Thread 50 - Covid GCSE Cohort - New Year of Adulting

[OrangeSpicedBun]

2024 here we are... our young people are still getting used to adulting and we're still doing that adulting thing ...it's tough !

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parents_of_adult_children/4922401-thread-49-covid-gcse-cohort-the-nights-are-drawing-in?page=10

cariad , it's such a widely held MN assertion that I have fallen down a rabbit hole and done some research:

So far

It looks like LSE don't like the combo
Warwick for their management course say students can't count business and accounting A levels as separate, but don't specify any issues with business
Warwick for their economics degree don't stipulate any forbidden combos
Bath don't seem perturbed
I couldn't find any general reference to this for broader degrees.

I do know plenty of schools organise their options blocks so you can't take both. I always presumed this is really because of feasibility of staffing.

Thanks @Monkey2001 , interestingly DH did economics A level a LONG time ago and it was his favourite too. I don’t think DS is strong enough at maths to do it for A level so I think he’s going to be looking more along the lines of Business Management at university. We’ll have to choose courses carefully so they lean more towards marketing etc rather than financial. I know it’s all early days but I just want to have an idea of how things work so we can guide him appropriately.

@Piggywaspushed , you are so kind, thank you for doing all that research on my behalf. It seems it might be a goer then. It will be interesting to see what the option columns look like , he should get them before half term. It’s a slight worry that he hasn’t done either subject before so may not like either. DD was much more straightforward, History, Politics and RS then straight History as an undergrad. Thanks again.

Thanks @Monkey2001 Each day is getting better.

@cariadambyth My DS2 is studying Bsc Management at Warwick and your DC sounds similar to him, Bath was his insurance. He did Geography, Economics, Politics and Business but dropped Business studies eventually as he found Economics much more interesting. I think I'd always err on the safe side and just avoid choosing Economics and Business together. You never know it could be the deciding factor between 2 candidates in the end where one has 3 very different subjects showing more breadth and your DC. Just my thoughts on it. If you have an.

Aslso the Bsc Management course (I only know about those 2 unis, have sooo many module options and more variety that perhaps you are thinking, so you won't be stuck with having to ''carefully choosing marketing options.' DS has leaned towards technology modules but dabbled a bit in Finance as well as he deems comfortable. He chose one wrong Finance module 'Financial Econometrics' and after a few lectures quickly switched to 'Venture capital' which he is now enjoying. They can also choose modules from other departments e.g a language, or something from Computer science e.g Introduction to Python . Its a great course.

Thanks for your insights @Shimy. I hope you’re feeling better as each day passes. I think my next step is to talk to DS’s teachers at Parents’ Evening next week. It’s so helpful to be armed with information from here so I can help DS make an informed decision.

Found you! Fell off the last thread a bit. So much going on for people. So sorry to hear of all the health issues.
Ours is insisting she’s FINE, but I’m not sure. She’s made no friends and her flatmate continues to be a complete nightmare. She’s living online, I think, and that’s always dangerous for her. She has begun a long distance( overseas) relationship, and he’s coming over for a week in Feb.They will spend 3 days in her tiny student room and then come here. I’m a bit worried that a week without any private space, having spent 4 months pretty much alone, is going to drive her nuts. We do not have a spare room. She suggested putting him in the summer house, but even for a hardy Scandinavian, that seems harsh. Wondering if I should book them a hotel room or Airbnb either for both or just him, to decompress. Any way she’s coming back this weekend to prepare for him, so maybe I can sound her out. I’ve found recently I’ve been remembering stuff from my own days as a young adult, and it is helping me with her. I was such a total fuckwit.

Gosh, Zebracat, that sounds like a lot for you to deal with. Is the BF coming over purely to see your girl? Has she thought about what will happen if he's really not the same in person as he is online - a week is a long time to be in close proximity to someone you might realise you got all wrong! (I'm thinking about a female friend I met through an online antenatal group, who was a very different personality in RL...)

An Air bnb sounds like a good idea, not least so you don't have to deal with sharing a bathroom with him!
Seriously, though, I hope it goes well for them both. Has your girl sorted an accommodation change for next year?

Remember all the awfulness DS had with his ex GF - the UCAS withdrawal etc?
Just as we thought it had stopped, she's started it up again. Thankfully, there were witnesses and school moved quickly, so we're waiting to find out if it's the final straw - keep your fingers crossed.

@Alwaysplayspicc . They have met several times, and she has stayed with him at his family home. She’s very cautious and he seems to understand that, but she needs a lot of down time, she has had a solitary life and gets peopled out after a few hours so a week in a small space could be hell. My friend does Airbnb, so I could book it, just worried she might read that as rejection. Also my Dh will query the expense and say they should just get on with it. I really just want them t9 have fun.

@Alwaysplayspicc . I’m sorry that’s going on again, especially at this time . These are crimes. I’m sure no one wants to end this young woman’s education, but she was warned before, how can she not be aware that she is risking everything?

@Alwaysplayspicc arghhh!!!

@Zebracat why don't you ask her if she would like you to book the Airbnb and frame it as a treat? Or book with your friend and tell your girl that you have booked it as a treat, but can cancel if they would prefer to stay in house? Involving her in decisions must make her feel valued. I think DH might just have to deal with whatever you decide to do! It is lovely that she wants to bring him to meet you.

Yes I will, but honestly sometimes it feels like we speak different languages. She looks at me as If what I said was just weird, when it was meant to be helpful.

