February 2011- the one where life gets better for all of us.

[GOLDdebka]

New thread open for business!!

I am anticipating MUCH weight loss, job improvements, sleeping babies, good health and one very eagerly anticipated BFP. :)

blizy yes, Olivia is 5 today and I am inconsolable , seriously my little non sleeping clinging baby is 5 and I'm helping her colour in vampire masks - that was a fast 5 years - didn't feckin' seem like it at the time but can't believe that she's in P1 and has a favourite member of One Direction Really glad the ADs are kicking in.

emski yay for Molly the cat! Fingers crossed for dry day tomorrow.

Had all 4 girls at soft play this morning, Anna was a force of nature to say the least. I nipped into the shops before we went, unfortunately I had made the rookie error of telling her we were going to Funky Monkeys so as soon as we headed into Sainsbos she screamed and screamed and kicked and kicked and made an unholy show of herself. Sofia was mortified especially when I just put the shopping back and carried Anna out under my arm and told her off "infront of everyone"!!!! Although ended up having a lovely morning and Olivia had a birthday tea at my Mums, this is our her third birthday cake in as many days

wiggles - 5?! I can't believe it myself. Happy birthday to O. I don't blame you for being inconsolable, I can't believe our tiny babies are going to be 2 in a few months.

reastie - YANBU. Does your DH ever do the drop-off and does she react the same way? She seems very anxious around MIL - continuing to leave her with MIL is not going to help it. How are you functioning with an iron level of 7? Mine dropped to 12 (bottom of the normal range) earlier in the year and I could certainly feel a difference. Are you on tablets?

ledkr - Holiday sounds like a nightmare, hope you had plenty of wine to cope!

Ems - one of our cats used to sleep on my pillow wrapped around my head when she was a kitten. As she got bigger, there was only a tiny corner of the pillow left for my head.

To be fair, DH will help with the housework if I ask - but I'm irritated that I have to ask. He's getting better about leaving clothes and crockery lying about (my two bugbears) and does the washing without being asked when all of his clothes are dirty. I hate cleaning so much that L will be helping as soon as he's able - his future partner(s) will thank me.

American yes I do feel pretty rubbish it has to be said! At least there's a reason why i'm so tired/wobbly/headachey all the time and it's not just me IYKWIM. I'm on herbal iron tabs as the GP ones upset my stomach, I'm also on loads of iron foods now too .

Hope you're all having a great Halloween. No trick or treaters here yet .

Wiggles love the 3 cakes in 3 days

Well, spoke to DH re: mil looking after Alice. He has grudgingly agreed to it on the basis she comes over whilst he looks after Alice when I'm working to get her used to MIL more, which is fine. DH blames me for the fact Alice cries when MIL looks after her as it's apparently because MIL doesn't see Alice as much as my DM that she gets upset despite the fact I left Alice last week with my sister who hasn't seen her for weeks and dumped her with a friend she doesn't know very well the other day and she didn't bat an eye . Tbh I think it's as MIL is quite, erm, OTT and Alice just isn't used to the intensity and in-your-faceness and finds it too much and wants her own space etc more IYKIWM. Hopefully MIL will be OK about it, surely she should understand why we're not happy at the minute leaving DD with her when it upsets her? . Just hope this does work as if it goes on and on in the long term will have to rethink as the current arrangement without her won't work in the long term.

Hello, I've not been on for ages, A is currently snoozing so I'm doing a quick post! Poor old A has a really red sore bum, and has been doing lots of runny stinking poos, I'm guessing its her teeth :( I'm off to buy some metanium (?) nappy cream later as I remember it working well before. I also ran out of nappies earlier when she'd done a gross poo, had to run to tesco nearby with my stinking baby

reastie well done talking to dh about mil and A, you're doing the right thing. Thats rubbish about A crying b'cos she doesn't see mil as much, A doesn't see my mum often (maybe every fortnight) but she goes straight to her no crying.

wiggles O is 5?! Aww happy birthday to her :) I laughed at th image of A showing you up in the supermarket

tadj hope you're feeling ok about S being in daycare, A used to cry most times I dropped her off when she started but its usually whilst I was still there, I'm sure S was fine once you'd gone (in the nicest possible way!)

emski aww your cat sounds sweet :)

blizy loved the pic of Alfie in his halloween costume, it was hilarious, he's such a handsome boy!

