October babies. Don't get lost

[lisbethsopposite]

Come in come in.

Hi all! So sorry to hear it hasn't been a happy Christmas all round. Bora I am so sorry yours was so bad. Keep your pecker up xx huffle I love your attitude to it all- you always make me laugh! Sorry you missed seeing your family. Squid your Christmas sounds FAb. Totally unique and a great start to family Christmasses. In my experience they just get better and better. Even with chicken pox our little ds1 was completely amazing, doing grand performances of 'when Santa got stuck up the chimney' with his own unique wording and inviting us all to give three cheers for everything. We just had my mum, dad and elderly grandma so it was quite chilled, noone high maintenance so we had a right laugh. And my poor dh never once grumbled about his sliced up thumb and cooked a delish goose for lunch. Ds2 was so cute in his new baby gym. Aren't the smiles and laughs the BEST?? I can forgive him for not sleeping much when he is such a lovely little smiler in the day. Thank god he is being so easy coz the dreaded pox is a nightmare. My poor little boy- I wish I could have it for him. he grid so poorly today.
Elpis- as the grand judge of the October bean bakers grand Christmas faux pas competition I crown you the champion! What was she thinking?? I hope you can laugh every time you use it! I am sure my little ds1 would give you three cheers!!
ds2 has his first injections tomorrow which i am dreading. Someone said that they might not give them to him because of ds1 having chickenpox and the pressure that would be having on his immune system. Does anyone know anything about that?

Livvy, I know your df is working and studying hard but can he not take on a little more to help you in the night? Is he off in the weekends? If so, could he not have a night when you just do the feeding and he does all the nappies and settling? You may feel better in the knowledge that you have a regular 'good' night coming. Even though my dh is not working now, i still do all the nights but really we should share it. Anyway, for what it is worth, I think you are doing a bloody brilliant job. On top of the sleeplessness and new baby traumas you have a new home away from your friends, sis moving abroad, no family nearby, a wedding to plan and a df who Works and studies long hours. I am not surprised you feel overwhelmed sometimes. Much love to you.

Can someone tell me how to join the Facebook group please?

Hi wantanorange kyyria is the gatekeeper, search for her on Facebook and she can add you on.
livvy I've taken Smorglet skiing twice so far! Don't fear, life as you know it is not completely over. Dh and I buy one lift pass then I do morning shift while he skis and he did afternoon shift while I ski. Takes a bit of organising and nappy changes at altitude are somewhat brisk but it does work. Skiing used to be my entire life a few years back when I lived in Switzerland so it was a non negotiable thing that had to continue post dc. I even timed my preg so I wouldn't miss out on either seasons and was still skiing off piste at 4 months
Urgh, I have a cold

Thanks smorgs.

Sorry to hear some of you had a rubbish christmas. It can be such a stressful time.

We had a lovely day on Chistmas day, boxing day was nice but FIL started to drive me slightly insane after 2 days together (who gives a six year old Coke ffs?!) so having a day just the 4 of us at home today. Last year we buggered off to St Ives on the 27th which I think was an excellent plan and might just do it again next year. I enjoyed Christmas at home though.

I am looking forward to normality returning.

I have tried to add myself to facebook but not sure if it's worked / if I just look like a random stalker
smorgs love love LOVE that you are taking baby smorglette skiing, that is awesome! Baby will be on a snowboard before walking I bet! livvy I hope you get to do the same!!
bella am so glad poor poxy dc1 enjoyed his christmas anyway! I think I love kids best at age 3-5, adorable (if hard work).

Maybe it's not my place, but I sort of agree with bella about people's partners not pulling their weight... even if they are working in the day,we are working in the day looking after kiddies, so doesn't the night get shared? (as much as is practical if breastfeeding)
I'm sure there are mitagating circumstances, but hearing things like this make me a bit grumpy. I think women are taught and expected to be martyrs for kids and I don't think it's that healthy for either partner really. I know I am very lucky in having boyfriend working so close and in a flexible small company with sympathetic bosses who also have young families. (Though I also take some of the credit for this set up- he was offered a better paid more hours more stress more commuting job a couple of years ago and I said I'd rather have his time than his money, and anyway my job was stressful and enough hours for two - some people did not understand this at the time but it has definitely paid off. We do a lot but we don't buy expensive stuff, at all.)

Anyway I know it's not always very simple but I wonder if it's better to change habits and expectations earlier rather than argue about it later.

