August 2010 - new thread ladies!

[Chulita]

New thread cos we've nearly filled the last one!

Aidan has been sleeping in his cot in the Nursery for the past 2 weeks (since he was 3 & a half months) as he outgrew his Moses. It was building up for a while & I was dredding moving him out of our room so I didnt plan when to do it, I just made a snap decision one night that that was going to be the night & that was it. I think a planned 'last night' in our room would have resulted in me laying awake all night looking at him & getting all emotional! :(
The first 3 nights I put him in his Moses basket inside the cot in his room for extra familiarity & comfort, now he is just in the cot all by his little self while mummy has the monitor turned up full next to her bed so I can hear him breathing! Anyway, if he wasn't such a big bubba he would definately still be in our room for another month or two so certainly do think it's fine for them to be in with you for a while yet :)

speaking of which, he's been asleep for the last 2 hours...why am I still awake???

S went in his 'own' room at about 11 weeks. He outgrew his basket and DH couldn't wait to get him out of our room. I was very emotional about it but after a couple of nights it was fine. I don't like having to stagger to the next room to feed but when he's awake in the morning shouting to himself it's nice not to have him doing it in my ear. There's no 'best' time to do it, just whenever you're ready.
alice ignore them - MIL's always on at me to give S a bottle and my Gdad's hates that I'm bfing but it's none of their business. Part of me feels like bfing til 2 just to rub it in
Cold out there today, want to go to toddler group but it's going to be slippery!

Chulita and Alice, what is with all these anti-bf'ing people? Why on earth would people not want you to bf, as long as it's what you want? And in any case, why is it any of their business? Definitely ignore them, but I'm just really perplexed by why people have this attitude.

Alice Colchester Zoo is fab, you'll have a lovely time. A few years ago DH got me a 'zookeeper for the day' present there, and I absolutely loved it .

Oooh, bad mum alert - Izzy was in nursery from 5 weeks. Mind you our house is so small being in the nursery is as close as if someone had a large room!

bubba I know what you mean about the sleep - I bought a couple of cheap flannelette cot sheets and have cut down to a size to swaddle - can I swaddle her until she is 18?

elusive loving the zookeeper for the day idea, did you get to go in with the animals?

We're back under hospital care, Izzy's temp spiked at 39.5 on saturday so we went to hospital, they kept us in for two nights and we are on leave and have to go back to have her IV antibiotics. They think its a flare up of the e-coli and told us results of tests we had - one of her kidneys 'sucks' liquid back up into it rather than just being a one way tube. She should grow out of it by 2 but needs antibiotics every day until then apparently its called reflux. Just another reflux to add to our collection!

Hope we can still make the christmas party at mum and baby group. Do not know where this month is going!

No way sparkle that's awful :( I'm so sorry, hope she grows out of it sooner than 2.

Sparkle poor you and poor Izzy - that sounds rubbish .

Zookeeper for the day was fab. You get to choose different groups of animals, and then the keeper tells you all about them, and depending on what you've chosen, you get to interact with them (they obviously don't let you stroke the lions ). I got close to the wolves during feeding time, I fed the penguins and sealions by hand, and I held a massive snake and various big creepy crawlies. The best bit was helping to feed the red pandas, which are unbelievably cute. If you know any animal lovers, then I seriously recommend it - it makes a great present. Various zoos do it, I think.

There were some very cute baby monkeys and chimps. The baby monkeys looked very much like F though....

Sparkle that is horrid i am sure there is another mnetter i have spoken to whose DD has kidney reflux, but i can't remember who it was perhaps ask on here, there may be someone with more info or something.

Do any of you feel that you are unable to make any right decisions at the moment? I am so indecisive and when i finally make a decision it seems to be the wrong one lack of sleep has a lot to answer for!

Alice I think the world would be a better place if everyone observed the law that weddings & bringing up your children are sacrosanct times in your life where you do not & should not have to compromise. My SIL told me (when I was agonising over relatives throwing toys out the pram before my wedding) that the only times in your life when it is actually all about you (& when you should do your own thing) is when you walk up the aisle & push your babies out. It's been great advice & has stopped me getting sniffy over not getting wedding invites or commenting to my sister on my niece's bad behaviour before. And it sounds like there's a bit of grandchild fatigue there too, sympathies A is no 6 on DH's side so I've had to get my head round that issue as well. Re giving bottles..my aunt used to pester me to do that & I gritted my teeth & kept saying no..I found it didn't annoy as much if I told myself that she was just desperate to feed A.

Sparkle Virtual hugs..what a time of it..life must just seem shite just now. Sounds manageable but how upsetting for you. Hope Izzy isn't in any pain or distress.

