FESH Spa & Creche - Queue-jumpers accepted with open arms

[AlpinePony]

How exciting for a new thread - two FESHspring due shortly!

HI says he hasn't changed. I have. I am snappy and horrible according to him.

Jesus, you've just given birth and are riddled with weird hormone combinations. If he can't deal with that for a few months and maintain good humour and helpfulness then that really is quite sad. Not very manly tell him...

silv It's only been a month and when was the last time you slept for more than 4 hours at a stretch? Sleep deprivation makes everyone crabbity. "Men" getting feeding/changing/everything wrong can make anyone snappy and mean. In addition to that there's an onus upon us women to keep going business as usual. He'll still be expecting an ironed shirt in the morning for example.

I am a mistress of zen (tar cunty) most of the time and I don't need much sleep - but there are limits and if I'm functioning in 2 hour blocks for more than 3 days then I'll be bloody horrible. JB has spent a night 2 hours trying to get to sleep in the shed before. He'd stormed out and I'd noticed he'd come back covered in cobwebs but I was so angry I didn't even bother to ask where he'd been until a week later.

I agree with the others. Express like a bastard, hand over baby and have a little couple time. Express like a bastard again, hand over baybee and go for a quick ride (in a few weeks). Everyone needs time out I think. JB is going to the cinema on his own tomorrow night and I relish my time at the stables. We are not naive little 16 year olds who know nothing of life. We are all strong women having lived varied and interesting lives - you can't just turn your back on all of that and turn in to Mary Fucking Poppins meets Stepford Wife overnight!

If however it doesn't work out, I'm sure I've heard of a scheme before whereby we all murder someone else's husband so that nobody gets the finger for their own hubby's murder and we all get away with it scot free.

Last friday night at work, jb's colleague Dimitri (from russia yes) said that "it's not gay the first time" - OK, lost in translation mebbe? Last night at work, in the mattress section , Dimitri says to jb "would you take it up your shitter for a million euros"?

Should I find out if Dimitri comes from money?

evening all. Thanks for your kind words last night. Things did seem better after a good sleep (finally!) and I tried to crack on with the day. Left the house for first time in days . I'm blaming everything on this horrible, painful period and will reassess once it's over and I no longer look like a 20-week diffed cripple. I heart you all for the support.

silv. listen to the wise words of the others. We all have a right to expect our other halves to work around us. It doesn't always happen, and I have to say the extra workload of having a baby around still leads to tension (mainly me resenting him finding the time and inclination to play Playstation/ do photography/ pursue other hobbies while the house looks like a bomb site and I'm hanging after days of teething hell). But sometimes we just need to have it out with them.

And of course, they just DO NOT GET IT.

They don't see the dirty bottles
They don't hear baby crying (unless they are trying to sleep)
They don't think about the fact that a dirty nappy etc might be the cause of distress. (Instead they try to entertain the child and get them more wound up)
They don't see dirt and mess, and if they do, they cover it up/move it.

I had told SFF he'd have to pick up the slack in the house once baby came, but it hasn't sunk in. And if I complain about having to di it all, I sometimes even get "it was your idea to have a baby" thrown back in my face. Twat.

Despite all of the above, he isn't even the main cause of my current problems.

I would echo what the others said about getting some couple time, but I'd be a hypocrite because I have managed to hand over care of Squeaker only once - and that was to my parents a week after the birth while SFF drove me to a hospital appointment. I now feel ready to let go, but have noone to let go to (and nowhere to go!).

CHrist, I am rambling. Sorry. I shouldn't be turning an attempt to help poor silv into a me me me rant.

BTW I tried to reply last night and lost post. But basically it included the fact that I had lost my rag with my beautiful girl too many times, and that I love you all for the support I get here. Especially as I am sadly lacking in friends I can talk to about stuff in RL. Still haven't found any in this area, but that's my own fault for turning into an agrophobe when it really matters.

Child asleep, dinner ready. catch you later.

