December 2008: because i unwittingly finished the old thread

[waitinggirl]

oops. sorry. didn't realise i was post 1000. hope people find this...

Yeah rubes I think the same with ds re mind games. But every evening dd screams at tea time (won't feed just screams even if being held). And I don't have the bandwidth to do persuasion so frankly he's going to have to learn to eat without half an hour of persuasion cos I can't be assed.

Oh all I did Summer was put the bowl of fish pie infront of him (on the coffee table) and walked away and as soon as I did that and I wasn't either forcing him into his highchair or forcing him to eat, he decided he wanted to try it himself, and then he wanted more, so no effort at all in fact it was easier. just not good parenting on my part I suppose, tempting him while he's in front of the telly, but he's no way allowed to eat his entire dinner there

Yeah my dd is really unsettled late afternoon compared to morning but it's settling down I think. She was knackered and in bed at 630pm tonight. Fingers firmly crossed.

Ah ok. Never tried that. DS was delighted it was tea time tonight and climbed into the highchair, just wouldn't eat anything savoury.

I actually wouldn't care if DS ate his tea in front of the telly (not now and again anyway)

Rubes have a look at this I wonder if it was one of the check in staff?

He DID sleep through Deirdre!
And....so did dd! She slept 8pmish to 6am and she wasn't even yelling at 6am just awake and making little noises so i fed her as i was about to explode. Amazing!

Ladyt how is dd2 sleeping now? Is she going a bit linger between feeds?

sl - that is FANTASTIC!!! long may it continue (unlikely, but let's hope). how old is dd now? that is something to aim for

Summer: I sometimes go for a bigger meal st lunchtime abd then just a snack at teatime, cos if they're tired it's really hard getting food into them. Last night was cheese on toast in front of ITNG (bad mummy) abd early bed. We do eat together most evenings so the odd snacky tea isn't going to hurt, I reckon. I think you were right not to give in to screaming and throwing things though.

Effie maybe I will try that. He was at nursery yesterday for lunch tho which is sandwiches (we have to provide and hot food too complicated) in which case I try not to give him bread in the evening
wg - dd is 11 weeks

OMG this morning is a real test of my pelvic floor. I am at the hospital waiting for an ultrasound to see if I do have ovarian cysts. I had to drink a litre of water before I came so they cld get a good image. I am now dying for the loo and they are running late. I am going kegal-tastic here!

That was TMI wasn't it?

Great news on the sleep SL!

No doubt Vag, no doubt
Good luck Avo (loo and ultrasound) nah not tmi for us lot - have you not read Beans posts before?
Great news SL!
A zillion things to do before tomorrow noon so taking both to shops again later [eek]
Up for the challenge now they both seem almost well

Morning all,

I haven't been on much as not only have things been quite hectic, I have felt knackered and grumpy

DB - I am hoping against hope for good news about your Grandad. Him and your Nan sound so utterly lovely and they have been so battered with all their various health issues

Avo - how did it go, lovey? Those scans are rather uncomfy, I know...You have polycystic ovaries like I do, I seem to remember. Hope they can give you some treatment if you have got a bigger one, though sometimes they just let them fade on their own.

Beans, was your race last night?? My goodness! I totally misunderstood your post in my haste to avoid hearing who got kicked out of The Apprentice (which I have now watched and thought it was a good episode). Did anyone watch the discussion show after? I don't usually, even though I heart Dara O'Brian, but this week my DD1's godfather was on and he really cheered me up. He has got my favourite cheeky laugh in the world, apart from my DD, and it was so nice to hear it, even if he was on the box and I was miles away. I do miss him. Anyway - your RACE - how did it go?

Rubes, are your colds and coughs abating now? I hope you are feeling better in time for your busy weekend. Where did you meet your friend in the end, was it nice? And have you got outfits ready for all the parties? Yup, I am as I would love a bit of fun and ADULT COMPANY.

SL - that is smashing about your DD sleeping that long! Gives me hope! As for your DS, DD1 is back to being abominable - apart from fruit she only wants yoghurts, jelly or the dreaded chocolate buttons. The fortified formula we have for her until the end of the year is a double edged sword - it is thick like Carnation milk, and she loves it, and would rather not fill her tummy with actual food. She is still only 9th centile for weight but it is good that it has put her back up from below 0. DD2 sleeping better - hmm, well, she wakes every 3 hours now instead of every 2

This means, in the evenings, she is fed about 11pm, and DP and I tend to go to bed, then she wakes at 1 then 4 then 7 (or some rough approximation of this). DD1 tends to wake about 8ish so that's it then. Also, the feeding and winding takes about 45 mins in total and she is quite hard to settle, so all in all I am getting a very broken sleep as I can't sleep in the day, I just don't find it physically possible.

