October babies. Don't get lost

[lisbethsopposite]

Come in come in.

Haha what - no - I strap him on and then put my coat on, though it doesn't fasten around him/me.

right come on baby London. 4 days ago, you had only ever slept for 3 hours at a time and usually closer to 2 or less. suddenly you did 4 hours. the next night you did 4.5 and the next you did almost 6. let's go for 7 tonight.

come on baby London.

hope you all get peaceful nights.

Come on baby London!! U can do it!! (and send message to baby huffle too cos mummy has had a hard day and could do with it!)

go baby london! huffle,glad we helped u pooh.. bora, i wear my babybjorn over t shirt so baby feels my warmth and so i can strip off top layers if tube is hot. london, orienshi, elpis and anyone wanting to go swimming at swiss cottage, we r good to go from 3rd jan onwards after jabs, ideally not mondays as we r doing baby massage course. what do they wear? costume over swim nappy? do sainsburys do swim nappies?

OK so - they do a baby's swimming half hour on Wednesdays: they sing lullabies in the water and stuff, and it's from 12.30-1pm. It costs £4.80 and you don't need to be a member. Alternatively they said the best time to come is in the week around 3 as the pools are empty then. They said swim nappies are fine - the pool is 33 degrees. Beccus I picked up some Huggies swim nappies in Sainsburys!

Come on baby London!!!!

Bah, so jealous of all of your beans starting to sleep through! DS woke at 2.30 and 5.30 last night (but was asleep from 8pm, admittedly). This disproves the myth that formula helps babies sleep longer!!

I think Tom is just a guts and likes his night bottle(s). Not that he needs it - 13 and a half pounds at 7.5 weeks

No need to wait until after jabs to swim.

I wear baby in stretchy sling over my normal indoor clothes. She wears vest and babygrow. We add a hat for her and a coat for me if going outside. That's it. She always seems perfectly warm enough. I figure the sling is a layer and my body heat is a layer, especially since I get hot when walking with her in sling.

Jealous of the London crew with your plans to meet up. Could you organize it off thread please? I am pathetic and will get very sad as I will want to join in but can't so will feel all left out

Had jabs today. Tried to feed but she was more interested in exciting bright room! Jabs not too bad but DD quite inconsolable in evening so gave Calpol.Guess her legs are achey like my arm gets after jabs. Has feed like a demon since and lots of comfort sucking, and not much sleep. nipples are shredded and I am so tired! .

mannnn this baby doesnt want to sleep i want to sleep. i feel like shit. it is not playtime dd"!!

sadly i would love to join in the london meet up but swiss cottage is aaaaaggess away and i hate the tube and london, what a country bumpkin!!!

Gah, still not settled. Fed again, winded again, nappy changed and rocking back to sleep... this time can you stay asleep? Otherwise I might put you and Mickey's DD in a soundproof room so us poor mums can get some shut eye!

Meant to be going to parent and child screening of The Hobbit this morning... think at the moment I'd rather stay in bed

I'm going into work to show off bean today. Feel strangely ambivalent about it, not really interested in what is going on there when I won't be going back until Oct. I'm keeping in touch with the people I want to and not bothered about seeing others. Also a bit nervous of DS hollering and me not being able to calm him and getting in a fluster.

Work feels like a different lifetime.

Settled at 4, awake again at 6. Have just worked out that I have been awake, feeding, winding, changing or generally comforting and rocking DD for more that 6 of the 9 hours that I have been in bed. #notlovingmotherhoodtoday ...

that's crappy yomping. last week when she was feeding at least every 3 hours, we had a few nights where we spent half an hour feeding, over 2 hours settling and by the time we were done it was time for the next feed and there had been no sleep in between. can you get some rest
today? do any of you find time to
nap in the day?

well we didn't get 7 hours, but we did get almost 6 again. at least she's consistent. the problem is that after a long sleep like that, she's ready to play and just keep smiling rather than going back to sleep. very cute though.

it's terribly annoying now that we are going away for Xmas just as sleep is staying to improve- is it going to ruin everything?

yomping you have my sympathy! Our night was not as bad as yours but still not great - went to bed at midnight, fed at 1.30 for an hour, 4.30 for half an hour and now feeding again. She's 11 weeks tomorrow. Trying hard not to feel like its me doing something wrong and stopping her sleeping because I don't think it is, but when tired and frustrated its so easy to feel thwt way.
Took her into work yesterday to show off. Other than an apocalyptic poo on the way requiring a full change of clothes she behaved beautifully and showed off her new found skill of chuckling which is sooo cute. Even went to a doctors meeting and breastfed my way through thwt!
Planning a nice quiet day at home today, going to start trying to build up a freezer stock of expressed milk though thwt may be challenging while she's feeding every 2 hours!

Exhausted.com. That is all I can muster. Going to assume is indeed some teething going on and get some teething powders. Basket and babygro soaked in slabbers. Oof

I'm so fucking angry. He cried for FOUR HOURS STRAIGHT and then threw up all over me.

MIL came in and laughed when he finally went to sleep. Oh look he's smiling in his sleep. She had been going on how a friend of hers FF one baby and then BF another and the BF was so easy and I'm thinking FUCK YOU THERE'S NOT LIKE I CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE FACT I FAILED AT BFING.

