Dec 08 Ladies - Waiting for BabyLady & the usual grumpy tots with stinky bots

[DeidreBarlow]

Hope this is ok...

Coming back to this a bit late but I think many (most?) midwives don't seem to be keen on electives, which is maybe inevitable...the one who came to see me at the house the other week made it patently clear what she thought of two paid for electives in LONDON. That's three crimes, not just one! Ah well, je ne regret rien Even with my medieval suppurating wound. Mum thinks I am a raving loon, mind you, ha ha.

Nearly time to put pyjamas on again!

FUCK I just lost a massive post. Right I'll start again.

Sweet Pubie, I'm sorry I upset MrPubes but believe me those cheeky midwives have caused me bother too, to start with they always managed to go over budget by the same amount that I went under budget therefore cancel out my teams savings!! I'm sure MrPubes and many men would find the fact that DH caught DS2 a bit weird and tree huggy :) but for DH it was the best moment of his life, up there with being able to spend the first night of his sons life together in the one bed after being cooked a yummy late night breakfast by our midwives. Also midwives do a lot more than you described just as nursing is lot more than taking temperatures and pulses but I think a lot of people don't really understand what either do. I was amazed that my midwife knew my CM dilation just by talking to me and assessing my emotional state. She was right when she did the physical check.

Pubie I think you need to right a letter of complaint about those midwives, I guess in the end midwives prefer natural births because its what they do & they know a women's body can do it, however I think they also see birth as their territory and forget it is actually our territory as its our birth, our body. You must remember though that many women get chastised by doctors for wanting home or natural births. Sadly there are many in the medical profession who don't seem to grasp that women can do this birth thing quite nicely.

I do agree with Avo that communication from doctors is a problem and I know again it sounds free huggy but fear & feelings of vulnerability can have a profound effect of labour. I've known some lovely colleagues and doctors say some just terrible heartless things to patients parents. Too many times I've had to placate parents and make excuses for doctors behaviour. Not that its an excuse but I do think workloads account for this but also some doctors are very intelligent but a bit socially dodgy. Pubes your DH would have come across many of these types.

Avo that house option is sounding better. You could always house swap with a family in the med.

Gotta go talk later.

Vag, no no no you haven't upset MrR in the slightest. He was ing as he read it. I think the birth of your ds2 sounds lovely and I wasn't dissing people who choose homebirths at all. I was just dissing m/w's who disagree with my personal choice. I hate typing stuff, as without the intonation it comes out all wrong. I'm a little bit upset about a couple of other things at the moment, and I think I should break from posting for a bit as it comes out sounding a lot more hostile than I meant it to on that subject.
Can't be assed writing a letter to be hones, as it will result in nothing, except a waste of my time.

Pubie I.knew you weren't, my smiley face was supposed to be a grin that's what I get for being lazy and using the little ready made smiley faces on my phone. Don't go away Pubes. I really do think you should write that complaint its going to annoy you (& me) until you do. Oh & Pubes I'm not sure how you feel about those child lead things but a friend has one that has a long leash and I'm thinking about getting one. Might help for DS, make him feel he can walk away but you can keep him safe.

Lady I understand why you want to go to your consultant, whatever she decides you can be sure she is right. If your not 100% confident in your GP now is not the time to test them out. I wrote more in my lost post about your scar but really probably should leave it for your doctor.

I had sleep last night Hooray, amazing how much better I feel for it.

Lady you made me giggle with that elective c section in London comment, Hehe. I've had friends who left London and went to.work in hospitals in their new area and if they try to implement anything they learnt or did in the London hospitals, they are met with such suspicion from the new work mates. It's a real "oh you coming up here with your London ways" quite attitude.

We have a friend staying over tonight so just had yummy takeaway. Went for a lovely ride today.

Avo the last place actually has quite a big yard but your right on the photo it looks a bit small. Actually all the photos make it look a bit smaller than it is. I've got another place we are looking at, is it ok to bore you with another property.

