March 2013: Smiles, sleep & excellent feeding.....the thread of wishful thinking!

[SoYo]

Well we may as well start the thread on a positive note before the grumbling about the little darlings begins!!!

Ok- my talk of bad parent points has made us all far too negative. Lets try good parenting points instead. I'll start:

I've kept a whole person who is entirely dependent on me alive for 9 weeks and 4 days. X 1000000 points
I love her very much even if I'm rubbish at A LOT of things. X 1000000 points
When I'm struggling I know when to walk away instead of losing my temper. X 1000000 points (plonko this one is definitely a positive!)
She smiles at me sometimes, which as far as I'm concerned means she's happy sometimes. X 1000000 points.

Mums are programmed to feel guilty but we're all doing much more good than bad. DEFINITELY!

plonko it makes perfect sense that you're feeling like that, even if what you're feeling is untrue- you ARE doing it, and even better, you're finding it difficult and you're still doing it. That makes you far more impressive than people who find it easy. What do you tend to do with your days? Are you going to groups etc?

Plonko the SAHM thing would drive me completely insane too. I'm sure I should be doing more to entertain her & play but after a few minutes I'm bored off my tits! I've made it my mission to go & socialise with other adults as many days as possible because a) she often sleeps in the pram b) if she's awake she seems to like people watching nosey like her parents and c) I have to have fresh air & adult conversation otherwise id go mad. I think i just find the day gies faster out of the house. My DH favours sitting on his bum watching sport too & usually if DD starts he waits for me to get her so I've started taking myself off to another room & having a rest & leaving him with her. It soon disturbs the sport & he becomes happier to go out. I think he'll become much more hands on with her once she's a walking, talking, more fun mini-person.

What's everyone's plans for the evening dinner dates with Princes apart?

Evening plan: sit around in my dressing gown, eat steak cooked by the man, watch EastEnders, go to bed, sleep, do the 3am feed, have a lie-in because tomorrow's my birthday!

I wasn't feeling particularly negative about the terrible mothering points. Mainly because nothing anyone's listed so far is actually all that terrible, is it? Despite what health visitors would have us believe!

plonko me and the man had a conversation yesterday about how it is NOT my job to clean up his piss when he misses the loo. Even the best of them can drive you insane! Saturday was an arse of a day for sport. I can cope with the F1 but cannot abide football. Killer headache and non-eating baby and me having a crying fit, plus football, led to an exceedingly grumpy Stormy. Which sport is it in your house? And can I suggest "losing" the remote, "forgetting" to pay the sky bill, or possibly just disconnecting the TV plug and chucking it down the loo?

I'm so glad we're admitting staying at home with a baby all day is boring. Because it really is. Wouldn't be so bad if Fartypants would have decent long naps, then I'd get a break from having to entertain her - and she is starting to want to be actively entertained now. On the plus side, jingly things on the baby gym went down a treat, she was entranced.

Just tried the comfort milk at the bedtime feed. Four ounces downed in one go with no fuss. Very promising start! I think we'll be sticking with the normal stuff and gaviscon at night though, because I have three tubs of the stuff in the cupboard.

stormy we've tried comfort milk. It's well worth giving it a go. It's essentially thickened milk so you might want to go up a teat size and don't put gaviscon in it or there'll be no poo for a week... not fun and cause of much screaming. It worked well for us with LO colic symptoms but made his reflux worse so we gave up on it. You can get a specific anti reflux one from boots but it sounds pretty similar to the comfort so we didn't bother trying it.

I'll tell you what we've found to work incase it helps your situation. I'm not sure what size bottles you're making but I'm guessing it'll only be 5 or 6 oz ones given your little one doesn't eat much. Through experimentation I've found half a sachet of gaviscon is enough to stop the screaming reflux pain. Maybe that would be an option? We do it to help with the constipation but it might help you if you think that's why the appetite is bad. It might make it easier on the tummy. I currently put in half a sachet of gaviscon and a couple of drops of colief. He still is sick but it doesn't seem to bother him and there's no screaming whilst drinking or after that isn't just trapped wind. Oh and it's just normal aptamil formula.

Oo cross post. Glad the comfort is working. Happy birthday for tomorrow!

Good idea, zig, will try splitting a sachet between the two night feeds. The anti-reflux one did confuse the man when he got to Boots, but fortunately he got the right stuff. And fortunately we've not had any constipation issues yet. Quite the opposite in fact. It was either four or five great big stinkers on Saturday!