Not sure i should be advising anyone on anything: fed earlier than usual this morning (4.30am) then fell back to sleep (oops) then went for a run anyway even though woke up a bit late for it (bad mum) then had a huge fight with boyfriend when I got back (about basically nothing) and then ended up re-scheduling Jess's jabs as was in tears. Pathetic.
Oh well whole family are coming tomorrow so maybe best not to have jabs today just in case she is upset afterwards (she was fine for the 2 month ones though).
I always feel sad when I fight with boyfriend, we are mostly very loving but both have a temper, stupid really.
I am in bed doing breastfeeding, skin to skin and massage as I have found it cheers me up (who'd have though breastfeeding would start to become enjoyable...)

I am confused. Who and how am I searching on Facebook?

wantanorange I searched for october bean bakers and found it xxx

Found it .

What's all this about a FB group? What have I missed??

I didn't mean to speak generally on sharing the load as I think it depends entirely on how demanding the parenting workload is and all sorts of variables such as whether the dads have to drive a long way, or how demanding their day is. With ds1 I did all the nights through the week as there was (in my fortunate case) some down time in the day when was asleep or i could stay in my pjs if i needed to where dh had to be awake enough to drive and do his job properly. This time the days are much more demanding trying to be two different types of parent to a toddler and baby and there is no down time ever. My dh has recognised that and offered to help more bless him.as you say though, squid, there is a part of me that feels like it ought to be me doing it, which is perhaps a bit silly of me.

Well I've just tried to join anyway

Hmm, so having a go at Christmas again today (still haven't opened any presents). I'm feeling a bit better, as DH is making an effort, and I'm grateful. I think the low level tiredness just got to me, and I so wanted Xmas day to be nice, that the slightest hint of DH not being cheerful causes me to blow up. It's taken this to realise how upset and pissed off about a couple f issues.

Firstly, none of his family (of which there are only his two sisters and mum) have been to see the baby (who is now 8.5 weeks old). Fair enough his mum is 82 and unwell and one if his sisters lives with her in north Wales and has a toddler, so getting down to London is hard. I'm really pissed off that his other sister has made zero effort, saying she's been busy. We're all fucking busy, but we prioritise! If you can't make an effort for a newborn, I can't see it improving when she's older. She lives in Balham, which is two stops away from where I live! It would take her 20 mins! And she's a teacher, so has ha a half term break and now Christmas to get herself here, but nothing. Not even a bloody card. And now I realise DH isn't even bothered. He was all "aww, well you know what she's like". So I blew up saying that its not good enough and if it was just us adults, that would be fine but it's not fair to treat a child like this. I'm actually getting frustrated and upset thinking about it! It's made all the worse by the fact that I don't have any family. My mum and I didn't see each other for 7 years. We're just starting to rebuild bridges now. It hurts me to think that DD has family but they just can't be arsed with her.

And I'm quite down about our sex life. Basically, it's always been a bit shit. its so weird, we both want to, but its as if we become shy or something when it comes up, so we just ended up doing it less and less, until it became a big deal. its such a shame. we decided to work on it as we were TTC. However, I got pregnant literally the first couple of condom free shags. I then had hyperemerisis and he didn't like the idea of sex whilst DD was "in there", so we haven't have sex since I got pregnant. Now we're co-sleeping so I don't know how we're going to fix this.

I feel completely fucking miserable about the whole situation .

sorry to hear all that bora. I have a similar issue with one of my best friends. he was my witness at my wedding. he's been really really busy with work for the last year, but I've barely heard from him since I got pregnant. he asked me recently when he could come and meet the baby and I said whenever and haven't heard from him since. I mean it's not like I just bought a new toaster, I had a baby for god's sake. shit friend.

sorry about the sex stuff too- I'm hoping all that stuff will slot into place (literally!) as baby sleeps better and as I heal more. our sex life was great and it's gone slightly down the drain

Londonmrss, could it be teething? Apparently, painful gums can make babies not want to feed. Mini yomping is 10 weeks on Saturday and has been showing signs of teething for 2 weeks - very dribbly, moving her lips over her gums (like a toothgless gummy OAP!), chomping on anything that gets too near her mouth (she hasn't got the control to actually put her hands there herself yet but if she is held in a way that gets her hands near her mouth, in they go! Looks like she is trying to get the entire fist in sometimes), irritable (to be fair, she is generally pretty pissed off with life gets it from her mother but she has been even more grumpy over the last 2 weeks), nappy rash and more windy than usual due to the extra saliva being swallowed and then irritating her tummy (again, she was already very windy but this is worse). I went to the docs thinking it was thrush but doc took one look at her and said it was teething.

