October 2012 babies part 2: winding, yawning and grizzling, and first smiles?

[YompingJo]

Part 2: in which our babies learn to sleep through the night and make us tea in the morning

Doing this from my phone so may have to do it in stages but so many people I want to bear hug...

zara your post made me nearly cry, you poor thing that sounds soul destroying. And makes me glad to have mastitis! But please take heart that it will not affect the bond you have in the long run, just a thing to add to a list of regrets. Regrets get us nowhere though so don't be hard on yourself. Bear hug number 1.

Bear hug 2. bella DH experienced this crap last year around the same time so I literally feel your pain. However I was in employment then so I can understand why you are so worried. Don't think about going back early yet, save that worry for later... My DH still doesn't have permanent work but we have managed ok, with day work, I hope it pans out the same. But I so remember the atmosphere and the brave faces. It gets better once it's over. Seems employers always handle things badly just adding to the toxicity of it all. It is horrible but it will pass.

Cheesy pop the piles back in. Gross but effective bear hug 3.

No hugs my arse, hugs to all and damn the consequences!

midget No not in red zone yet, we're just below the 9th centile so it's not panic stations yet!

Well I thought I'd better get my latch checked again so phoned my local bf support peeps and a lovely lady came straight out this morning. She thinks positioning fine but DD not feeding activity enough. So she's given me some tips to try and increase this and we'll see how we go. She said her son was also diagnosed failure to thrive (he had reflux) so definately worth having the referral. They will almost certainly insist on formula top up but she's suggested I use a supplemental feeding system for this so it's still taken at the breast. Looks a bit weird but I'll give it a go!

Hugs again all round to those that need one (I'm in that kind of devil may care mood today...)

Two questions for you all.

1. for those who had mastitis did it affect your supply? Seems to have drastically done this and worried it may not come back

2. night sweats are back, hope it's the infection but anyone else have the
   Still? Bloody hate them.

Sorry Midget I am selfish cow, have not commented on your mastitis at all!! Poor thing. Come to think of it my supply was prob down as that's when he was feeding up to 40 mins again and had to sometimes feed both sides. All well now tho so no issue on supply

Did u get antibiotics? I know not always necessary but my temp went straight to over 39 so I had to. Sore boob actually came later. Certainly had sweats with temperature, big time. Are u checking your own temp??

Make sure u drinking loads to make up for the sweats!!

Thanks huffle - how long did it take to come back? I am also now having to do both sides leading to sore nipples again. Trying to ward off thrush with probiotics. It's a fecking awful cycle isn't it? Had it a few times with dd1 and thought I had avoided it this time. Previously angelic baby getting hacked off and I am getting paranoid that I won't be able to EBF. Hope just paranoid.

I did get antibiotics, started Monday.

And huffle you aren't a selfish cow! Too many posters here to always keep up with everyone .

Promise to stop drip feeding posts now, maybe have blocked brain duct as well as milk duct.

Was probably dodgy for about a week. I just assumed it was him upping my supply. Keep feeding and be v careful with latch and position, hopefully supply should be fine, given all that stimulation, surely? Watch out for the bloody thrush now, feckin bloody antibiotics!!!

thanks for sympathy and hugs everyone! We will get through it somehow and we are so lucky to have each other and our little fellas so if we have to move in with my parents (sob!) we will just have to do it.

zara your post was heartbreaking. I am so sorry that this has been such a hue disappointment for you. Just ignore this if you like, I realise I am so lucky to be bfeeding so you may just think it is easy for me to say. But...you say you look at his gorgeous chubby legs and wish it was you who had provided him with that. Well, who is doing all the endless faffing with bottles and steralising and making up formula, even in the night, even on a long haul flight? YOU! You are the one nourishing him and providing for him and doing a wonderful job at it. And it will be you who in a few months time will be chopping and mashing up millions of little pots of carrot and sweet potato and banana and whatnot and providing him with all the nutrients he needs. I know it isn't the same and that feeding is one of the only things we can do for them at this stage but in the longrun there is so much more you will get to do for him. You are clearly a devoted and wonderful Mum, so let yourself grieve for this disappointment, but know that it will not affect your bond with that little boy one jot. I don't even know how long my Mum BF'd me for and we have always been super close. You couldn't have done more for him to give him the best possible start and he is clearly thriving. (steps off soapbox and hides in case everyone is sighing at another one of my 'parenting is great' rants)

cheesy so glad you had a good weekend and are feeling a little better. It is such a rollercoaster isn't it? Sorry about piles too. I have them and they are horrible and embarassing .Have you got some anusol? My midwife prescribed some and it does help.

well said as always.

zara you poor love, please do not beat yourself up over this. I do understand the disappointment over not being able to bf and the expectation that it would come naturally.

