Dec 2011 - Do that again, and you're getting sold on Ebay.....

[Aethelfleda]

Shiny new thread with no listing fees!

Mopsy - I adore BOi more than life itself, but I couldn't be a SAHM so I understand your dilemma.
I think it's important to give yourself a goal every day. Be dressed and ready to go out by 9:30am, definitely get out every day, and try and make some of the trips interactive - with other adults - for your sanity.
They are at that wonderful age where they are really noticing things. You could probably even get away with an hour in an art gallery. It'd make you see things differently as you help to explain the things in the pictures. - so you can do things that you would enjoy.
For us, we've got an appt with the GP on Wednesday afternoon. Before then, I guess we'll have to discuss things. Cba.
Work is so easy. I love work, I do. So uncomplicated. Reliable.
BOi is joy.
Nothing else matters.
Unfortunately for DH.

Northern - the first 2x he gambled were 1. As we were saving for our wedding, and 2. As I was pg and the house was for sale (saving for baby and new home). The 3rd time was when he lost his job.
It could be "pressure/responsibility" related. Or just plain simple addiction.
I'm avoiding discussing it, as either I'll get very angry, or even worse, really really start to believe that I no longer care.
I'm sticking my head in the sand, for now.
I have no idea what I want.
But I'm massively unmoved. No emotions. Totally calm. Just carrying on as normal.
Quite odd.

mopsy I too can empathise. I can't look after DS all day every day and find it very difficult. My friend and neighbour was a lecturer and finally had to give up her job after her department effectively froze her out after her second maternity leave so I have seen first hand how difficult she found it at first. She is confident of returning to academia someday though and also she started her own project writing a book that had to do with a personal interest of hers, not in her academic field.

I'm effectively part-time with DS now and the only thing that keeps me going is like everyone says having a general structure in place. In addition to the getting out of the house with an organised group every day, I also have housework things I do that DS can "help" with - Monday nappy wash. Tuesday bake a loaf of bread. Wednesday clothes wash. Thursday nappy wash. Friday curry night. Saturday bake bread and go somewhere further afield than just the playground. Sunday is DH's only day at home so we do family things and then clothes wash in the evening.

God that all sounds so sad. But it does help me somehow to be able to say "It's Tuesday! Bread time!"

Another slightly lame-ass thing - I'm about to buy http://simplemom.net/homemaking-ebooks/ this pack of e-books. Yes, it's cringey and American ("homemaking", boak) and some of them are god-bothery and/or irrelevant but there are enough in there that I would buy separately that I totted it up and it's worth it overall. I got a free sample of one of them called One Bite At A Time and actually it was pretty inspirational with some great ideas for mothers for whom being a SAHM isn't quite enough, but full-time WOHM status isn't quite right or possible either at the moment.

Arrgh this pack of e-books. Must preview first!

Oi ((hugs)). I have no advice but from what you write it sounds like you are really detached from him. Is the GP appointment tomorrow and are you both going?

In rather surprising news I just got an email from my FIL, the one I completely detached from after the name debacle, asking if he can come visit "in peace". I think this is as good as I'm going to get in terms of apology or reconciliation...now need to decide how to respond. I want to write back and say "you put your son through hell at the most vulnerable time in his life you selfish narcissistic dickhead and he's still totally forgiven you, you don't deserve him and you should be grovelling".

Hi Ladies

Well conversation went fine he is still in shock though sees the funny side in that it happened on April Fools day. We have the same concerns big ones like - his job, lack of money, lack of space, cost of childcare, impact this will have on DS, the fact my parents will see even less of us as cant afford to go visiting as much and then lesser ones such as. Where do we dry the washing as it is currently done in. The spare room?? Our cm is full so she couldnt have new baby when ready to go. Back to work, wouldnt want to take danny out from her care but dont want 2 CMs either humpf

I am in still in shock and not feeling all happy like i was last time i just worry for our family and whether we. Are. Actually ready to make the sacrifices required. I hope the happiness follows if. I am absolutely honest i wish it hadnt happened - which makes me feel awful since so many people. Would love to be in this boat

Unplanned PGs can turn out ok though right?

Oi hope the GP visit was useful.

figgy glad it went fine!! And yes it will turn out ok. I think you're still in shock a bit too which is why you're not feeling as happy as last time. The happiness will follow as you progress and find things slotting into place as if planned like a military operation. And they will slot into place, I promise

As far as the washing goes we bought a second-hand condenser dryer for £50 because it doesn't need a vent and can go anywhere (eg. the corner of the spare room, the bathroom, the kitchen). We have ours in the space in the kitchen meant for a dishwasher and friends of ours use theirs as a biggish grey bedside table

Hey figgy, glad your DH took it OK. It probably doesn't help that you were ready for an explosion and he's alright, so you feel rather flat. But give yourself a little time to think it over as a couple; there are always options if you feel the issues are insurmountable (depending on your views of course -there may not be). But given that you seemed pretty keen on no.2, I'm sure you'll start to feel the happiness.

TBH Oi, it sounds like when he's in a 'stressful' situation he tries to exert control over it, and his way is gambling. Given that he's not a habitual gambler, he doesn't sound 'addicted' as such...perhaps some talking therapy would be better than GA to see if he could get to the bottom of it (and would avoid God-bothering)?
Sorry you feel distanced from him though

I think mopsy that xiao's approach is a good one; I did loads of the housework-y stuff, cooking from scratch and cleaning when on mat leave with DS, and the 'it's bread day!' attitude works!