A is still co-sleeping with me & is likely to still be using my boobs for a pillow at 16. We were managing to get him into his cot (in our room, see we're several steps away) but we've regressed since we're feeding more frequently again & A now howls if he realises he's been tricked & moved into his cot so for a quiet life, I'm going with it till the feeding stretches out again & then there will need to be a bit of tough love. But it's probably the area where I feel I'm making crap
decisions all the time, especially tbh, when I see some of you have different, researched strategies that you're trying with some success!

As it's a supersnowyhectorland here today, I've batoned down the hatches til at least Wednesday with the heating on full & my own bodyweight in ingredients for soup & crumbles. My poor BIL is a teacher & is having to spend the night in his gymhall because the roads are so bad in the central belt.

Oh Sparkle - massive hug!

And Hector - take care of yourself with all that snow!!

Another shit night here , however we did manage to put E down at 8pm for an hour or so and were able to have dinner by ourselves for the first time in months!

A few people recently have recommended a book called Wonder Weeks - has anyone else come across this? It's apparently all about the big, disruptive, fussy times and how they link in with development milestones. Sounds interesting.

Finally, any cradle cap experts out there? E has had it for ages and it hasn't bothered him at all. Now, all of a sudden, he's itching his head like crazy. Poor kid. Anything we should be doing apart from putting on olive oil?

Hi everyone!

sparkle sorry to hear Izzy is unwell. Love to you.

Alice it is nobody else business but yours how long you bf for... I know its not the same but I completely understand what you mean by grandparents being underwhelmed.

When I was pregnant DH's Mum and S-Dad appeared to show very little interest in comparison to when his S-Sis was pregnant. They had spent hundreds on her by the same stage of pregnancy; paying for 4D scans, prams etc... I shouldn't be mean because they have given us a few hundred towards Belle's headstone but even now I feel they are completely undewhelemed by the whole situation and a bit insensitive at times.

Always going on and on about what granddaughter 1 is doing, dressing up as etc. They don't seem to realis how much it hurts us hearing about it all the time when their granddaughter 2 will never do those things. Belle doesn't seem to register with them very much at all. And I know its different because she's not here, but another example, Sunday I asked if they would like to attend the Sands baby rememberance christmas service with us as a family on Friday and the face she pulled said it all. However you can guarantee that face wasn't pulled when my nieces christmas concert was announced. I know its different, but its kinda the same. They are both christmas things they can go to for both their granddaughters... and in mine and DH's eyes it is still Belle's 1st Christmas if she is here or not. So it looks like it'll just be DH, me and my parents going.

Sorry for the moan there girls!

Hows everyone coping with the snow? We've hardly had any snow here but the ice has been really dangerous.

I'm back at work for my full hours now. Its like I've never been away in all honesty, so so busy. Made the best decision still only going back 3 days because its so busy I don't have time to think about me end of week, I still need Monday, Tuesday (and the wekened of course!) to be quiet days.

Blood disorder results are Friday. I will let you know if anything has been found.

Can't believe we're nearing the end of 2010. Best and worst year of my life. Everything is so bittersweet...

Have a good week everyone xxx

sparkle what a time you're having of it, you poor thing

alice you stick to your guns girl! I have to constantly remind myself that relatives often just mean well. My dad for example, pestered my mum to try to breastfeed me (didn't work) and yet he's desperate for G to have a bottle. But as weehector said, it's more because he wants a go at feeding rather than anything else!

As for sleep-deprivation, I with you all there! Had one bonus night of 10pm - 6am but had to endure 4 hours of screaming, nipple-pulling, boob punching and general bad breast manners before it though! Could have kissed dh's feet this morning at 5am though when he got up and fetched G and brought him into bed for me to feed. The cot is only at the bottom of the bed, but I just couldn't move from under the duvet

G will stay in our room until he's no longer feeding through the night then he'll move in with ds1. ds1 is sooooo excited about sharing a room...wonder how long that will last

Caz - maybe it is just their way of coping. They didn't know her like you did. Yes she is their 2nd grandchild but maybe they think if they remember her they will get upset or upset you. Plus I think husbands parents have a different relationship with their dil compared to your parents if that makes sense.

we shall all be thinking of Belle here on Christmas day

Poppy has been scratching her head too - I have tried putting oil on it - not sure it makes much difference - anyway she is wearing socks on her hands to try and stop her. She does it mainly in the evenings - looks horrid

soontobefatnat we use Dentinox shampoo on Sam, he used to have awful cradle cap but it's not so bad now. If you used it every day it would clear quicker, we only use it once a week when he has a bath.

caz they might just not know how to handle Belle. Sorry they're making it even harder for you. I hope the remembrance service is a lovely time for you all!