Following yesterday's milk fountain and subsequent washing of the swaddle pod, we are trying her in the sleeping bag. Even if she goes to sleep alright, I'm horribly afraid we'll have the forty five minute issue because she'll be smacking herself in the face. But we'll see, not going to fret about it until it happens.

Stormy Glad the comfort milk has had an instant effect! Shame you can't really flog your remaining normal formula. Hope you can get a good night in as a bday treat. Sadly in this house it's basically all sport besides golf. Thank god we don't have a sky subscription - but his parents do and he's got use of their sky go thing on the laptop. Often that means there's triple football going on here - radio commentary, sky coverage streamed and FIFA all at once. On those days I regret the prohibition of firearms.

SoYo I get adult contact about every other day - not enough!! I envy those who can stay at home without going slowly insane, but wonder if they're just excellent liars. I'm quite sad that I never really got my career going before starting a family, so there's nothing much for me to go back to. Fiddlesticks.

VJ I really need to get over myself and go to a mum and baby coffee thing. I'll bloody hate it though. I'm rubbish in groups and can't stand competitive women but as it is I'm only seeing friends/family once or twice a week during the week. I don't know anyone in my town, but I try to make the effort to leave the house once a day - realistically I don't always manage this.

Plan for tonight is cook dinner (chicken curry) then watch tv while I iron. Score!

How about something where the main focus isn't just contrived "making friends"? I'm with you on those coffee groups and am avoiding them til I've got someone to go with, but I do mother and baby yoga and swimming, and in my experience (so far) there's been no competitiveness, similar to this thread it's just nice to meet other people who are going through/have been through the same.

Wrote a big post, it got eaten again

Stupid phone!!

I basically see OH for 2 hours a day when I run around doing jobs or washing myself and detangling my hair (I actually broke my hair rush today?!) but other than that no human contact at all whilst he's on working days... Friends come round very occasionally, seeing some tomorrow which is good. I do feel very bored and trapped sometimes. I'm awful at forced socialising, coffee clubs etc feel forced to me I guess because we're all only there because we have babies!

OH has been slightly better behaved and although he still needs to do chores without being told (including cleaning his wee off the toilet) he's being brilliant at sorting out DS when he gets in. I count down the dats until he's off work now, we've actually been getting on really well lately for once. He's going to a comedy gig on Wednesday so he's taken tomorrow off to make it up to me

Is the comfort formula the one made from soy?

Hair brush, not rush, obviously

Don't think it's made from soy, but it has less lactose, and is basically partially digested already. Sounds tasty. And despite it being thicker it actually looks really watery in the bottle.

Jury's still out on the sleeping bag. We've been having periodic whinging, but very sleepy sounding. All been quiet for twenty minutes. If we make it until 10pm I'll breathe easier, but of course I'll be in bed and hopefully asleep by then. Just going to finish this bottle of wine first...

My social life these days is mostly family. I pop round to my dad's for lunch most Mondays, and see him briefly Friday afternoons when he picks DD up and drops her off. Don't see my brother as often as I'd like because he's always working, but his girlfriend's been off work a lot (rough first trimester that she's possibly milking a bit since the doc's happy to write sick notes) and comes over a lot. Very handy having them right opposite us. But friends? Mostly they work during the day and I go to bed early. Suppose I could make more of an effort with baby groups, but I don't really want to meet a load of new people just because we have babies. I already have that here.

Hi all! Knackered here. Went for two hour walk through the woods with babe in baby bjorn then to cafe for lunch after. This resulted in good napping and only a witching half hour so all good.
Tonight's plan? Well, plonko you'll appreciate this, tonight is play off something or other for my dh's football team crystal palace so he's glued to that but he is 'making dinner' (more 'heating' dinner but I'm still happy). Meanwhile, dd sleeps and I'm doing my usual mega bath which is my only proper solo time. Checking email, making calls, reading etc. And drinking my one daily can of Pepsi which would probably earn me frowns from hv cos of the caffeine.
plonko where you live is so nice we've just booked week holiday there in June. If there's any sport on we should chuck babies at our partners and meet up for a lovely bracing walk. That probably goes against all sorts of mumsnet rules... Groups/getting out wise, did you do nct or any other antenatal? I agree with V that signing up for something structured might be good, yoga, swimming, buggy fit, tiny talk or presma? So much less daunting than a mum and baby coffee morning. Anything like that where you are? Having said that the only things I'm doing so far is meeting mums from our ante natal groups for walks or tea and cake. Dd needs to be a bit bigger before we set too many goals which involve being on time.