Oh and I was a really immature cow yesterday, but it appears to have driven my point home. I started work yesterday at 6:30am, it was a pretty full-on day and I switched the laptop off at just gone 4. I then went to the supermarket and home via BK as he needed a Big King XXL. I got home, unpacked the shopping, bathed the baby, fed the baby, put him to bed and finally got myself some food.

By this point the bin was desperately over-flowing. It should've been emptied thursday. He was off work thurs from 10am until 9pm yest. Bin is HIS job. I asked him last night to do it and he whined "can't you... ?". After my day, no, I couldn't. So I continued to pile rubbish on the top, and then a row of dirty nappies on top of the breakfast bar. First thing he did when he got up this morning? Sort the bin! He doesn't see the over-flowing bin but bizarrely has spider sense wrt the breakfast bar and gets very upset when ANY clutter is on it.

Of course I could've emptied the bin last night myself...

But why the bloody fuck should you. Hom complains a lot about the state of the house but would no more think to pick up a duster as he would to running naked down the street. That sort of hypocrisy makes my blood boil.

Oh Silver I'm sorry you're having a pants time with HI. We are having to bite tongues a lot as well at the moment. Sheer lack of sleep is making me lose my patience continually and vice versa. What really gets me is when Mr M shouts or raises his voice unnecessarily. And he is the one sleeping in the spare room at the moment! We're starting the expressed bottle last thing tonight so he can share a bit in the night pain... and I can get to bed early. He has been amazing in doing stuff around the house and cooking so I can't complain really and this stuff does not come naturally to him either... I do worry that his enthusiasm might wane a bit though as I'm getting more back to normal. Can you not sit down with him and thrash out your expectations? It might help... then again you could just open a bottle of wine around 5pm.

We had a good night last night 11-2 and 2.30 til 5. I actually felt human today, we watched a movie and I did stuff around the house like normal. Today has been my best day so far which considering how crap yesterday was is saying something.

Curly glad you are feeling better too...

Cunty I can't BELIEVE the nerve of your intruder. Your poor SD. How old is she? that would shit me up no end. We nearly got our car stolen in front of our house as we were unloading the shopping. Mr M came out to lock it after taking the last bag in and someone was sat in it! It makes you realise how fucking cheeky they are.

We are going to spend some quality time together and work on our communication skills.

HI does the shopping, some cleaning, dawg walking, putting bin out and cooking. All I have to do (in his words) is look after MB and try to sleep. So you can see what I am up against.

MB has been hideous this arvo. No sleep. Just wants the boob. It's gonna be a long bleeding night. Can feel it. MB also has bogey nose and is snuffly. Also has a little cough so he is prob feeling bit under the weather. I am too. Sore throat has just turned up.

MIL asked me to go shopping tmw. I declined. Can't face busy town centre with Xmas shoppers etc.

Jesus, i would kill for someone to shop and cook for me. I swear, my life would be 1000 times more bearable. And there's 3 other adults in this house apart from me, but nobody gives a fuck. Since we're having a well deserved whinge, i would like to announce that at no time either during my pregnancy or since has any member of this family said 'cunty is there anything i can do or get for you?' I've been offered a brew a grand total of 5 times and one of those was yesterday. In fact all i get is arseache about the tidiness of the house.

Do i win?!

Not sure if this helps at all - TSF has been incredible all year and especially the last 9 weeks, doing everything except feeding Clint. Clint is sleeping well too. And still our relationship has changed, I feel like we are circling each other, trying to work out how we feel about one another when we are both in love with someone else. I don't know if things will ever be the same - I have to believe so.

Though I am happy to lend a hand patio digging - why should housework generated by two (or in Cunty's case, four) people fall to one of them to do? Sexist, lazy arses. I can bring my own spade.

Gah sorry, i know it's not a competition, just often sometimes i just want to pick my sweet little boy and go and live on my own.

A baby is such such a fundamental change to your life it's not surprising there a period of adjustment. 2 years on and the old rooster & I are still in a state of flux & getting used to this new life.

