October babies. Don't get lost

[lisbethsopposite]

Come in come in.

nenehoo glad to hear we're not the only ones with bathrobe traumas! Keep trying to remind myself that in rfe scheme of things it isn't bad but it is annoying. Not sure how we will ever incorporate into a bedtime routine, more hassle than it is worth at the moment.

Can't even begin to imagine taking DS swimming!!

All I can say is that same happened to us first time we tried and a few weeks made all the difference. Now I'm laughing at myself because we hav only been on new times for under a week! Hardly a routine! But hey, a week is a long time with these newbies!!

October and nene if I was you I would stick to infrequent baths and find a different bedtime cue!!! Do they like massage? Mine dislikes it intensely!!!

london we tend to keep DS down with us in carrycot in evening and then feed around 10pm but make sure he has a big feed. Not sure he would sleep through without this.

Can you feed a bit less in evening to try and encourage larger intake at dreamfeed?

Only problem I think with our new times is that we have went from 8 to 7 feeds in 24 hrs. I suspect this is why he has went from 7 hrs to 5.5. But not sure I can squeeze another feed in.

And no illusions of great sleeper. Morning nap is induced by the swing. Mid one usually starts in car. Evening one is on one of our laps and bedtime is post falling asleep at boob!! Self settling non existent, screams himself awake if we try. I figure if I get the times sorted we can work on that. Think routine important to help him before we move house and I go back to work.

london & huffle similar sleep goings on here. Was putting to bed at 10-11 and getting an initial 5-6 hours then another 2-3. Last 3 nights she has started sleeping much longer but waking more frequently so last night asleep by 11 then up at 2, 6, 9, and will prob sleep till 10-11 now. Also getting much crankier in the eve. Think we need to bring bedtime forward but a bit wary as 3 days doesn't seem long enough to say a def change and if we put her down at 7 and she goes back to 6 hours then 3 then awake I will be gutted. Going to have to bite the bullet and try thou!

So miss my 5 hour sleep.... had a mini-meltdown on dh last night. He has been off work since 15th of Dec and although he is generally very good at the start of his hols he said he would take her out for an hour or two so I could just have some me time and with one thing and another it has never happened. It's not totally his fault, work roped him into a load of calls and then we were travelling and then he did most of Christmas so I feel mean moaning but ffs an hour's not a lot to ask?

Last night he got up at 6.30 when she wouldn't settle which was great but then he said he doesn't know how he'll manage when he goes back to work. I said I wouldn't expect him to get up then and he said he knew that but it was difficult to sleep through... I was a bit . I mean I do think looking after her all day is a bit job like too... plus he is in work for a week and then is off snowboarding for a week so I don't think he has it too bad.

Right rant over. He's a gud un really - tis only sleep deprivation and this too shall pass? Right?

Gosh, I think I might be the only person in the entire world with no routine. Am I being "baby led"? I don't even know what that is...is there anyone out there who would describe themselves as baby led who could explain it?!

Unusual hand free during feed so I thought it was about time to catch up a bit. I know if I read back first I'll never post so I thought I'd do it the other way around.

Where to start? Things were very much not easy at first. DP's 1st week off was with me in hospital so I had him for only a week after we came home & sadly no mother, friends or relatives to stay and help. Things were pretty nuts until 5/6 weeks then as things started to get better, so they also became worse as DD was losing weight and we ended up inpatients for a week while they investigated this, helped me with a feeding plan, weighed her around the clock & checked her out for a suspected heart murmur. Thankfully she turned around quickly weight wise (following the 29th percentile nicely) and turned out to have a perfectly fine heart.

