Sept 2008 - no witty title as we're too busy dealing with stroppy 3 yr olds.

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

Hello all. Couldn't see a new thread so thought I'd do the honours. Sorry for rubbish title, I'm no good at witty! :)

I am in awe of you ladies I really really am. star you're doing a great job of making new friends, sounds like you're getting out there and getting stuck in. I found advice on here really useful that the chances are other people want to make friends too, so its ok to make the first move! I somehow assume that other people aren't interested in me and have their lives sewn up already, I just needed it pointing out to me that it wasn't the case!
badvoc I can't believe he goes to china and at such short notice, and when you're already giving and giving to so many people.
MrsA we're thinking of you today and looking forward to hearing your victory chant later!
DG at the memo between your DCs! But :( at the lack of sleep :(
DD is going through a stage of struggling to fall asleep, and complains that her brother (who she shares a room with) falls asleep so quickly so why can't she? I feel like saying get used to it love, that's what married life is like...

I don't know if you've read in the news that a child died in a nursery yesterday. Its in my town, and the group of mums I was with this morning all had a connection to it, either having worked there, or sent their children there or knowing people whose children go there. People are shuddering over the 'what if it had been my child' scenario :(

Hope everything goes your way MRSA from what I remember she was totally in the wrong. lets hope the courts agree.

Carrie and Badvoc I feel your pain re dh going on a business trip. Thankfully dp has never had to do anything like that but I would struggle so much without him. He OTOH has coped tremendously well with the dc's when I went to hospital to give birth. Mind you he never did any washing, of which we have mountains.

Done my first 2 days at college and it has gone pretty well. I know it will get really hard really quick but I am beingh optimistic and trying soooo hard to be prepared for everything they throw at me

MrsA I hope all went well today and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

carrie I read about that poor little girl yesterday, it's heartbreaking .

Dd1 is 4 today and was giddy with excitement all day. It was also her last day at nursery and she was not upset at all and was a complete star . She starts preschool on Thursday after a special trip to legoland tomorrow! She knows we are having a special day but doesn't know where to yet.

Debs you'll be fine, even when it gets a little harder - just keep thinking of the end result .

debs You'll be fine once you find your feet. FWIW I found out I've passed my first OU module, so if I can do it with work and feral children, then I'm pretty sure you can!

I think I have post-Olympic / onset of winter depression. The dark evenings are already driving me loopy.

kagey hope Legoland was fun! I haven't braved it yet.

I have proud mum news. Year 1 DS is such a clever little thing at maths that he's working with the year 2 children . The teacher said he was coping really well, he thinks it's great doing harder work. So I haven't totally ballsed up this parenting thing, yet!

yay Meglet's DS1!!!

So, it went okish at the courts.
Background was that by complete coincidence DP was also at the same court as he has a claim for a couple of grand against a guy he did some work for who refused to pay him. He went in first and came out victorious as the guy didn't bother turning up and so the judgement went in DP's favour and he's won it all back.
Then it was my turn and the IM didn't turn up either. But I had also misunderstood and it wasn't the final hearing but the allocation hearing. basically, the IM's defence is that I had loads of medical ishoos that I failed to disclose to her (a lie) (eg she says I have true hypertension but told her I have white coat hypertension. Yes love, that's why my GP has just placed a letter on my file confirming I have white coat hypertension), which is why she walked out on her.
My take on it is, she could walk out anytime - free country and all that - but if so, I paid in advance and signed a contract and so wants me money back bitch.
The judge called an allocation hearing to make sure this was a contract dispute and not about her negligence which needed medical experts and probably a different court.
As she didn't turn up (yay!), the judge listened to me that it was not about the quality of care but the fact that she did not give me the amount of care I had paid for (compare to a builder walking off site 1/3 of the way through a job - you'd expect a refund).

So, I do have to go back but DP reckons it was a good outcome. He reckons the IM was hoping the judge would say ooh - too complex for me, take it to a medical tribunal and then that gets tricky and costly but he didn't, he will hear it as a standard case of contract dispute. So a step in the right direction, though I have very little annual leave left for court dates!

And the other thing I've just recovering from........well, I wasn't sure whether to tell you (and it is not public so no posting on fb please) but you've all been very supportive in the past and I'd also like to say I suspect this may really go against some of your core beliefs and for that I hope you do not despise me too much but I do find posting here gives me comfort as I don't really know you all in real life.

basically I found myself pregnant at the end of July. It was a complete shock and not at all planned (I finish my maternity leave a week on Tues!). DP and I talked about it at great great length and we made the painful decision that we could not go through with it. It came down to the stark reality that if we had a third, we could not afford the childcare fees (even allowing for DD going to school next yr) but if I gave up work, we would not be able to pay the mortgage.
DP is self employed so although he earns less than me, his business would go under if he didn't work fulltime. So, in a nutshell we were trapped. we didn't have any plans for more and we simply could not keep a roof over our heads and have another.
I was very sad as although i didn't want another one I never wanted to go through this. Plus if I am honest, if we had won the lottery, I would have kept it.

