Welcome to muslim tea room 2.

[defuse]

Peace to you all

Ok, well here it is again...we have moved to room 2 now

Discuss whatever aspect of islam you like my lovely sisters - this is a place for muslims and non-muslims too, to share experiences, raising kids or just having your say!

The kettle is on.... We have loads of herbal teas, coffee and guava juice .... I like guava juice so welcome!

Salam all

What a windy and rainy day it's been! I have cabin fever now... really must go outside tomorrow!

What happens to this place when it reaches 1000 posts? Is that goodbye FOREVER???

crescent stay away from the chicken pox parties!!! You are not invited to one!

Yes the DCs will probably get them at the most inopportune time, do these things ever happen at a 'good' time??? my nephew got them when he had a new baby sister not even a month old!!!!!

I get what you mean about this thread being slow. I put my hands up, i am guilty as charged. The thing is, I don't want it to disappear!! Can we not have another thread and just let it be a slow thread with a note at the top advising sisters who might need urgent advice to perhaps start another thread just in case they don't get a response on here in time?

I really like reading through the messages of all the sisters on here. I understand what you mean by islamophobic threads, there is a deeply unpleasant one running at the moment. So much so, that i haven't even bothered reading many messages on it - i got the gist after just a few.
Having said all of that, I still love our slow little thread, i love hearing from you all!!!!!!!

What d'ya reckon everyone?

Yes, its quite scary when you read people's views on other threads. I have posted on the other main one at the moment and it just seems to be going round in circles. Once you have an idea of something in your head, it very hard to change it I suppose. I actually wrote on it that I had had enough and was accused from running away from difficult questions! I was just fed up of Muslims saying 'this is me, this is what I think' and then others say 'no, this is how it is, I read it on some website'.

After I went to bed it clicked with me that one of the posters is hell bent on proving to Muslims that they really need to be leaving the religion just as she had the brains to do. I got kind of fed up at that point. I'm quite happy, I don't need her to tell me to read some links and leave Islam! You get drawn into these threads and feel you have to reply to something someone says to you. I think I will just stay away from it now, I have given my views and would only end up repeating myself so what's the points.

I think it would be nice to have another thread after this one finishes, even if it I slow moving it is something to come to.

Update: the wind and rain have moved further North and its a lovely sunny day!

just briefly greeneggs and ehric am so glad you received and liked the kids cards! they really enjoyed making them and again i really appreciate your thoughtful gifts

oh also i def think the thread should continue. if there are pressing issues then as someone said putting an urgent note on a new thread is a gd idea. even if the main thread is slow moving it still moves if u see what i mean? and always so nice to have a safe and chilled out place to discuss issues without drama

Salaams all. Wow I only just discovered this thread. Ironically I discovered it via the islamophobia thread mentioned earlier lol

I am glad this thread is here. Slow moving is not a problem it's nice to have others out there :)

I am going to have brekkie now while LO asleep. Both not very well - but have mum looking after us hurrah!!! (Usually live too far away for that to happen but am visiting this week)

Enjoy the sun everyone

Hello everyone,

Can I just add, as a non-Muslim, I have lurked and book-marked this thread for a long time, I always enjoy reading the quotes and little pieces from the Qur'an; I feel I'm learning such a lot from everybody here even though I am not religious myself

It doesn't matter that the thread is slow, I see it as more as a comforting hug, there when you need it and in the background when you don't

Hope you all have a good week, and are all wrapped up out of the wind and rain!

Hello CannotSay

Nice to see you in here. I was just wondering how long this weather is going to last. Its so strange, sunny one minute and then huge downpours and black skies the next!

Assalamualaikum,

I need advice, especially be helpful from the revert sisters I think.

A friend is wanting to marry a muslim woman he's not Muslim (yet), she is, he wants to convert but knows nothing about Islam and I was wandering what would be a good introduction to Islam, I don't think handing him a copy of the Quran would help at this stage as he's just looking into it, altho he's convinced he will convert, she is not happy about his reasons and wants him to make an informed decision.

Please help.

I have to go out now but wanted to acknowledge your post. He wants to convert but he knows nothing about the religion? That seems strange from the start. Is it that he just wants to do it so he can marry her but really has no interest in following the religion? That could lead to issues! Anyway, I will be back later and hopefully some others will be too... :)

He knows a little, he has a close Muslim friend (not the best example unfortunately), he knows a few Muslim people but doesn't have any in-depth knowledge of Islam.

Yes I'd say his main motivation is so he can marry her. Altho he's agreed that any children wold be bought up as Muslims too.

However speaking from experience, I know how wrong marriages can go, and I've seen the result where one parent is a Muslim and the other is not and how the children have suffered because they are Muslim and one parent was forcing them to go against their beliefs.

It's always fine and lovely dovey at the beginning.

How practicing is she? I'm assuming not very if she is at the stage of considering marrying him? I think its all very well and good for him to say the children can be Muslim but if isn't really that interested in it and knows very little about it then I cant see how well they would be brought up as Muslims really. They might be called Yusuf and Amira and get dressed up on Eid but what else?

I had a book a long time ago, I will dig it out if I still have it and tell you the name of it. Also I listened to some lectures on youtube last night by English and American reverts, nothing too in depth but I think might appeal to him and not be too boring to listen to. I will type the link is when I find it...

