October 2012 babies part 2: winding, yawning and grizzling, and first smiles?

[YompingJo]

Part 2: in which our babies learn to sleep through the night and make us tea in the morning

londonlivvy Ariel Excel gel, bio for whites, other one for coloureds. Used Vanish spray on a poo stain the other day but it didn't shift it completely. Beyond caring and DS seems unmoved by his wardrobe, no matter how many times I tell him how handsome he looks in his wrap over top/ train hat/ bigger sleepsuit etc

Just a quickie, still feel like pants (thanks for the bear hug * and squid)

wooly is baby wooly still on a healthy centile and not in the red zone? Such a horrible term, but just a term, not a reflection on you. Like someone said (sorry on phone) happy and healthy most important. Are they using the same scales?

elpis know what you mean about patience endless for the baby but runs out with dc1. Newborns so much more straight forward.

Must sleep and massage my throbbing baps

That was supposed to be bella and squid the mastitis has spread to my brain

Angeluco that is a shitter. I am still bleeding but no idea why. Don't think is is retained stuff. Being referred back to OB.

elpis lovely to see you please don't feel bad! Don't know about others but I just come here to read about what you guys are doing, ramble, offer tidbits where I can. I hope nobody feels pressure to post/advise etc. I love having this support network, it's nearly as important to me as DH and DMIL. I learn a lot about what to expect just round the corner from you ladies! And that I am not the only one having the same feelings.

Saw a GP/paediatrician yesterday, and a Plunket nurse (like a health visitor, but much more frequent visits) today. Unloaded the whole birth/bf story on them both. Things I learnt:

• probably wasn't the suctioning that meant DS couldn't bf. The doc said some babies just suck at sucking! Seeing how sloppy DS with his bottles (we now bath him every day because he makes such a mess!) and dummy I can believe it. Also the lack of bf support from the get-go didn't help, no surprises there. I looked up the terrified thread I posted in chat the night DS was born when I was alone on the ward and the midwives didn't come (after DH was thrown out of the hospital) and it shocked me how terrified and alone I sounded. I'm not surprised I couldn't get to grips with bf.
• DS has put on nearly 2kg since birth! In just over 5 weeks! And has grown 13cm in length! Bloody hell...
• I'm missing tiredness cues like clenched fists & glassy stares - need to put DS in his basket BEFORE he gets really tired/grizzly!

Think I am having the 6 week growth spurt - lots of eating, sleeping and unusually grizzly behaviour from DS!

OK on a sexy-time related q: have any of you had your ladyparts waxed since birth?? Esp those of you who tore? I want to return to Brazilian-normality (after 8+ months of bushyness!) in time for DH's arrival at Christmas. Haven't had a really decent shag since I was about 4 months pregnant and would like to resume (semi-)normal service!!!

Also on a random note about various products:

• am finding Bepanthen to be the absolute business when it comes to preventing nappy rash! Waaaay better than Sudocrem, much easier to spread and more breathable it seems.
• Boots nappies are fecking rubbish!!! They are really short, about 3cm shorter than Pampers and don't keep DS as dry.
• Angelcare baby monitor allows for more peaceful poos for mummy knowing DS is safe.

Ramble over...

Zara interesting you mention the lack p of bf support. I was thinking the same today. my whole post natal care was shite actually. they were great when I was giving birth bit l after, they knew I wanted to bf. and when baby didn't latch they must said it would be fine. I was discharged less than 8 hours after both even though my labor had been 72 hours and we still hasn't gotten latch. the next day I called them to day we still hasn't established feeding and that i was desperately exp expressing but was worried that I couldn't feed her. they said it was all normal. I was obviously very distressed. the next day baby was admitted back to hospital with severe jaundice partly because of the lack of feeding which was horribly upsetting and we stayed for 4 days. still couldn't feed and was discharged again with very little advice. eventually established it on our own.
in hindsight I'm furious that I was discharged so quickly after birth with such little thought or advice! I know they have a bed and staff shortage, but I was so vulnerable at the time.
rant over. we are so lucky to have the nhs and it's amazing in many ways. but my care suffered because of stupid Tory cuts and staff who didn't care ultimately putting my baby in danger.
ugh, a political rant at 3am. welcome to my lonely nightfeed.
looking back, I've also just remembered that after the birth, they just placed a pad under me rather than attaching it or allowing me to cover up and they just left me like that, openly bleeding with no dignity left and the epidural meant I couldn't sort myself out for hours. then they just left me alone in the delivery room with my baby all night. actually I think I'll complain. all in all not good enough.

