October babies. Don't get lost

[lisbethsopposite]

Come in come in.

LOVE Santa Claws!

Sympathies huffle - your MIL sounds impossible. Worst I had to deal with was FIL being tiresomely pompous about politics, environmentalism and the concept of trust. Oh, and referring to a book we bought him as 'left-wing propaganda'. It's about the industry he used to work in and was recommended by the Economist. Sigh.

Have had a migraine most of the day, but small beer by previous standards and I cooked the pudding yesterday. DH did main course, so lunch all in place. DS' abscess has flared up just a little but I hope it is just the final remnants of pus coming to the surface.

Thank you to all you ladies for being here for me. Looking at DS and DD today, both happy and healthy, I feel so damn lucky. DS three months old tomorrow! Does anyone else feel as though pregnancy was a lifetime ago?

(whispers) Wish I could have another one. But DH wouldn't be keen.

(Exit madwoman, pursued by ghastly revolving plastic octopus)

Thanks London!!! Yeah the routine you describe is broadly what I try. An hour after waking he will take a 1 hour nap, then mid-morning might go for a few hours, then after lunch a shorter nap and I try get another quick nap in late afternoon so it's not meltdown for bedtime routine.

I can see the logic in GF saying the longest nap should be after 12pm so they're not too tired in the afternoon (this definitely means DS takes longer to settle in bed). However I have no idea how to cajole him to take his main nap after lunch!!

DMIL (usually great) was really bloody annoying yesterday. She was bitching on Skype to DBIL that DH and I are "always saying its nap time". ARGH it made my blood boil and I was mad all night. DH shot her down pretty fast though. I told her that just because she wanted to cuddle him doesn't mean he's not tired.

Hey peeps writing and running to wish you all Happy Xmas !!! On my parents' impossibly slow laptop which takes an age to scroll so hope you all had brilliant days with the beans! We've had a lovely few days, madly busy and heading off on the next leg of adventures tomorrow so another big load up of the car ahead... Aaaaarrrrggghhh! Looking forward to reading through when we get home! xo

Hi just wondering if I can join you guys! Have just discovered mumsnet and I think it's one of the few things keeping me sane at the moment! What on earth would we do without broadband! I'm living in rural NZ so currently sweltering at 30oC with a very hot and sweaty baby who only sleeps on my chest during the day! I suppose it's a kinda post-preg weight loss sauna like the jockeys use

Hooe you all are having a very merry christmas!

Hi Smile4me, hope you're having a good Christmas!

Well, that was a shit Christmas. Another argument with DH that culminated in me turning the oven off and going into the bedroom to cry for a few hours. Managed to rescue most of the food and eat at around nine. Haven't even done presents or anything yet. I just wanted yesterday to be one nice day. Complete fail.

Oh Bora not nice. Hope you ok? Will you reconcile today? Och pet.

Welcome Smile! Join the madness!!

Well Christmas day sure tired mini huffle! Slept 1045 til 550 then 630 and still asleep! Maybe Santa brought this???

Happy Boxing day all. No Boxing now!!

Bora I'm sorry you had a crap Xmas. I hope you are on better terms today.

Huffle, v jealous of yr sleeping.

It wasn't one of my fave xmases either, it must be said (though that undoubtedly makes me selfish / heartless). The day was fine (and greatly improved by MIL having done the night shift the night before) but compared to previous years' skiing in glorious sunshine then lovely cake, wine and cheese, frankly a sober, dairy free day in the pouring rain doesn't win many points, cute daughter or no. I then went to bed at 9 as usual (as i have to do every day as necessary for survival). She was fed at ten by dad, then she woke at 230, 4, 5 and 6. I fed her at 230 but just comforted thereafter.