I'm combination feeding, which is a time-consuming faff but I don't want to deny her breastfeeding as she loves it so much. We start with bf - 15 mins each side - then she has a 150ml bottle of formula & takes the rest of what she needs (nearly all of it usually). We have reduced to 5 feeds a day - roughly 3 hourly - led by her - as she seemed to want more but less often. Sometimes she has a 6th 'dream feed' - breast only. She sleeps through the night (10 hours) & almost never wakes (please don't hate me!) Bed is late (11.30pm) but currently trying to pare it back to 10.30pm. Aiming for an 8.30 wake usually but Xmas has seen her getting grumpy if I try to wake her before 10 (just like her father!) so I often get a shower before she wakes which is nice. She was in a Moses basket by our bed but has just graduated to an Armsreach co-sleeper we got given, which she loves. She mostly self settles at night (going through a worse patch right now) but our (or usually 'my') big problem is getting her to nap during the day. She is too social & interested in everything to get to sleep so needs a car journey or vigorous bouncing in the Baby Björn bouncer to get her off to sleep which often these days is fairly short-lived. This often results in some grumpy & over-tired behaviour so we're working on that...

I still haven't had my 6 week/post c-section check up. Got given a date for 8th Jan when it'll be nearly 14 weeks & clashes with DD's 3 month check & vaccs. Belly above scar is still sore, tender & distended & my belly above the belly button gets really bloated & hard too. With my gigantic boobs I still look pretty pregnant. Back & hips are killing me & I feel like an achey, unfit old woman but apart from that, everything is fine. DD is a delight - funny, characterful, kooky & knows how to charm the living daylights out of everyone.

That's all I can think of to tell for now. Must get on reading & try & catch up with how you all are getting on! X

I would say I'm a combination of baby led and mummy led. like if she's been up for a while, I pop her down when she's still awake for a nap. if she settles herself, fine, but if not I don't force it. similar with feeds- if I think it's time, I offer. this is mainly because she gives feeding cues (sucking fingers etc) constantly. generally though she does want to sleep after she has been awake for an hour and a half and she does want to eat half an hour after that so she sets the routine really. I think a night time routine has helped us but only because she loves having a bath so she spends a while kicking in there which is quite tiring so that's why we get that 6 hour sleep to begin with.

personally I would love to completely set the routine without being at all baby led but I don't see how it would be possible! but it didn't happen like that- her leading meat that she established or routine- I think sometimes they just naturally do that and sometimes not.

she's a baby who runs like clockwork though- even when I was pregnant I could set my watch by her activities. she always measured average in every way and she arrived on her due date
having said that, she's been awake for a couple of hours now and I just put her down and she's happily wiggling in her basket, nowhere near sleep. so bollocks to my routine.

Hey

Had fab day with all the family yesterday, really lovely.

Terrible night's sleep though - not her, me. Went to bed at 9pm, finally got to sleep at 3am. Jess sound asleep throughout. Woke up again at 5am to feed her, couldn't get back to sleep, she went back to sleep though! Feel i can hardly complain amongst the sleep deprived but it makes me very very anxious when i can't sleep.

I stopped sleeping in 2007 after one of my best friends died. I was depressed in other ways too, but when things got better I still couldn't sleep. I did the end of med school and first years as a doctor on just a few hours sleep a night. The last month is the first time since 2007 I'v been able to sleep. ironic i know. It's just been such a long battle and i am so anxious it's going to revert back.

Anyway.

I am having a lot of nightmares about work. I don't feel anxious about work in the day but i guess i am. I'm not a bad doctor - ok I'm not the cleverest or the most skilled, but I've always had feedback that I'm thorough, conscientious, responsible, safe, decisive and compassionate - I try extremely hard at work. It does make me fucking anxious though. I don't know why, patients die whatever you do or don't do, I'm just a junior doctor, can't change the world. I struggle with the hours and I don't know why. I mean they're very long - we get rota-ed for up to 75 hours a week but in reality it can easily be 90 - but other doctors seem to cope so much better than me. I've worked so hard on my career - we pay for and take expensive stressful huge professional exams, we have to maintain a portfolio, we have to train on the job and acquire skills whilst just juggling stupid amounts of work. I have always been very bad at night shifts. My sleep patterns are so crap anyway. When I'm on nights I literally do not sleep at all (I can't eat either). This is why I was so anxious about doing them in pregnancy (if anyone remembers me freaking out on the antenatal thread). We do 4-7 night shifts in a row, 13 hours each, so by the end of the week I am just surviving on adrenaline. I've always done well at work though - I've had consultants write me letters for how I've managed extremely ill patients in the middle of the night when really far too junior to be doing that - I'm not boasting, kind of the opposite - if I'm good at it why do I find it such a struggle-physically, emotionally? Or is it because I struggle that I'm good. I don't know. But I've been out of the hospital for 5 months and I'm still having nightmares every night.

