December 2008: because i unwittingly finished the old thread

[waitinggirl]

oops. sorry. didn't realise i was post 1000. hope people find this...

Great Scott, JB, as lurid dreams go I think I'd be asking the Sandman for a refund on that one

Yes, Beans, what went through those blokes' minds when they put the carpet on the bed?? Honestly. Hope DD1 perks up soon.

DB - maybe your body is trying to fight something off? Maybe get loads of fluids down and take vits/zinc etc to ward it off? How is your Granddad?

And where is Rubes?

JB That had me roaring. How awful for you but thoroughly entertaining for me!

Grandad is a little worse. They have reduced his steroids and oxygen and he has immediately got worse. They are pretty much a life support for him. They are now talking of him coming home at the end of the week...I suspect if he does it won't be for long.

Just had some painkillers and dowing some OJ lady. TBH I have done nothing but drink coffee or wine lately. No wonder I'm under the weather!

Didn't end up going Lady as DS2 decided after his night of partying that he needed a sleep at 11.30 right when everything kicked off. I've also had 4 cups of coffee today. We are currently watching how to train a dragon as any higher parenting is beyond me. I did try to have a little painting session with boys, I even cooked some spaghetti to make it even more fun (thanks Avo for that suggestion). DS1 made a beautiful painting but DS2 & I came to blows as he and I didn't see eye to eye on the topic of him squirting paint all over the loungeroom floor. All cleaned up now and forgiven. DS2 did have to spend some time in the chill out space.

DB sorry your not feeling so hot. Sending immune boosting vibes. Have they talked about help at home? End of week is not a good plan as it leaves you in the lurch on the weekend. Point this out to them.

JB you dirty stop out, & an STD risk, who'd have thought...tut tut.

WG maybe he thinks that the early days of baby he is unnecessary, I think tell him you want him around.

This must be the longest period for over 2.5 years that nobody has written on our thread. Where are you all?

DD2 has had a stomach bug & I have been trying so hard not to show her how horrified sick makes me. I am quite proud of myself as I touched her sick (to wash it out of her hair). I have never managed something like that before. Now I am freaking out though as I am scared I'll get it. It's DH's gran's 90th birthday today & we are going to a restaurant with loads of family. I just hope I stay well 'til after that.

Sorry you have been so ill WG. Sorry abt your dad's holiday plans. You may remember I was relying on my PiL to care for DD1 while I was in labour & they took it on themselves to go to Patagonia until I was 38.5 weeks. Then they returned and decided to spend some time in Pembrokeshire. I was really upset. If you can do manage it I would have a quiet conversation with your dad explaining how you feel.

Avo: you are coping brilliantly and setting a great example for the girls by confronting your phobia. Do you think your counselling appt helped? Remember her immune system is far less developed than yours so you may well not get it. I am so impressed at the way you steel yourself and sort things out despite your instinctive reactions.

Yes, Avo - I am so impressed too. I have been rubbish and instilled my terror of flies into DD1, which I feel terrible about.

Thanks for all kind wishes everyone. DD1 is much much better today - am even going to take her to nursery as she's eating and watching TV this morning. Just as I was about to do bathtime last night, she suddenly puked onto the floor. Poor little bear. She was in bed by 6 and up every couple of hours for water. But her temperature is down to 37.5 and she seems quite perky, just snotty! Will collect her early etc, but I've got so much to do and the house is a total tip with stuff everywhere. We're off to Cumbria tomorrow night and I haven't even thought about packing. I feel like I've only just unpacked from last weekend!!!

Bit of a sleepless night last night as am not used to having DD2 in our room with us and wow, she farts! So noisy. I got the giggles in the middle of the night about it!

Veggie - well done you for dealing with the painting - I never do that at home because we're in rented accommodation, so worry that it'll get put everywhere! What was How to Train a Dragon? I am gasping to see it - am I sad??!

JB - you and Ed Milliband eh? He's a sexpot. NOT (said in Borat voice).

Lady - I would love to have those tickets, but I just am not sure how much DH would appreciate it!! HA!

I think everyone's resting their fingers.

I think you are doing amazingly, Avo, if the counselling is having an effect after such a short time.