Then he woke up. Then I did something I feel bad about. I hissed "fuck you baby" and nearly threw a muslin at him. I didn't, I stopped myself, but I feel so bad. I kissed him and apologized over all over. God I feel awful. How could I say or do something like that to my beautiful boy? He doesn't know what he's doing. There must be something wrong with me if MIL doesn't get as upset as me. Fuck what kind of mother am I? Is this PND? Just stress?

Oh poor Zara, I really feel for you. If its any consolation after another evening of screaming colic I told DH that DD was the worst mistake I ever made. I feel horrifically bad about it. I figure it's not me and its not her, it's The Colic.

I don't know whether its PND but it sounds like it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone in RL about how you're feeling? Even if its not its shit to be feeling so stressed.xx

Oh okay RE the bjorn. I feel like a numpty now but I only asked as the instructions say you have to wear it on the outside of your coat!

Zara it's ok - I know it doesn't feel like it but it is OK, it's all OK. Just take a moment for yourself to breathe deeply - just a moment for yourself to take a step back and calm yourself.

You are NOT a bad mother. All of your posts here attest to that. You are in a very stressful situation - sleep deprivation, screaming, feeling inadequate - it is the worst and you have to gain perspective. You are reacting emotionally to an emotional situation. You want the best for your baby, you feel you've somehow failed at BFing, insensitive remarks from MIL become like stab wounds, your baby is crying and seems inconsolable.

You're at this high level of anxiety and stress right now - and very quickly keep going higher. You need something for yourself - to calm yourself down, to burst this pressure bubble you're in at the moment, something to calm the stress levels you're outputting. Your DS will surely be picking up on that and I know it's really, really easy to feel like a failure, to feel like even your stress is to blame - but it's not, it's just reason - you need to bring yourself right back down from this high level of stress. If your MIL thinks she's so great at looking after babies, book yourself a massage and have a bit of time away from your DS.

Four hours of screaming is too much to bear. Do not beat yourself up for this. Your reaction was one of frustration, stress, anxiety and upset - not malice, not intent to hurt, not bad parenting. Please remember that.

Zara, please don't be angry with yourself. we all do things like that- it's a combination of frustration, stress, tiredness and the feeling of helplessness that this kind of situation gives you.

I do think you still seem to be really blaming yourself for the fact that the bfing didn't work out though. I think this is adding to your stress and it may be worth talking to someone about that. you didn't fail. you need to believe that.
the crying does sounds like colic. unfortunately that's just one of those really difficult things, but it's not your fault. it will pass- it will all pass.

hugs to you- you are doing brilliantly. if you get chance today, take half an hour for yourself. have a bath, cup of tea whatever. go for a walk. I suddenly realised that I haven't been more that 5 metres away from my baby since the first week when mil was staying and we went to the pub. that thought actually makes me feel a bit claustrophobic.

Thank you all. I just called DH, chatting to him helped. I think I need to chat to someone in RL. I will talk to DH when he gets here and figure out who I could chat to. I read your messages over and over again and they are helping me calm down.

I guess I'm so worried of becoming like my angry unstable mother. My dear sweet boy deserves the best mummy he can have, I hope I can be that mummy.

It doesn't help that PILs have their friends round tonight, and they're all laughing going "ohhhh there's more to come" etc etc. I promise to never do that when I get to their age. The fuckers. I hope they grow more wrinkles and liver spots overnight.

It's 11pm here. Need sleep. Need to think about this more in the morning. The bfing thing still cuts me, and this colicky stuff is painful (for me and poor baby too, I'm sure),

I'm so grateful to have you all.

Christ almighty. I need a life transplant. Stupid receptionist in work has thrown a strop and says she is leaving. DH (who had nothing to do with my business) has gone to try and placate her as after the night I hav had I cannot cope with a confrontation. She has done something wrong, upset a valued patient. And DS still screaming. We are now feeding skin to skin in an attempt to calm him.

I swear to god I am going to have a total melt if she leaves me in the lurch. She wants to leave as soon as I return anyhow. I am starting recruitment in Jan but wtf can I do? I have no headspace for this now!!

And my poor wee son. He is obviously distressed, stressed tearful mummy is making ten times worse.

zara another way of looking at that is to think that you were in a hugely stressful situation (your own baby screaming is a much more stressful sound than someone else's, I'd have wanted to thump MIL for those comments), felt understandably absolutely terrible, wound up inside etc BUT despite all of that you reacted in a way that didn't harm your beautiful baby, you managed to cope. It must have left you feeling miserable but ds will be none the wiser. He doesn't know what fuck you means so all he knows is that mummy kissed him all over.
Now, I know it's not ideal to feel like that in the first place and maybe it is worth having a chat to hv or whoever to see if there is an element of pnd but what I'm trying to say is that despite all the massive stresses you are still being a brilliant mummy, you really are. Hugs to you.
Btw I spent at least the first 3 months of dd1s life thinking I'd made a terrible mistake. I hadn't, she's the best thing ever, just, newborn babies are really really stressful sometimes, hard to look after and exhausting.

Oh zara sending hugs. You get upset more than you mil because he's your baby hun. There's something about their cry that just goes right through you isn't there?

I think you're perfectly justified to be angry/upset, I think you're doing great, if I went to live with my mil without dh it would be about 5 minutes before I poked her with something sharp in the eye.

I had colic as a baby and my dad told me that it made him realise why ppl shake babies. They resorted once to pushing the pram to the bottom of the garden and then sitting in the house to have 10 minutes peace. I love my parents very much and have not turned out too disturbed .