I am not alone in this or suggesting other jobs are easier. And I know I am incredibly lucky to have a job in the current climate, and it's well paid (nothing like the Daily Mail claims doctors earn, but I consider it good money). I just find being a doctor hard. I think I am a bit too empathetic, and too self-critical. Which makes me a good (and atypical) hospital doctor, but it's hard. On the soul.

But I have to go back, because it's what I've worked and worked for. The plan is to go back in August part time, and I am lucky and privileged that I have secured a position to go back to (I haven't discussed the part time bit with them yet). It's AGES away and surely part time would be easier, so I have no idea why I am still so anxious.

You know, I love Jess, and I am really enjoying maternity leave, but some days I really worry I had a baby in order to get a year off work. Isn't that awful.

Sorry for waffling on all about me me me .

Bits don't fret, I have no routine. Ds2 just has to fit in with what ds1 is doing bless him. If we are out and about in car seat or sling he will nap loads, if we are at home all day ( which we are now-bloody chicken pox!) he doesn't sleep. He goes to sleep at night at varying times, sometimes super late. This is partly because Christmas is such a manic time for us and we have had guests nearly every day so haven't had a lot of time. Once we get back from the inevitable disruption of our upcoming week away, once term starts and ds1 starts full time at nursery I plan to try and start thinking about a routine that suits them both. Also, with ds1 I didn't find a routine until about 5 months when we moved to formula.

Thanks for that huffle and October, am giving mini baths every 2-3 days now, only trouble is her hair! She's got so much of it, it starts to smell a bit after a day or so, and if she's a bit sick lying down it gets a lovely vomit aroma behind the ears! Easy enough to clean with cotton wool and water but I'm obsessed with that clean baby smell
We also keep mini downstairs with us til we go up at 9. Bedtime cues are low lights and getting changed I guess? Starting baby massage class in new year - can see mini screaming through it if she's not in the mood though - that's my girl, ha!
And wooly at OH going snowboarding without you - I would kill him! Do you board? I'm desperate to go but no chance this season
It does kill me a bit too watching DH putting earplugs in as he goes to sleep whilst I'm feeding/settling. He's been ill and sleeping next door, think I prefer that actually - watching him sleep feels like he's putting the boot in. Totally agree that it's like a full time job for us - ikeep having to tell myself that's what maternity leave is for and that it's more worthwhile just one of us (me) being overly tired as if we both were we'd end up divorced!!! plus it gives me an excuse to be a little bit evil sometimes
Ah the trials and tribulations of parenthood - to quote sheryl crow, no-one said it would be easy but no-one said it'd be this hard!

I meant bora not bits! Sorry!

fjord lovely to hear from you- sounds like you had a rough time to begin with.

squid... um... I definitely had a baby partly because I wanted to stop working. bad mummy. couldn't be happier though- can't believe how much I love her. she's harder work than my job was though!

Aargh x-posted with loads of you! So good to hear all your stories and that I'm not the only one with no routine!
Fjord our babies are possibly the same! We have very similar sleep patterns, so think we're doing ok
Bora I consider myself baby-led in that I do whatever she seems to want! Feed when she's sucking stuff, sleep when she's rubbing her eyes and play when she's smiling etc.
squid hugs to you. The fact that you care so much means you are doing a brilliant job. Yes you need the brains to be a doctor, but caring about your job is equally as important IMO. Don't be hard on yourself xxx

Squid, I can relate, I think. I did a phd before I did my doctorate in clinical psychology, and I'm fucking tired. Being caring 24/7 is tiring. Thinking 24/7 is tiring. I def had a baby now because I wanted a break.