Apprentice tonight. Wonder which humourless, cliche spouting twonk is going to get turfed out tonight. Oh, and so pleased about the winner of Masterchef.

Listen to me! I used to have a faine maind!

Don't say anything about the winner if masterchef as I am watchng the final tonight.

Beans I forgot to say I am majorly impressed with your time, that is quite amazing well done you, but best of all you enjoyed it. Also will the company who employ those morons replace your bed? About the paint, I'm not sure I'll be bringing it out again in a hurry until summer, when I can throw them in the back garden with it.

Avo well done to you, icky vomit in hair is a particularly nasty one so extra well done.

I think I've had too much caffeine lately as I got a Migraine today. Ive taken a lot of paracetamol & codiene as well as neurofen so its settled down now. It didn't help that DS2 got really clingy tonight and lost it at dinner. Poor little man he didn't get his full sleep today and was just too tired. I'm.putting him to bed now. DH & I are nervous as he hasn't eaten much but he was just too sleepy at dinner.

Where is Pubie?

Oh & beans 'how to train a dragon' is brilliant. I'm not sure why Viking's would have thick Scottish accents, similar to those of the Spartans in '300' but its a nice kids film. It is DS1's latest film obsession, moving on from 'Bolt'.

Oh Veggie - I love BOLT! I love the hamster - "stealth mode" - heaven!

Right, off to get some food. DDs both in bed early doors tonight.

Hello,
I'm here Vag and Lady (thanks for asking) Busy busy weekend. Local toddler party on Sat, 40th out in Oxfordshire that night and toddler / Adult party in Bedford on Sunday, then met a friend at Tooting yesterday. All was fun but shattered! ds actually wore his Halloween costume at the Sunday party! DS and DD have been getting along famously, we have been having dinner all together at the dining table even and kiddies are both well and in bed at 7![result]
Car has been getting major work done today and had to run around and pick up parts for the car and today windscreen repair came out.

Can't catch up too well as have only had time to quickly do Sainsbury's order and now will be catching up with tv and wine Shall be watching Apprentice too.
lady - can only agree with you about Gav on strictly - niiiiice

WG, I'm not sure, but if it were me, it would not be about the help factor, but more about the fact that they might leave before the birth and therefore aren't very interested in being home to meet dc2 on arrival or so you can show dc2 off etc. (tbh not that 2 weeks would make much difference, guess it's just the fact that they could be there. I'd tend to not give a rats though really, but instead, I'd not make it so easy for them to just pop around when they choose on their return (but I can be weird like that) The lack of help wouldn't bother me though. I'm used to it, so when mil was here for dd I was overwhelmed by her kindness.

How are you and the fam Deids?

Well done on the Vomit Avo - I'm going to make an effort when DS gets older to not make a fuss about needles

at the dream Jolly

Vag, enjoy MC!

Is it too early to go to bed? I've been up quite a bit the last couple of nights with DD1 and flu and am finding it quite hard having DD2 in with us. Veggie I think you're amazing to room share - I am too selfish!

I am feeling really low tonight and am not sure why. Just feel a bit overwhelmed sometimes. Find I get needlessly angry with DD1 and then feel terrible. Plus feel like DH doesn't think I DO anything. I don't find it difficult with 2, although get v tired. But sometimes wish I could show how I feel, but am far too proud to be that honest.
Also am feeling like I cannot be arsed to do things like the housework. Just want to sit and read my book when/if I get a bit of time to myself. Then feel terribly lazy that am not emptying the bins or washing machine or whatever.
Anyway, am being a drag. Sorry. And sometimes I even look forward to DH being out. He always wants to be doing something and I like chilling. I worry we have nothing in common and wish I'd married someone a bit less manic and who doesn't think relaxing/doing nothing is a sign of weakness and laziness!
Again am entirely selfish with my post. Sorry sorry x

PS I think that was the crux of my depression tonight. That worry my marriage is a bit of a mess at moment. Just feel like DH thinks I am lazy and yet I am worn out most of the time. And I'm starting to think so too. But am probably even being unfair to him because he's never said that, I just assume it because I am born victim, I think!
Self pity is so unattractive!