Yes Veg, she didn't call it 'that London' but she may as well have done Glad you had some more sleep. Oh, and if you are still there any reassurance about my scar welcome as in one way I can laugh ruefully about it but it also makes me feel a bit gloomy and worried. The GP may be stellar but as you say, now is not the time to test.

Don't be stressed, young Rubes, and please don't go away, even for a short time. And let's face it, every profession has its goodies and baddies. Everyone hates lawyers, for example! But I know so very well that there are super ones and ones which - well - should be ashamed.

Avo, are you feeling any better?

And French scholars, I should of course have said 'je ne REGRETTE rien', not 'regret'. Gadzooks. I am mortified.

Lady & Veg, you know I won't stay away for long. I have too much to say. Just feel like I need to do more 'real life' stuff as the 'virtual stuff' is making it easier to hibernate at home especially given the imminent Winter.
The local toddler groups I have found are a brilliant thing for me and will stave off the seasonal depressing moods I am at risk of if I don't leave the house. DH is working so so much and I dont want him to become the target of any pent up, at home, hibernating, depressive mood swings I'm at risk of! I am totally up for any get togethers that are on offer though! Was so good to see Spot, and as always Lady, we will get together very soon, and often. I am still dying to see young D and of course O I'm worried about your scar though.

Lady I'm not a francophone but I know it from the song :o

All I wrote about your scar is that wounds will express pus as it is a normal product of wound healing. However the hole for some reason is not sealing, this could be due to the pus, or did you break a suture in the line? the fact that you don't have a temperature is reassuring, but this poisoned feeling you described yesterday could indicate a low level infection. I think ABs def would be a good idea in this case as you have probably already read on.the internet about the risks of septiceamia. Please be reassured though that you are most likely ok, so far the only symptom is the pus and a grotty feeling which could be just to do with healing. Oh and your glands are up so your body is working to heal something.

this is the place we will look at hopefully next Friday after we get back from Safari.

Yep Rubes, you bet. When I am back on my feet I will be bothering you to meet up A LOT. Bad news is that on current form, that will be about 2016

Oh arse, I can't help thinking this whole scar thing is partly my fault. The bag I carried to London was too heavy (for example).

Hibernation - you say it's a bad thing but it has never seemed so attractive to me. But that's only because I am all enfeebled and incapable at the mo. DD1 is much brighter (though she did claim to be 'sad' today though I actually think that was bunkum as straight after she was on about someone being 'naughty' and I don't think it was serious). She did burst into tears, though, because she thought DP and I were crying. We were laughing. DP was changing DD2's nappy and I was standing nearby and she managed to spatter the pair of us with a sudden and highly explosive yellow poo.

Anyway, I have talked too much today, night night all.

Ok, one more...Veggie, I might like that place the best. How's the location?

Thanks for the reassurance about the wound. It helps! Just remembered, had some night sweats as well but think that's just my lymphatic system revving up. RIGHT! Off now. Sorry for the hog!

Hello, I'm here! Sorry, I didn't mean to worry anyone by going AWOL. Just feeling ratty and unwell (seasonal colds, ugh) plus we've been tootling about in the new motor a fair bit at weekends. DS's birthday went well though DS2 had a temp and was very grotty, poor lamb. He's been up at night with a cough as well.

I've only caught up on the last page, bu need to post before the signal runs out on me!

Spot: how was last night? Your sleep situation sounds horrendous. I feel bad enough after a couple of broken nights and I'm not preggers. I also get a bit aggrieved as I reckon DS2 is perfectly capable of sleeping when he feels like it. I do find he's getting v clingy and anxious at the minute which could have something to do with it.

Lady: the scar soundsv painful and a bit gruesome. Hope the consultant sorts you out. And that at least one if the girls goes to sleep in the car.

Better post this as phone playing up - hang on...

