March 2013: Smiles, sleep & excellent feeding.....the thread of wishful thinking!

[SoYo]

Well we may as well start the thread on a positive note before the grumbling about the little darlings begins!!!

A final link which i found helpful... Re schedules for bf babies as I wanted to say that while we are approx following the Eat Activity Sleep pattern of evil BW, this is because its what miniPud did naturally and we don't clock watch, he gets fed on demand. I just find it works best for both of us if he concentrates on it when he's hungry.

Re nights, we were fairly typical last night, down at 8.30 after bath, up at 1.10. Change and half hour feed. Back to sleep 1.50. Up 4.25 for 20 min feed. Back to sleep 4.55. Grumbly throughout and awake again 6.25. Will hope to get another 1 plus hr nap after this feed.

If it makes you feel better, SoYo, DD is getting progressively worse at daytime sleep. And worse at eating. Debating whether to call the doctor in a bit - daytime feeds yesterday we only managed fourteen ounces, and that was with offering the bottle eight times. Only two ounces before she said she was full at breakfast, and tried to fall asleep. So I put her back to bed, and now she's squeaking. Argh. It would be nice to not have this constant feeling of not having a clue what to do for the best.

Will read all those links later - thanks again

DD went down at 4:50 when I stopped trying to reswaddled her arms then she woke at 6 so I fed her lying down in bed with her lying next to me! Then we all snoozed until DS came in at 7 and i picked her up to make room for him in our bed and she slept on me until I gave her another ten mins on the othe side, lying down again. DH took her downstairs at 7:30 so I could have a cuppa and I'm going to get up now.

If I ever get on my iPad later (DS isn't at preschool today ...) I'll name check you all properly.

I'm still in bed giving DS a bottle and he's wrapping his hand around my thumb in such a way... soyo moments like this give me joy. He's farting like a good un though sleep here is gradually improving but if really is at a snails pace. It seems to be one step forward two steps back.

Wing I'm sorry you had such a shitty night. It sounds like your DH is making the right moves though - that cuppa must have been the best one ever! I don't have any advice (other than sugfesting a thermal cup) but I'm amazed by all the hard work you BFing mummies put in.

Stormy you poor love. I think seeing the dr again is a good idea, and you need to do what you feel is best. I can't imagine the stress of having such a food refusing baby. The doctor may have more advice or be able to start having a good look at your LO to see if there's any underlying problems.

Our day so far:

6.45 baby shouting. Fed upstairs. Two and a half ounces down, fell asleep. Put her back to bed.
8.15 baby awake. Got her up, fed her. Three and a half ounces down. Awake and cheerful for an hour before falling asleep in the bouncy chair.

The first bottle of the day had gaviscon in it, and I offered her the remains of it at 8.15. The second had no gaviscon. So, my current thinking is, if gaviscon thickens the milk in the stomach, it's perhaps making her feel full rather quicker. So I'm going to experiment with not giving gaviscon every feed, and see what happens. Of course, if that means a return to the fussiness and the screaming, we shall have to rethink.

The man's gone to work with a horrible cough and a yearning to get sent home early. I hope he succeeds, it's going to be a bloody long day otherwise. And if he's at work I have to do the bedtime routine, which I haven't actually done for several weeks. Bit worried I may miss something essential that he always does that gets her sleeping so beautifully.

Have also decided to hell with trying to get her to nap in her cot for now. She's grand in there at night, which we're very lucky with, and daytimes she can just fall asleep wherever and whenever. Going to keep notes and see if a pattern emerges.

At least little madam had a nice lie in this morning. I brought her into bed after her 6-6.30 feed & she just woke up 15mins ago with a lot of stretching & massive smiles! She knows I can never be mad at that beautiful gummy grin!

Stormy thanks for the reassurance. I think you should go to the GP too. It's very likely they'll check her over, weigh her & plot the centile again, make sure she's having plenty of wet & dirty nappies and add nothing more useful but at least you'll have the reassurance of them telling you your lovely baby s fine and not starving!

I met 2 of my friends for lunch the other day, one has a 5 mth old who is massive, grown out of Moses basket, bassinet of pram etc & wearing 12mth clothes; the other has a 1yr old that is a fussy eater with a very tiny appetite, still wears 6mth clothes, is a tiny wee tot & they both weigh the same. Both are happy, healthy & thriving babies. I suppose if you we're breast feeding you'd just be judging by baby & not by volume but in some ways bottle feeding s hard because they're telling you how much your baby should take & then it's natural to worry when they don't.