I ruefully sent back an unused nursing bra yesterday, I wasn't as organized as you to get bf clothes but can imagine the pangs you get seeing them.

We are both doing the best for our boys by ensuring they are feeding well and from what you have posted it sounds as though DS is thriving and putting on lots of weight and is happy and contented and certainly loved.

Someone said to me that bf is such a small part of being a parent in the scheme of things, which is so true. But from where we are, so new in when they are only feeding and sleeping and it feels like Bf is such a huge deal.

Much as bf is a wonderful bonding experience, it isn't the ONLY way to bond with a child - otherwise there wouldn't be any involved fathers.

Evening :) Another quick one but a hug for Midget. When I got the blocked ducts the bean got really screamy and it was only when it happened second time I realised she was probably hungry because she wasn't getting milk out of blocked boob. Don't worry, it went back to normal really quickly, seemed to be at worst when ducts were blocked solid (and agonising). You'll probably find as the pain diminishes your milk gets through again

And Zara I can't say anything better than what the lovely Bella said but you're a fab, jetsetting mama who got your bean through a flight halfway round the world intact :) I'm so sorry you feel so sad about the BFing. As Elpis said there might be a way of relactating - try Kellymom website for advice. One of my best friends had awful supply problems, her DS wasn't gaining and she had to switch to FF. She was devastated at the time but she managed to give him a tiny BF (literally a few mouthfuls at first) in the evening after his bottle which which really helped her emotionally. Even if it's only a tiny bit you might feel better in yourself but please don't put pressure on yourself. Friend's DS is a happy, healthy little boy who thrived on his FF

Like Huffle I'm sorry not to namecheck all, it just seems to take so long because I always write bloody essays. Am reading and thinking of you all. And good news - had scan and uterus looks clear, just a few small clots so hopefully bleeding will ease off soon. Can't wait - it's like I've had ALL the periods I missed in pregnancy back to back in the last 10 weeks

there is an anti sickness drug called Maxalon that makes you lactate. I took it with DD1 who was tube fed to manage to get EBF. Not saying anyone should take it but is always an option if anyone does want to kick start their milk production. I had jugs like Jordan

Good news on your scan Angelico, a relief not to have another procedure. Be gone clots. And thanks for the hug. Currently sitting with a wheat bag co
Press on my boob. Pure glamour.

DD has had a horrible horrible day. I went to college, as I have been for a few weeks now. She usually dislikes the bottle but will take it eventually for DH, but today she refused completely. She had a feed from me at 7am then refused to feed again until I got back, DH had to call me and get me to come home, and I didnt get there until about 3.15pm, so she went hungry all that time . She screamed pretty much all day. DH took her to baby clinic this afternoon while I was on my way back and they basically said not to worry, she wont starve herself. Well obviously she was doing exactly that so wtf do I do now?! I never want to leave her again but know I have to and I feel so guilty. I dont understand why she wont take it.

Heavens what a day.

Zara can't say it any better than Bella. You poor thing, please be kind to yourself. You truly are doing an amazing job.

Angelico great news that you don't need any more intervention. Hope the bleeding stops soon that sucks!

Wantanorange I had a friend who went back to work when her little boy was 3m. He steadfastly refused a bottle the whole time (she was gone for a full working day, 3 days a week) - look up "reverse cycling" on kellymom. His weight gain wasn't spectacular but he's a happy healthy little boy now. So hard for you, I hope she accepts the bottle again soon.