Sigh I hate that we both experienced such shit postnatal care londonmrs - yes I had the same, the whole "it's normal" shite and the paper sheet underneath me and letting me just bleed. Tory cuts are doing the same in the UK as IMF bailout in Ireland

Christ just read my last message and it makes no sense! bloody smart phone predictive text thing

Hope there was some sleep between 03:05 and 07:36 messages Londonmrss

I'm loving your political rants... specially the fear of turning into mrs T on 3 hrs sleep...

bella how is your husband doing? been thinking about you and how hard it is finding work in the current climate.

elpis lovely to have you back! I'm the opposite - I "get" my toddler and can generally be v patient with him, but baby gives me the rage Altho when baby's screaming anyone nearby gets it in the neck - DH, DS1, DS2, the postman....

realise writing that I get my toddler might come across wrong but too tired to figure out how to write it right! pls don't take it the wrong way!!

squid how kind of you to think of me. Things are pretty dire-his employers are handling it spectacularly badly and the atmosphere there is toxic. But he is being incredibly brave and poisitive so I am trying my best to hold it together too. He might be getting his months notice on Tuesday. He works in sports and arts development, so in the current climate, there is very little in that area. That is why he has been commuting to carlisle from Northumberland for so long. He is now applying for anything and everything. He might be going to help sell xmas trees at the garden centre in our village. I just feel so bad that I can not contribute anything at the moment. The only thing I could do is go back to work earlier than planned and I confess, the thought of doing that is just terrifying. I lie feeding at night worrying about it. I found juggling work and ds1 incredibly hard and am dreading coping with 2. Plus we have a new head of department and all of my colleagues keep telling me how awful he is and how much they hate work now so I am dreading it more. I am sorry to have blurted all of that out, but I am so glad to have a place to say it as I am trying not to let on to DH how much I am worrying about it. So thank you again squid for asking xx

elpis so lovely to hear from you. Please don't feel under pressure to be our bf expert. You just gave really good advice before so that is why everyone turned to you. But I quite understand that you have your hands more than full right now! I am with you on juggling two. Althoug both of them are demanding, DS2 is more straightforward, I can satisfy him easier and he doesn't require me to be imaginative, making up stories, being characters from fireman sam etc, persuade him to go to the toilet, distract him when he is being a monkey. dS1 is loads of fun, but is definitely the more taxing of the two. I hate myself for being so impatient with him, but if Will is sitting contentedly I know it will only last 2 minutes so in that time I need DS1 to put his shoes on/have a wee etc RIGHT NOW! And bless him, he doesn't always comply! He is at playgroup this morning and that eases the guilt a bit because I know they will have done some educational and stimulating things. So this afternoon I can let him build a play doh volcano yet again while I bf at the table!

londonmrs and zara I am so sorry you had such little support and such bad experiences. london I desperately hope your LO starts sleeping for longer periods soon. Loads of love to you.

midget how are you feeling today? Are the meds kicking in? Hope so.

angelico you are really going through it. I am so sorry. I hope they can sort it out for you without another bloody procedure. You must be sick!

huffle how is the sore side? I am not surprised you are losing the will to bf, what a time you have had. My bf support lady came to the house. Have you got anyone like that who could hekp you with the latch and make it easier again.

yomping how are you feeling? Did dd repeat her longer sleep last night? Hope so!

cheesy how are things with you today? Thinking of you at this hard time and sending more illegal hugs x

cherry and livvy are you guys OK? Haven't heard from you in a little while. Although as days and nights are continuous I may be distorting time. Apologies if you have posted and I have missed it!

Ok time is up! Enough rambling from me!

Bella you poor thing, that must be so stressful. how is your DH coping? can you be honest about how worried you are or would it just be more stressful? do you rent or own your property? I would have to go back to work too if something happened with my husband's job and I hate that idea too. sending hugs to you. I hope you can find a plan that makes you feel more secure.

Possibly did something very bad for my mental health. Was having skin to skin cuddles with DS just now to comfort him after he was sick all over himself. He started rooting at my boobs, so I thought hey why not see if he will suckle boob for comfort.

He latches on perfectly for 20 seconds then pulls away crying. I squeeze my sad deflated boobs and a few pathetic drops come out. I tried the other side and different positions. DS howls louder, my poor boobs dribble a drop or two. I had a bottle there so I gave it to him and he sucked happily and hungrily.

It's all come rushing back, the guilt, the feeling of failure, I can't stop crying. It's not fair, I just want to breastfeed my baby. I looked forward to it all pregnancy. Breastfeeding books were the only books I read during pregnancy, I was determined to get it right from the start. I see his arms and legs getting chubbier and I hurt a little inside because I wish it were MY milk doing that, not formula

I feel so stupid wearing my breastfeeding clothes (they're the only ones that fit me, and I stupidly bought a whole wardrobe of them). I see pictures of mums feeding their babies and it makes me get a knot in my stomach.

I know at the end of the day it doesn't really matter because my lovely boy is happy and very healthy, but it still hurts so so much.