It's hard not to feel gloomy about my life being over. I have theoretically got the means to go out on a date with DF (as mil could babysit) but I'm so sodding tired I don't want to. But not leaving the house makes me gloomy. Argh. DF wants us to go to the pub for lunch and I'm staggering about in tears. And yes, I know that maggie thatcher survived on four hours. But I'm just not like her. I need more. I've been doing a routine and restricting daytime naps, so why is she bloody waking up all the time?... I'm too old for this caper. Should have done it at 17 not 37.

Moan over. Sorry.

baby has forgotten how to latch and screams every time I try to feed her.

I just called her an arsehole and now my husband isn't talking to me.

Livvy I am sorry you feel so crap about Christmas. I swear to god Karma will show its positive side soon. Good times will arrive. And yes, we should hav done this in our bloody early 20s at the latest ..... But then you def wouldn't have had those lovely holidays and memories!! New memories coming soon, lovely giggly ones. Promise.

Londonmrss sorry that both baby and husband being arseholes today. Hopefully at least one of them wises up soon.

So pleased to be in my own quiet house. Ahhh. I'm so bloody antisocial really. Everyone else annoys me!! At least here no one slams doors, trips over baby seat or laughs loudly (how dare they!) when baby sleeping! I live a quiet life. If my SIL tells me once more that her friends baby can fall asleep with thrash metal on the stereo I will hit her. Who the hell wants a newborn to be listening to thrash metal anyway??????

Sorry you're having rough times livvy & bora Xmas is a bit of a stressfest at the best of times and small babies do not add much to the mix do they.

I don't have any tips for better nights sleep I'm afraid, just the usual being a right miserable cow when you get up with them and eventually they figure it out. They just have a will of their own thou don't they the little gits darlings.

londonmrs I've called dd all sorts, I figure while she doesn't understand if it gets me through the day fine so I wouldn't beat yourself up, hopefully your dh will come round... it's in no way the same for them is it?

Christmas not too bad this end, dh and his family cooked and mine washed up, put dd to bed early which meant I had to get up more in the night as missed out on her longer sleep but at least I could have a proper drink pissed on half a glass of wine thou lightweight took about 4 hours to open all dd's presents and I'm fairly certain she can have a new outfit everyday for the next 3 months...

squid Santa claws, love it

to be fair, she is being a bit of an arsehole

Oh and we got lots clothes gifts for DS too. All of which now too small... Forward planning organised relatives didn't account for a monster baby! And the feckin sales are on!! Not many gift receipts! I feel so guilty. Gulp.

Londonlivvy

Yesterday was a horribly gloomy day, wasn't it? I always feel a bit miserable on Christmas afternoon. And, yes, 37 feels a bit old to be in this game. But you will ski again - imagine how much fun it will be teaching DC. They can start very young and they love the snow.

On a different note, I've posted a pic of MIL's present to me in our Facebook group. Bear in mind that she's German and doesn't do irony. (No disrespect to Germans, my great-grandfather was one too.)

PS When are we Londoners meeting up at Swiss Cottage? Because I have two non-swimmers I'd have to come along for 10am as DD's in preschool in Muswell Hill 9-12, and that's usually the only time I have alone with DS.

Nice one Elpis. Read it from cover to cover and give us a synopsis, won't you? Just to make sure we are all being good little wives and mothers. Aitch.

bora and livvy, sorry u had crap days yesterday. i caught the bean's cold so felt a bit rough. huffle, i believe u also had a sleep christmas miracle. baby beccus slept for 10 hrs straight xmas eve but was back to 5 hrs last nite. london, elpis and orenishi, i have attempted to private message u re swiss cottage swim. apologies to anyone else interested that i missed that wanted to come, just pm me. wish squid & yomping could come as they are the swimming inspirations.

