June '05 mummies 4 - the one where the babies get bigger and we get smaller!

[katzguk]

one new thread just for you lynny!!

KVG - X posted. Don't you dare butt out lady!!! That is exactly what we are here for, to support each other. This is the good thing about going to groups, that you realise that you are not the only one and that you see other mums' struggling a bit and other babies crying and being sick and realise that it is all normal and this is hard work. No, I don't have a clue about dd2 yet. We are all still getting to know each other and just when you think you have it sussed they grow a bit and everything changes again. Take care.
There is a preconception that these groups are all full of sorted mums but the one I go to is full of people learning as they go along like the rest of us and it can be so reassuring.

It is worth a try anyway. You don't have to go back if it is awful and the ladies are horrid.

I am off to bed now but just wanted to say to KVG that the other Mums out there will most probably be feeling the same way as you, like us on here. Remember you don't have to stay or ever go back! You might meet some really lovely people and will see that you and your lovely baby are completely normal ! All my good friends out here were met when I was a vulnerable wreck not knowing what I was doing with dd1 at 5 months. They were all going through the same thing as me and even if you have nothing else in common you can talk about the babies, and the stuff we chat about on here. Sorry for going on. I just think it is worth a shot and you have nothing to lose. There is nothing like a new baby to make you feel totally incompetent , but you aren't! Good Luck. Those other mums aren't that special that they know what they are doing. Look at us second timers on here, we are generally still just muddling along learning every day.

Coop, sorry you've got these troubles and glad dd2 seems OK.
KVG - another mum said to me she and her dh felt like they didn't know what they were doing for their dd's 1st year! It is so easy to feel you're being judged if your baby is a bit noisy or unsettled, isn't it, but otoh the isolation can make it worse as things seem 'bigger' in your head. Motherhood is daunting - it's a huge thing! And I personally think feeling daunted now and again is a sign of a good mum - it shows you don't think you've got it completely sorted, which is (I reckon) the one thing that never happens with kids! Don't know whether any of this helps, but keep posting - where can you vent if not here?
bubb - hope your mum is doing OK.
After all my wise words I am having a v daunted moment myself. I - er, more asap, must see to ds...

KVG Just to re-iterate what Coop said - don't go anywhere. We are all in the same boat and the support I get on the Junies thread is a real lifesaver.

I know exactly what you mean about feeling clueless. Things that seemed to work one day, don't work the next. Its just trial and error here at the moment. I try something and if it works I try it again a few times but if it stops working I try something else, I think they are growing and changing so quickly that this must be normal.

DD won't often sleep in her buggy while we are out now, so I just try to go out after I know she has slept & fed and I have maybe an hour tops before she grizzles. I know its not easy to go out when you are worried that she will cry, but especially if you are meeting other mums, they will be sympathetic. A girl in our baby massage class got very upset as her baby was crying recently and all I felt for her was empathy, not judgemental, just thinking well we've all been there and its just luck of the draw that it isn't my baby today.

I have days where in the morning I feel like a great mum, and by the afternoon I feel like a rubbish mum because she won't settle for a nap.

I'll stop rambling but you get the idea - I feel like you, you aren't alone - its completely normal to feel like this. Just remember how much has changed in say 4 weeks and how much you have learnt about your baby since then! We are constantly learning to keep up with them and it really is the hardest thing I've ever done!

Hope this has helped a bit!

((((((hugs))))))))

okay i'm going to confess and say i'm going to start weaning DD next week, She's stopped sleeping well, she's munching on every thing in sight and she trys to snatch food out of our hands. So come on fess up who else is starting, she'll be 16 weeks!

Fingers crossed for your mum Bubb, and sending lots of positive thoughts.

KVG, it might help if you do meet other mums, if only because you'll find out that your not the only one who feels like they are struggling. They might look sorted but I bet at least some of them are feeling sweaty and nervous, panicking that their baby is going to do an enormous poo or start screaming. I went to one M&B thing at the local clinic, sat down feeling proud of myself that I'd got both of us dressed and out of the house for 10am, and the girl sat next to me leaned over and whispered that I'd got my jumper on inside out.

Lua, I also had a bad night last night, DS2 was up several times needing feeding, so you aren't the only one. It's been a long day today, the sort where I question everything I think and do about my boys. Fingers crossed for a good night's sleep for us all tonight.

