Feb 2011...Creeping, crawling and cuddling towards Christmas

[chocoroo]

Morning!

Ear still pants but DP thinks his man flunks worse.

Off for hair cut but back later....

Blizy, Miz K and Ponyo have said it all. Love and hugs to you.

blizy Mizk speaks alot of sense in her drunken state. Just hide for the next couple of weeks from the world. Get some DVDs in so you don't have to see all the christmas TV and have lots of hugs with DH (nearly typed DF again there ). Is he having much time off over the break? Must be absolutely heartbreaking - so so different to how you had expected . Post on here as much as you want, but, equally, if you find it too much hearing about our holiday festivities we understand if you feel you need to take a break (not that I want you to obv, but no one would mind if it felt too much IYKWIM)

Morning all, busy here with nativity, partys and pantos etc. Oh and embarrassing photos on fb from last weeks night out. Still felt poorly on tues.....yuck. For those of you on Facebook that want to be my friend h-e-l-e-n-s-c-o-t-t went to queen ethelburgas college, my photo is a close up of Archie.

Oh blizy I can completely see you just needing to get through till new year. You do or don't do what you want/need to do, bugger everyone else. Can you start a Zoe Christmas tradition that you and your family will do forever in her memory, may give you some comfort. But if you need to hide away from it all then that is what you should do, lots of people find this time of year too heartbreaking to cope with (as I'm sure you know from the bereavement threads). My good friend came for coffee on Friday and was really struggling to hold it all together. Her dd1 died almost 10 years ago, she had a rare genetic condition and only lived for 11 months. My friend has gone on to have two more dc's but still her heart breaks for her dd1. So hard to know the right thing to say to her, we sat on the sofa with our arms around each other and she wept (so did I). I am NOT equating my experience to you losing Zoe, but when we had Thomas (October) I hated that first Christmas, as i was so devastated that he had downs syndrome. I went through the motions and on new years eve took all the decorations down as I wanted it all over and to move onto the new year. You are in my thoughs my love, big hug. X

deb amazing weight loss, you are fab!

Thanks girls, mix k what you said makes perfect sense and I agree, I have got thought the worst 10 months of my life so far, I can get through Xmas, I had no idea it was going to be this hard. But I will do it. Reastie- it's a good idea about starting a Xmas tradition for z, but I don't know what? Maybe not this year though.

I really don't mind listening about you all moaning and groaning at times, I love hearing about the babies.
Right, I suppose I had better get out of bed and something productive!

for you all.

blizy only just seen your message from last night - everyone else said it all so much better than me especially MizK. Zoe dying will be the hardest thing ever in your life and she will never leave you. Those days just after she died when you held her, chose her clothes and then you were so strong burying her with all the love she deserved, Zoes love will help you get through the next few months. We will all be here for you whenever you need it, even just for a cry.

Hi all, am sat here with hair dye on my head, am hoping for darker and shinier rather than the mousey blah colour I currently have.

blizy Xmas tradition for Z sounds lovely, can't think of anything good sorry but maybe start it next year? Have some back

Hi four4 bet you've been busy nice to hear from you again.

Speaking of which where the Xmas frig is Borg?! I miss her

Last night A was awake on and off for hours with a cough, she'd go to sleep then wake up 10/15 mins later crying, then sleep then awake poor thing. She has had a cough for ages but it got much worse yesterday, all chesty so will make docs appt tomo I think?

Right I'm on my phone and can't remember much of what was posted, sorry people. I'm going to try and put some pics on my profile now...

blizy Xmas is a pile of shite for anyone who has problems of any sort.I loved xmas untill dh left me 3 months before then i started to despise it.
Everyone happy and looking forward to it including him and the bitch who he went off with.
Me alone with 4 kids and no money or hope for the future.I just wanted it gone.
In my case i found keeping it low key but enough for the kids,working a bit to stay sane and also did a shift at the homeless place just to make myself feel usefull.
Losing a child is incomparable to anything else a human being can endure and one lousy day is going to make no difference either way.Zoe still died and you still miss her and wish so much she was here. Its all so very unfair and pointless.
Stuff bloody xmas, its superficial nonsense,just enjoy the time off with dh and rest up ready for the year ahead which we hope will be filled with what you hope for.
Just wanted to remind you that twice it has taken me over a year to concieve for no apparent reason so dont start losing hope my girl even though its soooo frustration.