Damn it....poonami.

Stormy, as ever Plonko talks sense. I would talk to your doc, and if they're not being v helpful, is there an infant feeding coordinator you could be referred to? Ours is based in our big hospital, but aside from one time (where we were there anyway for miniPud's tongue tie clip) where she did an observation of a feed - not relevant in this case - I've dealt with her exclusively by phone. Very useful she's been too. Just a thought... Hope today gets better and baby Stormy decides she's hungry.

stormy that's exactly how we found vague napping success. I had assumed that as she's so brilliant at going to bed at 7pm, the same would be true at naptime. When I gave up and just encouraged napping wherever I am and wherever she seems happiest (bouncy chair, pram, floor!) things got better. I still give her sleep "cues"- dummy, same blanket, etc. it also means that I can help her to stay asleep when she starts to stir at 30-40 mins. A bit of extra bouncing,dummy return etc. I may be setting myself up for future problems, but my theory is that she didn't learn to sleep at night on her own, so I shouldn't expect her to learn to nap on her own. I hope that when she gets used to it we'll be able to move her to her cot. I also downloaded a baby sleep app and log all her sleeps, there's a definite pattern emerging.

Right. I fed DD for 25 mins on one side until 9:45 ands when she came off I'd burp her (not always with a burp) and pop her back on. She's crying a bit now already and the easy thing would be to pop her back on but that's not helping me or her is it? So DH has for her and is trying to calm her down (she's not distraught, only intermittent cries) so we'll see how it goes with giving her boob as a later resort.

Pud there were some things I could identify with on that over-supply link. I do get blanched nipples sometimes but thought that was renaulds (sp?) as it's far worse when I'm cold. I also think the evening fussing last night was related to wind but I couldn't get much up and she's not been sick. Also, that isn't as bad in the daytime.

I hope my HV isn't useless tomorrow! I'm not going to completely loser mind unless she's still like this at 8 weeks... It's not a routine problem really it's more of a give me a break DD problem! I know her first stretch of sleep was 5 hours last night but it's hard to get past the extreme feeding and brief naps of yesterday.

Right best go x

Guess what?!! DD slept through . I expect this is a once only never to be repeated special offer, and probably had more to do with her having spent the entire afternoon and evening partying, with only a 20min nap between 5pm and 11pm.... but it still felt good. Over 7 hours... I feel almost human again. Or I would do if I hadn't woken at 3am and 5am as normal, and spent at least an hour checking she was still breathing and generally panicking

I can identify with the constant snacking feeding lark that these bf babies seem to specialise in. The only tips I have are:

Make sure they don't get to warm and cosy when they are feeding as then they mess about and take snooze breaks. Take one foot out of the baby-gro if need be to wake them up a bit.

Wind regularly, as an air bubble can be really quite filling, and once it's gone they'll remember they are hungry.

If you think they are full tap their lips with your little finger. They'll open their mouth if they are still a bit hungry, and turn their head if they aren't.

There ends the sum total of my bf-ing knowledge, and probably hasn't imparted any wisdom that isn't already part of everyone's arsenal of tricks already.

WingD - £80k on a wedding Dear gd... I hope they enjoyed themselves as can you imagine going off on honeymoon with that big a dent in your bank balance, thinking 'hmmm, hate to say it, but actually that was a bit sht'

Desperately seeking a poonami event here... 8 days and counting and the tiddler is really suffering . Tried baths, massage, leg cycling, trips out in pram, the works, but aside from some really impressive cart horse darts, no joy. Sigh... the things we have to think about.

Right, lunch time and I'm going for a 50:50 bottle/breast feed. Wish me luck!!

Cart horse darts? Darts????? Farts of course....

10.30, ounce and a half, no gaviscon. 11.15, ounce and a half, with gaviscon. Baby now flat out on the playmat. On her front, too, but I am watching her and she is breathing, and if she forgets to, the washing machine vibrating the floor should remind her again. Am waiting for a call back from the health visitor to ask what the hell I should do, because no gaviscon = screaming and not eating enough, but gaviscon = getting full and not eating enough.