When you ladies who are bf next feed your babbas, please please take just a moment or two to really appreciate it and be grateful you can so it. I am so jealous of you all.

I've always believed that you can do anything if you put your mind to it sadly breastfeeding taught me that isn't true.

bella I am so sorry you're in that stressful situation. Like londonmrs says, I hope you can come up with a plan to tackle this that works for you and your DH (and the kids!).

hi bella, I've actually had a better few days. Thank you for asking when you've got problems of your own . DH was off at the weekend and I saw a friend on Saturday who'd not met baby cheesy yet, and she is pregnant too so that was lovely. Sunday we cooked dinner for another friend so we had a really lovely weekend. Monday my mum came to visit for the day and yesterday I went Xmas shopping whilst SIL babysat. Really missed baby though!

I was dreading DH going back to work on Monday - he's on a 7 day shift pattern this week and tomorrow through to Sunday are all night shifts. I can be fine during the day but nights and evenings have been really hard. Unfortunately due to train problems he'll probably have to stay down there at the weekend (2 hour commute) so that will be tough. However baby cheesy has been really good lately - hope I'm not jinxing it. She was 7 weeks yesterday so maybe that's helped. Evenings have been her very tetchy time in the past!

Got my belated six week check this afternoon with the GP. I'm still in pain which I thought was my stitches but I think I may have the dreaded piles!

Hi all,
Would like to be able to meet you all for a nice cuppa, cake and a natter today, and would love to be able to give you all a hug, lots of people having tough times just now it seems. zara I feel for you so much, can't find the right words but please just keep remembering what an amazing mum you are to ds, it's not your fault thwt bf didn't work, no one could have tried harder.
bella again wish there was something I could say to make it better but am thinking of you.
Both my girls are healthy again now though dd2 mega Velcro baby post jabs this morning. I'm starting to feel better too though feeling quite anxious about nothing in particular - think its tiredness but worry a bit about pnd - have previous history of bad depression and had some probs with pnd / PTSD last time, don't want to go there again.

Zara you gorgeous girl, sending you a very massive squeezy hug. I understand why you feel hurt but you have to hold on to the knowledge that you are doing, and have done, everything you can for your boy, and he is obviuosly really healthy so you could not be doing any better. be kind to yourself today xxx

zara Please believe me when I say that I understand a little of how you must feel. (Your post made me tear up a bit.) When DD was about two I was very ill with chronic migraines. I thought it was an MS relapse and so did the GP. He gave me high-dose steroids. They are awful. And of course they were no help because it wasn't MS. But they made my milk dry up. Breastfeeding DD was just about the only thing I could still do. I was losing weight and convinced I would have to start MS drugs, would never be able to have another baby, and would have to give up breastfeeding anyway. DD suckled and looked disappointed. She wanted to know where the milk was. I was dreadfully upset. Fortunately it came back when the course of steroids was over. It may seem ridiculous to the vast majority of mothers who've given up long before their child is two, but to me it was just... Vital. A sign my useless body could still do something right. So I am grateful every day that I've been able to bf DS too.

I don't think there's any harm in letting your DS suckle a bit. Why not? If he gets a few drops of milk, all to the good. You know he's going to get enough nutrition from ff. You might even relactate a little. It's brilliant that you're still having skin-to-skin with him - he'll love that.

Thanks to the lovely people welcoming me back. So sweet of you.

Another sore boob!! Another trip to GP! Another dose of feckin bloody thrush!!!!!!! Aaaaaaaaargh!!!!!

On a more positive note DS slept 6.5 hrs!! Three cheers for little huffle!

Sorry, will read u all and catch up in while.

Zara, remember the reason you moved onto formula. you did it because you're a great mum who knows her baby needs a happy and healthy mummy. as a result your baby is happy and healthy too. bf is hard, and you had a particularly difficult start after a particularly difficult birth. I understand and I remember how distressed I was when I couldn't start bf as planned. you are doing a brilliant job. allow yourself to be disappointed that it
didn't go as planned. but never feel like you didn't do everything you could or that your baby is suffering as a result. that simply isn't true.

Oh Zara you poor girl, I can only echo what everyone else says. You have done and are doing the very best of jobs and your lovely little man is doing great. It just did not work out and you certainly tried so hard. Easy for us to say, but please do not beat yourself up any more. Are you a bit more tired and stressed post journey? Not that that explains it but everything always so much more difficult when tired. Tbh so many things about pregnancy, birth and early motherhood have been so far removed from what I hoped for, but we have to concentrate in the positives. Love and hugs to you. Oh and Is bloody freezing in Ireland today!!!!

And ffs, why no hugs on MN??

Better go, trying to hav an entire cup of tea and twix before his nibs awakens

HUGS!