I was only 7 weeks, so was able to undergo a medical termination, which meant I came home after spending an hour or so at hospital and then had a very difficult 24 hrs. I am sure you can understand what I mean.

I am so sorry if this upsets anyone and I am aware some of you have had difficulties yourselves but just putting it down is quite helpful to me.

It's been almost 3 weeks now, so it's more or less all over. I have days when i think 'what if' and I feel sad but then I look at my 2 and feel so blessed.
What is daft is that DD and DS took ages to conceive and then I fell pg without even trying...bloody sod's law.

Please be nice to me - I am sorry if I have offended anyone.

Aw MrsA - have a big hug!
Sod's law's a bitch, innit?

((((((big hugs)))))))))) mrsA.

I've never been in that position but since having children I am even more pro-choice than before.

Mrs A, I had a mc before dd. I know it's not the same because it wasn't a choice but my dd was conceived shortly after, which means dd would not exist had I not mc.

A bit complicated, but I suppose what I am saying is I know a little what it is like to have carried a baby that wasn't to be, and that although I am sad to have lost, am also glad iyswim.

Mrsa.
I am coming back from a self imposed exile to post this.
I have had both a termination and mcs.
I found both to be very hard in different ways. Like you I felt I had no choice wrt the termination and sadly was very ill afterwards, but I do not regret it.
As star said, if not for it and the mcs I would not have ds1 and ds2.
Be kind to yourself.
I can tell you that if I got pg again I would have a termination. I simply cannot go through another pg. my poor knackered old body would just give up the ghost I think :( and dh would be in the first flight to Rio :)
Good news (sort of) about the IM? I think she knows she doesn't have a leg to stand on tbh...

MrsA great big (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) what a summer you've had :(
Sounds like good news that your IM didn't turn up, at least you didn't have to face her and got to explain the truth in full to someone with the authority to make her pay up. And a great outcome for your DP too!
Have you decided how you're going to spend the money from your IM...? Disney?!

dILs on their way for the weekend for the start of DS1s birthday celebrations. Today was the last time I'll get him into the soft play at the under 4s price!

MrsA I honestly don't think any one of us would judge or think badly of you. You had to make an incredibly hard decision and you need hugs and support and that's what you'll get from us. Shame the hugs have to be virtual though!

You have 2 beautiful children- go and have a fun filled weekend with them. xx

MrsA I can't imagine what a difficult decision that was, but your sanity and the children you have is the most important thing.

I'm completely pro-choice but have always thought that it would be an incredibly difficult choice to make and I think you've been very brave x x

Thanks so much for all your lovely messages - I am touched.

Yes, life really is a bitch. I'm doing OK. As I said to DP, whilst I know this is the right decision for our family, I'm still sad and grieving for what could have been if circumstances were different. I actually feel guilty for being a working mum. If I was a SAHM we might have contemplated it but by working I have ended up trapping myself (to give you an idea, I'm likely to lose child benefit even after the government watered down it's policy). Yes, we could have tried to sell the house and move to a smaller one but DP and I both work from home, so need a place to work and we'd be hard pushed to sell this one and buy a smaller one within 9m or less and we have zero savings left for fees etc after my mat leave. It was just impossible without making the DC's lives very disrupted.

The support I had on mn was amazing. I posted anonomously and got loads of very personal private messages of support.

Badvoc I really appreciate your messages - they really helped.

Having a yawn day today - DP was up at 5am as he is working at an exhibition today but DD was sick around 11pm and then throughout the night. She has loads of catarrh on her stomach. In between bringing up even water, she is perfectly happy and has mastered the art of using a bowl. Plus DS was up 3 times in the night for milk. Sigh.
He was the incredible sleeping baby from 6weeks then about a month ago started waking in the night for milk. I can't do controlled crying so it's easier to feed him back to sleep and pray it's a massive growth spurt. I don't think he's a big eater in the day (blw so can't tell really) so needs more milk at night. He still has up to 4 bottles in the day too.

Right, must get arse into gear.