Sleep deprivation really doesn't help either, nor do helpful comments like "you've changed"....of course you've fucking changed - you've had a BABY!!!! Stay strong - you can and will get through it and before you can say "not another shitty nappy" you'll be settled into the new routine and planning your next one

Cunty you have my sympathies. And yes, I reckon you win. And and and, I've gone right off Hom. Not that that probably makes you feel any better though...

There were times when Boo was little (and I've never admitted this to anyone in RL) where I'd wish that I could catch TG out having an affair because then I could kick him out and it would have made my life SO much easier. It was honestly like having another child. The whining about how tired he was all the time drove me nuts - he'd go to sleep with ear plugs in, eye mask on and not move the entire night. He'd have to ask me how many times she woke in the night cos he wouldn't have a clue, and yet HE was the one who had a disturbed nights sleep and was tired! WTF?! If I complained about tiredness I was either told 'it is not a competition Polly' or 'yes, but I'm the one who has to go to work'.

We bickered like hell in the first few months. TG suffered badly because he was no longer the centre of my world. It still upsets him now. It annoys me intensely as I feel there is space for everyone in our family and he is an adult (whether he likes it or not) and he should just suck it up. Sleep deprivation, loss of ability to communicate, the fact you've been through this amazing wonderful life changing but exhausting experience versus your partner's life not changing that much = recipe for disaster. No-one told me how hard it would be and I'm not sure I'd have believed them anyway. Hmmm... why am I doing it again?! think I might need to get that book you mentioned Cunty.

I think we all have ideas about motherhood, how it will be and it's effect on your relationship and the reality is completely different because no matter how realistic we are, we (or certainly I) couldn't have anticipated how utterly life changing having a child is. Before Boo came along I'd have sworn TG would have bent over backwards to help around the house, cook meals, do washing etc. Does he fuck! Even though I am 37wks with SPD and a 3 yr old he STILL has not picked up the slack and my poor mum and now my sis are coming to visit once a week just to keep on top of the house stuff I can't do. I am incredibly grateful but really, why should they have to?!

I think I am resigned to it being this way until I go back to work. It does seem that being a SAHM has fucked our relationship over - I have become the archetypal housewife and he the breadwinner. It feels like he has the upper hand and it doesn't set well with either of us. But it is how we decided to raise our children and we both still think it is right for us.

Still, at least TG doesn't complain about the house being a tip - he doesn't even bloody notice, he is such slob.

The only advice I can give is be firm, set boundaries, set aside personal time as well as couple time. And communicate. And try not to forget why you fell in love with this person in the first place!

Cunty did you name change and post this?

I almost could have done.

In jb's defence, I've not picked up the hoover in a year and he did do almost everything when I was pregnant. Like cunty though I wish I could get him to do the shopping. Anything more complicated than bread or milk sends him in to convulsions - e.g., the sugarsnap pea experiment which produced chives. He'd be happy to cook - but if I were to say "sprinkle some pinenuts in it", I'd probably get uncooked chickpeas or mini-weetabix. They need a good hard kick up the rear cunty. Time to start strategically not washing things you'll know they'll need at a certain time. E.g., footie practice is thursday night? Ooops, still damp in the tumble dryer - you were going to switch it on but Rastus started crying...

Thankfully neither of us get too excited about having a house which is show-home worthy - and it'll certainly help when we move and I get my own office which all the paperwork can go in to. Right now, his beloved breakfast bar holds the bills (paid and unpaid). Where the fuck should i file them sweetie? In the recycling? (which is yet to go out... )

silv Have you got a booger sucker? They only really work if they're gloopy, won't suck out the dry stuff, but they do get places mummy's fingernail can't reach. Also, cot/crib/moses basket up on books a la fanny?

honey It sounds like you've turned a corner - congratulations! :)

silv Very wise re: xmas shopping. I want to nip in today - but if I do, it's going to be within 30 minutes of the shops opening and definitely without the buggy. Although the buggy/pram improves your shoplifting prospects!

