Thread 50 - Covid GCSE Cohort - New Year of Adulting

[OrangeSpicedBun]

2024 here we are... our young people are still getting used to adulting and we're still doing that adulting thing ...it's tough !

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parents_of_adult_children/4922401-thread-49-covid-gcse-cohort-the-nights-are-drawing-in?page=10

@ealingwestmum thanks. His confidence in his driving is fine, but his faith in humanity has taken a hit from these people claiming they were injured by a collision at less than 5 MPH. The thing he/we are worried about is whether it will make it too expensive to insure him next year. We know we will probably end up paying the £540 excess, if the policy for that car goes over £1,000 I don't think we can justify paying for it, but having a car makes things possible for him. He would not be able to get to his Power Lifting sessions on a Sunday between his choral scholarship commitments if he didn't have a car. They need to drive to rugby and his house next year will be a long walk from Aldi. All because the numpty managed to turn west on the M4 on the way from Bristol to Norwich. Sigh!

Yep I get it. The cost to keeping skills up in our case has just been for use it or lose it purposes when she’s home. Your son’s whole livelihood is dependent on it; I hope it’s not as punitive as anticipated 🤞

DD has taken a sneaky day off and has arrived in Durham this morning. Her ex ‘school’ gang of 6 who she’s holidayed, inter-railed with for last 6 years descend on each others’ unis. So she’s has an insightful peek at student life in Oxford, & Nottingham, just Manchester to go later this month. It’s like a modern Enid Blyton group of 2 girls, 4 boys (with occasional GF/BF add ons) but essentially the core getting each other through life ups and downs to date.

Hope she has a good weekend @ealingwestmum . DD is meeting up with her group of best friends in Leeds this weekend. She's already been to see two of them in Manchester and Leicester; not sure whether she'll ever get to Newcastle to see where the fourth one is, given the distance!

@Monkey2001 I get you re the value of a car. Dd is starting a caring job which is totally dependant on a car, so we were all a bit panicked when we thought the engine might be damaged last week. She's also just had a speeding ticket - really hoping she can do a speed awareness course, rather than get points. The whole motoring thing is just so expensive though isn't it!😫And when people play you/try to extort money out of you, it's very depressing.

@crazycrofter DS had a speeding ticket and did the speed awareness course just before Christmas. He was so pissed off - he got caught by a camera he's spent his whole life warning me about. He was on his way back from dropping DD and her friends at a nightclub as a favour cos I was on holiday, so somehow convinced me it was my fault and I should pay for the course 🤣 The irony is that he's not even insured to drive anymore as I couldn't justify the cost when he's hardly here. (He was insured when he committed the offence, just to be clear)

Oh dear @mummyinbeds , dd has a habit of blaming me for things too! To my surprise she has taken full responsibility for this and has put the money aside for the penalty/cost of course.

The cost of insurance is absolutely ridiculous though, isn't it.

@Alwaysplayspicc She sounds deranged and in need of urgent psychological help. Are her parents getting her any help? her parents should've paid the £100 per uni you had to pay to UCAS.

To all those Re: accidents/speeding tickets, sorry to hear about the mishaps but thankful to God none have lost their lives. DS also had a collision last yr and his car was a write off. Thankfully both he and the other driver emerged with only a bump and DS shaking in shock. It's never been established whose fault it was, they said it was a no-fault. We are waiting with bated breath his next insurance premium.

So true Shimy. DH still has his scar worn in true HP style from wrapping his car around a tree when 18 in Kent. Was lucky to have survived.

Even the way we drive in regions now is so different. DD feels a touch intimidated (and scared) when she visits her cousins in Hampshire. They came out of the driving stocks as fully fledged, confident drivers, with car use integral to their day to day lives. Versus her no exceeding 20 mph London where the volume of pedestrian, cyclists, food drivers, electric scooters on top of bad drivers are akin to some gaming challenge. With mobile phones in tow to distract them further. She is still in the minority of her peers who drive, it’s just not worth it for most on the costs front.

@Shimy absolutely! Cost is just inconvenient. I think we might get dashcams though as having evidence when something happens would be very useful. DS1 had chips on his windscreen after following a highway maintenance lorry and a dashcam would have enabled him to recover the cost from the lorry and might have helped your DS to establish who was at fault.

