Last thing you said to your pet?

[NewLion]

Get your food.

Are you a tired boy?

(We had a three hour walk this afternoon)

How many times do I have to explain I never need your help changing the bedding

You never see me doing that do you?

Get off the table with your muddy paws!

(Cat. He's a twat.)

Papa has gone to the cinema and abandoned us, shall we get a maccies?

Stop hitting Basil you little shitbag.

Stop touching me! I've only just managed to get all your hair off my clothes.

I love you Joey Jo Jo

We aren't going out for a walk until after dinner, which is slightly delayed, but by no more than 20 minutes.

Isn’t it just a great day for dogging?

I regularly make jokes with her about dogging. And thinks I just mean ‘being a dog’ - she’d be horrified if she knew 🤣

Hi baba, you ok? Do you want some catnip? Come have a cuddle.

Then I moved up and patted at the side of me and she looked at me like I'd just taken a dump in her water bowl and stalked off, mortally offended at the terrible insult she had received.

As she left the room I said thats ok see you later I love you.

Why yes, yes I am indeed a crazy cat lady.

Im so glad mumsnet is anonymous. If anyone knew I talked to my girl like this they'd laugh their heads off.

Who’s a big handsome boy?
have some dreamies…

'Stop being a dick'.

Sorry when I accidentally kicked him because he decided to suddenly sit down in front of my feet and didn’t understand why I had hurt him. Not blessed with brains this one!

You stink, get down

You lazy little moo! Mini schnauzer stretched across two cushions on sofa.

whose a chonky boy? You are Podgey Podgington. 🥲

See you later Marvie be good! ( Fat chance)

No more cheese for you!

Oooh there's your bowl with teatime in it! (Cringes!)

Sorry Hercules

I accidentally got the vacuum wire tangled in his legs

I love you

Stop barking Rodney! For the love of God, it's the postman, not a burglar.

You are a tiny binkle and I love you