Sept 2008 - no witty title as we're too busy dealing with stroppy 3 yr olds.

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

Hello all. Couldn't see a new thread so thought I'd do the honours. Sorry for rubbish title, I'm no good at witty! :)

[Debs75]

Badvoc is there any help available for HE?
I don't think DP would go for it as she loves pre-school and socialising and Lucy willmstart pre-school next September so she would feel left out I think. I just really don't want her at this shit school. It isn't just a school with bad results the ofsted said the teachers were not motivated and had a bad attitude to teaching. A school like that could ruin a child I feel.

[Badvoc]

I agree :(
There is loads of help actually.
Depending in where you live there are some really active HE groups and the HE board on MN is fab for advice and tips.
There are plenty if books I could recommend if you want to read around the subject.
Google education otherwise...good resources and contact lists for uk.

[CappuccinoCarrie]

I'm so impressed at everyone doing further study and OU courses, where do you find the time?! Really excited for you all :)
Impressed too that anyone could even consider HE, I think I'd do a shocking job of it!
Anyone got much snow? We've only had a couple of inches, enough to build a snowman and make the paths slippery, but not enough to actually bring the world to a halt and shut school.
Before Christmas it seemed like a good idea to get our double glazing done in January...boy are we going to be cold

[Badvoc]

Carrie...i know what you mean we need a new conservatory roof (weeps)
Had about 2 cms here butits flurrying today and friday looks bad.
Doesnt look like ghe church away day on saturday sll happdn now...they are predicting -5 degress here on saturday!
Shiver.

[ninja]

Had a cm of snow but more forecast for the weekend.

Wish me luck for my second mediation tomorrow. I'm really nervous as it's really important we make the right decisions and the twatbadger has been just that at times!

Made the school decision in the end and applied for a different school to DD1 (with hers second choice). It was a hrad decision to make but I think it's the right one.

[Badvoc]

Good luck ninja...will be thinking of you x
Don't even know when the school decisions come out? Is it April?

[ninja]

Think so! I don't mind if she goes to my second choice with her sister so I don't feel too concerned at the moment.

Thanks for thinking of me tomorrow - I have lists and spreadsheets ready, you'd all be proud of me

[notcitrus]

Hope the mediation goes well ninja.

Dd is settling at nursery this week, so next week I will have 3 days with NO KIDS before I go back to work! Will probably spend the whole time desperately trying to find some boots for work to fit my feet...

Currently going great guns on decluttering the house, before we lose 2 rooms for months while the back gets rebuilt. Almost worthwhile for that alone! We've chosen the architect, the one who seemed to understand our idea of budget rather than saying it could be anywhere from our budget to putting a 1 in front and looking miffed when we pointed out we were very much looking at the first number! We may have to lose our cherry tree though. :(

Dd has nasty cold keeping her awake. Again. Hoping she will have had all local viruses before meeting them at nursery. Have finally heard from HR at work - they have found a decent role for me (not quite sure what but it's for a good manager which is more important).

What should I do with my last week of mat leave to make the next few months easier?

[ninja]

Set up online grocery shopping if you don't already, with a favourites list.

Meal planning , I don't but wish I did - the organised weeks are a lot easier!

Organise a cleaner (I wish!)

Sort out clothes into ones that don't fit, summer and winter.

Get hair cut etc up to date

Catch up with friends it might be trickier to see for a while

Clean under the sofa

[ninja]

Oh, and we need to start thinking of a new thread title

[Badvoc]

Spreadsheets?
I am awe of anyone who uses spreadsheets! :)
I have an online delivery each week and top at the local co op as and when.
I can't have a cleaner...she wouldn't do it right
I try to meal plan but have 2 very fussy eaters and I have allergies so its tricky...tonight for example is pasta Bolognaise for dh and ds1 and Toby will have mashed potato and steamed veg ( yet again) and not sure what I will have...
Gone right off pasta for some reason...

[ninja]

Well pleased to announce that the TB was at his worst in the mediation session today.

Shouting at me and the mediators, lying, failing to remember details that both the mediators and I remembered agreeing. He was rude and difficult.

I can't say I was perfect as a couple of times I got a bit angry as my wishes, requests and suggestions were being ignored.