Sparkle Sending you and Izzy lots of hugs.

CazandBelle great to hear from you again and I hope the service goes well, what a lovley gesture.

Thanks to everyone who's let me know their LO's sleeping arrangements, Feel much better now I know I'm not being oversenstive still wanting him in my room

my DS hasn't really had craddle cap, but I did notice today for the first time, some dry skin at the front of his hairline. I wonder if it is the drop in temperature

Hope everyone is having a good week so far. take care x

Wonder weeks - i have read it, it is interesting but very vague eg 'your baby may seem a bit fussy now, may demand your attention, or be clingy." Well, that can be any baby, any time! It was a bit wooly for my liking.

Daniel has been in his own room since 7wks. It's a personal choice. i think he sleeps better as he's not disturbed. But I can understand why the advice is to have them in with you because if they had a problem re cot death you might catch it in time if they are in with you. But IMO cot death is so rare esp in homes where there is no smoking and the baby is not overheating so I have faith that he will be fine.

Sparkle, hope you are both getting on OK.

Caz, sorry your PILs are so insensitive about Belle. They obviously do not understand the devastation. They probably think it would be better if you could forget Belle but of course you never will, she will always be your firstborn, and if that is the way you want it they should respect your wishes. They probably will never understand it like your own mum does. Unless you have been through it yourself I don't think you can understand. I'm glad work is going ok xx

Evening

Thank you all for the support. My friend (who is very wise) said that it happens a lot in second (and subsequent babies). She said that when it is your first you are more likely to ask for advice/listen to all advice, but with your next one you already have a pretty good idea of what to expect and have learnt a lot from your first - what you will do again vs what you found didn't work at all for you.

Caz i agree with the others, but however much it is difficult/painful for your family, they should respect what it means to you. I hope you get the blood results you are hoping for

F had a brilliant night last night. Has had nearly 2wks of up about 4-5 times a night, down to 2x over the weekend, but then did 8.30pm til 5.20am so to those who think i should give him solids or a bottle
Has been a bloody nightmare today though, had him screaming the whole morning through Cambridge while doing my christmas shopping, thn screaming the whole time we were out in our little town for the christmas lights this evning. Feel i have just been screamed at all day and i'm exhausted. Thankfully he is asleep now, fingers crossed for a better night.

Well, it is now past 9pm, so bedtime! Night

Hi caz it's rubbish that your ILs seem to be insensitive at best. Not making excuses at all for them here, I think DH's mum sounds like she overcompensated for not being his stepsister's mother during pregnancy, but I noticed that people do react differently - my sister was mega excited for me from the minute I was pregnant & the baby seemed real right from the word go whereas my ILs, who are more reserved anyway, were much more restrained pre-birth & their affection seems to grow the more they see him, perhaps because my MIL suffered 3 miscarriages. As I'm one of 4 and have step siblings, I learnt to follow the mantra to plough my own furrow rather than tie myself in knots getting upset about who did what for whom! Anyways, glad work is manageable & looking forward to hearing how you celebrate Christmas for Belle (thinking reindeer dust & a wee fir tree at her grave?)..you always seem to find lovely ways to remember your beautiful girl.

Not much to report here from Fort Hector..stores are in & moral is high although it's minus double figures here. Cabin fever will drive me crazy if I can't get out to our last session of baby massage tomorrow. Think A is hibernating & getting his own stores in though..I've spent most of the day boobiesnoozing (trademarked)..ie lying on the bed with A while he snacks & sleeps.

weehector love the term boobiesnoozing - we do plenty of that... keep warm and safe in the snow!
caz sorry your PILs don't seem to get it and don't give you the support you need. Hugs from here.
Alice Glad you had a better night although the screaming sounds like hard work. We had a bit of a rubbish night last night, although she was down at 8.45pm and then fed at 1am - all fine to this point - she woke at 4am ish and wouldn't settle for ages and I ended up bringing her into bed with me. Haven't had her in bed with us much because I don't tend to sleep terribly well. And it's just taken an hour to put her down - not terrible in the grand scheme of things but wearing... plus at the moment my DH's patience always runs out before she goes down so I end up having to do it.
sparkle poor little Izzy, ditto hope it doesn't last until she's two and hope the antibiotics make her feel better.

I've been to see two tiny babies (about a month) in the past week and it makes me v nostalgic. Little babies are so squidgy and lovely...