Avo: any news from the vendor? You are being v determined about the house thing. DH and I are still hanging on to our deposit and hoping for things to dip again! Plus we are v lazy about moving. I actually like renting at the moment, no need to worry about the boiler packing up or the roof caving in. Prices in Essex are a lot more subdued though and property tends to hang around for a while.

Veggie: I hear you on the noise levels. DS2 has started shouting (or rather growling) NO really loudly at DS1 whenever he feels his rights are being threatened (ie most of the time). DS1 on the other hand is really growing up fast. He will actually listen to reason (on occasion).

Oh and DS2 is finally saying 'Mummy'. All the time. Loudly. I can't quite remember why I thought this would be a good thing .

Trace: hoe are your appointments going? Is work being a bit more supportive?

Rubes: I totally understand what you're saying about mws, I had some great ones but there is a bit of a one-track mentality when it comes to things like intervention and pain relief. We know you well enough not to be offended by any mutterings on midwives - you had to deal with some astonishing rudeness and incompetence in your pregnancies.

morning. Quick post before toddler group!

ladyt please take it easy if you go to London, i don't know anything about infected scars etc, but I am worried about you do please don't overdo it, and I hope your consultant can see you. I can imagine the midwife's attitude to two elective CSs privately in London, tee hee.

rubes I can well believe it re the elective CSes, very rude though. Midwife at local hospital made my friend cry when she was having an elective CS, which I can't imagine as she is so not the sort to cry about stuff like that! The bitch. However, most midwives i have encountered, in fact the one I had for DD's birth asked me why I didn't just have an elective after I told her I was scared of the pushing stage and that I didn't feel any womanly desire to ahve a natural birth! I do also think the NCT style teaching can be unhelpful in that it makes the hospital staff expect negative attitudes from mothers as well which is not a good way to start, e.g. when I went in with DS saying that I'd wanted a homebirth they immediately treated me like I was some unreasonable hippy and were very surprised when I said I was fine with having a managed third stage and that I wasn't against having an epidural if I felt I needed one.

ZJ the b&b in aberlady was called the gardens B&B in "The Townhouse" I think. You might have to ask her if she would babysit, as I think she only offered for us as we were going to a wedding - we didn't take her up on it in the end as DS went to sleep in the pushchair and I just kept DD in the sling.

avo fingers xed for the house. 3.5 x salary sounds a lot more affordable and i would be tempted as the house sounds lovely. Our mortgage is not quite that high, I guess it depernds on your other outgoings too.

rubes don't stop posting!!

spot how are things?? Am worried about you!

jj good news on the slapped cheek result..

Hello, please don't worry about me, I've not been on as I'm too physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. T still up several times a night despite two nights of no milk, and I had a humungous row with DP last night. I am angrier and more upset with him than I can remember. After a day spent with some friends here (who took us out to lunch for his birthday) he picked a fight (as is becoming commonplace) and then launched back into the whole "I hate my life here, I think about moving back to London every day". This despite the out I gave him a couple of months ago, which he didn't take up. It's too long and drawn out to go into properly but why he feels the need to tell me that when we're supposed to be in the middle of buying a house I don't know. I can't deal with this mindfuck. I was awake all last night trying to decide what I was going to do but am too exhausted this morning to do anything. He just doesn't get how upsetting this is, how I've built a life here. And he has the gall to moan about our lack of sex life. Well excuse me but a toddler who hasn't slept in months, a baby inside me and a permanently grumpy partner does not a libido make. Anyway, I could bang on but will stop here. Sorry for no personals, am just feeling very unhappy.

OMG, OMG, OMG - just heard from the estate agent and they have accepted our original offer on the lovely house. Oh God, I don't know what to do. We have to reply today and we just can't make-up our minds. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rubes, I am so sorry if I riled you yesterday. I didn't mean to. I think it is awful that you didn't get support in your choices. Its a travesty that MWs and Obs don't both work to make a women feel as supported as she can be whatever her birth ambitions. Please don't go anywhere.