@Monkey2001 what a nightmare with that claim, does he have a dash cam? That might help prove how slowly he was going and so warrant a bit more of an investigation into the claim by his insurers.

@ealingwestmum DS and his friends do this too, they even went to Norwich despite it having zero nightlife (apparently 😉). DS is off to visit his GPs in Yorkshire this weekend, I suspect he's hoping to be fed profusely and hopefully get a bit of 'pocket money'... 🙄

Cross post on the dash cam comments there @Monkey2001 !

@JustHereWithMyPopcorn no, he has a black box but I don't know how much that records. Hastings are being very good and are very sceptical, but I am waiting for confirmation that there was no damage to either car as nothing was visible. It would be in their interests to reverse into a wall to make their injuries claims look credible! I think you get a lot of calls from people encouraging you to claim you were injured after making an insurance claim.

I find it very warming that they do this Justhere. Even if it’s to locations with zero nightlife 😂

Grandparents are great for our YP fortunate to still have them. It’s like a modern day slipping of cash between hands like some drugs exchange. Every time :)

@Monkey2001 glad the insurers are looking closely, so much of this scamming going on these days, it's no surprise the insurance rates are through the roof.

@ealingwestmum I'm loving the GP/drug dealer analogy - it's bizarrely accurate!! 😂😂

@JustHereWithMyPopcorn my DD seems to find plenty of nightlife in Norwich - obviously looking in the wrong places 😁

@seeline, no doubt!!😁

Hi all - I havent been around for ages due to non mumsnetting but wanted to wish everyone well. Sounds like lots of people are going through it. No real news here, DS struggling with Year 2 - its really 50/50 whether he will get enough credits this year to continue. I am sort of chilled about it.

Deranged is the word, Shimy. She was also caught stealing other girl's belongings and selling them on Vinted/Depop...except she scammed the buyers on there too.
Her parents are part of the problem, I suspect - when confronted with the huge amount of circumstantial evidence the school has, they simply denied it was possible and tried to suggest it was normal teenage relationship trouble.
She has already been asked to leave her previous school and is repeating year 11....and yet somehow, she's still at this school and still has SLT trying to find ways to keep her there.

@ealingwestmum I'm jealous of GPs that hand over cash - if only!

Totally relate to different driving styles too - I’ve been driving in Birmingham for 25 years, totally used to the game of nipping out in traffic, avoiding eye contact and being a bit aggressive etc! I’ve never had a speeding ticket in all those years. In the Warwickshire countryside it’s totally different, the dark fast roads terrify me and I felt like I was being cautious compared to other road users, but I still got 3 speeding tickets within the first 4 months 😫

I can’t believe that girl’s behaviour @Alwaysplayspicc , it’s almost beyond belief! She must have very serious issues.

@omnishambles that sounds a bit stressful but glad you’re feeling relatively chilled. There’s always another way to do life isn’t there, uni isn’t compulsory. I’m struggling to feel chilled about ds and his A Levels, but some of that is due to having to field frustrated calls from school.

@Monkey2001 That's a very good idea about the dashcams. We will look into that, like you said it may have helped. I think the experience has made DS much more cautious. I'm also going to suggest to him he does the advanced drivers course to give him more confidence in bad weather.

@Alwaysplayspicc I'm not entirely surprised with how you describe her parents. Totally dysfunctional and their concept of what is 'normal' warped. In a way, I feel sorry for her & I daren't think of what the future holds for her. She sounds like she has a furious temper and huge sense of entitlement. If her parents will not find her help at this stage she will unfortunately face the consequences of her actions as gets older and has more 'relationships'. In the meantime, all you can do is make sure your ds is as far away from her as possible. What a nightmare!

@omnishambles So sorry to hear your DS is struggling with year 2. I was just speaking to my neighbour yesterday who also shared their grandson was struggling with yr 2. I think this is the year the real work kicks in and they struggle to find their bearings a bit. Would you/he consider a few hrs of tutoring? I remember seeing an online tutoring site where they just offered tutoring for university students or perhaps it was of FB I can't rememeber? if he is open to it I'm sure we can find it.

