son with older girlfriend

[sewerrat]

hi all. wondered if anyone has experience with this as I'm not sure if I should be concerned

DS is 19 and very independent. Wise beyond his years but boys are boys and you can never be sure, he may well be different with his peers but compared to my older DS24 he is on the same maturity level to me.

He is at a university in the same country we live in, its not a huge university but attracts a lot of different people nationality-wise. It's an expensive one and acceptance rates are low, so students there are normally mature, well-educated and have their heads screwed on okay.

DS recently started seeing a girl he met at uni. He's just finished his first year, and I found out she is 22 years old last night.

this is concerning to me as boys generally are behind girls maturity-wise, even if he is wise beyond his years.

am I right to be concerned? I understand I can't stop it or even try as it will only make him more interested.

advice would be well appreciated.

If he was 15 and she was 18 and at uni then you may have a point, but they are both at uni so similar stages of life.

I have not 'mollycoddled' my son.

This is strange and nobody would bat an eyelid at a 22 year old man dating a 19 year old woman - that seems a normal age gap.

Not sure why you're making this weird OP, he's a fully grown adult dating another young adult?

Feel sorry for him if you're being like this. Is it a bit of PFB? Anyway, you're clearly being unreasonable based off everybody's comments.

Lighten up a bit and be happy your son is happy, rather than trying to find something out of nothing to be worried about!

Get a grip and pull your nose out 😂

what is PFB

I met my now husband when I was 18 and he was 27. My mum had her concerns when I first told her that we would be at different stages in life but 14years and two kids later I can honestly say he is my soul mate. My parents absolutely love my DH and the 9 years between us has honestly never been an issue for one moment.

3 years is honestly nothing to get your knickers in a twist over and you would do well to keep your nose out of your son's love life otherwise you risk driving him away

he seems serious about her

If he was still a schoolboy and she had been through university, it would be different, but they are both at the same life stage, and have similar life experience. There is, therefore, no power imbalance which might give the opportunity for exploitation: that’s the thing that makes age gap relationships worrying usually.

That doesn’t apply here, so you can rest easy and let him get on with enjoying his time at university.

I honestly can't tell if this is serious (why that username too?!) but you've not put a single thing that would spark any concern to anyone imo.

My son is 19. No i don't see him as angelic. I do kind of know what you mean - if his girlfriend were in her final year or a postgrad/at work I would wonder if they'd split up due to her moving on and whether he'd be hurt by that. But tbh a passing thought is about the most it would be.

Also is this the second post you have done on this as there is a pretty much identical one in AIBU?

What? What planet are you on? 19 and 22 is completely fine.

No the age difference is not an issue as the age stage is similar. Nobody would question it the other way round either.

his is concerning to me as boys generally are behind girls maturity-wise, even if he is wise beyond his years.
this is nonsense. girls do not mature faster than boys. Society expects girls to act more maturely and society infantilises men for life. Describing a 19 year old man an angelic is an example of this.

I think you are mostly concerned that your wise beyond his years, mature, well educated with his head screwed on baby boy is going to do something to show you up. What is your actual concern? Do you think he will get her pregnant and then he will drop out?

Seems fine to me - what exactly are you worried about?

My husband and I met at university. He was 19 and I was 21. It has never in my life occurred to me that anyone would find that unusual 🤯 Totally totally normal!

no that is not me

I am not the wicked witch. this is not about me. yes I am worried that things may move quickly

I do not think for a second he'd drop out he really enjoys education so not about that

Can you outline what exactly it is that you're concerned about? I'm really struggling to see what you think is wrong with what is a very small age gap. What are the concerns- what is it you're worried will happen?

It's 3 years OP I think your worrying about nothing.

she most likely has more experience dating. dont want him to get hurt. and dont want things to move faster than he's comfortable with

Are you concerned about him losing his virginity?

I don't think any of that is valid.

She's 22, not 42. He could easily be her first boyfriend. And even if he isn't, it's not really "experience" at that age. We're talking teenage relationships. And there's no reason to think she wouldn't be the one getting hurt if they break up.

The age gap is 3 years maximum. Probably less. That's completely normal!

Do you think he should only date younger women?

22 year old university educated women aren’t often looking for someone to marry and settle down with - especially a 19 year old with no earning power.

He might get his heart broken when it ends, but that’s the same for everyone, and very few people stay with their first love for life. If you’ve raised your son well, he will respect women, take sexual responsibility and not be looking for anything more than is appropriate at his age and stage.

It's a 3 year age gap between students, are you serious. No, I don't think you should be concerned at all.