Thread 50 - Covid GCSE Cohort - New Year of Adulting

[OrangeSpicedBun]

2024 here we are... our young people are still getting used to adulting and we're still doing that adulting thing ...it's tough !

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parents_of_adult_children/4922401-thread-49-covid-gcse-cohort-the-nights-are-drawing-in?page=10

My DD never works in her room either, in fact has refused to have a desk in there other than a tiny lift-lid one she had when she was primary school age. She works in the kitchen, at the dining table or on the sofa. Both prefer working outside the home on the whole. DS at libraries (uni and local one here) and DD at the college library or in coffee shops. I think their rooms are too quiet for them, which I sort of get, I can't WFH more than the odd half day because it's too quiet and I can't concentrate there. Much prefer being on site.

Anyway, DS is finished with year 2 now and coming home tomorrow. Time flies!

Dd has an open book exam today. This is her last piece of academic work this year but is planning on staying at uni as DS is in the middle of GCSEs. I have to confess, I’m quite glad as she can be quite the whirlwind when she’s home and I think DS will benefit from a calmer house.
I was just wondering how you are@Alwaysplayspicc . I’m not sure I’ve ‘seen’ you for a while but I might just have missed you. I do hope you’re ok.

I took a 2-hour open book exam last week (I've been doing some courses for the last few years for work and interest)... and I spent far too much time faffing around looking for quotations from those open books. If it had been closed book I'd have prepared better!

@PhotoDad some of my College of Law exams were open book but i didn't have time to even open the book. For DS, they are 24 hour exams which I think makes a difference. Plus it's probably the first time he's ever opened the overpriced books. I hope your exam went well. I can't imagine being able to sit an exam these days - I can't remember my own name some days and would need the loo at least twice.

I last did a “proper” exam (3 hours handwritten) about 10 years ago, I practised handwriting past papers for weeks beforehand to get back into practice. Doubt I could do it now TBH. I’d never heard of 24 hour exams till this thread. I’ve never done an open book exam either.

@mummyinbeds That comment about needing the loo really made me laugh. Same here I'd need a break every 15mins. I once had an exam that wasn't open book but we were allowed to bring in a double sided A4 sheet with all our notes written on, anything we liked. So we LL wrote and wrote in the tiniest handwriting you ever saw, on both sides. Exam day came and we were all armed with our sheets. It didn't take long to see that 'almost' nothing on our sheets was remotely useful to answering the question. I looked at my sheet with disgust, luckily i still passed but just about.

Not sure about the 24hr exam either, how does it work?

My DS has had loads of the 24 hour exams. Basically the portal opens up at eg 9.30am and then you can just keep going in and adding bits until it shuts at 9.30 am the next day.
He is doing a surveying degree, so has loads of stuff that needs to be looked up rather than learnt - the exam is really testing that they can look up the correct stuff, use it correctly in calculations, and then interpret the results.
He lives in a house with 3 course mates, so I think a lot of discussion goes on. His course director said collaboration was fine, but the actual written exam had to be their own work.
He is in the middle of finals at the moment. Last week he had a 24hr exam finish at 9.30am, with a 4 HR exam starting at the same time - 28hrs straight! I assume he got some sleep, but quite possibly didn't!

DS's experience of 24 hour exams is that they actually take 24 hours (and this year he has extra time so 30 hours) The portal opens at 9am and they have three questions to answer. He was in contact with course mates last time but they were all so stressed I don't think it helped.
Last year he had a french exam in the afternoon after finishing law at 9am. I couldn't wake him up and had to call uni security (I had serious concerns for his mental health at the time). He made it to the exam 30 minutes late and somehow passed. I'll be glad when this is over...

@Seeline That actually sounds like a fantastic way to measure what they have learnt. It mirrors exactly what would happen in rl rather than just regurgitating facts.

@mummyinbeds Your DS's experience sounds dreadful and super stressful. to the extent he couldn't wake up for his next exam. I would have been bedside myself as I'm sure you were and he must have been in such a panic when he woke up poor thing and STILL managed to pass the exam..wow! so he 'really could do it in his sleep' . My jokes are terrible i know.

@Shimy yes - exactly that. It's been a brilliant course actually - lots of group projects, which I know can be a complete pain, but in this instance they have had to work with students from the other property based subjects to take on the roles that they are training for - so architects, planners etc. Also in many of the group projects, part of the mark has been allocated by the group members themselves (or a weighting attached to individual marks based on group feedback) to ensure that if people don't contribute, they are given appropriate marks. This approach isn't one I've heard mention of for other courses.

@shimy he could do the French in his sleep but definitely not the law 😴

Just seen DS' latest grades, its 95% likely he will be coming home and staying home at the end of term. I just wish we could crack on with that now instead of drawing it out with pointless retakes and the like - if the uni say he can retake the whole year I might cry. I can't cope with it all over again and I don't think its the right choice either as it clearly isn't working for him.