How odd. My phone didn't loads the last few posts so I didn't see Summer, Effie or Spot before I posted then.

Spot - I am so sorry that your DP is adding to your woes rather than helping reduce them. I don't really know what to suggest. On the isolated subject of T's sleeping I think you just have to continue being hardcore. Could you give him Piriton for a night or too so he sleeps more deeply and his tummy gets used to the lack of nighttime milk? With regard to your DP I am just not sure what to suggest. If you gave him another chance now would he choose to return to London? If not then he really is being unreasonable to keep raising this. But if he is now determined to be in London then you are in a very difficult situation.

Effie - Lovely to hear from you. I am glad you are enjoying the freedom a car brings. Sorry you have been ill though. I am sure you are right to rent for a while longer before buying. Prices aren't about to shoot up and you may be lucky and witness a real crash (wibble, wibble...).

Summer - you have reminded me about JJ's great news re slapped cheek. JJ, I am sooooo sorry that I didn't acknowledge that earlier. What a great weight of your mind that must be. Brilliant news.

Oooo Veg, I really like that last apartment you liked to. It looks very light and airy and the kitchen is really nice. Plus I like the period look of the outside of the building. Have you looked around it? What is your instinct?

Is nobody out there to obsess about property with me this morning? I am stuck in bed with a fever of 38.7 degrees and absolutely no voice and I am driving myself mental staring at the floorplans of this house alternately thinking "it has soooooo much potential" and "we will never be able to afford to do a thing to improve it and will be broke for ever and ever". I have to croak out an answer to the agent sometime today.

Spot: I'm so sorry your partner is being an arse less than supportive. On the sleep thing the second night is always the worst. You have so much going on at the moment. If you felt like packing T in the car and coming to Essex I'm sure PD and I could kidnap T for a while so you can put you feet up :).

Avo - I could live with a 3.5 times mortgage for sure. That sounds much more do-able! Personally, I would not worry about the state secondaries because they could improve so much by the time you need them, and/or your financial situation could change enough that you can manage private. But I am not British and thus have a bit of a different and more laid-back perspective on education it seems. How exciting!

Hi everyone else....Lady thanks for asking after my lurgy in spite of your own much more worrying health concerns (hope you get your scar looked at quickly)! I am FINALLY feeling much better. Cannot believe how long it took. At least 2 weeks of feeling miserable and completely off food, etc.

Spot Poor, poor you. I have been there and it is terrible. The way we have got through the bad patches include 1. the Mrs. Sleep approach to cracking the milk habit (more tiring in short run, but did pay off) and 2. sleeping on the floor beside his cot for a few nights so that we can reassure quickly and keep him asleep before he wakes up properly. This always seems to help us get back on track, but may not be what works for your wee T.

Idiot. Missed a whole page. Ignore my uber-cross postedness! Will go back and read properly.

Congrats on the offer Avo! Sounds like a winner!

Am still here as only had 3 hrs sleep and being trapped in a car with the babies would have been a bridge too far. I am waiting for DP to get back and hoping to get on the train which will get me to see my consultant at 2.30 - she does want to see me. It will be tight for DP to get back, and depends whether his client walks to freedom out of the front door or to clink out the back. One of the reasons I admire DP is that he always goes to see the clients in the cells if they get sent down. Many barristers don't bother and he never shrinks from it, however difficult.

Right - Avo, I would probably go for it, but I am a chancer. I am less worried about a crash for you - if you stay there so many years you will ride out any crash so don't sweat it - but more worried about a rise in interest rates and the decreased flexibility it will afford you if you don't want to work full time in the future or have another DC. As to being poor, your and DH's salaries will increase, it may not be as bad as you fear.

Link to a guide to buying and selling by my beloved Kirstie, from Saturday's Telegraph here

Mom, your immune system is depressed during pregnancy, hence your slow recovery. Glad you are on the up!