I'm going to go and try and put some new pics of A on my profile now. PIL visiting this weekend, think I have to go swimming with them and A and her cousin, yikes

Put a couple of pics of A up :)

Lovely photos Ponyo! A is such a cutie. I still have loads of photos to put up but am always on the netbook and they are on the PC. I do have a couple of cool photos of the Goonies house and I will get them up there, promise! Metanium is great stuff and we have just run out now. Hope her bum is better soon. Hope you are all having a lovely evening!

ponyo gorgeous photos, A is beautiful, really and she looks full of fun

All good here, finally coming to the end of Olivias birthday week , had some friends round this morning and could now open my own Brave store to rival Disney

S and O are at my Mums tonight for a sleepover and then my Mum and Dad are taking them to the cinema tomorrow, so Mr W and I are watching crap films and having a lovely time!! Mr W has lost a bit of weight recently and shaved all his hair off - its like having a new husband

Oh wiggles, she will always be your baby, they all will. Hope you are all well. X

Tad, how's the snow?

Ponyo, Anya is thee cutest little girl ever (well, except for zoe).

Had a good wee day, sil was in London getting new hair (she has alopecia) it is fantastic! So happy for her. Dh and some chilli beef stir cry for dinner washed given with some rise wine and the walking dead. Think it might be the AD's but I'm a bit drunk after 2 small glasses of wine! What's that all about? At least I'm a cheap date now.

Right I'm off to sleep now, hope you are all well and have a good weekend.

Hi all I have read up but forgive me for not commenting am just recovering from epic pil visit thurs to today but to be fair babysitting twice so not too bad.
Me and dh had a dirty night in reading Friday after his sgt test so hotel on the police hey. We went for a man v food type Mexican meal and cocktails then to a club where we drank more and took the piss out of everyone. The hotel was so posh that it was fifteen quid each for breakfast needless to say we went to mc ds.
Pil were very good with d and did lots of clearing up etc but they didn't chop on anything for food and even walked around morrisons telling me what I needed to replace that they'd scoffed. Is it me?
Took Ella up the hill last night and we sat in the camper watching all the fireworks drinking hot choc how funny eh
Hope you are all well and wiggs gets over her girls growing up.
reastie I have just got back from first gym session I feel knackered

Ledkr sounds like a lovely week end. Not surprised you're knackered after the gym - it's tiring work! I've had to give up the gym temporarily as my anaemia is so bad , but I'll be back I hope in a few weeks, hoping I don't put on any weight

blizy sounds like you're week end was nice too. Loved the piccies of Alfie, especially the Haloween ones

In the spirit of ponyo I too have stuck a couple of recentish piccies of Alice up.

Wiggles how did MrW lose weight then ?

Ponyo hope Anyas sore bum is being sorted out

Alice has a cold and has been up alot over the past 3 nights. DH has been up with her, not me, as I'm so tired all the time from low iron. I feel really guilty not helping though and DH lost it for most of Saturday night - banging doors so much the house shook and shouting aggressively at Alice several times. I'm scared of bringing it up should he tell me it's my fault because I didn't help out look after Alice in the night and I feel really guilty about it and know he feels annoyed about it and I feel bad I didn't intervene at the time, but at the same time I know it's really really not on to shout like that at her, his anger issues clearly aren't getting better

Reastie does he know that his behaviour constitutes emotional abuse under the children's act? Maybe he should be told that if neighbours reported him he could be investigated. Not judging btw but worth telling him. Poor Alice being yelled at when poorly.
Why don't you kick his arse out to spare room and let her snuggle in with you so you don't have to get up. I had low iron when pg it's awful did you try the liquid stuff I can't Remember what it's called now but very gentle on tummy

ledkr thanks and . Do you know of a website that explicitly and unquestionably says this so I can show DH and he might actually believe me? I have to say I hadn't quite realised it was that bad and it has shocked me but in a good way.Most of the time he thinks I'm just blowing everything out of proportion. He knows his behaviour isn't good or right but at the same time from what I can gauge his DF behaved/s the same way so to him it's normalised. I am quite useless really with things like getting up in the night, mainly as DH can just sleep anywhere/anytime and if I'm up it takes me hours to get back to sleep and when I was getting up with Alice at night I was making myself ill from lack of sleep. I don't know what the next stage would be for DH - he has bought and read a book on techniques for dealing with anger (after a conversation we had). I'm wondering know whether I should insist he visits the GP to get face to face help but I don't know how long I should give him to try out the books techniques - I don't know if I'm being fair 2/3 months after buying the book I should expect him to be perfect but equally I don't know how to deal with his outbursts when they happen. Any advice would be really welcome. Sorry, wasn't intending on sharing all that .My iron level is 7 . I'm on tummy friendly floradix but not quite a full dose as even that upsets my tummy. Also loads of dried fruit/watercress etc.

Argh, Alice has nap resisted all day despite being ill and obviously tired. I've taken her for 2 walks to get her to sleep but she just screamed the whole time. She's non stop moaning and have no idea what to do with her!!

