Dec 2011 - Do that again, and you're getting sold on Ebay.....

[Aethelfleda]

Shiny new thread with no listing fees!

sorry air - x post - why are so many men so useless!

He was ment to be booking relate counciling last year he still hasent done it. Its our 6th Anniversary on 14th May we have lived together for 9 years. I do expected more from him that he can physically do as he is disabilied but i expect him to be emotionally supportive and help do whaz he van in the home.

Every time i try to talk to him about things he asks if i had my tablets and doesnt trust what i say as he sees me as mentally ill. Its really condesending.

There is noway forward as he blocks everything i say :(

(((hugs))) jigglebum

Lets start a ?my husband is a twat club? xx

Sorry air and jiggle.
I looked into gamblers anonymous the second time I caught him, but it just seems to be a recruiting ground for the god squad. All hope of cure is based on faith, and some steps... DH is far too interested in science and maths. There's no way that'd work.
Men can be quite useless. They need to grow up. I blame women's emancipation... >
Tea, anyone?

Oi I know my Dad really struggled with AA inititally for exactly those reasons. He tried going it alone for a while, had a massive relapse and ended up back in a residential place for almost a month to dry out and subsequently gave the AA a proper try.

He said to me long after that it was like anything in life. You get out what you put in. And if you're lucky enough to live somewhere reasonably urban you can probably pick from lots of different meetings to avoid the real zealots. But that often listening to other peoples stories and just how badly they had f**ked up their lives was enough to keep him on the straight and narrow for a few more days.

He kept going to at least one rl AA meeting right until his death, but really found his place as a moderator on a number of online support sites.

When he died one of the other moderators sent us the content of a thread like this announcing his death with HUNDREDS of users explaining what he had meant to them, the times he had spent hours talking them out of having a drink or going round to the family home for a row etc etc. Mum felt quite guilty, she'd always resented the amount of time he spent on the computer....

Anyway, my point is, the structure of AA etc tends to be just putting your faith in your own strength, Dad said you just had to think of something specific when referring to God if you didn't believe in that particular entity. He'd created a bit of a Jimminy Cricket character that he'd think of, telling him to be strong, that he was worth more etc etc.

Anyway, good luck!

Air & Jiggle sounds pants. I don't know what to say, but

Sorry about your dad, Kat. Thanks for sharing the story.
I like the jiminy cricket idea.
X

Figgy - how are you feeling tonight?

Air & Jiggle - sorry about your DH problems.

Oi - good on you for trying to find a way forward and hope you find something to help your DH. Have you spoken to him about the gambling thing and why he has started again?

Yes, I've seen the doc about my stress & anxiety...I'm not depressed...am just really stressed and full of anxiety. However, I do have some excellent news to report...my Darcie has been really well behaved for the whole week, that's 7 days of excellent behaviour without 1 argument or tantrum so fx it carries on especially as we are going to Mallorca on Thursday which will do us all some good...although my anxiety is stopping me from really looking forward to it tho.

Am shattered today as Sky was up in the night, we were up early and went to our local boot sale and got some bargains then took the girls swimming with my mum whilst DH fenced off the pond and mowed the tiny bit if lawn. Then went to mums for big Sunday roast..then round to my nan's to say hi and now home with 2 girls tucked up in bed and hopefully Sky will sleep all night after not napping today and being very busy bee.

I had a word with h. I did not ask him to leave.

He looked after Hope most of the day so me and Air did some gardening, he cooked lunch and dinner and put the washing out. He even attempted changing Hopes nappy and got her and the mat covered in poo so i had to go sort it out but he tried!

He has put Air on naughty step for banging window with a brick. Put the rubbish out.

He said sorry for not coming down and that he will get a babysitter for 14th so we can go out for a meal and talk

He said.he doesnt want to pay for relate when he is willing to work on things with me but with the kids being young we dont get time and its them first untill they are older and then we can have more couple time! I understand where he is coming from but im still angry and untrusting :(

((Hugs)) and to those who require them.

oi what does DH say about the gambling? And is he ready and prepared to accept help? Just couldn't help but notice that it was you who proposed seeing the GP and you who previously looked into GA. I also agree relate might be worth thinking about.

queen glad to hear Darcie has been on best behaviour, though I imagine it must make it frustrating when she isn't when you know how good she can be when she wants to be. Do you do anything to reward her good behaviour?

DD has been really miserable today, probably teething but it didnt combine well with my being hormonal. Just so fed up of being enormous and uncomfortable, and I know I should be hoping I get to full term but I worked out I've spent 16 of the last 25 months pregnant plus had a MC in that time as well. Anyway, she's definitely engaged today so it might not be too much longer.

Seven those last few weeks are so miserable, walking around feeling like you're holding a bowling ball between your legs and being knackered. Don't blame you for being fed up! Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Queen so lad Darcie has been better, have a fab time on holiday!

Kat that's a really lovely story about your dad.

Air glad you guys had a talk, and he's helping more.

Oi Hmm, don't really know what to say love. Sorry you're dealing with this. I hope he can be honest about the gambling and you can move forward. Relate or similar might help bring stuff into the open and help talk about things in a different way - rather than having the same conversations over and over. I'm always here if you need a glass of wine on a Friday afternoon!