Had a night out last night with the girls.What a laugh and i managed to get tipsy but not plastered like dh usual.
It was very busy and quite a few people fell over we ended up in a gay bar where i told everyone my name was "hetty the hetro" I also told a gay guy i could convert him whilst stroking his face His boyfriend was saying "hello?" all camp and bitchy haha.

Dilly stayed with dil and was great but collapsed in tears when she saw me today

blizy I had never thought how hard it must be for you at this time of year. I wish I could come to Glasgow and help, of course there is nothing I could do, nothing can take that pain away. Don't imagine for a minute Zoe is forgotten, I think of her often, especially when S does something new. I'll be remembering her on Christmas Day too, probably shedding a tear and holding my girls extra tight as well. I'll be thinking of you of course too. It's so bloody bloody unfair. Big hug and some to you xxxx

ledkr your night out sounds hilarious, love the gay boyfriend!

ponyo sorry A is poorly, S has been coughing for weeks now, last night she coughed on and off for nearly an hour, didn't wake up but I was lying there stiff as a board waiting for her to wake! Not much they can do for coughs AFAIK, unless there's an infection.

44me was thinking of you today, up in N Yorks, I miss it there. Have sent you a friend request, I'm the weird man.

reastie how you doing with SW? I've been a bit naughty this week, been making truffles and indulging a bit too much. Feeling nervous about weigh day on Tues, may have to starve myself for the rest of the week!

Went to a friend's 30th last night, glad I did cos only her family, me and my sisters and our DHs and one other girl came. I made the cake- enough for 60- there were max 30 of us in the room. Felt for her :(

Well girls all excitement here as I have a Reprieve! We should be going to pils tomorrow but DH rang them tonight and they have a womitting bug so we're not going!! Hurrah hurray! We will have to go at some point (I suppose) but it'll be after NY now. Yay!! I was getting my raspberry vodka decanted to wrap up for their present this evening, had a celebratory glug sip

ledkr glad you had a good time last night , and aahh to Dilly, that's so sweet

ponyo how's the hair? I would get an appt for A if you think she's developing a worse cough. Olivia woke up this morning, complaining of a slight sore throat and after the really bad infection she took over Halloween I'm keeping a really close eye on her incase she gets worse - really worried about her not getting antibiotics over Christmas if she's ill - she was in soooo much pain last time.

Olivias Christmas concert/play is on Tuesday and she told me she's Mary - I think she's just walking while the others sing a song but it just shows the difference in kids. If Sofia was playing Mary she'd be insisting on hand engraved invitations whereas Olivia is a lot more cooler non plussed [cgrin]

blizy you know I think all of us would just love to be a bit nearer you, so that we could come round, sit with you, have a hug, and talk about Zoe. Obviously not all together - thaat would be some meet-up, not sure even Glasgow would be ready for all of us Febbers in the same place at the same time!.

Mr W is watching Gremlins - its one of his favourite films [eyeroll]. Is it weird that Gizmo reminds me of Anna ?

blizy beware debka and I are both having the same thoughts about being nearer you

Yay for a pil free Christmas debka, my sister has made Christmas pudding vodka as an extra present for everyone this year. She gave some to my cousin today, it looks pretty cool.

thanks ledkr and debka it really means a lot to know you are all thinking about me and more importantly Zoe.

I am feeling ok-ish today.

ledkr Your night out sounded fab!

deb There is a god after all.

Oh that meet up sounds like soooo much fun!
at O being Mary, she will be fab. Gizmo is cute though wiggs (not as cute as Anna)

Hi ladies...sorry not been on much. Nate has the lurgy yet again (3 times since November..grrr)...ponyo hoping it's not the same thing but N's started as a cough ...he's now been sick he's been coughing that much, since Thursday night. Now me & dh have it, tho dh not been sick yet....I had that lovely experience while Nate was chasing me to the toilet...nice! Hoping it'll be gone by Xmas!

blizy not much more I can add to what others have said. It's not the same but my mum died 2 wks before Xmas,17 yrs ago. I remember just wanting it to be over & done with...only put a tree up on Xmas eve that year & was really hard dishing out the pressies as mum had bought loads in advance. Was so glad when it was over, & I'm not sure I would have got thru it without dh (bf then!). But just spend quality time with dh...& I think each & everyone of us on here believe next year will most definitely be your year.