We thought it was a bit early for teething but then again if some babies are born with teeth, I guess it can happen any time. And mini yomping was 2 weeks overdue so in some ways is more like a nearly-12-week-old now, and she is above 91st centile and if teething is started by hormones (as doc said) then I guess she would be likely to start earlier (I'm going by my sketchy knowledge of puberty - children start puberty once they hit a certain weight and then a hormone is released that starts it off, so more developped children start earlier and smaller, skinnier ones tend to start later - could be same for teething?).

We bought some dummy-like teething things, as she cannot yet hold anything on purpose so the traditional teethers are nobbing useless here! We put some Dentinox teething gel on and plonk it in her mouth, it seems to help. We also started using Colief yesterday to see if it makes a difference to her general crossness and windiness - it is expensive and a big faff but we are going to give it a week and see if it makes a difference. Last night was the first night (or day) she has slept for more than 2 hours in one go since last Friday but that is probably just a coincidence as she has been very unsettled and grotty since 4am! She breathed in a bit of Gripe water earlier, coughed herself hoarse to get it back up and has been screaming every time she coughs or burps all morning - then the screaming hurts her throat so she screams more. Real tonsil-vibrating, tongue-wobbling, head-back, inconsolable screaming, where it looks like she has forgotten to breathe.

Is it too early for a stiff gin?

Londonmrss, when I said could it be teething, I was of course referring to baby London forgetting how to latch (from your post on previous page), not the down-the-drain sex life, which is what it looks like I am commenting on! Sorry!

Sorry to hear about lack of sex life too. Same here. DH being very understanding but how on earth do you manage to shag when you have velcro baby who you are co-sleeping with?

Having to read and run as DH is ill and I need to pop out and get him medicine... So sorry to hear that some of you had less than great Christmases. Ours was good, but not without it's stresses and little arguments between me and DH - mainly because he can never be on time for love nor money, so I always know what's coming at least. Still can't stop getting pissed off about it though!
Bora really feel for you- arguments like that are horrible, I know how you feel. Glad it's getting better and he's making an effort.
Yomping can't believe your little one's teething! Good luck with that! Although my gp said he believes illness and teething are not linked and a complete coincidence. He also told me I was having twins. Hmmmm...
Still no sex here, but we're still talking about it and lamenting the loss. Am beginning to have fleeting moments of horniness which is a big improvement, and with DH being ill I don't feel like it's just me preventing it - not that he makes me feel that way, but you know... It's so tricky!
I've requested to join the Facebook group btw - bean bakers due October 2012, right? If it works, you might see lots of photos of mini dressed as various animals/vegetables... Don't judge me!!!!

yomping thinking about it, you could be onto something there. she is feeding fine now shop that was just a short term thing. but the last few days she seems to be constantly licking her lips and sucking in her lip to make a loud kissing sound. she's doing it all the time. thought maybe she had just discovered she has a tongue and is having fun making the noise. but 2 months would be very early wouldn't it?

bella apologies, did not mean to put words in your mouth. And yeah, everyone's situation is different...
neeneehoo very excited about poor babies dressed as vegetables, YES!
yomping we are having most of those teething symptoms, esp trying to jam entire fist in mouth, but she doesn't seem irritated or tetchy... yet...
You poor thing it sounds exhausting. Never too early for gin...
bora really feel for you, sex can be a bit of a minefield eh. Speaking as someone who has been with my boyfriend for sixteen (!!) years, we have definitely had our quieter months. I find the best thing to do at these times is just make time for being naked and holding each other, with no pressure to have sex.... sometimes then you end up having sex and other times you don't but at least you feel loved and sexy again. I know it is really hard with baby (and I am partly co-sleeping too - and was fully co-sleeping till about 6 weeks) but I just prioritise it... if she naps this is one of the first things we do
We spend a lot of time these days naked as a family, me lying down breastfeeding, him holding me and making frisky moves ... if she falls asleep we sneak away and go to the other room. But we are giant hippies so your man may not go for that!!

I posted in here about 2 wks ago thinking I was mental thinking DS teething...... He def has been. Teetha granules seem to sooth. A&P ones currently off market. And he pushes fist so far in to mouth he gags. I hav to try not to laugh... .....!

So yes!! Teething def seems to be the new trend for the October babies!!!

And the side effect of all this fist sucking is thumb. He has found thumb and started sucking it. FFS. Won't take dummy instead. I can picture him age 12........

