October 2011: Gaining teeth but still losing sleep.

[sassy34264]

hope this works! the pressure is on at 3.30am!!!!

Oh and chrshire I think im having to re think naps/sleep here too. S was down and sleeping at 7.30ish but just woke there. I left her but she was clearly awake as was babbling away to her teddies . Went in and gave dummy and she has went back over. This is the 3rd night in a row she had work after a few hours of sleep (last night it was midnight, awake for 30 mins). She woke this morning at 6am but again I gave dummy and she went back over till after 7am, napped for 30mins at 10.15am, 15 mins at 2.30 then 30 mins at 4pm. I find if she sleeps any later than 4.30pm she is a nightmare to put down at 7 but sometimes her afternoon nap is early (before 2) and so can't last till 7pm. It would help if she napped longer than 30 mins at a time, but just won't do it!! Makes total sense though what you found on google. What's a rough day like for you with sleeps?

Another one who's woken up here. Bed was 7, she woke 9.30 and asleep again I think it might be the whole growth spurt and developmental thing. She seems to grow and change daily.

bb3 & fd hope you feel better soon

el sorry about the allergy, all being well he will grow out of it as a toddler.

I make sure J wakes up at least 2 hours before bedtime, ideally earlier. J has now mostly dropped his afternoon nap (unless his lunch nap goes wrong). I would think if they have a nap too close to bed it may affect sleep

We have been doing puréefor the past couple of weeks. Going well, but currently need to mix everything with baby rice so creamy tasting. Going to try to reduce the baby rice amounts soon....

As he is 6 months I have stopped sterilising. Hurrah! That gives me 20 mins of life back every evening. I love my dishwasher!

You guys are so impressive with the exercise. I do nothing at the moment . I am naturally quite slim so look healthy, even when I am not... I must try to find a baby friendly class

Hope you have a good evening

sassy you were right, I've finally snapped and told H I want him out tomorrow.
I'm terrified of what this will do to ds!
I'm terrified of how I'll cope financially but I'm even more terrified of wasting my life with a fucking loser!
Since Friday night he has made his way through 12 big bottles of bulmers, half a bottle of Bacardi, and a bottle and a half of vodka as well as 20 cigarettes and 2 joints!
I've had enough!
I told him tonight I want him out he says he won't go so I'll be staying in tomorrow and locking the doors and leaving the gets in so the fucker can't get in as he's refusing to leave!

Ed - (((hugs))) honey. So sorry you have to go through this but in time it will get easier. DS will be fine, better for not having that in his life 24/7.

He will be crushed to not see his dad every morning but I completely agree he'll be better in the long run.
I really feel like I want to get out of the house tonight even just for a walk but I wouldn't dare leave H with the kids in his state and in any case he'd probably try and lock me out! So I'll feed M and retreat to my bed I think.

Can someone come over tomorrow for some moral support when you change the locks etc? Family or a good friend?

Oh ed

Ed you have done the right thing. I grew up with parents that didn't have a good marriage, and am firmly of the view that it's better for kids to have solo parents than ones like that, or else they will grow up thinking that your relationship is normal.

Cheshire I wonder if there is something in your theory about bed times, A goes down at 7.30 but often naps about 5. I'll try it differently today ...

Sounds like you've had a hard weekend Ed .

I hope you've got someone who can be with you for support tomorrow.

Stay strong and do what's best for your two beautiful children.

Ed - huge hugs, it is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, I cannot imagine what you are going through. Just keep someone close to you throughout and offload as much as you want here. It's going to be a tough few months - there is no denying that - but you'll get through it. Let us know if there is anything we can do.

Fuzz - the an threads seem a life away from where we are now! That video of s is just brilliant, I've still been bathing girls in baby bath but Edie has developed a kicking action to rival s and my kitten floor is getting soaked so think it's time to move to the big bath!!'

oh ed im so sorry. i agree that ds will be better off in the long run. he'll probably have a happier mummy and will be shielded a bit from what his dad is like.

if it were me, id start a thread in the relationship section- name change if you want. im a avid reader and i cant praise them enough. the wealth of knowledge they have - including whether its a good idea to change the locks- is invaluable.

they will also give you strength and encouragement too. the bastard wont know what hit him

if he cant change to kepp his beautifil wife and two gorgeous children- then there's not much hope is there.

cant post anymore as need to take dd1 for doc appointment. will post later. hope you are ok. xxx

ed. Hope you have people around in RL to support you right now.

managed 10k cheshire. Chuffed but super tired since (another excuse to eat like a greedy pig).

Have been a complete lazy cow today so far. Woke up with a start at 8.15, DH had aleady been gone for over an hour and M was quietly trying to escaoe his cot (he's been a little Houdini the last few days, have gone in to fin him at the top of his cot playing!).

Ok do this morning I went up to check if H was awake ad heard the drawer close and the thought that he could have been packing made me feel sick!
He wasnt packing, he asked if I wanted to talk, I asked if he remembers what I said last night he said yes so I just repeated that I want him out and left.
When he came downstairs he asked if he could have 24hours I asked what he meant, and said I think he should leave regardless as we all need some space from the situation, he said yes that's what he meant I said that 24 hours isn't long enough I need at least a week to get my head together. He had agreed to leave for a week.
He then said that he's going to see the priest who married us for advice (this priest is a widow so has experience of being married and he's a v learned man and was a close friend before he moved to another parish)
I have basically told him that I have now gone too far and had enough, I have said that if he can make good on his life and prove to sustain this then maybe in time we can try again but I now need to see proof of this before I trust it, as I can't trust his word anymore.