Like Wing, we had no more than an hour of kip last night... Feeds were fussy and involved much screaming and kicking. Sore nipples today also have white patches (is that blanched? Haven't looked at that link yet).

I actually have no idea how many feeds we do a day. We just feed whenever he asks basically, which seems to be about every 3 hours (apart from growth spurts!). Also no idea how much goes down him in a day, and so far he's put on more than average so despite the endless pain for us, at least he's thriving

Some painful and very loud poos happening here today, farting like a trooper.

Hard to tell if the fenugreek is working - definitely able to express loads more now but that could also be because of the increase in BFing.

I'm still frustrated that the latest fussiness means OH is keen to give bottles after I've hung in there through really hard days to get him off formula... I don't think formula is bad at all, it's just I knew I had milk and I didn't want to not use the milk I had just because it was difficult for me, iyswim. Hoping today is easier and it's only a phase! I've not left the house since we got back from the Pils because I'm worried he'll be screaming, so I really need him to settle soon for my sanity. Still trying to figure out a safe way to carry the pram down the stairs with him in the sling

Hmm there must be a third way Stormy. Gaviscon is such an everyday product I wonder if there's something more delicate?

And well done Worsester! We made it from 7.30-4.30 when DS started grumping over his nappy. I woke up at 3 though and waited for him to wake - I guess we need to learn to sleep through too now!

DP and I are having issues again. Hmm. It's strange that the little person we made together is beginning to pull us apart.

Leni you need to go out! I couldn't carry on without fresh air every day! Can you leave DS in his bouncer while you run theparm downstairs & thn go back up & get him?

Stormy what about asking your GP to prescribe ranitidine so the reflux is being treated but the milk isn't being thickened?

Plonko it's so difficult isn't it, I don't think you can ever imagine the strain something you made together can have on your relationship. There's no time to make an effort or have quality time, very different opinions on parenting styles, extreme exhaustion. I really hope you're ok!

DH starts nights tonight so I'm off out for the afternoon with bubba for a bit so he can have a sleep. It means evenings and nights are just me this week to try to sort me, baby and dog. It's a scary prospect!

Please ignore my comment about napping success. Today has only been abject failure, this is making me particularly nervous as I have to take her into work for a meeting this afternoon. This could go one of two ways- she's exhausted so falls asleep in the car on the way there and is then out cold for the duration or (more likely) she has a complete meltdown at exactly the point I'm trying to convince some very important people that I'm still totally in control and capable of juggling a hard job and motherhood... stormy the far more knowledgeable soyo beat me to it, I was about to say there are other ways of dealing with reflux that work in a different way to gaviscon so def worth going back to GP.

leni I often leave DD in the house whilst I carry things to and from the car/up and down the stairs etc (car is often parked quite a way away) . Felt like social services would hunt me down when I first did it but now I just tell the cats to look after her... Depends how far your flat is from outside though, I can imagine the logistics are a bit of a nightmare.

plonko wish I could give advice but I'm rubbish at relationships and just lucky that DH is happy to be in charge of fixing us when necessary. Just remember though, this is surely one of the toughest things you've ever had to do, think of every day survived as something to be immensely proud of.

Vj whatever you do, don't tell the HV you use the cats as babysitters. Last one who visited me told me in no uncertain terms that they must never ever ever be left alone together. Whether this is for the baby's safety or the cats', I don't know. Think the neurotic one may be realising the baby isn't a monster at last - she gave her such a head bump earlier she nearly knocked her over.

Ranitidine, how does that one work? Am I right in thinking it neutralises the stomach acid? If so, then that sounds promising - the issue we were having in the first place was heartburn, after all.

Thirteen ounces so far today, but that's involved offering the bottle six times. Slightly ridiculous really. Especially as I know she can fit more in her stomach at once - when we first got her on the gaviscon she cleared a couple of five ounce bottles.

Anything you want to talk about, plonko? We're all here and listening (and I could do with something to distract me from the fact I really need a cigarette but someone's having a nap on my knee...)

stormy I know- it's something else that adds to my 'terrible mother' points, along with letting her nap on her front (while I'm in the room and watching), and using her buggy organiser thing to hold a pint glass when we went to a beer festival. Not too bad in itself but when I tried to push the buggy a bit of beer spilt on her... Not sure I've even washed that blanket... I never actually leave them alone together if she's asleep or lying flat on her back, I figure awake in her bouncer they're unlikely to fall asleep on her head, and they tend to avoid her at all times, she's far too squeaky and jerky for them!