Metatone is that iron stuff.
Thing is I am a shouty angry momma but not at the dc I walk away and have good rant. I am also terrible if woken and dh does a lot of night wakes because of it. So to be fair he probably is knackered doing it all. Have you considered having her in with you to give everyone a breather.
A google will give you the details of the children's act look at reasons for a cp enquiry or plan youisy know all this from your safeguarding stuff at work

Ledkr I've tried sleeping with Alice in the bed but I just can't sleep - I panic I'll roll over and squash her (I move alot when I sleep) or I'll push the covers over her head plus I'm a bad sleeper and often have talk radio on for prolonged periods in the night which disturbs her (can't wear headphones as dodgy ears). I've tried but it doesn't work. Thing is though you (I think( are a shouty person overall IYKWIM, DH is an otherwise quiet and placid person and then will suddenly uncharacteristically lose it - that's what I find worrying as at least everyone knows what you're like. That's not explaining well is it. Googled childrens act and NSPCC talked about it having to be 'frequent' to class as abuse - I don't know what would be classed as frequent

Hey just having a quick recap on phone so will just wave to you all...
reastie just had to give my two pence worth (generous estimate, ha!) On sitch with DH.
What worries me is that it sounds like you are scared to intervene when he screams at A.
You shouldn't have to feel afraid of telling him when he's wrong, particularly when it concerns your baby.
This will not improve without considerable effort from him, and it seems like you are going to have to lay down the law.
He shouldn't need evidence to convince him that shouting and tearing through the house banging doors is wrong, it upsets you so goodness knows how it affects A.
I do feel for you and wish I knew how you could sort it, but you must put A before anything and anyone else, you are a fab mum and you will figure it all out xxxx
(If there was any hint of bossiness or judgeyness, please believe its not deliberate, just trying to type between doing 100 other things)
Love to you all, feb girls and babies xxx

Evening all, took A to the fireworks tonight which she liked but much preferred the tacky rides at the fair that was also there

reastie mama ledkr is right, I think (in my very humble opinion) frequently is more than once or twice. Its worrying you and thats enought really? I dont know what the answer is but like Mizk says, you shoudlnt have to justify not wanting him to be shouting at A. She is still small and you don't want her to 'get used' to his behaviour as sh gets older do you? Sending you a (hug), oh and A is super cute on your pics as always :)

ledkr your weekend sounded fab, we had pil up too who weren't too bad except for mil talking about the funeral of someone they know who had killed himself recently, and saying how its worse when someone dies like that rather than of natural causes I didn't know what to say so just ignored her, maybe I would have agreed before my dad died but no really v appropriate Oh and making sneaky comments about my weight but maybe that was just me.

Night all! Off to bed soon. reastie hope you're ok and A sleeps well x x

Reastie when I'm not so busy ill e mail you some stuff but trust me shouting at her directly when she's poorly ain't right and will affect Alice most definitely and make her timid and lack confidence. I would also be concerned about not being able to confront him. Parent line plus can advise you in confidence but he does need help or you need to overcome feeling shit and help him out I can be an absolute bitch when woken in the night so I do sympathise with him too.
I'm not being judgey either but kind of feel I know Alice iykwim and feel a bit sad.

Ponyo mil kept going on about people's weight and how it's important not to put it on in the first place and I'm like stood there in my size 16 skin cheeky cunt lol I looked at her saggy sour face and thought we all pay somewhere eh? Fil still seems to be sculking about for grub sniffing the air like a scavenger.my mate makes whispered vulcher squawks when she comes and I have to stifle my laughter

reastie - Can you insist he see the GP or seek counselling? He can shift the blame for why he reacts that way all he wants, but he's not going to change until he accepts that it's his reaction that's the problem, not what's making him react. I feel so sad for Alice. What did the GP say about your iron levels? Can s/he prescribe something different if you're finding the Floradix difficult? I've just started on iron tablets myself, as I've been feeling the overwhelming tiredness that usually means my levels are low.

L had his hair cut for the first time yesterday - I got a bit teary and have some of his curls in an envelope to save. He looks like a proper little boy now. I will upload a new photo soon. I had a phone interview last week and they've just asked me back for an in-person interview and skills assessment. I enjoy being home with L (mostly) but really feel like I need to be back to work.

Reastie I have no further advice for you, the other ladies seem to have covered it. Does he feel remorse afterwards and does be know it is wrong? How would he feel if the angry one was you? I hope you are doing ok, I understand that you are in a bit of a hard place at the minute. Wish I could help you more. X

Ledkr- your weekend sounded bliss! I at your comment about your mils' saggy face!

Ponyo, wow at your mil!

American, I seen L'a pic in fb. Very handsome! Good luck with the job interview, I have my fingers crossed for you.

Emski- how is the little kitten? Was she ok with the fireworks?

