son with older girlfriend

[sewerrat]

hi all. wondered if anyone has experience with this as I'm not sure if I should be concerned

DS is 19 and very independent. Wise beyond his years but boys are boys and you can never be sure, he may well be different with his peers but compared to my older DS24 he is on the same maturity level to me.

He is at a university in the same country we live in, its not a huge university but attracts a lot of different people nationality-wise. It's an expensive one and acceptance rates are low, so students there are normally mature, well-educated and have their heads screwed on okay.

DS recently started seeing a girl he met at uni. He's just finished his first year, and I found out she is 22 years old last night.

this is concerning to me as boys generally are behind girls maturity-wise, even if he is wise beyond his years.

am I right to be concerned? I understand I can't stop it or even try as it will only make him more interested.

advice would be well appreciated.

I don’t think 19 and 22 is that weird. If they met at uni they likely have stuff in common/bonded.

Have you met her? You might feel better once you’ve actually seen what she’s like.

19 and 22? You are being ridiculous.

I thought you were going to say 22 years OLDER. I can’t see any problem with a 2/3 year age gap And you have just stated he is as mature as his brother of 25.

I'm guessing you missed old an E and an R because 19 and 22 is perfectly normal

Eh? This is totally normal. That age gap is nothing. He's an adult and she's only a couple of years older than him. Absolutely do not comment on the age gap to him. That would be very invasive and massively overstepping the mark.

girls are normally much more mature than boys. this is my worry.

? sorry I'm confused

That poster, like several of us, thought you meant she was 22 years oldER than your son. This is a complete non-event, and it’s weird you even think it’s a problem.

OP you're being ridiculous. So what if she is a bit more mature, what does it matter?

My mum was 3 yrs older than my dad and when he died a few years back they were just short of their golden wedding anniversary.

If it was 10 years I'd wonder a bit (but not get involved) but 3 years is nothing. You've said yourself that your DS is very mature so what's your issue? It's really none of your business.

sorry, I didn't understand thanks for explaining

as mothers I think we all see our sons as more angelic than they are. has anyone else had this situation?

how old were they when they met?

Good grief!

They are completely comparable in age.

The age gap is minimal.

You are over concerning yourself in your sons life. Stop over investing and projecting and relax.

If he's as mature and level headed as you say he is then leave him be. You are one step away from meddling.

@sewerrat , him 17 and mum 20. They married at 19 and 22. Dad was apparently very mature as he'd lost his own dad a few years previously and became "the man of the house ".

You need to calm down, if you don’t want to turn into one of the horror MILs on MN.
What are you going to do about this situation you feel so concerned about for your “angelic” son. Ask yourself that? Then give your head a shake, be kind and welcoming to this young woman when you meet her .. and try to mind your own business!

If you read my post you'll see I said he's probably not as angelic (mature) as I see and know him as.

thank you for your comment. I really do appreciate peoples view and its nice to have some context here.

At their ages, we're talking women and men, not girls and boys. And even for girls and boys, that holds true as a population average - individuals still vary.

What specifically is your worry about the gap? I.e. if you're right about her being more mature, what implications of that are worrying you?

different stages of life. I think people would be more in my view point if it was a daughter with older boyfriend

i would not be turning a hair if my 19yo DD was dating someone of 22yo. Honestly OP you are going to alienate your son, wind your neck in!

At three years apart in age? Don’t be silly!

What exactly is it you think is ‘different stages in life’ about 19 and 22? He’s a student, she’s (presumably) a student if they met at university — demonstrably same ‘life stage’, surely?

It's a non event. They are uni students together.

@sewerrat honestly 3 years either way round is nothing. Just how much have you mollycoddled this child if this has got you clutching at pearls?

If this is the worst thing he’s doing then you have nothing to worry about!!

My son is just 21. He is Dating a nearly 24. I’m not concerned.

were you not at first???