Spot - you have my total sympathy of course but I do understand a bit your DP's craving for London, having 'given it up for DP' myself. But he can't hold you to ransom. You gave him a chance to move back. I allow myself to be openly wistful to DP about town. But I wouldn't go back on my word, and it is wistfulness, not full blown resentment. Rows when you are pregnant suck extra, and rows when you are pregnant and sleep deprived must suck extra extra. When the dust has settled, I would say you need to find someone to have T for the evening, take a deep breath and go out and discuss it with each other as calmly as you can. Because really, lovey, either you move back and you accept it, or he accepts that you are in Brighton, and once the decision is made, both parties have to desist using their sacrifice to bludgeon the other party during rows. I don't say that in an accusatory way, I just understand well the temptation to do so.

Just going to post this and then write a bit more, the laptop is playing silly buggers.

Effie, so pleased to hear you are enjoying the car! I have never wanted to be able to drive so much than in recent weeks.

Oops, have to dash as DD2 is hungry and DD1 has a stinky nappy...

Wow, so much going on. I hope you're all doing ok. We're back to having ill ones here. Nothing major, just snot overload from both of them. Every time they sneeze, I get a spray of snot, it's quite revolting. Added to that I've had a bit of a weird tummy thing going on, so not been ideal.

Lady - get thee to a doctor asap - that sounds horrible. You really do sound like you're having a rubbish time, poor love.

Spot - you poor poor thing. Nothing worse than lack of sleep. Do please try to sleep when T does and I second Rubes on the tough love approach. It's heinous, but it does work in the end, even if it takes a week. I'm so sorry for you. DD2 now sleeps through the night better than DD1, who I think has taken to having nightmares.

Avo - wow. What a decision to make - what are you going to do??!

Re the mw/doctor debate, I had lovely MWs, but then I'm v lucky and have had easy peasy births, so haven't really had to bicker with them on anything. And I hardly had to see a single doctor, so my opinion on that is pretty limited. Although I saw a lovely lady one, who told me that if I wanted an epidural, not to listen to anyone who told me I shouldn't - she said that they were invented for women in labour, and as such, should be taken advantage of! HA! Wise words indeed. Although I never got round to having one either time and I really rather would have liked one!

Oops, must go and stir my stew.

xx

PS am down to 11 stone 7lbs due to tummy issues - that's 74.3kg. Woo! Lightest since before DD1!!!

oh spot you poor thing. it is so hard when no one has had any sleep, you are preggers, worrying about T, about number2 and about dp. i'm sorry he is being rubbish. i think you do need some time out - can anyone else look after T while you get some you time and some time with dp to talk face to face over some food? i always find that going out for drink/supper is a great way of reconnecting.

lady - that sounds terrifying. i hope you have managed to get to the consultant. i also can't believe that you have to make such a massive effort to get to see her. getting on a train with a possibly ruptured scar???? oh, you poor love.

avo - what have you decided to do? i reckon you're going for it - 3.5 isn't that bad, is it??? for somewhere you love? i have to say, i thought the 5 x salary was mental, but we are both freelance and pretty cautious when it comes to money. hope you feel better soon.

i have a dreadful cough and rattly chest which necessitates the use of tenalady (never had a good pelvic floor and it is now f*ed). have an appt at the doctor, as last time i had this it lasted 3.5 weeks. my limited maternity wardrobe and the fact we don't have a tumble dryer means that i've got to get this sorted before i run out of clean trousers. probably tmi.

did i post to say the scan last week was fine? sorry if i didn't. it was so uneventful, that i sort of forgot about it. number2 wasn't moving around, but had a heartbeat, so we are presuming everything is fine.

re: midwives - i think it was avo who said the best ones were on the delivery ward - we found the post ones were DREADFUL. i think their only qualification was that they had had a child at some point in their lives and that entitled them to give you advice.