Thanks for the replies ladies. Sometimes just getting it out helps! I know I can be unreasonable sometimes...

wee we have decorated Belle's garden already, I wanted it to look lovely from 1st Dec! I will upload a picture of her little pink tree to my profile for you to see! She has a tiny pink tree with tiny bauble and a tiny angel. we tied tinsel around her flower pot add silver 'ting' to her flowers. It looked really pretty there with the bit of snow and ice last week. On the 21st (her 6th month day) we will put a little pink tree up in the house too for her. We can't face putting the big tree up this year, so we have bought a 3ft pink tree and have had a special bauble engraved for her with her name on. Its a glass one with an angel holding a star inside - perfect for her. Reindeer dust is a fab idea!! I'm going to do it! Sparkles all over her grave then!

*Note to self to buy lots of glitter and porridge oats!

We're planning a quiet christmas day; we're going to go to church in the morning and then up to the cemetery. Back in may we had already bought Belle a christmas present. A bubble machine for bathtime (I saw it and had to get it then!)... its in the top of my cupboard and christmas day we'll go to the cemetery and use the machine to blow bubbles all over her garden so she's still had the christmas present we bought for her. after that we're going to have christmas dinner at home just the two of us. We have a special angel cracker for Belle and a christmas tree candle we've bought to burn for her all day too.

We're making christmas very much about her. I think its the only way I would survive it.

The photos are too big. They are on my blog anyhow...

wow cazandbelle all of Belle's Xmas presents and plans sound great, you're such a lovely mum

sparkle big hugs for you & little Izzy.

weehector boobiesnoozing should be added to the dictionnary! Thank you, gave me a little chuckle after hearing some horrible news tonight;
I went out to the cinema with my friend of 19 years last week while her husband & DP babysat. After they'd gone home DP told me that, while we were out, the husband had let slip that they're expecting but as it's early days nobody was supposed to know & so I mustn't let on to her that either of us know abt the baby (hard enough when all I wanted to do was give her a massive hug!)
Then tonight DP got a text from my friend's other half saying they'd had a miscarriage. Am absolutely heartbroken for them, they've been trying for a baby for 4 years with no success whilst seeing all their close friends start families (us being the last). Now to finally get pregnant & for this to happen. Why do such horrible things happen to such lovely people???
I just wish she knew I was here for her but as neither of them know that I know there's nothing I can do just be here if she ever decides to talk about it.

On 2 seperate occassions last January I thought I'd miscarried (obviously they were both false alarms, although that was what brought me onto MN). The first time I was absolutely convinced that I'd lost him & remember all the emotions and thoughts that went through my head so clearly. I know that obviously it's not the same, just a small insight. I can only imagine what they're going through right now. Once again I'm reminded just how blessed I am to have my little guy & what a tiny miracle every baby is.

Sorry for the sad post, DP is away & just needed to tell someone. Must get some sleep...

caz wowsers, what plans! I think Belle would've been one very lucky young lady in years to come..biggest pinkest, sparkliest Christmas stocking ever. You are shaming me with my frugal investment in just a set of stacking rings. But he doesn't NEED anything this year (no doubt this restraint will be used by myself to justify the piano in Big, the trip to Lapland, Willie Wonka's chocolate factory & the moon in his stocking aged 5) but I love the thought of some new family traditions for us - Carrot stick/mince pie & sherry left out for Santa obviously, but I'm thinking Christmas jammies, the aforementioned reindeer dust & Christmas morning muffins (had to shoehorn baking in there). What's everyone else doing for the kiddies?

bubba so sad news. Won't be much of a Christmas for your friends...

bubba that's awful, maybe you could just randomly send her a box of choccies 'just cos' or something like that.

weehector I was wondering the same thing. We didn't do much for DD's first christmas as I was still in a lot of pain from the cs, last christmas kind of whizzed by us in a whirl of morning sickness so I'm hoping to get some traditions going if we can. Luckily she's still too young to really know what's going on. And don't worry about the presents, L's got one small thing and S has nothing. They don't need anything at this age and I'll happily clog the house up with toys when they're older

Good evening ladies,

We are home from the hospital and good news is it wasn't a UTI, bad news is they don't know what it was.... ah well, just one of those things!

Thank you to you all for your words of support, I suppose I'm just going to have to get on with it. Have taken advice and posted in children's health and a couple of people have responded whose children have had the same which reassures me and stops me feeling quite so sorry for myself!

Was thinking this morning, this time last year I hadn't even heard of mumsnet and here we are almost a year down the line. Thanks for the support girls! Love this group - give advice and don't judge others, there is some s*it going on with mumsnet at the moment and yet all of us tolerate each others opinions and decisions. Tis lovely. Oh dear am coming over all hormonal!!!

In other news, we got to go to the christmas party at mum and baby group. Mixed reaction really - Izzy got hit by a rogue toy and so was quite unhappy and another baby turned up in the same outfit Izzy had. What a fashion faux pas! Still at least there was a chocolate fountain!