Beans: is there any way you can get some time to yourself? You are looking after 2 small children full time which is hard work. Also I would say sod the bins and read your book. You can come and observe my slatternly habits and my habit of plonking the boys in front of CBeebies first thing so I can have my coffee in peace if it would make you feel better.

BEans you have just done a major run - how exactly is that weak or lazy??? You have had some tough nights recently and looking after two is plenty of work. Has DH looked after them both yet for any length of time? I suspect that's the only way for him to get a handle on it. And you both have different ways of relaxing - his is through activity, yours through reading. Nothing wrong with either of those, but he needs to see that his way isn't the only way.
You're not sounding victimy at all, and I could beat your self-pity into a cocked hat of late, so none of that young lady. I hold the crown!

Sounds like you've had a lovely weekend Rubes, and so glad the family unit is coming together. It sounds great And am v impressed and at both kids in bed by 7. Wowsers!

Sorry your grandad is so poorly, DB, it must be a very hard time. THinking of you .

Well done on the vom-copeage Avo and thank you for sharing your dream JB, I love the attention to detail. I haven't had a sexy dream (nay thought) since I've been PG, but yours is the anti-sexy dream.

I still have an epically evil cold but at least I've been at home to be ill and DP has done well on the T entertaining front. Also, since he's been better he's slept really well (about to jinx by saying that I know) - makes me realise that when all things are ok he's not a bad sleeper, but it's clearly the first thing that gets disrupted when he's off his game.

Rubes I went through the clothes you gave us yesterday and I don't think I'd realised how much stuff there was, thanks so much! I also got a little wibbly looking at the newborn vests, can't believe I'll be filling them with some real life baby in 8 weeks or so. Yikes!

Oh, WG I sympathise with the parental situation, my mum is kind of like that and needs things to be spelled out v v clearly (in fact I must tell her that I would like her to be around at the start to help with T). This last week we've been on our knees with illness and at one point wasn't sure how we'd cope with us both laid up and no one to look after T. My mum didn't once offer to help, I really don't think it occurred to her to offer anything other than sympathetic words by text. She is of the 'never accept help' brigade herself, so probably assumes other people feel the same...

Thanks guys. Honestly, I appreciate it. And will point all that out to DH about the relaxing thing. It's true. I am usually a pretty upbeat person, if a bit moany!

spot my mum is like that too. She is actually pretty brilliant at helping out, but when it suits her. My niece was ill once and my sister rang mum in desperation because she had to work. Mum said she couldn't help coz she had her book club. I do understand she has her own life, but that did seem a little unfair!

Man I am going to go to bed as soon as Apprentice over! x

PS Effie - I use Beebies for breakfast peace!
Oh and DD1 not eating at nursery at all. They suggested I take her to GP about it. Think that's niggling at me too. Bit of a worry.
Spot I really hope you feel better soon. Colds are so miserable x

middle of the night - been up for the past 2 hours. 1/2 hour trying to get back to sleep, 1 hour reading The Corrections (weird weird weird), another 1/2 hour trying to get back to sleep, so am now up. ugh ugh ugh.

dh - bless him - is so low - he tried to contact a specialist arts therapy place which specialises in people in the creative industries and they were so rude on the phone and want to charge £300 for an initial consultation. this must surely be bollocks and be only for rich gits???

lady - i seem to remember a gazillion years ago you forwarded a link to a therapy/ counselling place which looked rather good - could you remember what it was and forward it again, please?

must go - madam squealing and i don't want him to wake up. will do catch ups later.

got back from the squealing to post this on how madam is successfully alienating her father. and in his precarious state, it is becoming really hard for him to cope with. any ideas???

Hello

So sorry it's been such a while. I finally collapsed in a heap from stupid work, then we had half term away ooop north with various family thanks to DH's working through the night for days sterling efforts getting the licence fee sorted out he could come too. So feel much better. And have decided that am going to use November to test if it's really possible to work and have a life and spend enough time with the children. If not then I'll take redundancy and do something less boring instead.

But enough about me. Wg I wish I had something to suggest. DS is being a bit of a pain with DH at the moment - refusing to cuddle etc. Thinking about it now, we should probably be doing the exact opposite of what we are - i.e. just ignoring it rather than me getting upset and telling him he has to.