Terrible mother points, let's see...

Leaving cats and baby together
While I go out for a cigarette
Didn't breastfeed
I smoke while pushing her in the pram (it's forward-facing, before anyone complains)
I would totally take her to the pub if the sun would stick around longer than five minutes
Controlled crying (shock, horror!)
I tend to leave her to entertain herself while I eat breakfast, wash up, etc.
Total failure to remove any expletives from my vocabulary (thank God she doesn't understand them yet)
I let her watch Top Gear and Formula One with her dad on a daily basis.

Is this enough to have SS hunt me down and shoot me, d'you think?

Oh- and I think ranitidine stops the stomach producing as much acid, unlike gaviscon which stops it from rising out of the stomach, so it's got to be worth a try.

The only one of those I don't do is the smoking- gave up at 12 weeks pregnant. Desperately want to start again but too embarrassed to as my 56 yr old father quit a 40 year, 40 a day habit for the sake of my daughter- it wouldn't be great if I then restarted (although he lives miles away so...) and I'd totally do controlled crying if I needed to, she's just not much of a crier, at least not for no reason, there's usually something else I can do.

My sister told me the beer in buggy thing gave me 1000 good parent points. This is why I love my sister.

Oh- and I already stick her in front of the TV if I haven't got the energy to entertain her. She's going to be a telly addict like her mother...

I could probably claim about a million terrible mother points if I admitted I didn't actually entirely quit when pregnant. But I'm not going to admit it in case the lurkers come and shout at me. Didn't seem to stunt her growth, at any rate! And I figure cutting down from forty a day to less than ten a day is not bad going.

The man just got home with many new jingly things to hang from the baby gym. Also a couple of jingly things that strap to her wrists and help her find her hands. I think she's already found them though, it's getting hard to shift them out of the way to get the dummy in her mouth. And then, of course, she bitches because she wants her dummy! I think we're going to end up with a thumb sucker sooner rather than later here. (Hoping like hell that'll help with the naps, because watching her today it's clear loss of dummy is her main napping obstacle.)

Well, I just had a call back from the health visitor. After extensive questioning about how we feed her, she suggested I a) keep a food diary (which I've been doing since day six) b) talk to the doctor about alternative medications (already planning that) and c) try comfort milk (just sent the man out for some). Was a bit that the health visitor didn't seem to actually know what different medications are available. Oh, and she suggested d) getting her weighed weekly (already doing that too).

So in terms of general usefulness I'm giving that phone call two out of ten. Which will change to ten out of ten if comfort milk helps.

Stormy you've gotta love those health visitors eh? Mine told me he should be finding his hands at 6 weeks, and suggested he was physically slow for not doing it. This is despite his excellent neck control and trying to put weight on his feet if we held him upright. It makes me wonder just what qualifications some of these hvs have...

Ooh bad parent points... I've got:
Not breast feeding
Not really keeping track of naps/feeds
Leaving the cat to babysit
Not getting him weighed regularly
Introducing him to In The Night Garden this morning so I could shower in peace (totally worked)
Controlled crying
Often just putting him down for a few mins so I can't all away and clear my head.

Leni I totally second getti g out of the flat everyday. If just for ten mins, it'll do you a world of good.

Thanks for the concern ladies. It turns out my idea of quality family time is not the se as DPs. I like to get out for 2 or 3 hours for a good walk (living in the Peak District habits perks) whereas he'd like to spend his weekends watching ALL THE FUCKING SPORT with the baby on his knee. I fear that his opinion of me has changed for the worse, and I'm possibly just here for cooking, cleaning and the odd bit of sex. It's way more complex that that but that's the short version. Yesterday I dumped the baby on him and left the house not really knowing where to go...I just had that urge to run and leave them both to it because they'd probably get on better without me. When I feel like this I find it hard to look DS in the eye because he deserves more than a mopey pathetic mother. I live him to bits but I can't do the day in day out SAHM thing.

Phew. Sorry to rant. It doesn't even make sense does it?