Which brings me on to my next question. I need you ladies to tell me whether or not I am being unreasonable as I have lost perspective. If I am, I would rather know so don't hold back DP has had a tough trial this week and has the same again next week. Therefore, I have done all the feeds mentioned above and I am very weary, particularly as daytime is hard work too, and any time I have (apart from posting on here) is spent washing bottles, putting washing on, general chores. All DP does is moan about how tired he is, and he is still being irritable like last week. When he gets home he always has a lie on the bed with a paper or something, whilst I carry on dealing with the mayhem. He does often cook dinner for us, and will do DD related tasks in the evening but I always have to ask. I am effectively a prisoner in the flat still and it's just all a bit hard. SHould I be doing all the feeds? I suspect there's no satsifactory answer. I do appreciate he needs to be rested to cross examine people, make speeches in complex cases, but...Oh oh, there goes DD2, more in a bit.

Hi Lady,
We ended up just meeting on a bar on Regent St actually very near where you suggested and we also stayed for dinner. Little wander around and one more drink before they hit a wall and had to go to sleep (had flown in from Denver and not slept albeit in first class!) I'm suppose to meet them again and some others tonight but have too much to get done. I've got a massive list of stuff to do.... just waiting for both to wake up so they can then have lunch and we can [gulp] get in the car and go

RE dp: you are at that very tricky stage I think where you are still finding your feet dealing with the two of them. It's tough. You are describing how I felt one day awhile back and I did completely unleash on DH that night but and after I did, although he was still tired, he often does things unprompted now... That said, I then felt terribly guilty later.... so now I still try and just do it all myself. The thing with me is, dh works so so hard and really doesn't cope with no sleep as well as I do, but more to the point, I am completely hung up on the fact that DH earns all the money, and he doesn't and has never questioned a single penny I've spent (and it's been quite a bit recently ) Now I know a lot of people will say (and trust me my DH AGREE'S as do I) that looking after 2 kids full time is more than making things equal, but it's just a thing I have in my head, and I feel better for not asking him to do too much if that makes sense at all. If I'm totally knackered I still ask him and/or he just starts bathing / feeding dd / ds etc without me having to ask, but mainly I try to get it done first to give him a break (when she was first born he actually fell asleep assisting at work and was sent out of the OT for a break) Now we've got MrVaggie who is just brilliant but (with all due respect Vaggie) Mr Vaggie does go away a lot for work it seems and although I'm sure he hates it and misses babyvaggie and Mrs vaggie terribly, it's still a kind of a break from the kiddies duties etc iycwim. So I think if dh did that for work, I'd be expecting more from him at home. All that said though, I am talking about this in light of MY dd being 3 months old now - not the same as when she was 4 weeks!
I think the main thing is you are in that really difficult period, you are shattered from no sleep (both of you) and it's all quite overwhelming. I know you live in a teeny tiny place at the moment but you shouldn't worry so much about it being too small to take any visitors. I would happily come and give you a break or just to chat so you can speak to an adult for a bit - you just have to say! Even if I lived in a caravan I think I'd accept any offers if I felt like crap!

Bottom line and my take on it all is, I think until you heal completely and feel a bit fitter, and until dd is sleeping for longer stretches, and you are getting more sleep, the duties should definitely be a bit more evened out and SHARED - well that's how it was here anyway, and I only really went back to taking on most of it when she got to about 10 weeks-ish
Has my rambling made any sense at all?

Cor avo hope those Kegels worked!

beans yes come on and give us an update on the run!

I watched the Apprentice last night as well, I was a little disappointed with who went out...

lady I think your DP should help out a bit with night feeds, even if he can do 1 a night or every 2 nights then you would be able to get 5-6hrs in a stretch which would make you feel so much better. DH never gets up in the night with DD but I am breastfeeding so no point, but he does get up with DS even now. Not being mean but why is your DP so tired if he isn't night feeding?? Is he getting up early for work, or is it the mental tiredness of work or is he not sleeping well? If he doesn't want to do a "night feed" could you go to bed early when DD1 does and let him do the 11pm feed and then you can sleep 8 til 1??

I was going to bed at 8 or 9 in those early weeks! It gets very depressing after a while though.