We didn't go to any displays this year, I didn't want to leave Alfie in case he was frightened. He had a ball upmarket the window watching all of the fireworks , the cat is mad.

I have been feeling a bit wobbly the past few days it has been the run up to ovulation, so do you think it's hormones making feel all anxious and stressy? The AD's have been working so it's a bit of a shock to feel rubbish again.
Also my baby brother (he is just 18) is leaving next Monday to join the army, he starts his training and will be away for 3 months. We are very close, I practically raised him and my other brother (16).

Anyhoo, enough of my moaning, I hope you all have a good day!

American, how are things in the big US of A with the elections going on? i saw leo.s pic on fb anf thought of how lucky he is to be growing up inthe states.

Reastie, your dh needs to stopand think about what he is doing. Ihave HUGE anger issues but have managed to keep them in check since the chuldren have come along. I second Ledkr's comments and advice. he needs help and he needs it now. I am very fearful of any kind of anger or violence. I wound dh up too much once, and he punched a wall on our bedroom, after I explaied how scared it made me he didn;t do it again.If your dh cares that much for youand Alice he will recognise he has a problem and deal with it.

Blizy, hope your ok. I quite often get anxious and stressed out but no longer wonder why and think its just one of those things. You obviously have a lot going expecially with your baby brother joining the army! Molly, the kitten is fantastic. She is so loving and affectionate and loves playing with Ben.They cahse around the house together and if Benthrows her a toy she fetches it and brings it back!! i think she was ok with the fireworks,she didn;'t seem to notice them tbh!!

to everyone for all their very thoughtful comments. Have been doing some thinking and googling. Just spoke to DH about it. It's so hard as he refuses to talk about it really, just keeps saying he knows he has a problem, he's working on it and not to talk about it. We had a rather fruitless discussion (it's very hard when he just looks cross at me and says nothing and tries to pin the blame back on me and how perfect I am not ). I think I stood my ground but tbh I'm not sure we got anywhere. He just says I can't expect an instant fix it will take time for him to get better and he's trying some techniques and it did help (goodness knows what he would have been like at the week end then as he already shouted at Alice 3 times and slammed alot of doors). I've tried to say to him how long shall we give him trying the book techniques before we try something more, there must be a point when he knows a book will help him enough or not enough to make a difference. He won't commit to any time frame though and I think he just thinks I should leave him trying to work it out on his own. I genuinely have no idea what to do now - do I say give him till christmas to decide if the book techniques have helped enough to continue with with no further help and if they won't then either he moves out or gets help? What if he says they're enough and to leave him to it and this continues, how long do I give him to allow it to be a reasonable time to improve and help himself before I admit he's not willing or able to change and work things out on my own? It's so hard when he refuses to talk about it (he's a bit like that with any issue we have). Sorry for all that but it's so hard, and I don't want to talk to anyone in RL about it but just don't know where to go with it.

Blizy hope you're OK. FWIW I got really wobbly when my sister went to university a few years ago! Let alone the army. If it helps I was more wobbly before she left. Once she'd gone I sort of just got on with it.

american saw the piccies of Leos hair - very smart!

Reastie if he's not changed for now then I think you will have to step up and protect Alice from his wrath. There's not an illness invented that would stop me getting up to my baby if the alternative was her being mistreated and I speak as a sympathiser to his anger I really do. To be fair if it was the other way around and he wasn't getting up and you had to do every thing leading to you losing control we'd also be critical of him. I feel sorry for him in a way I just couldn't do al the night wakes without dh taking turns. What has go said about your anaemia cos that's very low indeed give him a couple of nights kip and see if there's a difference I am a different person when I'm sleeping well maybe he will be too.

Thanks ledkr we spoke a bit more about it - I told him the fact he refused to talk to me about it made me feel like he wasn't bothered about his behaviour or changing it, he said nothing was further from the truth - I think then maybe he really does hate what he does he just can't talk about it, which comes across as he's not bothered about it. I can't even stand up for myself as to why I didn't go in when he does it - when I go in to him when he's up with Alice in the night he gets protective as it's his duty and he doesn't want me coming in on his watch. Next time I'll take Alice out of there straight away. Any advice as to what to say to DH when he's like that though to help me but also to make him realise what he's doing?

If turn it around and say you think he's tired and that you will see to her whilst he rests. I shout louder when I feel I'm doing more than my fair share btw just so dh knows also why not put the onus on him and say he should get you when he feels he's had enough that's quite cognitive for him too. Having a bad sleeper me and dh have learned to be very kind to each other. I do a quick sum in my head when d wakes dependent on who has work next day or if dh is working late we just naturally do what's fair to the other one and if I'm stressed dh takes her off regardless.