Have tried to skim through last few pages, and just wanted to say congratulations to modern. Lovely news. And Avo very impressed with your coping with vom.
And Trace about DD2 - hope she's ok and everyone is right (of course) how would you have known any earlier? Big love. And to you Daisy - hope your GD is doing a bit better.

Rubes am impressed with how much you're doing. And beans I think if you can find even a few minutes in the day to read rather than do chores you absolutely should. Is essential for your mental health. Is there a guilty secret emoticon? I used to occasionally get the washing done by the laundry so I could have a bit more time. Not v expensive (at least not where we live - they'd do a big bag for £5 and it would come back all beautiful and pressed). But I am easily persuaded to spend money and avoid domestic drudgery...

LadyT did you find a cricketer? Am so impressed you're being so sensible about moving into the house. You're right about things not getting done once you're in.

We had fab time trick or treating on sunday - we went with some friend up in hampstead so much superior to ToT in our neighbourhood . although think we gave the DCs plenty of nightmare fodder. DS wanted to dress up as a spaceman and he looked fab - it being half term I had plenty of time to spray wellies sliver/find nasa patches to stick on his outfit on the internet and generally go a bit mad. DD was an alien - think she might be ever destined to be DS's sidekick - and looked v cute. Bonfire party tomorrow. I heart this time of year.

Lovely days everyone. We're going to see stewart lee tonight which i'm v much looking forward to.

Hi WG - I had a read of your other thread. I'd agree with the others that your DH needs to spend some time alone with DD. If I were you, I'd go away for a weekend if you can, or at least for a full day and leave them together, regardless of scenes from her. And then try to get a regular time for him to spend with her while you take yourself off somewhere. Be it at bathtime, or just during the day if he's around. And then she can get more used to him and him to her.

Urbane - lovely to hear from you. And I was thinking yesterday how I might get the local dry cleaners to do DH's ironing so I don't have to.

Feeling a bit more upbeat today. We're off to Cumbria tonight, which will be lovely, if a little chilly!

YAWN! I should have gone to bed at 8.30 last night like I wanted to. But DH not home from his poker night in time to do 10.30 feed, so I did it. Was lovely. I do love spending time with little DD - quite hard to with demanding DD1! Who still isn't eating a thing. Oh dear.

Hi everyone,

beans you are so not lazy! I think you find two not so hard as you are actually good at this parenting stuff. I am sure it is a bit down to luck having good sleepers, etc, too, but mostly just you are good at it! So don't beat yourself up cos you dont' find it too hard and you enjoy it. Could you have a talk with your DH and tell him how you are feeling as it sounds like it's a lot in your head and he almost definitely doesn't think you are lazy or do nothing all day. After all you keep a house clean and tidy and do loads of housewifely stuff like nice cooking from what I can see while making it sound like no effort. I have enough trouble doing the washing, and occasionally cooking an easy tea! We have a cleaner ! i would never get the house clean myself.

Hi urbane, nice to hear from you. Sorry to hear work is still manic. I like the sound of that washing service!

trace sorry to hear about P's arm. Don't beat yourself up about it though, am sure she will be fine.

wg I replied on your other thread. That counselling sounds shit! It must be for celebrity arty types or something with wayyyy too much money, surely? Oh and re your Dad and lady friend, can you talk to them honestly? Were you hoping to use them for DD childcare for the birth? And have you decided on VBAC or ELCS yet?

beans sorry to hear about DD not eating. How long has it been going on for and does she eat nothing?? My DS been better as Grandparents here. The little bugger will eat for them. He's eaten fish pie and then roast chicken and parsnips. Not a chance if it was just me. Do you provide food for nursery or do they? My DS's nursery you have to send in food. They spent ages telling me he'd eaten his lunch and then one day the lady who runs the nursery said "What should we do about the fact that he never eats his lunch?" . In this new room he's in they are a bit shit about writing it down I think but we are on to them now and make sure we ask properly "Are you sure he ate all his lunch?? Even the sprouts/cold cauliflower?" (note: we do not feed him sprouts or cold cauliflower for his lunch really!)