That is helpful Rubes, thank you very much. It's good to get another perspective. It's interesting you mention money, and thinking about it, I suppose it does affect the power balance or workload or all sorts really and I wonder if it affects the way I feel (I honestly don't know). DP isn't great with money and his financial position isn't terrific at the moment. He does buy almost all the food and pay the bills here but I guess I don't feel reliant on him financially as I bought the house, paid for 95% of the renovations/kitchen/bathroom/tradesmen/associated costs, pay for my own clothes and the DDs, treats, travel, my mortgage in London, our holidays and the births of both our children. This isn't because DP wouldn't, he is a generous person - he is just not in a position to. I have only been able to do so because of savings/redundancy money and I know I am very lucky. I finally received some money I was owed yesterday (after months of anxiety) and it will hopefully keep me going for another couple of years if I am superduper careful and economical, though obviously I would prefer it if I could get some work on top. I hope it doesn't sound crass listing all that, I am just setting the scene. Even if I was totally financially supported by DP, though, I am not sure I would feel differently about the workload. Or maybe I would! I just don't know. And it goes without saying I don't resent paying for that stuff, I am glad I have been able to do so, though if I don't get proper work we do face a financial black hole again in a couple of years.

I just don't know what to think. DP's job is very stressful, there is no doubt, the pressures are intense (as I know they are for your DH). And at the moment, all I am doing is being at home. But all he can say is that he would change places with me in a heartbeat. There's no acknowledgement or appreciation that it's hard looking after two kids too (or am I sounding whiny and spoilt?) Also, when he doesn't have a trial, he frequently has days off or half days or whatever (and yes, he would assist with the feeds then, but the lion's share would still be down to me).

Anyway, I have gone on about money now and it makes it sound like that is important and I don't think it is as money is not a big deal to either of us really. It's just about general resentment on both sides. I guess that whilst I am housebound like this, love the girls as I do, I am just getting all cross about stuff - needing more emotionally and probably in every way from DP that I am getting (or indeed giving), missing my friends and lifestyle, feeling frustrated about lack of time to myself, slowness of recovery and general knackeredness.

I am not good at being a gloombucket anyway as I can't shut out that little voice which always tells me things will get better. And I don't want to wish away these early days of DD2.

It is so hugely kind of you to offer to visit but the flat is so cluttered and bunged up with stuff it's a health hazard. It's not the size so much as the total lack of space due to too much gear, most of which isn't mine so can't do much about. I find it quite hideous, which is a shame as it's a nice flat in itself.

I would like to tell him to do the night shift tonight but he has trial prep to do tomorrow as we are going to London on Sunday to oversee the moving of my furniture from storage.

I hope you have happy shopping and apologies for the long response!

Spot, how is T? Are the steroids having any effect?

Good news is that I don't have a large ovarian cyst. Bad news is that I have several small ones which confirms that my ovaries are polycystic again. I had polycystic ovaries as a teen (well remembered LadyT) but I haven't noticed any symptoms for years so its a bit annoying. Also last time I had it I did not bleed mid month, but I am now, so I am not actually sure that is explained by polycystic ovaries. Plus I am not worried about TTC at some point in the future. I would not want to take clomid as I don't want a multiple pregnancy. Ho hum. I guess it explains why I am so fat and spotty and unattractive at the mo.

LadyT - its a really hard one knowing how to balance child care when one of you is working. I do think your DP should be doing one of those feeds. What about if he did the 11pm and 7am feeds? That way you could go to bed earlier and get up later but he would get an uninterrupted 7 hours in between? When I was on maternity leave and DD2 was waking every three hours (she did the 11pm, 1am, 4am pattern for 5.5 months...) DH could not do any feeds as I was breastfeeding. However, he would keep her downstairs with him when she was unsettled in the evenings so that I could get an early night. And then when I had finished the 7am feed he would take both girls until 8.45am which is when he had to go to work. I found that lie-in, which I knew could not be interrupted, really helped.

I also think your DH should help as soon as he gets home. He does not need a rest at 6pm plus an unbroken night. When i was on maternity leave and DH was working he still took over as soon as he got home. I needed him to. I was on my knees by then. Now that we both work DH is brilliant at doing everything 50:50. In fact he probably does more than me as he gets up early if one of them wakes before 7am. I am very lucky though.

Well SL, he has to leave the flat at 6.50am on trial days. And he does wake up quite often when dd2 wakes up so is sort of getting broken sleep. He is only getting 5-6 hours generally and has to work in the evenings, prepping, sometimes (well, he has 2-3 times this week)

I guess I could go to bed when DD1 goes but I am strangely not tired then and also that would mean I had no relaxing time at all so I can't quite face it.

That's rubbish that you are fat, spotty and unattractive, Avo! Sorry about the cysts though. Would they prescribe Metformin? It is used as a treatment for PCOS now. Or there is Agnus Castus - it never worked for me but some people swear by it.

Unfortunately DP leaves too early to do the 7am feed on trial days. He could and indeed sometimes does do the 11pm feed but I am usually too wired to go to sleep before that. Maybe I will try it...