Coop, sorry to hear about your DD's mishaps. DS1 has done the same to DS2 and today he demonstated a wrestling move on him, pinning his arms back and jumping knees-first on to his stomach. Luckily I managed to grab him to slow his momentum but it still gave me a shock (not to mention DS2). These second children just go to show that babies aren't as fragile as we first thought - and they might suffer from some disadvantages having older siblings but they gain a massive amount too. DS2 already loves watching DS1 whilst he's running around playing, he sits quite happily smiling at his big brother and it's lovely.

Re the eye infection - have you tried squirting some breast milk into the infected eye (when it's open)? It has worked with both DSs after two or three goes.

MandyMac, I feel the same about my thirties - much more enjoyable and less angst-ridden than my twenties (although I am very of the freedom I took for granted then).

Lippy, have also put DS2 in his gro-bag.

Lua - DS2 definitely seems to sleep better in his own room (apart from last night!) and so do I as I'm not tuned in to every noise he makes any more. I don't bother with a monitor because I live in a small house and he's only across the hall.

EYM, the Ann Summers thing sounds like a right laugh.

Well I think I've earned my glass of wine after today. DS2 decided to empty his bowels of three days worth of poo whilst I was at the park with them both today, he had it everywhere and after a very messy nappy-change, so did I. Got cleaned up from that then DS1 did a wee on my hand (love potty-training and little boys who like to do standing up wees ). Glamorous this motherhood lark isn't it?

Hope you all have a restful evening.x

MrsW are you coming to the meet?

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evening dear junies
had quick read through but no time for proper post. still hugs all

last night wasn't so great up 3 times and she would not burp and she would not settle.

day was messy feeds all over the place not much in way of sleep at all. we had tears and very cranky baby. so glad i held it together, think it helped that the previous day was so great.
one good, one bad, its a phase its a phase....

she has been asleep since 8.15 i am off to bed, goodnight all

Evening ladies

Lippy - the ballon ride company is the same one...for your area they take off from South Park which is why you'll see them lot I suspect. There's no age limit for little ones but they have to be able to see over the edge of the basket as you can't pick them up or they might topple out so if you have a tall one there she should be able to fly real soon - ds was very upset with us when we went as he's also besotted with 'hot hair barroons' and desparately wanted to go too ...in a few years time poppet wasn't the answer he wanted to hear!

KVG - just to reiterate the others - don't go ! Have you tried a sling for dd? mine absolutely loves hers (just started facing outwards and she dances away and beams at everyone she sees)...it may help with staying out longer?? P.S. other mums definitely don't know it all/have it all sorted - shit I'm still learning loads 3 years down the line

Mrs W - oh do I know how your day went, he he he, dd has an eye infection so as we wait at the Doctors this afternoon after finally getting an appointment she decides to do the loudest fart and smelliest poo ...whilst changing her nappy on the floor in the smallest darkest cubicle we miss our slot and have to wait another 45mins until a free slot comes up...to cheer myself up afterwards we go for coffee and cakes and ds decides he needs a toilet break, whilst in there he recites all events in a lovely loud voice...'mummy little poo coming, mummy pop off coming, mummy big poo coming now...!' and when we finally leave (why does it take them so long?) we get a round of applause from the staff who heard every word

Jonah - didn't mean to scare you there about the tummy line - it does become less dark quite quickly but is faintly there (only you'd really notice, and perhaps dh ) for a little while longer...but that's only my experience and it's been said many times before that I'm odd!

love all the photo's btw...have uploaded an update of my naughty duo

Katz - re weaning - I posted on last thread about my difference of opinion with HV about weaning age, he he he...just to say I've already bought the baby rice and will try it from sunday...dd will be 16wks +3

Lua - sorry your having such crap nights...we found dd was better when we put her in her own room - but that's probably down to the fact that our monitor is an old one and crackles alot so we don't often hear all the noises she makes in the night, which I used to get up to when she was next to me in the moses basket - and then I'd promptly wake her up!

Right better go and let you all get some sleep

Catch up tomorrow, x

Morning All,

Thanks for all your kind thought's about my mum.We went to see her last night as she doesn't seem too bad.She was dying to hold Ds but she musn't for 48 hours,so she wasn't too pleased about that.It's her 60th in a couple of weeks and dad has booked a trip on the QE2 for them which she is so excited about.She's deciced to enjoy the holiday and get the biopsy results when she gets back-around the 15th Oct.My brother and his girlfriend were also over there so it was nice as they got a chance to see Ds.

KVG-I'm not the best person when it comes to words,but I also agree with the others,so don't go "butting out" as we'd all miss you loads.There's no way your'e a bad mum and your'e certainly not a selfish person at all!

