Bacon Jam
Gloves so he can use his smartphone
Nutter butter biscuits (American treat)

Any other ideas?

Thanks ladies we just didn't talk about it last night there was an an uneasy truce. I think he's banking on fact I wouldn't split us up and take DS as that's a massive choice I'm banking on him changing his mind. Both of us are right to want what we do so trying not to get angry with him. I think you're right about this year so much has happened and we still struggling financially, he's on the right meds to get better with a review in Jan I need to be patient. I think one of his worries is that he has so many hobbies and interests he won't be able to pursue with 2 kids but for me a lifetime raising our family with all the memories and experiences that entails is more important everytime.

He does find DS hard sometimes this ongoing tv obsession, refusal to get dressed, eat his breakfast every morning when I've already home up work annoys him. He has to watch Wallace and Gromit every day or DS freaks out, need to break the habit.

Sat in my car at station off to Birmingham today have to get home for DS as dh taking skunky to vet she's unwell again thought she might be for it last night but she's up and wobbling about again today. Poor thing!! At least the steroids have stopped the sheer aggression so she not biting dh anymore.

lady could you get rid of the TV (as in put it away where he can't find it) for a week? That might help break the cycle. DS is getting a bit TV obsessed to, but it has to be Peppa bloody Pig (I hate that obnoxious little bitch) and I just have to say 'no' and redirect him and then try and defuse the tantrum. I'm standing firm on this one though, as I don't want him demanding and expecting TV all the time. As for the other stuff - what kind of hobbies does your DH think he'll have to give up? I know we've had to put our own stuff on the bac burner (going out for lovely meals being the main one) but I keep reminding DH that it's no for long, and he's so much easier to leave with a babysitter now and it wont be long till DH can take his hobbies back up and do them with DS (like mountain biking and hiking). It's tough. The one thing I would say is that it's not a good idea to stay with him and just hope he will change his mind. That path leads nowhere but disappointment and resentment. Sorry you're going through this, on top of all the illness and financial worries.

I have come in to a total shit storm at work today. My colleague is leaving and today has decided that notice periods are for wimps and they're just going to walk out. Really? Are you fucking 15 years old? Suck. It. Up. Act like a professional and do your handover.

I've decided to get all my hair cut off next week. Am fed up of long hair, it's too much hassle and I just end up tying it up cause it looks crap down. Going for a chin length bob with a fringe to hide the wrinkles that have appeared on my forehead DH has a 'thing' about ponytails (and baseball caps, total weirdo) so he's going to be sad, but he also has a thing about me not spending half an hour drying my hair in the morning and making him late for work. So you win some, you lose some.

Figgy - I second Hop about the TV thing.

Hop - has your colleague actually walked out yet or just saying they will?

He walked out. Left all his keys and passwords and walked. To be honest, it's probably easier now since no actual work appeared to be getting done, it was all drama llama posturing.

oh dear! as you say maybe best and now the work can get done.

Ooh, hope the weather is good for you in Somerset seven!
And today is as easy as possible on your DS & you all.

Lady, sorry how things are for you, really hope you work out what's best for you all.
I can understand his view of being 'old' (not the lying/delaying telling you the truth), DH is 37 (or 38? Dunno!) and he feels the same way about having children later in his life so we're revisiting the idea of dc3 when he turns 39.

Hop, with you on Peppa Pig hatred, and Mummy Pig she's such an arse towards Daddy Pig the kids already don't respect him, imagine what it will be like when Peppa is a gobby shite teenage pig.

Seven - re steroids for DS - hugs. Hope everything goes as well as it can. Xxxx
Hop - good luck with the v exciting haircut! X

I'm going to need luck. I've always gone to super trendy city centre hairdressers but now I'm part-time, 'tis not in the budget. Am going to local hairdresser, it looks nice and the hairdressers had nice hair and only one of them was Ronseel Orange of skin tone. I've got a picture of what I want (how it used to look) so fingers crossed!

Hope every goes OK today seven

Hairdressers had nice hair? What is this madness you speak of Hop.
Good luck though...hope they're brilliant!
I wish I could go back to purple or something but feels a bit weird having crazy hair now I'm all grown up with kids & the like.

Need a new thread soon, something about being 2?

Reminds me desperately need a haircut!!

Since getting home DS has said thank you, chocolate and drank from an open cup today is a good day!!