Interestingly I'm really missing work. Mat leave has taught me that I need daily achievement on order not to feel depressed.

I have lots of friends who're medics, and my best friend in particular struggles with difficulties that sound similar to yours. She found Oasis the NHS in house counselling service helpful. It's interesting that the lowest uptake of these services tends to be from medics, so you wouldn't be alone if you ha reservations. Might be worth thinking about though as therapists often have a good idea of the pressures medics are under, relative to other therapists.

nenehooo I do board but was always slightly inept, last time we went I skied and am much better at that - more ladylike? and the lifts are easier! Last year we were TTC when the trip was being planned so dh suggested a lads holiday to cover up the fact I might be unable to go. So of course this year they all want to go again. DH asked if he could go while I was pregnant and hormonal so stupidly agreed... Having said that it is getting easier all the time and my DM is nearby and chomping at the bit to help so I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm still thinking about how he can make it up to me.... suggestions on a postcard.

Bless him he has taken her out to the park this am and has promised to bring lunch back so I'm on my second cup of hot tea and watching call the midwife.

squid I laid awake for 3 hours the other night fretting over imagined slights. Horrible - you have my sympathies but I think you think about it too much because you care which is no bad quality in a doctor. I can't say the time off wasn't a tiny factor lurking in the back of my mind when we made the decision to have a baby .

my baby hates me today. she's fine with my husband but she cries every time I go anywhere near her and she's refusing my breast. even though I'm the one that looks after her night and day and I'm the one that knows when she's hungry and when she's tired. he doesn't know her needs like I do. but today she hates me and I don't know why.

sometimes I feel like I know what I'm doing and I provide her the love and care that no one else can.

today I feel like the most useless mum in the world

babybeccus is in the nenehoo and fjord camp - doing a lovely long nite sleep but not a fan of day time naps and can get v. overtired and grouchy. borabora, i was also traumatised by baby whisperer and self settling and the meltdowns caused by trying to self settle. we decided to try once a week, swaddling if needed, ideally after a feed, and in am before she is overtired. it worked for the 1st time today, but we were unable to get a repeat performance. like huffle, we need to do various things (sling, feed, bounce) to send her to sleep. london, i do think whether or not baby sleeps for a long time at nite is mostly random. however, i would try and avoid a daytime nap longer than 2 hrs for babybeccus and i have built up her nite sleep in half hr blocks from the longest 4 hr block i would let her do in her 1st 6 weeks. i wanted to gradually increase how long she went for between feeds and to help my boobs adapt. i would not worry too much what time they go to bed, i would try to increase duration 1st and then fiddle with start time. we go to bed anytime between 8-930. i'm not too keen on becoming obsessed with routine. i just try to think logically about what she may need and try to follow her cues. i need look into how often a 9 week old should feed, but currently feed her every 2 hrs to try and make sure we get 6 feeds in. if she has just gotten up from a nap, i will play/chat with her after, if she looks tired/hasnt slept for a while, i will try to feed her to sleep. i will broadly do 'energtic' play when she isn't tired, eg playgym and less 'energetic' play, eg storey time/nursery rhymes when she is more tired. i would like a bed time routine, but dp does bathtime and we dont bath her everyday. she is also still in baby grows almost all the time, so no need to change her into pj's - i only change her when.nappy leaks/after a giant spew...so not really sure what our routine could be. squid, hope your mind stops racing so much and your sleep improves. fjord, lovely to c u back! cherry, i am on strike for new years, i cant be arsed staying up to midnite. if u cant get out of it, can u express in advance so u can at least get a little tipsy? yomping, that's great alice is feeding

Lots of posts!!!!

