Sept 08 - Insert witty title 'here'

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Sorry about the crap title ladies, I was lacking inspiration and we were up to our limit on posts!

Hello ladies

So. We have exchanged on our house! Moving into rented accomodation on 12th....its a 2 bed but so sweet and quirky in a small village and quiet cul de sac so we will cope with the lack of space...it has got a garage for all the crap surplus stuff. It has exposed beams and wooden floors and is clean and bright.

We did look at a 4 bed det but it was dirty and tired and smelt and was nearly £200 more to rent a month!

Am so tired and stressed with it all...I naively thought that as we had a cash buyer and we were hoping to go into a no chain house that everything would be so easy

Am having a few months "off" looking for a house and will start again in the spring. Not looking forward to it, though

Dont know how people who move every 2 years do it without becoming gibbering wrecks

I cant do much atm because of my back so the boys are really bored and fed up...weather here a bit rubbish too.

Must try and take them out for a few days out over the summer.

I have brambles!!!
Bring on the gardening competition.

Only joking I don't know how the brambles got there but they are flourishing and they taste lovely.

Had a nice day out with my girls, we had a picnic with my dsis and a run around in the park. Robyn's dodgy knee is back, it started before all the running and got progressively worse during the day. A trip to drs tomorrow I think.

Bec glad you managed to find somewhere, it sounds sweet. Spring should be a good time to find you dream house

Hope so ninja

Tough day today

I was just thinking that we were managing to hold it together for the kids (well there have been moments but not too bad) then today he's been talking about which of us are having the kids when (which I find upsetting anyway) and saying that I'd agreed things that I hadn't, and all in front of the kids so that I won't argue with him

He then makes cutting comments in front of DD1 that I'm not sticking to the agreement etc to make me look bad. When I'm off with M I find he's having little tete a tetes with DD1 - planning her birthday next year (a sleepover at HIS house) etc all designed to make him look great.

I just feel sick and I hope he's not really going to be as manipulative as it seems.

It's great that he wants to be involved, but the thing is why hasn't he done more up until now? He is good with the kids but it's always on his terms, and now suddenly he's amking all these promises and I refuse to do that.

he says he's conceeded other things (what???) but the kids access he won't. I dn't want to deny him access but I don't want him to use them to get at me. He's never got up with the kids before so why is he so keen on picking them up first thing on a Sunday (when dd and him usually lie in.....)

Sorry - ranting again.

I hope we're managing to give the kids a good holiday. DD1 and me went for a riding leson this morning (my first ), then to a pool with naturalheated mineral water. We've been to the park and the food here is amazing. Going to a water park tomorrow and a festival saturday. Went up into the hills yesterday where the views are amazing.

Still - can't wait ofr it to be over

Oh ninja

I think you are such an amazing mum to go through this for your dc....and I am sure they are having a good time (sounds amazing!) but it must be hideous for you

Him talking about this in front of the dc is not on imo....also you need to make him understand that he cant make plans for b days and xmas without prior notice/discussion with you.

I have a feeling if he being this much of a twat already that it will come to needing a legally defined access agreement.....it would be great if you could sort it out amicably but he isnt being amicable, is he??

So sorry ninja xxxx

Yes - I can't wait until it's all final but the last think I want to do is antagonise him. Maybe that's my problem.

He's already booked him and DD1 on a 10 day skiing trip (missing 7 days of school) without telling me (I knew he was thinking about going for a week, but he didn't check out the dates...) he's booked himslef on a another week skiing (but hasn't actualy bothered to tell me yet, I just found the papers).

He thinks being separated means we don't have to speak to each other (yes - he has said this). I wish!!

Bec I don't feel like a great Mum, I'm trying to do the right things for the kids but with constant accusations from him I don't know what to believe

Oh fgs!!! Well, lets hope her school allow the absence!!

Have you had legal advice?? I only ask as - and I mean this in a loving non judgemental way -you are letting him get away with sooo much! I totally understand you not wanting to make a scene or antagonise him, but at some point you need to stand up for yourself. Easier said than done, I know.

Trouble is, if you let him away with this stuff now, it will just get worse....he treats you with such disrespect....I have never met him and I really want to thump him!!!!

Thanks Bec the thing is

1. he can be OK

2. he always thinks he's right

3. well I'm not sure if there is a 3

Yes, i think that it might be coming to that. He actually wants me to go to a solicitor to sign to the access arrangements 'we've' agreed for the kids (because I've uqestioned them)

Every step of this separation he's 'told me' what's going to happen (and I have said I'll think/listened ...) and then the next time we talk about it all I get is 'you agreed to this'

You know what - remind me next Wednesday when I'm back and I WILL make another solicitors appointment. I keep thinking we'll manage to agree. I think that he truely does believe that he is being reasonable and fair.

He has a history of arguing with friends (even fell out with everyone on his stag weekend!!)

And he says I'm argumentative

better book a counsellor too

You know yesterday he went mad at me because we ordered 2 bowls of chips between us all (and yes they were big and we didn't finish them all - but we did finish more than one) 'will you never learn not to order too much food'

Today he forced us all to go out for dinner when the kids were knackered and just wanted to go back to the apartment fo pasta (and so did I)

he's constantly saying how naughty M is (and implying it's all my fault) when she sounds like many of the other kids on this thread! She's nearly 3 fgs. She is lively and can be cheeky, but she's also incredibly cheerful and loving.