Off to try get warm...absolutely freezing (despite being so sweaty last night)...not sure if I'll be in work tomorrow...might need to work from home me thinks...

bilzy glad that today has been ok-ish. To steal my Tommys catch phrase 'i'll cooommmme!' to the meet up!

Off to check fb for a weird man.

wiggles bless your little Mary, I bet she will be so cute. Joey has told me that he is part of the Carol Service on tues but it is a surprise what he is doing!!

Four4me Tbh I'd be panicking if Olivia told me her part in the nativity play was a surprise - I'd be envisaging the part of Mary played in the stylee of Katy Perry

Am toying with the idea of bringing mil along to Olivias play, she'd love it and it would boost my martyr points . But my Mum would never forgive me if she couldn't make it (on account of her busy social life) and mil could. I have spent most of the weekend when not working ferrying my parents to their friends pre-Christmas "drinks parties" My parents have a better social life than the average 21 year old!!

Granny and Ponyo, hope the babies feel better soon.

Reastie I love the pic of Alice on fb, won't be long until she is running around the house by the looks of her! Good luck with that ha!

Wiggles- of your parents.

Right I'm off to bed, I'm knacked and have baby minder at 7 am tomorrow, night all.

Morning,

deb I've 'liked' Mary Berry on fb - I'm very excited to see people put on her wall cookery pictures and questions and she 'likes' and answers quite a few of them . Also, I've decided why don't people do baking groups like book groups? I was thinking this morning I'd absolutely love to do a bit of group baking with some ladies and have a good old natter at the same time - far more productive than a book group as you get to take munchies home. I wonder why people don't do this . Re: SW, things not going well . I had 2 hot chocolates this week end, although in my defence they were the instant ones so not too bad. I'm eating quite SW friendly meals, it's just I'm having too much bread for snacks, so I know I'm way over my allowance. Once everything settles down with DH being better it'll be easier to cook sw friendly stuff.

wiggles can you ask your mum to the play first to see if she can make it and then if she can't ask her re: MIL?

four4 I tried finding you on fb but there are too many people with your name and I got

ledkr your drunken antics made me .

ponyo I checked your profile last night and no new photos . How did A sleep last night? Not too much coughing I hope

blizy this could be a really rubbish idea but could you make (or have made) some kind of pretty christmas tree decoration in memory of zoe? Then every year you could get it out and talk to your soon to be dc about how beautiful and loved Zoe was? I wonder if you can get those hand/finger print things done in a decoration like you did for DH as cufflinks . That may be too painful to be reminded of Zoe every time you see the tree in the future but at the same time it woudl be a lovely memory and keepsake to treasure her by every christmas and make zoe feel part of your family festivities.

reastie if you are friends with deb and emski I'll be on their friends list. May make it easier.

Boys gone into school so excited it is party day, but so icy out there they were allowed straight into the classroom which does make drop off a bit easier. Off to my friends ds's b'day party with Imogen and Archie. Woo hoo what a social life we have.

Have a good day all and hope that all the poorly babies are feeling a lot better. X

Just cleaned the house Top To Bottom helped nobly by DH, looks a-m-a-z-i-n-g in here. I cleaned my sink with oven cleaner . Thanks PILs for being poorly

Off to do The Christmas Shop this afternoon- we have nearly £100 in Nectar points so it will be guilt free, I can't wait mad woman.

reastie your baking club idea sounds brilliant, I'd defo join if I lived closer to you . SW is a matter of just getting organised with the right snacks etc on hand. I've been a naughty bunny this week

wiggs Mary eh, tres impressive , can you post some photos?

44me enjoy your day :) ps what a lovely family you have, was looking at the photos of the DCs on FB.

Ooo forgot to ask- S has poorly eyes. They've had quite a lot of sleep in the eyelashes in the morning, plus watering a lot, and now they are all reddy purpley around them- not the actual eye but the skin IYKWIM. Do you think this warrants a GP appt?

Hey all ,just checking in on my lunch break.
Reastie, fabby idea about baking club, I would def join too if i lived closer. I'm always looking around for baking/cookery classes and have yet to find a regular class in my area.
Deb, Noah had the cough for weeks, still has it a bit, then had a swollen, purple/reddish eye last Monday, The doctor gave us antibiotics. Might be worth a visit with Sabine. Enjoy your Xmas shop, how lovely to be able to buy whatever you want and not worry about the cost!!
I've started on SW after buying a starter pack from ebay. Made Nicosse salad last week, which was yummy. I'm not really on the diet yet with Chrimbo so close, but am trying out some of the things I'm 'allowed'. Don;t think the box of Malteserds last night helped though!
Granny, good to hear from you!