Eco you've hit the nail on the head there - how the hell does being on time work with a baby?!

I say phooey to HV's on the caffeine front. I drink tea because it stops me dropping down dead, and as we know the biggest cause of baby harm is maternal death... It might make them more unsettled if drunk in huge amounts but it doesn't harm them for gawd's sake! As usual, weigh up the benefits of keeping mummy sane

Spoke to the freeholder of our building today, the people who got it in the neck about a buggy in the hall and subsequently sent round a formal letter. Requested permission (so sad I even have to ask) to leave a folded pram downstairs for the time it takes me to sort out DS and carry him safely down. All very unnecessary. I'm sure mobility aids are an exception to fire regs? What if it were a wheelchair? Plus why is the woman who made the complaint about stuff (buggies) being left in the hall (tucked away under the stairs) allowed to keep a huge plant in the hall?! My plan was that when i saw her she'd probably comment that she hadn't seen me since the birth and then I'd give her the 'I'm housebound because the freeholders won't let me keep the pram downstairs' spiel. Maybe then she'd understand how her silliness affects my life. She put a card through our door when I had DS so I don't know why she feels the need to be so damn difficult. Her husband shouted at OH for being in the communal garden when he was just photographing plants!

Enforced socialising isn't generally my idea of fun either but DH forced persuaded me to do NCT. So bloody glad I did because 3 of them are definitely people I'd have been friends with anyway (2 of us have formed a breakaway group for a sneaky weekday glass of wine) & most of them are just as guilty of slummy parenting as us lot! Just one competitive one & since DH told her its best not to compare our two as he thinks DD. is a bit slow (he's a bad bad man with a sick sense of humour) she's shut up!

I did also try one coffee morning but it wasn't for me but we start baby swimming this week which I'm hopeful about. I think the trick might be to not go for one that's too 'precious first born' like baby signing currently crossing fingers that I'm not horribly offending anyone where there's a room of parents convinced their newborn is a prodigy!

Plonko it was chicken curry here too but very disappointing. I'm making up for it with one of those big bags of white choc buttons.

I've ballsed up bed time here. Haven't walked doglet of anything yet and Bubs wanting feeding but if I do it now she won't be hungry in half an hour. Bollocks. Not a good start to my solo night!

Sleeping bag = fail. Two hours since last feed, so the man has just gone upstairs with another bottle and a just-about-dry swaddling blanket. Fingers crossed she goes down alright, I want to go to bed!

Budge up you lot, and make room for me on the 'bad mummy' bench, as I have just made a decision. DD is going on the bottle (which means mummy can too... although of a different kind ). Now she'd decided to play ball about it life is just so easy. I had no idea. Seriously NO idea. It takes half the time, and a quarter of the effort to feed her... and she is sleepy afterwards. I'm not ever going to let The Guilt kick in, as frankly after 10 weeks there aren't an awful lot of antibodies floating about in me that she hasn't already collected for herself.

Uh oh, I've just noticed it is dark and the dogs are still out in the garden. That is bad... I'd better going the sort out my furry children before someone reports me.

Baby swimming question - do they wear a nappy in the pool? Please excuse my stupidity...

Oh you lot I bloody love you lot, and I've not even had wine.

DP and I have just had it out. I was in the bath, cornered. Turns out I'm scared about leaving the house with DS. Seriously, being on time for anything with a newborn? Impossible. I don't even have the balls to ask a person working in a cafe to heat his bottle up cos we use a microwave at home and I actually have no clue how to do it otherwise. Ds doesn't give the usual hungry cues - he's asleep and then he screams. I am so not up for attempting solo missions out with him while he does that! We are attempting a family outing to see friends from uni i nbirmingham on Sunday. We might be talking to one another by then.

God I really am pathetic. Worsester this is a big bench. Did I just confess to heating milk in the microwave? Are there any professionally offended types lurking on this thread? (Maybe we should offer them an amnesty if they come forward now)

Didn't do NCT cos of the poverty thing, and dont shoot me i felt like id be too young, too poor, and too shy. Did one pointless nhs group that was ruined by two lentil weaving ncters and totally got the wrong date for the second half. I wish my sister lived closer, she'd be amazing help.

eco where in the peaks are you staying? It's gorgeous here in the summer. I can't wait to enjoy a summer here that's not take over by working/morning sickness!