Sorry - letting off steam now. I keep meaning to write everything down but never get round to it. I'll just have to look back at this thread.

The funny thing is that this holiday isn't actuallt that much worse than many others we've been on!!

about the absence - my friend wastrying to encourage me to book a holiday and then put in an absence form before him (as tbh I can't see him remembering to!!) that way his can't be authorised.

I'm not that cruel tho

Thats just it ninja He is playing dirty and, sadly, you may need to too

Please, please please go back to the solicitor next week!!! Do not sign ANYTHING til you have had legal advice and dont sign anything unless your solicitor witnesses it!

When you say that he is "ok sometimes".....is that when you are agreeing with him/doing what he wants by any chance???? Why did he "force" you to go out for dinner today???? What would have happened if you said "no" and just took the dc back to the apartment????

He sounds very controlling/emtionally abusive to me

Oh ninj. I agree with other comments to please not sign anything yet! Tbh I don't think you've got the ground rules sorted yet.

Can you go to a counsellor together to agree ways that you can make the separation work best for all? To try to appeal to his good side (while he's still got one) and get him to commit to some basics, like not discussing arrangements in front of the kids, basics for how you'll decide / organise kids' holidays, etc? Would a counsellor be able to help you agree what sort of separation you want, so you at least have a chance of getting off to a good start?

I feel awful as I'm not going through what you are, so please slap me or swear at me if my comments are not helpful! I just feel for you and wish I could help. One thing I can say is please feel free to vent to us!

becarooo Did you know you are famous? You have been quoted in MN news this week!

And well done on the house! Hope you will be happy there for a while. We just got our survey back yesterday so it's now full steam ahead for us on the purchase.

Congratulations on the house selling and renting becaroo! May you have a fun and leisurely time looking for a new house to buy.

Good luck with your solicitor ninja. You need someone to help fight your corner.

bookmarking....

Ah, yes.

I appear to be "quote of the week"

Its totally gone to my head

ninja you ok? x

becaroo that quote is ACE! Nice one!

Thanks meg

I hate stealth boasting threads!!!

I have just cleaned out my shed. My goodness it was boring and dusty. On the plus side I know now what's in there and where it is.

fp I was chatting to my mum about the Sheila Maid and she said she had already thought I should get one in my house but that I wouldn't think it was trendy enough. Will have to speak to my handyman to see how it can be screwed through the beams! I so hope I can get one fitted before winter kicks in.

ninja your H . Hope you get some counselling / mediation sorted out soon. If he keeps on like that in one of those sessions they'll see right through him and lay down the law.

Hugs to Ninja. Hang on in there.

Am overwhelmed. the ladies on my Nov ante natal thread are asking me for my advice on labour & birth. OMG. Me!! I have become the Starlight of my antenatal thread

I think some mediation would be a great idea, saying that we tried relate in the past and the counsellor had real difficulty coping with him! I have suggested it before but it's just been trying to organise it and time and sorting out the kids. It would have to be done at his convenience and ... It would be worth it though

I have found a parents charter that I may ask him to sign which says things like not arguing in front of the kids, and not criticising the other parent.

I keep wondering about things I've done too - I think I can be a bit controlling. I've always sorted out everything for the kids and It's difficult letting go of that. I find it difficult imaging them having holidays without me.

I am OK though - we met a family yesterday with similar aged kids which DD1 loved and they came back to our apartment for a meal in the evening so the kids could play. A bit awkward as obviously we hadn't told them we were separating and they kept asking questions like would we have more kids .... H was being his charming, cheerful self but I can see why I put up with it for so long as I will miss being part of a couple

where can I find your quote of the week Bec - I want to read it

Not sure ninja I got it on an email from MNHQ

I am not sure - from what you have said - that your H would be up for mediation, but I could be wrong. Its certainly worth doing if both parties agree but if he is there under duress I fear you could be wasting your time

Thinking of you x

So....operation potty training this weekend!!! arrghh Got a larger potty (his arse was too big for the last one!! ) and some pants with cars and sharks and footballs (his favourite things) on so here we go.....

ooh - found it . I can't believe anyone would seriously discuss that!!

I think you have to have mediation before a divorce now, I'm not sure he could refuse. Howvere, ikwym. It couldn't do any harm and I think he might agree and at least I'd either be heard or be seen to not be heard iyswim.

Good luck with the potty training, I hope you also have a supply of chocolate buttons for bribery encouragement

hahahaha...off out to buy some little treat in a while....dreading it!!!!

Lots to do today! Need to order a carpet for the new rental house (for boys room - cant let them have the nasty carpet tiles in there!) and take some stuff to the self store.

Really not enough hours in the day atm!

I know what you mean re: that thread...stealth boasting at its best!

ninja If you give mediation a bash then it either a) work and make life easier or b) show your H up to be a twit and make your case stronger.

You really might not be controlling TBH. If it's anything like me and my XP I had to keep all the balls in the air and organise everything as he wouldn't lift a finger. He complained if he had to do anything, shopping lists, tidying, organising the kids was all beyond him. If I had said "Sod it" and let him get on with it nothing would get done, this was a man who was incapable of picking up his dirty laundry let alone running a household.