Interesting that he's back in contact with you xiao and not your DP (or has he remained in contact with him seperately?) Sounds like an interesting family discussion to be had- and remember, after a blow up like that you can have a relationship with them, but it's entirely on your terms. You know you can walk away from them and it'll be their loss, so you have nothing to loose....

Hello all!

Figgy congratulations when you're ready. It must be a shock, but you've only just found out, I'm sure once you have had some time to get used to the idea and make plans you will start feeling excited.

Mopsy I found being on maternity leave hard work, it was quite lonely and boring at times IME. I do find being back at work part time is working better for me, I didn't realise how much of my self esteem was wrapped up in my job! I find having a rough timetable for the week helped me e.g. Monday = baby weigh in clinic and playgroup, Tuesday = visit to the park, Wednesday = playgroup, Thursday = playgroup, Friday = meet up with friends for a play date.

Sorry for all those having husband issues :( hope things improve soon.

Nothing new here, just very busy at work and trying to be a better mum each day

Figgy glad things went okay with DH. sure things will work out fine.

we are all packed for Majorca.

I had my assessment for therapy earlier today. diagnosed with severe anxiety will be finding out what therapy I'll be on if any on 13th May.

Darcie is still being good that's 9 days in a row.... long may it continue

Thanks so much Northern , xiao, cheung, aethel, figgy, Oi, seven for your advice (hope I haven't missed anyone out, apologies if so!). Going to try the timetable/activity thing as you suggest. Will let you know how I get on!

Glad talk went well figgy. Hope you can feel a little excited soon. You will cope marvellously I'm sure. We have a pulley on the ceiling over stairs for hanging clothes... could you install sth similar? Sorry I realise that is perhaps the least of your concerns but just thought I'd mention it.

Oil hope you can come to a means of communication with your husband. What a difficult situation for you :(

Oi even. Bloody autocorrect!

Quick one from me. I had a few twinges this morning then a small amount of blood when I wiped. Came into hospital for monitoring, contractions started around 1pm and quite severe by 4pm. Beatrice Ann made her very speedy arrival at 5.26 weighing 5lbs exactly. She's in SCBU getting a little help with her breathing but is otherwise healthy.

Well done figgy and I'm very glad your DH was supportive. It's very normal even with planned pgs to spend the first few months thinking "how on earth are we going to cope with this one?!" things will work out somehow, (those wretched pg hormones don't help any, either!) but I hope when you've had more time to get used to things you will be able to feel happier about what's coming up. It will be lovely when your DCs are older and can play with each other.

And well done to Darcie queenie! Great news and shows she can do it.

has anyone seen Octolady (with or without new moniker) ? hope you're OK, dude....

OMG seven congrats! fab news. Hope she can leave SCU soon and snuggle up with you.

Whoah seven, that's a heck of a x-post!!!

Congratulations!!!! ((((hug and high-five))))

(and fingers crossed for little B to be out of SCBU very soon)

And fab name. Aww. Little happy tear in my eye at your news!

Figgy - I haven't looked into it in any detail, but I would consider an au pair or similar if we had two. Surely then it becomes cheaper than a cm? I was just going to get pg and worry about it then.
I'm really happy that yourDH didn't flip and instead looked at it rationally. You'll be happy, you'll find your plan.
It's the GP for us tomorrow.
We've had a good chat tonight, and I'm feeling more optimistic. I feel that he has been honest and that he's determined to do whatever it takes to get straight. We're probably thinking that the root cause may be some kind of underlying mild depression. - when I think about his general negativity etc. anyway, maybe counselling, maybe even some mild happy pills. Maybe if he's more confident, has more self worth/self respect, then I'll learn to respect him again too.
Maybe we've caught this just in time.
Maybe we will look into Relate at the same time. - we'll see what tomorrow brings.
In summary: maybe all is not lost. We've hit the bottom of the barrel, now it's time to start the climb back out into the sun.

Argh! Cross post silliness!
Congratulations Seven - and a wonderful warm welcome to Beatrice Ann! Tears in eyes for the thread! Fabulous news! Absolutely lovely! Hope she's out of SCBU very soon!
Well done lady! (And thanks for helping us me! to get away from the droney me me me posts!) x
Fabulous!

Yay for seven and little Beatrice.

Gorgeous name. Hugs all round and much broodiness here.

Good job I've only got 3 months to wait for my new squish

Pictures asap please....

Congratulations seven and welcome Beatrice Ann! What utterly lovely news, and I'm sure she'll be out of SCBU soon.

Really hope you're doing OK too, was the birth alright other than it being speedy?

Can't wait for updates and pictures!

Congratulations seven, such fantastic news

Thanks all. I'm doing fine other than a little shocked by it all tbh. I was 4-5cm dilated only an hour before she arrived, only took a couple of big pushes. Just feel a bit lost on the ward without her :(

OMG congratulations seven and seven's family and Beatrice!! What lovely news.

I was just popping back to say I posted to youtube to cheer up my MIL and I thought the baby laughs at the beginning might make some of you smile too.

Having heard DC2's heartbeat today and now with seven's news I want newborn cuddles, ahhh!!!

Congrats Seven and Beatrice xx

Figgy it will turn out great, you will work around things and it will all be fine xx congrats xx

Aaron got attacked in school by another 4yo boy. Aaron wouldnt play with the boy and he pushed Air over and stamped on his head. Aaron told me he thoght he was going to die and he doesnt want to go back to school when this other boy is there :(

Im keeping him off tomoro and im going to.call the headteacher.