I didn't get a private message- tried to message you but can't work out how to cos I'm a tit and I can't work my phone

i have tried again london. i, too, am a tit

So sorry to hear you had a bad day Bora
You too, livvy.
Christmas is just a bit of an intense time I think, all emotions are heightened. I had a really special day which I suspect is because I got my meltdown out of the way on my birthday 2 weeks ago!
Even though I am very happy with my Jess and feel a lot of how well things are going is just luck, I absolutely empathise with what you were saying livvy about losing yourself... I have a little cry some days about the things I don't do any more. They're sort of odd things, not the drinking/partying you'd expect... I used to write a lot and I can't... jusyt not interested right now. I am anxious about whether I'll be able to be a doctor again, it was so nonstop and intense for years and now I have stopped I just don't know... how I'll find the ... energy to go back to that pace again. My identity just seems to have changed so much and though i think I've gained more than I've lost some days it does make me very tearful.
But I guess we have to remember this newborn bit is very short in the grand scheme of things. I agree with having more energy at 17 but I had a great time in my 20s and glad i wasn't a mum then.

hufflepuffle Lovely MIL comments! I'd have wanted to smack her!
I have not had family yet though all my side (8 adults and 5 kids, eep!) are turning up on the 28th, I'm cooking apparently! But I find my side of the family very easy and we got boyfriend's family seen before xmas thank god. They were ok for once, though I massively struggled with his mum holding Jess (for about 3 hours) even though she wasn't doing anything wrong. I just HUGELY struggled with it and had to go off and "sleep" at one point just so I didn't have to watch them. Irrational harpy that I am.
Elpis absolutely feel like pregnancy was another lifetime, and a crappy one at that! I don't know if I'm alone in finding pregnancy (esp while working) SO much harder than the newborn bit.
Zara and London am always so nervous when people start talking about making babies take naps... I cannot make the child do anything!!! I am happy to live in a bit of a random chaotic style though (and she does sleep well at night - days a bit harder work - still rarely get a nap unless she's in my arms. But cannot complain due to marvellous nights!!)

I think I had my favourite Christmas of all time - little stocking for Jess in bed, not many presents, run with santa hat on, cathedral for the music, met a member of one of my favourite bands completely randomly, LOBSTER, cheese, a bit too much wine, and a mostly happy baby. We sang Jess christmas carols to calm her down even though we are the worst singers ever, and had sex under christmas lights when she went to bed. Feel a bit guilty for enjoying it so much when xmas such a crap time for most!!!

Beccus would have loved to come, have a great time all!!

Merry Christmas everyone! Just a quick catch up, had a lovely day but not such a great night.

Made fatal mistake of asking my parents what age I was when I slept through the night... Apparently not until i was 3 years old. Great. Lets hope that's one thing that doesn't run in the family.

Thanks to those who sent good wishes things a bit better today. Not great, but better.

bora sorry to hear you had such a rubbish day. Remember, Christmas is just another day - there's no guarantees that it's meant to be more magical or better than any other day. Chin up, move on! :)

squid yeah I guess it depends on the personality of the baby. DS just gets fidgetier and fussier if I try to get him to sleep in my arms. I finally figured out that what he needed was me to put him down and walk away!! That and a strict bedtime routine starting no later than 6pm is what ended the 2-4 hour screamathons in the evening. I do tend to let him fussily cry for 5-10 minutes if I can tell he's just overtired and not actually upset - I'm wary of letting him get used to me rocking him to sleep. I guess I've naturally fallen into a bit of a Gina Ford Lite routine because it's what suits him (and us). Horses for courses though, I belong to the school of Whatever The Fuck Works parenting ;)

Totally know what you mean too about feeling lost - will I ever get a semblance of my normal life back??? How do you make the journey from overanalytical lawyer to mum to something in between??

londonmrs argh hope this is just an off latching day for you! I'm sure she'll get back on track soon. Is this what they call a nursing strike??? Meh and don't worry about your DH getting miffed with you about calling baby an arsehole. Mine (and his mother) gets hoity toity like that too when I voice my frustration in ineloquent terms. Sorry, but babies are like that at times. Nobody has inexhaustible patience for grizzly children. I think people other than the main carer don't get that and get all when you're honest. Also as the mother you're hormonally hardwired to get more annoyed/stressed by the crying. Tell him to chill out and stop clutching his pearls ;)