This weekend has been so blah. Saturday was awful. C was just a nightmare all day, did nothing but whine and cry and scream for his daddy. He was pulling at his mouth so I gave him some calpol and teething liquid, but I think it was tiredness and generally grumps because he was just foul. I didn't get my lie in because the car had to go and have stuff done to it, and I'd had a couple of glasses of wine the night before, so I wasn't 100% functional either. I shouted. Way too much. Urgh, I hate hate hate that I get so frustrated and cross at him, and I can see myself doing it and think 'why? It's not achieving anything!' but GAH! BUT...today was much better. We had a nice chilled out day, watching daddy do gardening and tidy the shed, playing in the garden and skyping with grandparents. And I've just been out for a run too. Am going to go and see Iron Man 3 tomorrow too, yeay! Here's to a better week!

I know this is bugger all given the some of you are dealing with but...

Five black bin bags of clutter outside after three rooms have been attacked- that is all

So sorry for all having DH troubles esp Oi, air and jiggle - don't have any wise advice but moral support and a listening ear. (((hugs))) all round.

Like Northern I know it's small potatoes but DH dropped his phone down the loo on Saturday afternoon so I had to rush out to get him a £5 PAYG cheapo phone, and then he lost his wallet while in London for a friend's birthday last night so DS and I had to head to town, meet up with him after he walked from Streatham to Vauxhall(!) as of course he'd lost his Oyster card too.

We did have a lovely dim sum lunch though, and played in the Diana playground in Kensington Gardens (which is truly magnificent). Then made chinese food for dinner, DS and I had a bath together, DH fed him and put him to bed, then Buffy the Vampire Slayer while folding nappies - our life is so exciting...

Figgy will be thinking of you tomorrow breaking the news to DH. Easily glad today was better and Queen glad this whole week was better, seven whole days is hard so good for Darcie! Northern I'm jealous of your decluttering. Seven so exciting - I hope you feel a bit more comfortable tomorrow though.

Fingers crossed this is the start of a good week for all.

X that's some walk, maybe he'll start being sensible and keep them in different places? I keep my phone on me at all times if I can, purse in bag and oyster in zip on buggy so I can never loose everything!

Love the Diana park, have you checked out the farm in vauxhall though? Monkey loves it.

DS has been a little monster today he woke up at 5:30 so I gave him his milk he went back to bed briefly but about 6:10 he decided he was up for the day I tried to take him into bed with me which prompted an epic freak out so we went into his room and closed the gate so that he would play with his toys or books that's resulted in him screaming and rolling around the floor as he wanted downstairs eventually after 15 minutes of screaming I Took him down but moved the TV remote so he could not switched on which continued the screaming. We have no TV before 8 AM rule however by 10 to 7 this morning that had been abandoned at which point He calmed down. I have clearly created a TV obsessed monster how do we reverse this?

Really cannot be bothered to work today

I'm ordering more haddocks.

Today I (gulp) ordered all the bits for our bathroom re-fits... It's scaaary. Unlike the rest of the many many DIY thingys --which will
Be like the forth bridge, I suspect-- the bathroom stuff is being done Proper Like. Because I'm not quite up to floor repair, and because I reckon professional tiling/major plumbing/electrics is money well spent.
If anyone wants me I'll be in the corner rocking gently, I've turned into a grownup by "getting the bathroom done".... What really staggers me is how much it all adds up, we're not even replacing the lot and it's pretty eye-watering already!

And a round of applause for northern on the decluttering front. Post a pic if you'd like feedback on your efforts or PM us the rightmove link when you get on there!

Oh and figgy, don't worry about the TV thing. It's something tht often happens at this age, just go with it and as they get older have distinct "telly off" time. So we have a telly-for-a-programme-then it's off rule, a no-telly-before-school rule and a take-turns-at-6pm-rule. And some telly-free days (my choice, not theirs!)

Hope all goes ok with talking to DH figgy, let us know how it goes.

Still no baby here ...

Figgy hope things go okay with DH tonight.

Seven is this the longest you've been pregnant?

Aethel..I understand the eye watering prices - our bathroom cost us £5k. Our kitchen is a whole other ball game - £20k minimum

Northern I love a good de-clutter and clean

I'll be mainly packing tonight..,will be having a good clean on weds when both the girls are at school/nursery. So it's all nice for when we get back from Majorca.

figgy hope the chat goes well.

Oi, hope you have reached a gong forward point.

seven you are doing so well!