So nice to see you back Fjord!! Sorry you had such a crap start. Delighted you have a good sleeper!!!!

Please don't think I'm a mad routine enforcer......... If I don't make him sleep during day he won't!! Nosy little tinker, he is.

Just did a mammoth clear out of baby clothes. 2 of the large Next bags filled with stuff that is too small. About a third of those never worn at all. Shocking. Will vacuum pack them just incase I lose the plot and manage to have another baby sometime.....

Already making me tearful looking at the stuff he has grown out of. 10 weeks is actually such a short amount if time but it feels like so much more!

Refused to buy champagne in Sainsburys for new years...... I can be such a skinflint!!!!!! But I'll only drink a glass and will be in bed by 9 probably!!! Got some frexinet vintage cava instead. Which tbh is lovely!! But we always have champagne on NYE. Decided it was better spent on nappies!!!!!!

Ps Beccus that was the most comprehensive detailed relevant name checking post ever..........

Wow, you are good!!

londonmrs we're having a similar week day. DS just seems to hate me but DH can do no wrong even though I feed him, change him and look after him all day and night.

Ah man i am so behind on this thread again.

Zara I wanted to thank you for that thread on AIBU about how your bits were post-birth - I found it very reassuring - I am having sex sometimes (not often, maybe weekly) and it does hurt - but lots of women there were not having sex for nine months so maybe (like everything) I am just way too impatient. Anyway, thank you!
I have been exercising properly for a month and lightly the month before that and I am not pre-pregnant size yet and I know some people just snap back to that without any work..... but I do feel lots better in myself, my stomach doesn't look like it ever had a baby in it, and I am hopeful that when if I do get back to my usual size I will at least be in a fit body, rather than a confused misshapen one. We'll see. I think I am about a 10-12 now, and was a 10 pre-preg, so it's not bad. I really should buy myself new jeans rather than trying my old ones on twice a week and getting grumpy.

Fjord awesome to see you on here. Sounds like you have coped incredibly well without much support at all.Glad you have a "sleeper" - your mornings sound great - I have managed to score me one of them too, feels very undeserved!

Am reading and empathising with you all but cannot possibly namecheck all today... Routine discussions are interesting, I am totally baby-led but she seems to like routine so we do have one.

I have a real problem with babies/kids being given masses of "stuff" for Christmas so I am really pleased Jess didn't get too much. She is 3 months old ffs. My parents bought her a personalised plate with her name, date and place of birth and a sketch of where I live on it, which I was very touched by - maybe they knew the home birth meant a lot to me. My brothers and families got her a turtle nightlight which throws stars on the ceiling. It's lovely for breastfeeding, a lower light than my bedside one. Me and my boyfriend got her a couple of books and a teether. His mum knitted her a nice red cardi (unusually restrained for her!) A couple of mates gave her some bibs, and a little massage kit, and a really cute sleepsuit with frogs on.
That seems ... appropriate for a baby... don't mean to sound ungrateful but was worried we would get masses of pointless crap. Are you guys scrooges like me or did you go for the hell-my-baby-only-gets-her-first-Christmas-once approach!?

londonmrss You are an amazing mum. I find it unbearable when baby rejects my boob and am so impressed with people who have continued to breastfeed when baby is frequently like this...
I try to remember something I think huffle or maybe yomping once said on gripey days - usually signals growth and a new stage of development - just lots of effort for poor babs to do it - nowt to do with you!!
Big hugs (and maybe a glass of , it is that time isn't it...)

thanks Bora, appreciate you thinking of me. I know what you mean about achievement helping mood- I have found running every morning very helpful - not quite like a long shift but still something!
I have had counselling a few times and sometimes find it helpful. Other times it makes me furious, hah. I find this forum therapeutic, acutally (though am sure you are very sick of me whinging about work which I am not even doing right now!!)