I'd frame it as a treat too @Zebracat . My dd would love that (I think!), but I appreciate you don't want her to think you're rejecting her. I hope it's a healthy relationship, for her sake. It doesn't sound great that she's not made real life friends yet, but as long as online relationships/friendships eventually move to in-person ones, I think that's ok?

@Alwaysplayspicc noooo! I do hope it's the final straw, so your poor ds can be free of her.

Ds is in the second week of his mocks. He only has 2 subjects as Criminology is assessed at the end of each unit and he did his extended coursework before Christmas. He hasn't touched Sociology (and has also missed most lessons/teacher hasn't been there since about October), because he can only do one thing at a time and that thing is Business. I just hope the Business mocks go ok, so that when school raise whether he should take Sociology in the summer, based on his terrible mock results, we can explain his approach! I suggested he could maybe spend an hour last night looking at the Sociology paper 3 booklet but he wouldn't because that's not how he does things.....

Dd has issues with her car - the oil and engine lights came on as she was driving back last weekend and she discovered the oil was completely empty. She's filled it up but the engine light is still on. I really hope it's ok, as she's still not finished paying ds off for this car and she needs it for her new job.

@Zebracat I hope you find an amicable solution with your DD for the impending arrival and they enjoy the time together.

@Alwaysplayspicc I don't know the background but it sounds like a lot hassle you could do without right now. Lets hope school move quickly and nip it all in the bud before more damage is done.

@crazycrofter Wishing DS all the next in his mocks. Your DD sounds quite vigilant and is doing all the right things. I must remember to raise this with DS again as he hasn't said a word about oil/water since he's been driving, just petrol, it could just be he's not out yet but best to be cautious.

A YP mentored by a friend noticed oil was low and was about to top up in the coolant but he managed to stop her in time!

@crazycrofter may be obvious, but did you tell DD to check oil when engine is cold?

@Monkey2001 not obvious to me at all 😂but thankfully dd was liaising with dh and he told her to do that! She texted me yesterday to say that the engine light has now gone off - phew! But I think she needs to get it serviced ASAP. She got to the training for her new job and seemed very positive about it. They pay mileage and travel time in between care appointments, which is better than a lot of care jobs I think.

@Zebracat I would definitely be booking the Air BnB as others have said. Having space is important on a first meeting.

@Alwaysplayspicc unbelievable that she is up to her nonsense again!! thank goodness there were witnesses. I really hope she gets her comeuppance.

@crazycrofter good luck to your DS with mocks. Mine has got his grades back for his gcse mocks now, seven 8s two 7s and a random and unexpected 6 in Biology which we were all a bit shocked about as his target grade is a 9! Our school won't let the boys bring a copy of their paper home to go through it in detail which seems a bit wrong as the whole point of mocks is to learn from them?

Thanks for the car maintenance chat, it has reminded me that DS's car needs it's MOT and service this month - argh more expense!! 😩

Thanks for the words of support, re DS and the ex GF. Very much hoping to hear today that she's been dealt with once and for all. (Shimy, we discovered last term that "someone" had hacked into DS's UCAS account and withdrawn all his Conservatoire applications, the day after the deadline, and that that same person had been responsible for a long list of other incidents over the previous year, including hacking into his social media accounts and contacting people, pretending to be him.)

I've had 2 days of pre-op stuff this week. Feeling really anxious and struggling to sleep or eat, as I've never had a GA before and the stress of the last few weeks is catching up with me.

@Alwaysplayspicc - hope everything gets sorted once and for all re the ex. What an absolute nightmare.

When is your op? Very natural to feel like that before your first GA. Will be thinking of you x

So much on your plate Piccolo, your DS being dragged back into his hell is not what you needed. Best wishes to you on your op and that the poisonous ex is
got rid of by school/police, this time for good.

WHAAATT!!! Are you kidding me?? I hope to God you are suing her, I will remortgage my house to get the best and nastiest lawyer possible and I'm normally mild tempered but NO ONE is doing that to my child!

How was it resolved, was the school able to help with the universities withdrawn from? how on earth did you know it was her? sorry if I'm dragging this all up again I'm just so completely shocked that anyone could have the temerity to do such a thing especially someone so young.

I'm so sorry all this is rearing its ugly head at a time when you are vulnerable wishing you all the best with the op.

Best wishes to all those YP sitting mocks right now.

Monkey, I know your DS wasn’t driving fast thankfully, but it still must have been quite a traumatic experience. I hope his confidence hasn’t been shaken, it’s rubbish how punitive it is for your insurance vs the minimal physical damage to car/s. My DD still freaks every time she’s trying to decipher parking meters. I am always conscious this generation didn’t quite develop the full spectrum of skills that come with new driving (no matter how much support we try and give). I think we (or maybe just me) did by some strange osmosis or sheer fluke because I don’t remember my mum being of much help back then!

Got a call today, asking how to turn curry powder into curry. I gave it my best shot. Everyone else in the shop seemed to think I did pretty well. Apparently it was delicious. No pic though.

It's unbelievable, isn't it?
UCAS were able to tell us precisely time and date it had been withdrawn. School contacted the conservatoires on his behalf and had his applications reinstated, thankfully (each application cost £100+).
There had been other tamperings, so her devices were confiscated and surface scanned....and her search history for that day had been deleted.
The only people who knew DS's log in details were me, DH and DS; we had sent them to him online via a platform which are subsequently found out she had access to and was logging in to.

The police have logged the complaint as stalking and harassment, coercive controlling behaviour, and misuse of a computer.
DS is having counselling...it's been a lot to deal with.

@Alwaysplayspicc I remember you posting about this at the time. What a nightmare and definitely not what you need right now. Sending positive vibes and prayers your way.