God for you ed sticking to your guns. Time apart will hopefully make him see sense as to what he is throwing away. Is he leaving this morning? How are you feeling about it all?

Ed sorry you are going through this, but good for you for putting your dc and you first. As everyone else has said, we are here for you. I cannot imagine how tough it has been for you. Have you got family/friends close by for support? Xx

Long nite as J topple an age to go back to sleep last night and ended up in my arms all night long. This I don't mind, but trying to ensure her big brother doesn't accidently swat her is exhausting.
Uh easier when she nurses on side away from ds as then I'm the barrier.

I don't know when he is leaving now he has said he'll leave but he is getting ready for work now so I hope expect he pack some stuff after work tonight.

ed i dont think it's fair on you, to be waiting in all day, not knowing when he is going, when he his packing. you are going to be a wreck.
it might be a good idea to take control of the situation and say he has between such a time and such a time tonight to pack his stuff and go. perhaps you could take kids to a friends or a relatives? cos being there like you said will make you feel heart sick.

ive got a feeling he wont do it otherwise. he sounds like he is just paying lip service to the idea.

are you catholic?
as catholic religion is against divorce, i wouldnt put too much faith in the priests advice being neutral.

feeling for you sweet. it is awful. and there is no way around making it not. which is why a lot of people stay together for months, years longer suffering and then end up splitting anyway.

big hugs xxxx

ed I'm really sorry it has come to this for you but you are very strong to have made your decision and for sticking by it. I hope he leaves without any more delays and you get some space and peace for you and your LOs

cheshire we've always had this problem with naps. L has 730pm bedtime and we try to make sure his last nap is before 5pm, we're also thinking of moving his tea time to before 6 so he has more time to digest it

ed sorry, not wanting to bombard you, but i was thinking about the situation while tidying kitchen.

was thinking that i turn to booze and chocolate when i have a stressful day, but if someone said, if you touch these again, you will not have your children living with you- there is no way i would. i wouldnt even risk a sneaky one.

so either your dh didnt believe it would happen cos you have threatened too many times or he cant stop.

i dont think will power alone will be enough. he really needs to get to the bottom of why he feels he cant get through life without these vices. unless he does, i cant see how he will ever be any different.

Thanks sassy I completely agree he is finished work at 7.30 he has asked that I get a suitcase down from loft for him coming back I think he'll pack and stay tonight then take his stuff with him tomorrow, I think he'll want to get a play with ds before he goes. I do think he'll leave this time as the discussion went different this morning than it has in the past we were able to speak rationally about it for a change.
We are catholic and we're not meant to believe in divorce but this particular priest was a solicitor (and still spends a lot of his time practising law in secret) he found the priesthood when his wife died and he is very modern and limited in the degree of his beliefs he is much more pro women than a priest should really be so dh and I both trust his advice, ironically he was the first person I thought to phone last night when the shit hit the fan, I didn't call him anyway.

Ed - You are so brave. Big hug and keep strong.
You're right - he needs to go away, figure out what the root of his problem is, fix it and prove. As others have said - what on earth is he doing giving up so much for so little?

Ed, make sure you get that case down. (I'm sure you probably have). I do think he is taking this time more seriously by following your wishes, but the fact that he said 24 hours then a week makes me think he feels it is likely to blow over in time.

Also I know you know this but I just wanted to say that being separated doesn't mean you guys will get divorced. There is a chance that 6 months down the line he will have turned his life around and proved to you he wants you guys more than his vices, but he needs to realise this can't be done with a week off the booze! Hopefully he will and if he doesn't then you are much better off without him, c will adapt (although prepare yourself for some tantrums and possible regression in the potty training department - this happened to a friend of mine), and regardless of what happens whether you can or can't make it work, you will be in a better place to make that decision with proper space

So clearly all that jabber says you are doing the right thing and stay strong and just take each day at a time, you don't have to make any decisions today or tomorrow or next week! X

On naps etc our routine is pretty set, they wake up between 6-7 depending on the sort of night they've had, then it's:

7-7.30 - breakfast
8-8.30 - milk 5-6oz
10-12 - a half hour nap any when between this time (an hour if we are lucky!) followed by a small snack (fruit or rusk type biscuit) they go for a walk or leave for days out at this time too.
12 - lunch and yogurt
1-1.30 milk (although they hardly touch this now 2-3oz of the 6 i make so will soon drop it)
2-4 - another nap at some point
4 - finish off rest of 1pm milk (again rarely take more than 1-2oz).
5 - dinner and fruit
6.30 - bath
7.30 milk and bed.

I'm a bit torn as to what to do about the 1 and 4 bottles they seem to want them but don't actually drink them - I'm going to try them on more water in the day and maybe get it to a 2.30 5oz bottle rather than the 1&4. Night times are a different story - my dream is still to get them through the night!

ed so sorry to hear what your going through, you are being so strong for your kids as others have said take it a day at a time X can't remember where abouts you are but if there's anything I can do let me know.

el glad you've got to the bottom of the rash, hope the allergy clears up with time

We do the same here re aps and sleep, no naps allowed after 5:30 sometimes we put him to bed 15 mins early if he's really struggling to make to 7:30 though