Crossing everything that DS sleeps through tonight.he barely napped today and were trying baby dry nappies. Of that's not a formula for success then the kid just ain't ready.

Blimey a lot to catch up on. I echo vj though that we must focus on the positives here. We are all doing well, honestly, no matter what our parenting styles using Jeremy Kyle as a v babysitter would not be good though

DDD is currently asleep on me at the moment as DH was out playing footy and I couldn't be bothered to try to put her in the basket earlier. I was (get this) willingly watching the footy tonight as I'm actually a sport fan

Leni, I'd love three hours between feeds in the daytime!!! Not a chance unless we are out and she's in the sling on DH eg when we went for our walk last Monday. Oh but even then she only went just over two hours. I'm counting from the end of the last feed as well. If I counted from the start of the previous feed it still only got to 2 hours today but once you factor in 20 mins ish of a feed it never gets more than 1-1.5 hours between feeds really.

Today I have really tried to stretch the time between feeds and it worked till lunchtime before i relented and have tried to get more into her this afternoon/evening as I'm now worried that she's not had enough today to go for as long as normal tonight.

I need a list of things to discuss with the HV tomorrow:

1. oversupply
2. time between feeds
3. DD's baby acne...

Leni, I'd kill the damn plant in the hallway! Feed it with bleach but don't get caught

And re baby groups, I've been invited to the post natal group by the children's centre that starts tomorrow. I expect it to be all younger first time mums like at the NHS ante natal classes I went to, whereas at 36 I'm well aware that I seem ancient to those in their 20s!

Hope we all have GREAT nights tonight :)

Plonko I was a microwave heater too back when DD took bottles. Good times!

You could always make up a bottle with boiling water & plan for an hours trip out just to a coffee shop or something with a trashy magazine in tow. That way if you needed to give a bottle it'd still be warm & it'd be the start of getting your confidence up?

Also, balls to being on time, who the hell can manage that? If its really important or I'm meeting a childless friend who wouldn't understand I just aim for an hour early & plan to have a large coffee before they arrive although in reality am usually about 5mins late.

Finally managed to get to bed just in time for epic screaming fit. Now she's not feeding particularly well so think I'm in for a bedtime battle. At least the dog went to bed with no arguements. This could be a very long week!

I also used the microwave. It's fine. Just remember to really shake it up afterwards. I the end though we somehow ended up just giving DS room temp milk and never had to worry about heating it when out and about. Problem solved

Bollocks bollcks bollocks. Gt her down, seemed fast asleep, 15mins later I'd just drifted off & screaming started. Bollocks.

Omg I met prince charles... Very excited ..!

eig and?! Tell us more! Did he tell you the secret of happy nipples? Or sleeping through? And, what was Camilla like close up?
plonko we'll be not far from hayfield near kinder :-)
soyo guessing as all quiet on western front you managed to get everyone off to sleep in the end?
wing were you watching palace? Dh was like Cheshire cat after that result. So much so that he's off to Wembley the day we are scheduled to attend the open house being held for us so that dd can meet all of his family. I'll be the sole parental rep now. The Cheshire cat grin was somewhat worrying as not seen him that happy/animated for very long time. Makes me wish we could illicit such a response :-( good luck with health visitor, I'll be interested to hear responses. They always just ask me what I think when I ask questions. Frustrating. Time between feeds wise I stretched it from every two to every two and a half the last couple days without any detrimental impact on night time sleep.
Oh...dd finished food. Best go. Back later.

Well DD woke up just before 2 which is just over 3 hours from sleep time so not as good as 'normal' (if we have a normal and frustratingly means I'm likely to be up again before 6-7 :(

Think it's because she was swaddled really well in a slightly bigger blanket and couldn't get out so woke herself up.

Eig, I forgot that your event was yesterday. Can't wait to hear about it :)

SoYo did you get her back down okay?

Eco, well I'm originally from near Palace and the garden of my first house backed onto their training ground in Beckenham (my family support Charlton though) so although I don't support them I wanted them to win. Especially as DH wanted Brighton to win as he lived their for 9 years