Mrsa
You are welcome.
I dont think we truly know how strong we are til we have kids.
What we endure for them, and what we sacrifice for them.
You are a great mum.
Take care x

MrsA what badvoc said. You are a brilliant mum and you do what is best for you, your children, your family. I had to take the MAP a few months ago, as I just couldn't take the risk of becoming pregnant again. I've only just had ds2 and it's taken us so long and so much heartache to get him that it would be so unfair on him to not be able to give him the attention he deserves or provide for him the way we intended. We all have our reasons for planning our families the way we do. It must have been a very difficult decision for you . I'm glad you found support through it.

Am so effin tired - ds2 is waking every 2 hours. And he's so heavy. At least I'm beginning to lose a bit more weight now that his calorie intake has increased. Really not very interested in solids.

I'm sorry to hear what you have been through MrsA. You have certainly given me a kick up the bum to think more long term about contraception as 2 little ones have completed my family.

Dd1 absolutely loves preschool and wanted to go on Saturday. Dd2 'tolerated' nursery for her settling in session and starts properly on Tuesday.

Legoland was fab - very recommended but it was out of season and hardly any queues!

HUGE hugs for you MrsA I know how hard it is contemplating a termination. DP was not keen on us having anymore at all and I did research it when pregnant with Robyn. Obviuosly didn't go through with it. I am very pro-choice and if it is what women want and need to do then it is great that there is the choice there for them.
I hope the IM fails to attend the next hearing as well. It is really unfair of her to put you through all that and it doesn't do much good for the future of IM's.

Well we have had an interesting week. Robyn had a lovely birthday, even if I did forget to pack her swimsuit so she missed swimming. She loved her chocolate Hello Kitty cake, Hello Kitty scooter, books, paralympic happyland people and bullyseye.

Then on thursday I took DD1 to a rock concert then went off with best friend to watcha free rock concert. It was great to dress up and chill out with some banging heavy metal in the best rock pub ever! Well worth the 4 hours of driving and very late night.

Saturday we went to Pleasure Island and DD1 managed to fall over with Lucy in her arms and has fractured her elbow. We had only just got in the bloody gate and were still waiting to pay. She has tasken a huge chunk off her elbow and she nearly fainted when the first aider cleaned it up. She did manage to keep up with us and even went on a ride with DS but she wa obviously in pain. Before bed I swapped the dressing and she nearly passed out and was almost sick again so we decided to go to A&E today. 4 lovely hours later and she has a fracture appointment for tomorrow, luckily we could wrangle a late one so we could still do college. She isn't happy, we have just paid for her cello lessons for the year but she can't hold her cello and she won't be able to go back riding for at least 2 months.

Oh! Your poor dd debs!
:(
Well Toby had a lovely party yesterday. Am still tidying up! :)
He is still very distressed going into pre school though :( I don't know what I am doing wrong...both my dcs have been like this.
I dread every morning...it's so upsetting.
I had a word with pre school manager but not sure what good it will do....

bookmarking. Getting loads done this morning as it's my day off and I only have DD under my feet. I've even managed most of my filing!

Oh Debs your poor DD, that sounds bad.

Maebh had a lovely party yesterday - it was at a playplace so very easy! She's so much more chilled out than DD1 who'd be so worked up by her birthday that she'd end up crying at some point, still does! My sister had made an amazing Hello Kitty Cake and cupcakes.

I had ummed and aahed over a present and ended up getting her an easel and was planning to get her a kiddizoom camera for Christmas, however exH's girlfriend got her one for her birthday :( I suppose it's good that she's got it as she will enjoy using it but I wanted to get her her first camera and it's unlikely to be here very often. Oh well! I think she liked the easel as well and always plays with them at other people's houses.

Not sure about the pre-school Badvoc, Maebh runs in happily and also loves her childminder (more than me I think sometimes!)

Happy birthday to all the September babies!!
Debs your poor DD :(
badvoc no advice here I'm afraid, just lots of
meg filing is quite satisfying isn't it?!
ninja a camera is a great idea, I had been wondering about one for DD for Christmas, do you have any recommendations? I haven't researched them yet.

Last night I spent ages playing with building the playmobil aeroplane we're giving DS1. His birthday is tomorrow, but his party is after school today. So of course today was the day DS2 came out in some spots that look suspiciously like the pox
On reflection though, this is an excellent week to get it; all the party guests have already had it so party is going ahead, my mum is coming for the rest of the week, so I'll have company in my housebound state, and tomorrow DS1 will get a ton of new toys so he won't mind in the slightest if he doesn't leave the house again til Saturday. Also means I won't have to take a poxy baby out on the school run as mum can go without the rest of us. All in all I hope it is the pox, although I feel sorry for my mum being trapped at home with us all!