Had my works Xmas do on Friday evening. It was great, the whole company was up dancing by the end. I got very merry. Had a lift home from my bosses, as dh had booked taxi for 11, and I refused to go with him! Have had to come into work today and excuse any embarrssing things I may have said on the way home, luckily they have a good sense of humour.
Yesterday we had our annual Xmas NCT meet up at a pizza restuarant. Its wierd how we start out as 14 of us now with all the kiddies there are over 30! It was manic but brilliant. We then drove to Burnham on Sea to see a street there where all the houses are decorated with loads of Xmas light for charity.THEN we went to the Carol service at church, was a lovely Xmassy weekend.

Hope you are all well, and all the poorly babies are better soon

Hi ladies,

Well, the weather has turned well and truly sh!t here after some nicer colder weather. It's just horrid grey raininess now, it's killing my festive spirit!

We had a nice weekend, C still has her horrid cough and is awake for up to an hour most nights coughing. Not crying or anything else, just cough cough. Poor thing . Hope it shifts soon.

Deb sounds like conjunctivis to me (based on when I used to get it and on DNiece having it). You can go to the Drs or if you have a Boots nearby, go to the pharmacy and if they agree that's what it is, they can do an OTC prescription for the antibiotic drops - you have to fill in a form which goes back to your Dr, but you get the drops straight away. We got them for C a few weeks ago when nursery thought she had it, but never used them as when she got home, I didn't think she did (and was right!). So, maybe Drs, or maybe just pharmacy, depending on what's easiest!

reastie yes we're having our Christmas eve drinks/nibbles etc. and I have stocked up accordingly. Don't think DH will come to carols tho, he's going to stay home with C. We were going to go and take her (asleep) in the pram, but the weather is due to be horrid and it seems like messing her around for our own benefit, and it gets really busy so the pram might be a bit of a mither. I stayed home last year as couldn't walk with SPD, so DH has said I should go this year. PS oh noble knower of culinary things...we did a late Christmas cake this year (only made it the last weekend in November), and have been force-feeding it every two days. Is this OK? There's no risk of 'over-feeding' is there? PPS I also love the idea of a baking club!

Blizy so sorry you're having such a tough time, I suppose it was always going to be a really horrid time, and it's perfectly understandable that you feel the way you do. I really think you do need to accept that it's OK for you and DH to just batton down the hatches and look after yourselves for a bit. You've been amazingly strong and nothing anybody else says/implies or assumes should make you feel like you should be doing anything differently. Maybe a Christmas tradition for Zoe might help you to feel like you can recognise Christmas without feeling like you have to ignore or gloss over the fact that Zoe is part of your lives.

Granny & Ponyo sorry for poorly babies/households. Ponyo I can't decide at what point we should take C to Drs with her cough. Am tempted to try and get her in Wed/Thurs when MIL has her (and could take her) just so they can listen to her chest and see what they think. It feels like a long time over the Christmas break if it does end up needing some attention. She seems mostly OK in the day, coughs maybe once or twice an hour, but quite big 'loose' (sorry!) coughs that don't seem to bother her too much, but at night it just sounds really hacking horrid coughing that goes on for ages. We have tried Tixylix but it made naff all difference. Not sure what to do...

C has her nursery Christmas party today, not sure what they're doing, but I have dressed her in a v cute Christmas dress in honour of the occasion (which I am sure will be much like any other nursery day!).

I think I'm being a bit thick re photos and fb. Are you lot all fb friends now too....? [needy icon]

D

Woah sorry for mahoosive post

emski sounds like you've been having fun, I'm ! Thanks for the eye advice, there were no appts left at the dr today so I'll take her tomorrow. Bit worried that she's coming down with another cold, she's still coughing from the last one :(

delia great catch up, I love long posts :) A few of us are now FB friends- I am I-a-i-n G-r-e-g-o-r-y, not hairy handed trucker really, just share DH's account! Your cake sounds tres boozy!

Did The Shop- anyone want to hazard a guess at the bill? Feeding 4 and 2 LOs for 5 days, Christmas weekend just us (2 adults and 2 LOs). Come on, place your bets!

Poor little Imy was so tired this evening she just cried into her tea so I put her to bed at 6pm! Poor sausage! Hope she doesn't wake up too early...