I've had a lovely day with DS2 whilst DS1 was at the childminder. Still really miss DS1 but glad not to be juggling 2 all day. Lots of lovely smiles and gurgling, chilled out feeds, lots of good sleeping from him - he's quite a textbook baby when the house is quiet! Bring DS1 back into the mix and he struggles a bit, unfortunately.

Now doing the evening pacification ritual (continual bouncing and shushing and randomly offering feeds until he passes out - can take HOURS) and am SO sick of it...when will we get our evenings back??? Argh. He's 9 weeks tomorrow... Seem to remember things getting better with DS1 at 10 weeks. Better try to feed him again.

Wave to all!!

thank you so so much everyone. I don't feel like I can admit to DH and DMIL that I tried again with the boob and that it broke me. DMIL is amazing in every way but because she took to bf like a duck to water I make her feel helpless when I start rambling and crying about bfing. I feel I can only admit it to you ladies. Thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart for (trying) to talk sense into me. Thank you for being there and just reading my rambles, and then being kind enough to respond.

midget you are so right, regrets will not get me anywhere.

bella You put things really well into perspective for me. I didn't actually ever think about me doing the bottles etc as doing something FOR DS. I know that sounds stupid but I really didn't.

I think it's going to take me longer than I thought to deal with not being able to breastfeed. I feel like it's such a stupid first world problem to worry about when I can afford to buy formula and have clean water available but it HURTS. One day at a time. Starting with a hot strong sweet cup of Irish tea right now. Sigh. And then some cake later.

Crazy I looked up reverse cycling. Thank you so much. I just burst into tears with relief because it pointed out that some babies go through the night without feeds at this stage and dont starve! I have a very important presentation tomorrow so I'm taking DH and DD with me and leaving them in the cafe while I pop into class, then I can pop back out and feed her again. That will by us another week to work on it.

my mum's here for the night. I've put her in the spare room with babyLondon and I'll leave them to it and just get up to express every few hours. ahhh sleep.

Hi everyone. I've finally managed to catch up with you all a bit, however as the baby with the youngest baby of the group I can't really offer any advice about anything, although Angelico I spoke to the health visitor (Who is absolutely wonderful!) about DD's constipation, she said it is totally normal for BF babies to go up to a week without going for a poo, but she advised (as did my great nanny) to put DD in a warm bath and massage her tummy in small clockwise circles. I did this, sort of bounced gently her around in the water and it really seemed to help, got lots of farts out of her and then she did a big poo later. (I was a bit worried that she was going to poo all over me in the bath though!!)
My mum also said (as all three of us seemed to get the same thing) if it gets really desperate, dissolve a spoonful of brown sugar in some boiling water (but not alot, it needs to be quite concentrated), let it cool and then syringe it slowly into her mouth. Used to make us go! Hope this helps you.

Bella I truly love your words of support and wisdom, and I really really hope that your DH finds some work soon. Has he tried looking at temp agencies? Not good for long term situation but a good short term solution. I would have also said about looking at seasonal work.. but its probably a bit late for that now.

Zara I totally agree with what Bella said. I can't offer any advice as we have cracked BF now but I know my first night trying to breast feed in hospital was horrendous, I was so poorly that my milk supply hadn't caught up and DD just wasn't getting enough. I cried and cried and cried when the midwives came in to give me a break and topped her up with formula- I sent a text to DP telling him how awful I felt that I couldn't provide for her. But what Bella said is totally right, and really it doesn't matter if you BF or FF, the bond you have with your son won't be any different, he is happy, and contented and that is all that matters.

Midget I hope the mastitis clears up soon.

Midwife coming again tomorrow to weigh DD. Am so inclined to tell her the advice she gave me last week was utter crap. But maybe I will just leave it!

Part two...