I know what you mean Lady - when dd was about your dd's age, dh sometimes did the late 11pm ish feed but I was still awake just sat there too because I wasn't tired! then at 2 when I was woken by her I was a shambles....
dh is also feeling guilty as because of extra workload he was driving to work and leaving me car-less which he felt guilty about, (mine is still off the road in the garage as needs some work) so he's just started cycling in again and gets up around 6am to do so.
Can your DP sleep earlier in the evening if you can't? Can you ask him to do the 2am ish one and see if he can sleep at 8 or 9?
Saying that I never went to bed before 11 from day dot and was BF too so I did them all.

ds still asleep (he got woken by dd at 11 last night but luckily went straight back to sleep so not sure why he's so knackered.

Avo - did you say you are NOT worried about TTC? Or did you mean you are? Least it's nothing too serious.

I took Agnus Castus - not sure if it was helpful but I was trying to get preg pretty quick really

Oh and I meant dh did the late feed with expressed milk however didn't always have the pump out so sometimes I did it anyway as I had to!

Yes, maybe I will sound him out about him going to bed earlier. Hadn't thought of that!

Right, am neglecting the DDs horribly...

Have a great w/e Rubes.

Oh thanks Lady, but tbh I've offered to be designated driver tomorrow night and depending on who is there I'm not sure how much I'll enjoy it!! Can't find any solution as a taxi is way too much, as is a hotel near the party, and Scooter man wants an arm and a leg too

Afternoon folks, am still in my pjs due to combination of me now being ill and T still poorly. To ill to go to nursery to DP (who is also ill) and I have divvied up the day, and I did some work this morning and get the pleasure of cranky boy's company when he wakes from his epic nap.
The steroids seem to have helped a bit with the coughing but, wow, they have had some major effects on his behaviour, he has been very tearful and aggressive. He's still v poorly though, and we've had to cancel our holiday as he's not eaten in days and is in no fit state to travel . It's a bit gutting as I was really looking forward to getting away before no. 2 arrives, but hey ho...And as DP and I are now both ill as well it's not as if it would be much fun for us either.

SL, top news on the combined sleepathon

Avo I'm sorry to hear about the PCOS, sounds like others have had experience and can help you. I am merely in awe of your amazing pelvic floor muscles. 1 litre of water! I'd be hopping about after a sip...

Lady, you've had some good suggestions on here, I think it's esp hard as when you're bfing it can obviously only be you who does it. But there's more room for negotiation with FF, and that means for the who 'tiredness comparison" which you can never win. In our situation, I always had to ask for specific feeds to be done, which although I resented it (wanting him to take the initiative) was the only way. It's also tricky for you because of the financial thing, but I tend to also see it as "if DP is too tired and loses his job and can't earn money, we're screwed" so until we are both working out of the home for the same amount of time I guess it will always fall to me to do the bulk of nighttime stuff. That said, DP is very good at getting up and will negotiate, so I think it depends on your own dynamic and how things are on a daily basis (e.g if he's had a day off, it's more reasonable to ask him to do night feeds than if he has to leave before 7 the next morning).
I just know that come Jan I'll be on here posting the same, but in much more vitriolic and unfair terms!

Spot Sorry you had to cancel your holiday but gald the steroids seem to be working. hey maybe instead before ds2 arrives we should plan a spa day?

Well shopping was quite successful even though I still haven't got everything done. I'm learning how to handle ds a bit better when I'm out etc, and he was quite good. helps that he's not teething, what a different little boy he is with no sore teeth He even sat on the couch in the Debenhams coffee shop while I fed dd
DS stopped at the shops on the way home from work and sat outside the shopping centre with the dc's while I tried some stuff on (had to find something to wear to this party as still half my good clothes don't fit and although I could squeeze into them , it all looked hideous so found a nice top and i might just wear leggins and coots. I saw some jeggings in the flesh and ed and actually thought about trying them on

Anyway, after just saying earlier that I try to get all the ds's stuff done myself so dh doesn't have to worry now that she's sleeping a bit more, we came home and he lunged straight into feeding and bathing ds unprompted before I even had a chance so I could feed and sort dd. I'm guessing he was aware that it had passed their bedtime and dh knows that's the fasted way to some peace

Right, am knackered and we are going to have take away Chinese [well Vietnamese for me it's so yum and not oily]
Oh and before I forget I watched the Apprentice too finally and am very very glad of the outcome

I'm not going to see X-factor until Sunday night so pleeeeeease if anyone see's it don't mention on here who goes out (or FB) having said that, I'm sure i won't be checking MN and FB unless this party is really dull