We got nothing agreed as he just harked on about the past and failed to understand what was being suggested for the future.

The ridiculous thing is that it's ME who should be angry and narked as we're now going to have to have NO flexibility and he's already had his holidays, arranged to take the kids away to break the pattern and had his extra days and he won't agree to the same for me.

He's proposing taking them to Ireland one weekend, the next weekend he's taking them skiing for 8 nights arriving back on the Saturday and he won't let me see them that weekend as in the pattern it's his, even though he's taken them for the whole of mine the week before. This would mean I would have 11 days without seeing the kids, and in the space of 20 days I would have just seen them for 3 because HE'S taking them away. He won't even allow me ONE extra day in all of that, and he said that with joy in the sessions as he knows that the mediators can't force him to agree to anything . You could see the mediation almost begging him.

I don't know what I can do about it.

I guess I just have to take the short term loss to make things better in the long term.

He was also angry that I'd done some preparation for the session as that put him at disadvantage.

He did admit at the end of the session that he'd been a bit grumpy in it as he'd worked a night shift the night before. Why would you plan to do that before such an important meeting (and since he doesn't have a contract it is his choice)

Sorry for ranting on, in the scale of things I have a lot fewer problems than many.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

ninja. He's vindictive. His behaviour indicates he is determined to control and abuse you with the limited powers he now has.

What are YOUR powers?

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Do they like going away with him?

What can you do in those days without children for YOU? And indication that you might enjoy them and I suspect he'll try to ruin it for you by giving the kids back.

Just email him, copying in your advocate, saying to call you on your mobile on those days as you're planning on not being at home.

[ninja]

Starlight I think you can read his mind!

I've booekd to go away the time he's away (I wouldn't choose to go away without the kids otherwise).

I think he guessed this and last week told me he might not be able to afford taking them away!! Cue lots of worrying on my part about what to do, should I cancel the holiday and lose the deposit?

In the end I told him I was away and said that my sister had offered to have DD2 if that would cut the cost down for him (as she'll have to be in childcare while they ski). He hasn't confirmed with me he's going, equally today the assumption was there that he was.

Thing is, he tried to turn the fact that I had paklnned a holiday at the same time against me!! Saying that as I was away too I couldn't expect to see them the day I get back. What a twat

[ninja]

Oh and 'yes' I think DD1 will enjoy skiing with him, DD2 less so as she'll be stuck in kindergarten

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Of course I can read his mind. He's all but published it. MI6 he's not.

Remember that your reactions can feed him. Remember what happened when he thought you had an outside unknown objective advocate/observer? He stopped acting like a child temporarily iirc.

[Badvoc]

What a vindictive bastard.
No advice, just fuming on your behalf!

[ninja]

Thanks Badvoc knowing people are fuming on my behalf helps.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Sounds like you were pretty sensible in the mediation too.

[Badvoc]

Well done ninja.
You being sensible and calm will have totally freaked him out :)
Which is a good thing.

[ninja]

I had my moments, but generally calmed down quickly when I realised that I was getting upset. There were so many times that they had to try and quieten him down or get him to listen to me.

Thing is they can't judge, or try and sway the process (which to be fair others pointed out to me).

He'll lose out in the end though.

He accused me of trying to play the 'in the interests of the kids' card too often! When he said that in an email to me previously I just thanked him and said yes I do try and think of them

He really did hate me being prepared and having thought about it beforehand. He certainly wasn't in the mood to agree anything.

I actually think he may be better next time when he realises that he's been an idiot (although I don't think he'll realise the extent of it)

[CappuccinoCarrie]

my word ninja how you kept your cool for any amount of time is beyond me, well done you!

[Badvoc]

Well...that the OU up the spout!
Sigh.
Just got an e mail from the OU telling me my student finance isn't in place.
Au contraire! said I...I rang you and gave you my ref no and everything and because its within the same academic year you said I didn't need to do anything else.
Guess what?
I do.
According to student finance who I have just rung I have to do a whole new application and it won't be in place in time for the course to start.
Cosmic.

[Meglet]

bookmarking.

Also ignoring DD who is running riot as per usual. She went to bed (tired) an hour ago but is mucking about and sitting on the bottom of the stairs .