@crazycrofter I was so worried about DS1's A'Levels by this time of his upper sixth form. His predictions were dire (DEE) but somehow he did averagly and got into his first choice BUT I had made a plan B, C, & D. What is the worst that can happen and what will he do? retake A'levels or do a BTEC, or do a Foundation year, or maybe take a year out and get a job. There are so many options for him. Try not to get too stressed by it all (easier said than done I know). How does he feel about it all? DS1 never said anything just seemed unbothered which only heightened our anxiety. I think if they are more vocal about their academic struggles it can be a good thing because you have a better idea how to help.

Thanks @shimy, frustratingly he’s incredibly laid back and is convinced he’ll be fine once he starts working. But he’s missed so much content! Thankfully he’s adamant he’s not going to uni, is vaguely planning to get an apprenticeship but is mainly focused on gap year plans! I know he’d hate to have to retake.

Talk of dash cams has got me thinking too.. When I hit the bin man last year he was convinced I was speeding and sent in his dash cam footage. I was sure I’d get at least 3 points as it usually goes in the pedestrian‘a favour but they cleared me completely. Obviously their footage showed how slowly I was going and how dangerously he ran out without looking. So I was glad he had it. How much do they cost?

@crazycrofter It's great that he's got a plan. Is he thinking of the normal school leaver apprenticeships or degree apprenticeships? degree apprenticeships are also very competitive and ask for good grades so just that he knows.

It looks like the dashcam contrary to what the man had in mind, actually absolved you of reckless driving. I've no idea how much they cost unfortunately but will discuss with DS and see if he can get one.

@shimy yes, I've told him he probably needs at least 3 Bs - which he thinks he's going to get! If he doesn't do well enough, he'll probably have to look at a lower level apprenticeship.

This one is £30, but Halfords have them for up to £200. I think I might get the Amazon one for DS1, we are seeing him next weekend for his birthday. He has asked for a dehumidifier as a birthday present(!), this is still on the practical side, but a bit less boring.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/SPADE-Waterproof-Dashboard-G-Sensor-Recording/dp/B0B2J5MD7N/ref=asc_df_B0B2J5MD7N/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=658881843094&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13741515782654819322&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006567&hvtargid=pla-1901537455170&psc=1&mcid=a903d229208831f1b6694db03ad5778a

I have a dashcam, Nextbase is a good brand. I have it plugged into the socket by the gear lever and the wire goes under the glove box, up and around the roof held with tiny command hooks. I am more adherent to speed limits knowing I could be incriminating myself with the recordings. I have the sound turned off as I think that's invasive of the privacy of passengers.

The talk of different driving styles in different areas is interesting. I passed my test at 17 in Portsmouth but didn't have a car till I graduated and lived in outer West London. I lived in various places, Hounslow, Hayes, Harrow and had no fear of driving there whatsoever at the time. Having been resident in Buckinghamshire and Hampshire again for the last 30 years I now find it quite daunting to go back into that area, constant changes of speed limit, bus lanes everywhere, cameras, constant lane changes for junctions. Not so bad during the day but not good at night when it's harder to see lane markings etc. I can drive round the towns and cities here no problem (Winchester, Portsmouth, Basingstoke etc). I drive cross country a lot too, sometimes get tailgated in my little old lady car but shrug it off. I find the western side of the M25 a bit daunting nowadays too, maybe because I no longer regularly use it but knowing whether the LH lane is only for the next exit or not takes a bit of concentration. I have found in the last couple of years that my eyesight even with contact lenses isn't as sharp as it was for night driving so I have just picked up driving glasses to wear over my contacts, hoping that helps.

Driving is strange. I learnt to drive at 17, almost 40 years ago, in South London, but close to the Kent/Surrey borders. I've always maintained learning in that environment gets you ready for driving anywhere and I've always been happy in busy cities, country lanes, motorways, driving abroad etc. But having just seen DD learn in the same area has made me realise how much has changed. She rarely drove at more than 20 in all her lessons - most local roads are 20mph. The roads that were 40s when I learnt are now 30s. The dual carriageways that were 60s are now 40s. It makes me understand why motorway driving has deteriorated so much in recent years.