Sorry to hear some of you had such crappy Christmasses, it's stressful enough with a wee baby without throwing in huge family gatherings and ginormous amounts of food (let alone the hassle of the mad Xmas shopping with grouchy baby)!
Bora so glad your day improved a little yesterday, but on DH's family. Most people can at least make the effort at Christmas, especially for a new baby! My sister has been like that too, she lives in Monaco so I don't expect her to have come to visit (!) but when I told her I was pregnant she took it very badly, told me what a terrible person I was then launched into a 3 page email of all the wrongs i'd ever done in my life (mainly as children!!!), including how terrible it was that once I'd sent her a Christmas card and it didn't arrive until mid January... like it's my fault the post got held up! So can sympathise at least

huffle KWYM about being given so many clothes that are too small for your monster baby... All of DH's aunties knitted beautiful things for DD but all for normal 3 month old babies, not my 7.5kg mutant! And when she was 4 weeks old my mum sent over clothes in tiny baby size (under 3.5kg) which was smaller than she was at birth! So I dutifully squeezed the poor little critter in, took and sent photos then put them away for next time!

yomping DD had been doing all those things mini yomping's doing... started about 10 weeks and seems better now (less grouchy, less lip chewing, less nasty mucousy nappies)... I just thought it was some developmental stage and never even thought about teething (Duh)! I like your theory on weight/hormonal link to teething age too. 2 of DD's cousins were also monster babies and teethed at 4 months (youngest is now almost a year and has 10 teeth!) so I guess we could be getting close.

for all you ladies with nasty boob problems, just as you think those horrible early days of pain are over!
Mini-smiles spent 3 days over Christmas increasing my milk supply (suddenly went from 1 boob per feed to both then back to the first again!) then decided to sleep for 8hrs last night, leaving me in agony! Woke at 4am with basketballs and yukky damp sheets and was very tempted to wake her up to feed! Still sore now after expressing and 2 huge feeds!

Gah I'm never going to catch up with everyone. Happy Christmas all! Sounds like everyone's had their ups and downs from a quick read...

We had an eventful couple of days at BIL's. They have a massive house but only 4 bedrooms, so we had to kick their oldest out of her bedroom. She has a little double, and DH is 6' 3" and I'm 5' 10" - cosy. We had DS2 on a couple of blankets on teh floor next to us, and ended up sticking DS1 in his travelcot in the bathroom Which may actually constitute child abuse - no one tell SS!! We got very little sleep...

BIL and SIL did an amazing job with the food, but I find their opinions difficult to swallow. I had to endure SIL lecturing her oldest (12 yr old girl) on how she had to pick her career wisely as if you earn any less than £300K a year you have "absolutely no quality of life"

She is a massive twat who is completely delusional and lives in a bubble but still, even from her that's one hell of a comment. I really feel for her kids, they're quite sweet in spite of her. They each got about £500 worth of presents - I've never seen so many presents under a tree, it was totally obscene. I got DH slippers and he got me pyjamas, they looked at us like this

Still DS1 had a whale of a time and DS2 did really well on his first nights away. Woke a few extra times but I think he was cold.

God I'm knackered....going to get DS2 down as early as possible and go to bed myself!

oh and bella, no tips for a journey with 2 from me! We did it all wrong, both ways... Gave DS1 a stack of books, but obviously all the wrong ones and DS2 refused to feed right up until the moment we left, and as soon as we hit the motorway cue air-raid siren wailing. His crying really upsets DS1 so we had both of them screaming in the backseat for a good 20mins until we could get to the nearest service station. Not good for the nerves.

So yeah, don't do what we did But if you're going to Kent, we may be on the way so swing by and say hi!

If anyone is worried (like me) about post-baby sex and fanny-like-a-bucket ishoos I have started a thread over in AIBU - lots of really helpful responses! A visit to a women's physio is on my new year wish list!

Went and did laps at the pool this morning and feeling good! DH came and helped me buy exercise clothes in sizes that fit me - first step to getting a bit of exercise in every day (am a tight 16/comfy 18 at the moment, was a 12-14 when I got preg and a 10-12 when I properly make an effort with exercise!!). While we're on holiday in NZ we're going to tag team baby care so each of us gets time to exercise every day - DH had a back injury in September and is still recovering. Man that was comedic at the time - he could hardly move and I was 8 months pregnant!!!

Ow, my left nipple is agony . I can't feel any obvious blockage, if I had a blocked duct, would I be definitely able to feel it? What else would cause the nipple and areola to hurt so much? It has been slowly getting more and more painful over the last few days and now I'm dreading the next feed from that side. She's currently feeding from the other side and just the feeling of her body pressed against the left breast is painful, like the nipple and areola is bruised. The area just at the base of the left nipple seems swollen during and just after feeds too, painfully swollen, rather than just the normal sort of post-feed enlargement . There is no cracking or bleeding, just pain. What could be causing this?