Don't wish to sound like an interfering, patronising caaah, but curly Pls to provide grid reference to home in other place so we can "find a friend" for you? I am so lucky/grateful that you pointed me in the direction of M - she's been an absolute god-send friendship wise. :) With this fb day-and-age one of us must know somebody nice in your neighbourhood. Especially with so many of us being horsey/farmey.

Polly I have often a couple of times thought "if he walks out and doesn't come back it'll be just fine" with no hint of sadness or regret.

I was cross-eyed with tiredness last night and went to bed at 9pm. Bear woke me at 12, 2, 4, 5 and 6. No doubt it'll be jb who is tired.

tues a lot of my pals think I am lucky cos HI does loalds of stuff their blokes don't do. Fair point. To a certain extent I do agree.

However, I find it demoralising when HI leaves shoes everywhere, used crockery in the sink, sweet wrappers on the floor (basically if they fall out of his pocket, that's where the wrappers stay), coins on the floor, receipts on the work surface, it seems it's my job to put clean laundry away. He'll put the wm on and then go out and it's up to me to sort out the finished cycle.

To have to tidy up constantly after another person is hard.

One other thing which Narks is coming downstairs in the morning to find used crockery/open biscuits on the arm of the sofa. Let's not even talk about breadcrumbs. He never ever cleans those up.

Think I am run down hence this morning I feel worse than yday. Tho MB slept from 1030-330 last night. HI stayed up with him and changed him and gave him to me to feed at 4 which is fine. I would like to add that "staying up" when the child is asleep is not actually looking after the child. Typically MB fell asleep on me at 1030 which was ten mins before HI came home.

Like the rest of you I have contemplated already! Perhaps me and MB will go and live on our own somewhere. Lol.

Perhaps we should all live together in a giant gothic mansion. With staff.

And stables obviously.

silv what's his mum like? Is she a 'thorough homemaker'?

silver you should curl up today and rest as much as you can. order HI to bring you hot drinks and nice food. You need it. ignore the mess and save your conversation for when you have the energy. I think youre going to have to spell it out for him.

we had another reasonable night; slept from 11-2.30 and then 3 til 5. then 6 til 8.30 and 9-10.30!!! a proper lie in!! woo hoo!!! guess what? we're actually going out after the ocado man comes!!!

I thank god we have a cleaner or else I would have commited nurder by now!

Well we have had some miracles. Twice yesterday, Artie spontaneouly fell asleep!!!!! Once after swimming, which was really fun, and then at our friends house in the evening. Both times his eyes started going while sitting on TGO's lap, so was tranferred into car seat and felll asleep. In the evening he went to sleep at 8, woke up at 10.30 so we went home he fell back to sleep in car and stayed asleep till 11.30 when I woke him to get him to bed, as my boobs were exploding as well as needing to get him into sllep suit etc. did huge feed, straight into basket, and he slep till 2.30, then again till 5.15! we also had lie in till 10 as he was quit happily wriggling in his basket while I dozed.

alps bogey sucker - check! Though the boogers are all dry and crusty.

tues his mum is single and works FT and is just a normal regular homemaker - fortunately!

When you locate said mansion, let me know when we can move in. Must have indoor school for the horses.

moo today, despite the sore throat and headache, I feel better. Perhaps its the sunny day outside. I've got some get up and go. My sleep is usually 10-12, 1-3, 4-5 or 6. This morning I was up at 4, then 6 and in the end I got up at 7.30 due to screaming child and hurty throat.

Second load of washing is on and a pal dropped by unexpectedly for a natter and catch up which was fab.

I am considering going to the Drs this week and seeing if I am ok to drive. I need to get mobile and I need to get out of the house and be normal!

Anyone else use one of those bouncy chairs? MB likes his. It says in the instructions not to be used for prolonged sleep.... whats prolonged????

I suppose it means all night, but frankly if they slept in that and not anywhere else I'd ignore it! Artie was doing the first part of the night in his swinging chair for a good few weeks as it was the only place other than on us he would sleep.