I'm really sorry for this next bit. Entirely self absorbed, so please feel free to ignore.
Does anyone remember my post on the antenatal thread a long long time ago about my father? My v abusive father that I haven't seen since being a year old.
For a long time he has lived in America, nearly died twice of pancreatitis (due to being an excessive alcoholic), fell down a cliff, broke his back and crawled all the way back up and survived. Has had another child, abused another wife, etc etc.
He's coming back. Said wife and child have run away and now he is moving back to the UK permanently to live with his mother, in the village that I've grown up in and called my home for 20 years. His mother is an absolute headcase, told him that he was going to be a grandad, and told me in no uncertain terms that he wants "to get to know me". On this occasion I was still working, and heavily pregnant. I well and truly burnt all bridges with her and told her that she or he are having nothing to do with me, or Pippa, and then kicked her out of my shop

My aunty (the only nice sister) rang me today and told me that he is coming back this weekend. I'm so scared. Luckily, I have moved, and not many people know where we live so hopefully there is no chance of being found by either of them. But I feel so vulnerable. DP is back at work for another week and a half and I'm really terrified that he will turn up on my doorstep. I can rely on the village gossips to tell him everything. What do I do? I'd love to be able to tell him where to go, but I fear that if and when that time comes I won't be strong enough and will let him walk all over me. I don't do confrontation. Especially with a man that I don't know, with an abusive history like his. I know he will come back and be a raging alcoholic again. I feel a bit like I can't leave my house now and can't go back to my village and do things like I did before. Sounds stupid but I'm scared to go back to our local pub in case he will be there. Alot of his old friends drink in there, know me, know the baby and I am so worried that he'll start drinking there. I know I won't be able to set foot in there knowing that he could be in there, or could turn up. Bang goes my fecking christmas.
Ugh. I feel like shit. I don't even know what the bloke looks like anymore. I have a picture of him, that is years and years old, which for some reason I've never been able to throw away. (Although I may have done when I had the last row with his mother).
I'm so scared for my mum. His mother knows where she lives and I'm so scared for her that he will turn up there looking for us. She says she's not bothered, and will tell him to fuck off, basically. But she's so good at acting brave when I know she isn't. She'll go to shit in three days time. I don't think domestic abuse is ever forgotten. I don't even know the whole story because she's always tried to protect me from it.
I suppose I can be at least thankful that she won't ever be in the house by herself, because she works so often and isn't really home until my brother and sister are there.

God this is opening alot of old wounds. My little girl is the brightest light in the sudden darkness that has engulfed me today. Poor DP doesn't know what to say or do to comfort me. I think I just need a cuddle. and a big wooden bat.

Sorry everyone. I needed to write that all down and get it out of my head. I have a bad headache.

Love and lots of un-mumsnetty-cuddles to everyone. I hope you all get a decent night's sleep. no doubt mine will be plagued with nightmares again xxx

On the plus side, Pippa passed her hearing test with flying colours today so at least I know that me being deaf isn't genetic after all

Also forgot to say yomping, good for you for asking for help. it takes a very strong person to admit they need a bit of help. i hope you are getting all the support you need xxx

Mickey just had a quick read through. So sorry you are facing this Would you consider doing a copy and paste into the 'Relationships' thread? You'll get really good advice from people who have been in similar situations. I know that sometimes people on there have suggested contacting local police, explaining the circumstances and just 'putting themselves on the radar'. You can also get some pre-emptive advice about how to handle things should he turn up and also advice for your darling mum who may want to find out in advance about restraining orders. Hopefully none of this will be necessary but I'm a great believer in hoping for best but preparing for worst IYSWIM. It might give you the confidence to be ready for a first encounter, rather than it taking you by surprise. Also if you don't want to use your current name on relationships board you can do a name change - I changed mine when posting there about the epic row with mum.

Please try not to worry - so unfair that this is happening when you should be enjoying your lovely Pip. Thinking about you - and forewarned is forearmed xo

just wanted to send hugs back to Mickey. I have no experience of this type of thing, although my husband does and says he feels a guilty sense of relief that his dad's additions eventually killed him leaving him and his mum safe.
ids it with mentioning to a few other local people how you're feeling so you don't feel so vulnerable?
you will find the strength to deal with whatever comes and hopefully you will be able to continue with your happy family life without this man having any effect on any of you.
great news about Pip's hearing! I totally forgot you were deaf. do you use sign language? sorry if that's a dumb question. I used to work with deaf children so learnt lots of bsl and makaton but have forgotten most of it. always thought it would be a cool form of communication to teach to a child but we are already a bilingual family so I wouldn't want to introduce a third language!