Oh and beans v impressed on the run! I have just started doing some running, trying to lose a bit of weight and get vaguely fit.

spot hope you are all feeling a bit better. Sorry to hear about cancelled holiday though. Rubbish.

WG: have posted on your other thread, and have refrained from kicking that rude person up the arse.

WG, I have posted on the thread like several others and yes, I do remember linking to somewhere but oh darling, I just can't think where or what it was. Will wrack puddingy brains. But the people he phoned - if they are rude to vulnerable potential clients they are twots of the highest order, I don't care how dear they are - avoid avoid avoid.

Beans, I do understand very well some of what you were saying. I find household chores plus looking after the girls really tiring and takes the whole day, and I do think sometimes that DP thinks I am loafing around. But much of that is in my head and I put too much pressure on myself anyway. You are incredible to be so on top of two kids - I'm not! Well, if I am it takes almost all my energy. But even if your DH does think you are a bit lazy (bet he doesn't), you shouldn't feel bad about taking time for yourself. It's an absolute must for mental health, and I wish I was better at it. Oh, and I will send you the 'troublesome eater' sheets I got from the dietician that I am also sending to Spot.

Spot, I hope you are feeling a bit less coldy.

Good to see you back, Rubes. I haven't forgotten about Westfield and I will be in touch about that, to plot how and when.

Urbane, you must be totally drained from work at the moment. Using November to figure things out sounds like a good plan. I would love to see pics of your DCs in their outfits Enjoy the comedy tonight. When he met his wife she was a journalist for the DM, a fact she successfully concealed from him for some time as she was scared it would put him off her We didn't find a cricketer, noooo...And they have all gone today Ah well, we are off to Biarritz next May for a mini tour. That notorious cricketing town

SL, I am so jealous of your cleaner! It would make such a difference to my life. But we can't run to it at the moment. How is your DD? And remind me when you are going back to work and for how many days? I am just being nosey though. Work is much on my mind suddenly, as is working out a way to earn some money.

I feel a bit drab in my appearance. I am going to buy some clothes, even though I am planning to lose some weight. I can't decide what to get, though. I want something practical but not too mumsy. I am slightly obsessed with not looking mumsy at the mo.

thank you to all those who wrote on my other thread. swear alert: fuck me, but that first poster has completely reminded me of why i fear the wider MN and i LOVE our thread. thanks, effie, for refraining from kicking her up the arse, but in a way i'd have loved to have seen/read it and indeed, given it a go myself. i have made a tiny reference to it on the thread, but am hoping to maintain the moral highground. i mean, there are ways and ways of saying what she did and the rest of you and the others on the thread made the same point in a much more constructive and sympathetic way. of course, maybe she is stalking me here - doubt it, i'm not that interesting.

well, i was up at 2.30 with insomnia - then came downstairs at 4.30 then madam woke up - got her into our bed and she refused to sleep, so dh took her downstairs at 5.30 and i slept from 6-7.15. pretty effing rubbish.

off to see my ny friend who has just come back to london this afternoon.

lady - we have a cleaner ever 2 weeks for a morning - it has changed my life. honestly - i really can justify that £22.50 - it is a lifesaver - hope you can manage to find a way to get one.

beans - you are wondermum and wonderwife and you ran a 5k in a good time. well done you. enjoy cumbria.

urbane - work sounds horrendous. see how it goes - good to see you've got a plan in place to monitor how things are going.

sl - i'm almost certainly (barring enormous baby, breech etc) going for a vbac. i think i'm going to have to let the dad and lf thing go. if they want to go then, they can go. i am acutely aware that lf has grandkids (about my age) up north (where she is from and therefore, whom she has effectively left behind) who are single mums with 4 kids. she must think i'm a soft southern ponce for wanting childcare and help when number 2 arrives. it is also a good way of getting mentalist parents in law involved (now that we have trained them on how to be effective grandparents) and give them a job to do. i.e. come down for a few days during those 2 weeks.

i know there are loads of more things to say, but must get some more stuff done while madam is asleep. after effectively waking at 4.30am, she fell asleep in the middle of eating her lunch today. i wish i could say she fell into her bowl of pasta, but she didn't, she just lolled above it. hope she is out for the count.

i love you guys and not those scary harpies out there. x