Retiring abroad and leaving adult children

[BrusselsPate]

DH and I are looking into retiring abroad (currently live in the UK) possibly France, Italy or Spain. We've worked out that financially this would be possible in 3-5 years time.
We have 3 adult children, one is completely independent with their own children; one will be moving out (moving away for work) and financially independent within the next year, but the youngest (21) will need help financially for a few more years (which will be provided by the house sale if we moved abroad).
I just feel that I might be being a bit selfish by not providing a family base in the UK, particularly for the younger two, and also by not being around during retirement for more grandparent duties, that I'm not currently able to provide due to working full time.
Has anyone else made the move abroad full time without keeping a base in their home country, once their children had grown up and how have you found it? And anyone with grandchildren, how do you manage to keep up a meaningful relationship with them?

Check you have the finances required for your visa application. It's not how it used to be pre Brexit. You could probably do it on a non lucrative visa. But you need a fair bit of money just to be sitting in your bank for a set number of years. You a e allowed passive income eh pension but not a salary

https://myspainvisa.com/non-lucrative-visa-spain/#:~:text=The%20Spain%20Non%2DLucrative%20Visa,Index%20NLV%20in%20Spain

Thank you but we know exactly how to do it, DH has researched thoroughly.

Maybe not their sole responsibility, but they should make more effort.

I am not originally from the UK, but I have duel citizenship. If I leave, it will be because the NHS has stopped working for me and I can get better care in my home country.
Not because of sun and sangria.

.DS shows no inclination to stay in the UK himself and wants to go to Canada or Asia. DD is already working in a foreign country. We are all pretty mobile. I dont think either wants children.

Wife of an EU national here. This isn't accurate.

We spend several months of the year in Spain, together with months in other Schengen countries. We are based in the UK.

While we would BOTH have to register with the Spanish authorities if we wanted to stay over 90 days in one go (DH is not a Spanish national), the big advantage I enjoy is that I am not bound by the rolling 90 days in 180 limit, which obviously gives me a lot more flexibility.

In practice we avoid spending over half the year in Spain as then we would be liable for (more) Spanish tax, and we prefer to pay tax in the UK.

The EU Practical Handbook for Border Guards sets out the rules for anyone interested.

Non lucrative visas are available if you have enough income/savings.

We plan on being winter birds and flying for the sun for the 90 days allowed by brexit to somewhere sunny. It’s what DS GF Grandparents do.

We very nearly did this and still spend 3 months in Spain every winter. Recently we had a friend taken into hospital (resident). We realised from this situation that it is absolutely imperative that you speak the language really well, otherwise it is terribly difficult to communicate regarding medical matters. I did think again about selling up with the state if the UK but this has really out me off.

I’m not originally from the UK and in my country is not common at all to move in your older years so I didn’t get it at first but now I definitely do.

Do these people take holidays at your home? How can they spare the time as 6 weeks is not possible in most jobs?

People are lucky if they live in mainland Europe. You can literally drive from Belgium to Spain every winter. My distant cousins did until they got too old. They even took the dog.

Some friends of my parents did exactly this (no children though). Lived the dream for twenty years - beautiful garden, space, got involved in the local community. Not fluent but passable language skills.

Today, the husband is in the throes of dementia and their language skills mean that going into a home is not really a good option. Local friends falling away, expat friends moving back to the UK. She is absolutely broken with caring for him, and obviously beginning to feel the signs of aging herself. Accessing care is so difficult due to age/language/bureaucracy/not knowing the system. It is absolutely unsustainable.

They have no choices left though.

Sold up everything in England, so unable to afford to move back. They have siblings here in the UK who would be able to help/support, but it is impossible for them to get back to the UK. Not least because she is now late 70’s and the thought of the stress and upheaval of what such a move would involve is terrifying her. So head in the sand…...

They are facing an increasingly grim future with no way out. Incredibly sad to see, they are lovely people and do not deserve this but should have planned for exactly this scenario, of not being able to stay once their health declined.

The eurotunnel is only 35 minutes.

My dad lives abroad. When my mum died, we couldn’t get there quick enough and missed saying goodbye. He’s also lived abroad so long now that it would be financially v difficult to come back. You never know if your kids will move abroad so I wouldn’t not do something just because of that. Don’t forget health costs too which are a big factor when you move out of the NHS realm particularly as you get older. We know a few people who moved to Spain but came back because they needed more constant medical care.

Again, you still have to drive there, check in at last an hour before, then off at the other end, then drive through France.

Yes, it's not like catching the tube.

What isn't going well

But that doesn't have to be Europe. There are other countries in the world

For my parents, they have found they are all on their own and now starting to face the issues of aging and heading to where they are going to need support. They are relying on friends and community - who are all aging themselves. Told not to drive home after surgery on the eyes but there's no-one else to do it and taking a cab would be very expensive to where they live, so they put themselves and other road users in danger by driving home. When one is widowed, they will be entirely alone. They also can't afford to move back, even if they wanted to. When there are real care needs the wheels will come off. They don't have the funds to pay for care. The only thing I can do at that point is alert authorities to deal with it.

Depends where in the world you are located, if you already live in Europe you may not want to move to the other side of the world / somewhere far away

What when the kids have also moved abroad? Should you be expected to still provide a " base" in the UK despite them being adults with jobs in their respective countries

I have plans to do exactly that lol.

Fantastic! enjoy

My parents did this and I will always think it was so selfish. When my dad got cancer it was so hard to
help with his care and spend time with him, I nearly lost my job because I had to take so much time off work. Then when he died my mum was utterly depressed but we couldn’t be there for her because she was so far away. That still is very difficult.

Then we had children and my mum couldn’t really help or be involved, my kids don’t really know her. And there is pressure to spend every bloody school holiday there, in a place I don’t really like anyway.

It would give a much better lifestyle at a much cheaper price than in Europe.