Not looking for anything here - just wanted to vent my frustration.

@omnishambles Pls vent away, that's what we're all here for to listen and support one another. So sorry to hear about your DS grades. Does he want to retake the yr and you don't think it will work out? do you know what went wrong? a break will probably do him a lot of good to help recalibrate and decide what to do next.

Yes @Shimy he wants to retake the year but my understanding is that will be an automatic third and no Hons which is fair enough. I just cant see how the outcome would be any different and then he would still have to pass the third year. He loves being at uni but hates the academic side of it and I hate the stress of having to support him though it tbh.

I just think it isn't for him but he wants to continue as its a kind of sunk cost thing. His dad isn't all that helpful either but doesn't have the day to day attempting to support him either.

Has anyone here been successful of letting go of the worry and stress with this - I know thats the way forward for me and the only bit I can control but I just dont know how to physically do it iyswim.

@omnishambles I think it's what us mums do.
What's the saying - something about you're only ever as happy as your unhappiest child? I've probably got that very wrong, but the jist of it is right.
I know my worst times have been when my bright, clever eldest was in GCSE years but not just putting any effort in, and last year when DD was struggling at uni.
I'd love to know how to get rid of the worry and stress, but I'm not sure it's possible while the cause is still there causing it!
I hope some course of action can be found to help you both.

@Seeline I had never heard that saying but it’s so true!

@omnishambles sending you a big hug x

Hugs @omnishambles , I know how you're feeling as I'm feeling frustrated and stressed about the same thing! Dd obviously chose the wrong subject, isn't enjoying it/is finding it hard and I'm worried that given her grades this year, she'll really struggle to get a 2:1 . She doesn't need this degree for anything, she could start again on a healthcare degree (she knows what she wants to do) or ideally an apprenticeship, but she also sees the 'sunk costs' and wants to get an RG degree. She's stressed enough trying to get this lab report done, so I'm dreading the 40 credit research project next year! I guess we have to let them make their own choices, which would be easier wouldn't it if we didn't have to bear the brunt of the stress!

I need to go out for a walk or some such. Shake it off as TS would say!

@crazycrofter It's so difficult to uninvest in their academic progress isn't it - or their progress full stop. I need to find a way of rightsizing it. I know I can't make everything right for DS but omg it's so frustrating.

With you both @omnishambles @crazycrofter It's so hard to watch DS struggling on. He's so capable on a good day but those are few and far between. I really wish he'd take a year out but he refuses. And next year he has to do it all in French, a plane ride away 😭

Ugh @mummyinbeds that's stressful! I got in huge trouble for researching and suggesting some alternatives for dd, which even involved her being able to stay in Nottingham. I wasn't 'believing' in her! So I'm not allowed to mention other options now. I said to dh this morning that I half hoped she fails this year so the decision is made for her, but I don't think she will, she'll just go forward with a low average, which contributes a third of her final mark!

The only thing I haven't yet suggested is seeing if she can hit 'pause' after this year and just take a year off, with the possibility of doing the third year in 2025/26. I think that might sound more palatable to her and it would mean she could investigate other options over the year, whilst working full time in her caring role in Nottingham. Presumably if she saw an apprenticeship she liked, she could apply, even though she would officially still be a student? I might suggest this option if her exams go badly...

OMG In French @mummyinbeds 😱

@crazycrofter we should get them to meet - they can be failing together in Nottingham! In all seriousness, it will be better if they throw him out in August after the retakes, it will be a real shame for all the extra curricular he is flying with but that's on him for not working/engaging/listening to anything I have said.

@omnishambles I didn't know that about retaking, that it meant they can't get above a 3rd. That really sucks! Let's hope when he comes home and distressed a bit he might come to the sensible conclusion himself that he needs to move in a new direction. If he really likes studying perhaps a degree apprenticeship might be a route for him? that could be the middle ground between theory and practice that he needs.

@crazycrofter Sorry to hear you DD isn't enjoying her course much either, gosh it's tough. I remember my final yr was pretty awful too and although the end is in sight, when you're in it it seems so so far away.

I've heard that saying @seeline - think it's something like "A parent is only as happy as their least happy child" and it's definitely true. I only have one DC but my mood definitely reflects her mood.

So sorry to hear of course struggles @crazycrofter and @omnishambles. A friend retook a year many years ago and she got a 2:2 so is this a new thing that it's automatically a 3rd? Seems harsh and almost off putting for the student wanting to retake or perhaps that is the idea.
Your DD @crazycrofter seems to have found her vocation with her caring job so is there any chance of sidestepping her course to a more caring degree? I forget what course she is doing, so sorry.

Yikes to the DS who overslept and still made (and passed) his exam. I would be snowy white haired after that!

@omnishambles just noticed auto correct fail above. I meant de-stresses not distressed. 🙄