Coop-There was me thinking you only had one tv channel for all your programmes,out there in Cyprus.

Mrs W-glad you had fun in the park.

Tea-ROFL at your dd's toliet antic's-he he he!
Loved your pics,btw.

We're off to get ds weighed this morning,then to the park,while the weather is still nice.Be interesting to see how heavy he is now-haven't been there for 2 weeks.

morning mums hugs

a bit left handed here with sleeping baby.

I just wanted to say i agree with your comments its so hard caring for your baby trying to be no 1 mum all the time, i have 4 boys so you think i would have learned a great deal, only i havnt an we have some lovely days were william will settle, and feed and the next day we have a grumpy baby who wont let you lay him down grrrr were atached. Im the same about going to shops , will he be ok, will he want feeding i even take bottle with me how mad is that.Although like a lot of you i dont have a toddler to deal with as well, and ive got to say i so admire how you are all doing. As for 3 under 5 very hard i remeber when matthew was born no way would james let me breast feed him, tryed to push the baby of my knee, so dont feel bad about these incidents they do happen were not all perfect. It is just alearning process for us and our babies, and belive me no day is the same, im so tired come evening .

Give me a room full of 5 babies with routines already sorted i would find this eaier then looking after my darling son.

Anyway i do waffle lol

Re weaning im with you katz im sure i will not wait till 6 months i think you know your baby and you will know when your baby needs that litle bit more.

Tea love your post xxxx

Mandy as ever you make me smile. and i think your coping brilliantly.

Lynny hope jess settles for you hugsss

Ann Summmers starters pack is full of wonderful underwear only prob is i only fit into one bra, hostess outfit far too small sob

see you later girlies, got another nursery nurse friend comming today with her boy who is 8 weeks older than william whooooooo hes massive love to you all xxxxxxxx

Morning Bubb - meant to say something last night about your mum and forgot, getting carried away with ds and his toilet commentary . The QE2 trip sounds wonderful, I had a friend who worked on it and it's a fab ship, she should have a great time.

I had dd weighed yesterday - 15lb 13oz at dead on 16 weeks just jumped up to the 91st centile! mind you her brother was on the 98th at the same age Enjoy the park whilst the weather holds

EYM - morning to you too, x-post there!

morning all
much better night i am glad to report

lua & kvg- hope you ok

about leaving board NO this is the place where i feel i can share my little successes as well as my doubts fears utter despair and often tears. all because i know i will be understood and feel supported so enough already.

bubb- all the best thinking of you

talk soon, still sunny want to go out before the rain

btw
eym- will we soon be introduced to spanky new, naughty mrs Claus? you know with xmas pack

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LOL Lynny!

And SFX - spanky indeed - naughty minx, like it

Morning All,

Lua, sorry you are having trouble at the moment. Hope last night was a little better.

KVG ? I use a blackout curtain, but only from 7pm to 7am. Daytime sleeps are done with the curtains open. You can buy the fabric cheaply from John Lewis, although you would need to make the curtains up yourself. I?m sorry you?re feeling this way at the moment. If it helps at all, I am fairly convinced that at my mums and tots group, we all feel like ?bad? mothers at some point. Everyone has a whole array of problems, and I find it quite useful to get other peoples feedback and suggestions of things that they have tried. When someone?s baby does cry, everyone just looks sympathetic, no-one is judgemental as we have all been there. Don?t know if that is any help. Please don?t go into hiding though, this is exactly what this thread is for!! (BTW, I have just read everyone else?s replies to you, and they have all said the same thing, but much more succinctly)

Coop, I can?t offer any advice, as I only have one handful, but big hugs to you.

Katz, I?m very tempted to start sooner rather than later. My one advice is don?t tell your HV!! I tried to talk to mine about it yesterday, and she was ?NO!!! 6 MONTHS ONLY?. Not terribly helpful I must say.

Well, my news is that we had our first roll yesterday. Lordy, no more leaving DS on sofas or beds any more . We also had a weigh in at 14lbs 14 oz at 14 weeks. Big lump .

Got a text from my mate this morning about the birth of her 2nd DS. She had her first contraction at 2:30am and DS2 was delivered by DH at 3:30am. No painkillers, no MW (it was a planned home birth), just DH on the phone to the ambulance service. DS1 slept through the whole thing. Sounds a bit like you two, Katz and Mrs Wed!! I am in shock for her, g-d knows what they must be feeling!!!