Can I admit something? I love Minimopsy to bits. She is beyond fabulous. Also, I don't in anyway want to sound like a smug married, but I have a fabulous supportive husband who I also love to bits and who is possibly as supportive and wonderful as is possible. So I should have no gripes with life at all. But I'm finding being a stay-at-home mum really hard. I'm struggling with feeling low every day and forcing myself out of it cos I know how lucky I am. And I adore my child. But being at home with her all week is so hard. I miss adult conversation and having an intellectual challenge more than raising Minimopsy. I know what I'm doing is so important but not having found an academic job yet makes me feel like such a failure. I am wondering how long I should wait before looking for something else. But then I worry because I don't want to leave Minimopsy five days a week. Ugh. I'm such a caricature of the modern mother. I feel so guilty all the time for not being thrilled to have the good fortune to be a stay at home mother. I know I am so fortunate. But I want an academic career. I busted my ass to get this PhD and I keep wondering what for if I can't use it. Sorry for such a self-indulgent post when lots of you ladies have much more serious and pressing problems. But do any of you have any advice on structuring my days better to enjoy being a stay-at-home mother more? The two friends I've made since having Minimopsy who I feel closest too (and like I'd be friends with them anyway even if we had no babies) ... one works 4 days a week, the other just had a new baby. So I guess I see them once a week. How to make the other four days stimulating so I can keep myself from getting low? I am so sorry if I offend anyone with the triviality of my problems but you're all so supportive I thought I'd ask....

Good luck figgy....

mopsy, I totally empathise. I've been a SAHM since our move and can honestly say that while it has undoubtedly go lots of fun bits, it is someimes very difficult. I think it's the uncertainty about returning: I know i want to restart but can't yet, there is distinct lack of guarantees re finding work (I'll be temping initially on a day by day basis: risk of shelling out for childcare and no work is very real, esp as I can't travel far due to the DCs. And then I need to get child-friendly part time hours...)

But in the meantime this is what I do: it's not advice as such, but its the rules I've found that seem to help a bit:

1. have a plan re timescales. Check your plan every few weeks. If your plan says "No seeking work til xxx, then you are legitemately allowed to be "off", so no guilting! Your plan will also include keeping in touch with a few mates and planning time/fun stuff with your DH.

2. get out of the house every day without fail. If you can't be arsed to go places then the minimum is to spend 15 mins in the garden with a cuppa or walk to the postbox/corner shop and back.

3. every day do something small that is for you, not minim. Could be ten minutes reading while she's napping, or a walk with the buggy when she sleeps, or sow some seeds or keep a pot plant.

4. goto 1!

Oh and try going to something simple on a semi regular basis: our DCs are just the right age for toddler groups, they cost max a few quid and they all involve caffeinated drinks! Plus there's some human contact. Also try your library for rhyme time type stuff.

Also going swimming can be good: its good exercise which helps boost mood, and a once a week dip gets DD used to it early...
(having said that I never seem to get around to it )...

Thanks aethel. I think getting out every day is hugely important. Also the setting time limits thing. I feel guilty all the time because should be working on articles/job apps/turning thesis into a monograph etc but should just be enjoying Minimopsy. And I need to defs fit in time for me and Mr. Mopsy. He is so understanding and supportive I forget sometimes to ask about him/his day/his life etc. and I really need to remember not to neglect him! Thanks for the sound advice!

We go to singing group in local library every week and I think it might be one of the main things that is keeping me sane! Minimopsy LOVES singing and music and dances even to my crow like singing (!) so it is good for both of us. We went to an hour long music class on Friday (mainly singing but also 'musical instruments' eg drums made from tins, shakers etc) and Minimopsy loved it. £4.50 a week but might keep going for her sake and mine!

queen the point when I had Eva is Thursday night so not yet. I just thought after how I'd felt the last couple of days something might have started by now. I hate these last few weeks where everything is a possible sign, driving myself mad but know I could still potentially have another 5 weeks.

mopsy I agree about toddler groups, ours only costs £1 a week, and includes snacks for LOs and biscuits for mums. Do you have a sure start centre nearby as the groups they run are free and ours has something on most days. Failing that DS loved feeding the ducks at this age, now we've moved and don't go often as I cba to walk the 2.5 mile round trip we give our old bread to the chickens instead. FWIW I love being a SAHM but then I haven't busted my ass to get a PhD then not use it. Though it certainly isn't an easy option and I find some days I'm actually jealous of DH leaving the house for a few hours and having adult conversation while I stay home doing row row row your boat 50 times!

Now the weather's better mopsy you can certainly get out and stay out a bit more. A good walk, even if it's just to a piece of grass half an hour away to roll a ball along, will help keep you fit in body and mind and miniM will enjoy it.

And how much you enjoy staying at home has no bearing on your love for a DC; even the most devoted-to-being-at-home parent will find some of the bits boring because they are.

Plus you are certainly not a failure; you've been offered/come close to a couple of jobs in the past few months which in academia is hot shot!

I am so sorry to hear he's gambled again Oi; I remember last time, but can't quite remember why he did it, but it seems to be a bad patch=gambling for him. But you must feel so disappointed, given that you didn't feel too well-disposed anyway, and that he promised he wouldn't. But he does need to sort it out for his own sake, if no-one else's, as he's on a one-way ticket at the mo from the sounds of your posts...

Glad your situation is a little better air, though the suggestion that he's putting you down because you're on medication isn't great

Not long now seven I'm sure, but it would be so odd if you went to full term this time randomly! Mind you, sounds like you'd want to throttle people if you did

And we're all sending you our best figgy, really hope it's gone OK with DH tonight and he's taken it well.

Actually had a productive day at work today, not sure what happened !