So, the person on Youtube was called Abdelrahman Murphy. Now I only listened to one of his talks so I have no idea about his views on everything but I think the way he speaks would possible appeal to a non muslim happy to hear about Islam, have a look and see what you think.

Also, in Ramadan I came across lots of things on youtube, a kind of series of different people in the UK who became Muslim. He might enjoy those stories too. I will try and figure out the link to some of them and then I think he can easily find more as he wishes.

Oh, one other thing... where in the UK are they? Some mosques do social events/talks for non muslims who are interested.

Sis is practicing, the relationship is not out of the bounds Islamically, he is a really nice guy.

At the moment it's at the stage of most Islamic introductions they're getting to know one another better, he has grown up with religion in his life so belief in God is not outside the relms of possibility.

Things change once one is married tho. He does need his own relationship and knowledge of Allah. Altho I reckon they'd be happy together form what I know of him.

I kind of see all your points crescentmoon and no doubt he is a nice person and would be a nice person to get married to. I'm still struggling with the idea of him just becoming Muslim without truly believing in it. Does he have any religious views at the moment, does he believe in any kind of God yet?

As for advice as to what to give him to learn more I think a good thing is to find a topic that interests him and see what Islam says about that. From there it might lead to other topics if he is interested enough to find out. There are also shows you can watch online like British Muslim TV and Islam Channel. Sometimes they do question and answer sessions and other specific programmes at certain times.

Im not sure about just handing the Qu'ran over, that can be pretty heavy going!

I enjoyed reading a couple of book a long time ago, I think they were called Companions of the Prophet. One was red and the other was a navy blue cover. I just googles them now and you can see them for sale online.

Salams everyone. Long time no see. Well you know what I mean. I have been lurking the past few weeks as I just haven't had the energy to post. My pregnancy is starting to take its toll on me. First pregnancy was much easier probably cause I just lolled about for most of it. I'm starting to worry about the labour now though. For my first delivery I had to have a cs as I was overdue and after being induced my labour did not progress. I spoke to the midwife about my options and the possible complications of both really freak me out. I want to give birth naturally but there is a risk the scar on the uterus will reopen during labour and though I know it's rare in the back of my mind I have a voice saying it's going to happen to me. She also tried to put me off having another cs by telling me about infections, scars, hysterectomy etc. By the end I was almost in tears. I'm trying to stay calm but feel a bit panicked now. She did say I have a 75-80% chance of having a natural delivery but I'm not so sure. Had anyone had a natural delivery after having a cs or know anyone who has? I really need positive stories to boost my morale and confidence.

Fuzzy with your friend I would tell her not to right off this guy immediately. I have quite a few revert friends and what I have seen with them is everyone's journey to Islam is different. Some people spend a long time studying before choosing to embrace Islam others just see one thing and decide to become Muslim. Also don't put unrealistic expectations on those who do revert. It is very difficult to give up habits you have formed over a lifetime. I know one revert sister who is incredibly practising and religious and has been Muslim for years but still smokes even though she knows it's haram. Others may take months or years before they finally wear hijab. Focus on the essentials like prayer and the rest will come in time. Sometimes we expect reverts to behave better then born Muslims (which they often do) but just like we struggle with our nafs so do they.

With regards to your friends situation I had a friend who experienced similar. A non Muslim friend from school embraced Islam when she was in college. Initially everyone (both non Muslims and Muslims who knew her) wrote her off as converting just to get back with a Muslim guy she had been dating who had recently broken up with her. She did get back with him for a while (I think he felt some kind of responsibility for her) but there relationship ultimately ended. For years after that people continued to write her off that she wasn't a real Muslim and had converted for the wrong reasons but she gradually built up her knowledge. I recently bumped in to her after 10 years of not seeing each other and mashallah she has incredibly strong emaan. She told me each time she tried to give up and forget about Islam Allah SWT would show her something that would bring her back again. Don't under estimate the hidayah from Allah. This sister might be the means by which Allah wants to guide this brother to Islam. Did you ever hear that story about the female companion Umm Sulaym. She was the mother of Anas ibn Malik. Her husband divorced her when she became Muslim as he was a non Muslim. She then got a proposal from another non Muslim who had a very high status within the society. She gave him dawah then said the only dowry I want from you is that you embrace Islam and take the Shah ad ah which he eventually did. She wasn't reprimanded by the prophet for this instead she was praised. Now I'm not suggesting this approach is right in all contexts and obviously you have to protect yourself with regards to whom you marry but if the brother gas a good character and is a genuinely good guy then why not consider it. Even if he doesn't fully become practicing in my experience religious guys with bad character are much worse then guys with good character but who are not as religious. Just my opinion though.

say this really carefully, but i find convert men and women that come from socially conservative backgrounds - (not politically conservative but socially conservative) - usually make the transition to a muslim lifestyle much easier and are able to 'stick' at it than those that come from non socially conservative backgrounds. you know, the ones that say 'i didnt like or never much cared for drinking or partying anyway'. the ones who were quite serious pre islam are more successful converts than those whose lifestyles pre islam and after islam are too different. not that they cant do well at it, but they need alot more social support, which she might not be able to provide at stressful parts of her own life: bereavement/pregnancy/youngchildren- if the man she wants to marry is in the latter category.

Yes Crescentmoon, I think you are most probably right on this one!