KVG - I'm a bit late with my thoughts but don't go anywhere - places like this will keep you sane - we're all in it together girl!
Hope you don't mind me saying but you remind me alot of myself with dd - my whole sense of worth depended on whether she'd had a good day/night and it was a real rollercoaster. Don't know if it helps but I don't see bringing the babies up as a gentle curve that goes consistently upwards towards a full nights sleep. I think it is really more of a zig zag line - one step forward two steps back kind of thing as they learn to deal with the world and us with them. Can you try to go with it a little bit more? Would it make you a bit less anxious? If dd wakes up twice, three times one night so what - she might not the next night etc Don't know if that helps???
I find it helps to blame the outside environment for crying bouts. For example ds ALWAYS cries in Waitrose so if someone says 'Is he hungry?' I say 'No it's the bright lights/cold air/busy shop'

Katz - you should wean whenever it feels right to you - dd was on the old mush by 16 weeks but ds seems pretty happy at the mo and his sleep patterns are okish so I'm not going to do it just yet - sure I won't be far behind though.

Tea - lol at the poo commentary - they are just so entertaining aren't they.

On the subject of poo - ds still hasn't. I might call the bfing helpline later today and just get someone else to tell me again that it's all normal.....
Love to you all - sorry can't add more but ds is yelling....

just popped in quickly to say Sfxmum your going lto love xmas addiion lol.

Welshie have your tryed bath, massage, thats might help hunny *rub tummy in anticlockwise motion, even so bf babies dont poo that much, so dont worry.

Im glad to we can come here and say whether weve had bad day or good it makes me feel not so alone and i her my mum say its alwys good to have friends xxxxx

coffee time friend comming soon, i wonder how big this baby is now, and my friend is totally opposite me she had her little boy in routine from about 8 weeks grrrrrrr.

Arghh! these are my most dreaded words:
-Is he hungry?
How would I know? is what I usually my answer! except when is Dh that said that, then i curse for 10 minutes and say: you tell me!

Sorry, I am ranting! But I had another dreadful night, and I a reaaaly upset with DH....
DS waked up again every 2 hours, and I guess I am a bad mummy, but I just don't believe he can be hungry this often. I wish dh would volunteer to help ds and let me sleep one long period... We are back to co-sleeping - relunctantly - I'm just to knackered!

Ok will go off to sing my "its a phase" mantra and will be back more cheerful soon!

Welshie - if he's weeing fine, I wouldn't worry. You probably have a very dirty nappy coming though . I love your sentence 'I don't see bringing the babies up as a gentle curve that goes consistently upwards towards a full nights sleep. I think it is really more of a zig zag line - one step forward two steps back kind of thing as they learn to deal with the world and us with them' - I'll memorise that one - so comforting
Jonah, congrats to your friend and on the roll! ds rolled over (back to tummy) a couple of days ago - his fave thing at the moment is rolling from back to side, preferably in direction of mummy!
Gosh you have big babies! ds was just over 12lb at 16 weeks, which I think is fairly good going from 6lb birthweight - he's always gained steadily rather than quickly. He's spitting up a lot atm - am a bit worried about the effect of that, although he doesn't really seem reflux-y otherwise.
lynny, - hope you can give th abs a break soon.
tea, at running poo commentary!
re. weaning - I think we're going to be OK waiting until 6 months (18wks now), as ds still seems happy with my milk and co-sleeping means the night feeds (he goes variously 3-6 hours) are no hassle. I can't really imagine giving him solids right now, and as unscientific as it is, I reckon that's a fairly good test of the 'right' time - maternal instinct and all that. So if you can imagine them being at the right time and thriving on solids I'm sure 16 weeks to start introducing is okay. I'm certainly hoping he doesn't start getting excessively hungry/grumpy before our trip to England next month! Am really getting nervous about the whole undertaking - you might remember it's an excursion with 11 students and our accommodation (mine, dh's and ds's) has fallen through, so lots of lovely stress for me - plus I'm paranoid about meningitis, as we will be visiting schools and unis (they don'tget vaccinated against it here). Am looking forward to it as we never get to England otherwise - the situation with my parents means there's no 'reason' to go and we can't afford to just go for a holiday (neither time- nor money-wise), so it's a nice 'excuse'. Plus we've some really interesting stuff planned. Am hoping the students will orgaise themselves and I can quite often leave them to get on with it. But now it's nearer the time I am getting v daunted. Am I making a big mistake?