About daughter .. ? Small thing ! Seeking to understand!

[Alwayspeckish]

Hi, please bear with me .
i have a neurotypical issue and as such I can sometimes fail to understand things .

each am i sit in a certain room of our house and I meditate as well as just sit and prep for the day including a list of to do s .

my whole family know that and it makes life much more organised

dd been staying for us for a week .

we have had days out , coffees out , watched tv together at night . I am saying this to show that we had literally most hours with her .

on the day she was due to go , i was in the room as per every day . She came in and said can i sit with you .

i am going today.

we had plans in an hour to go and have b fasr out .

i said no i just need this time . She didn't say anything and just sat there .

i said well i need time so i will go to another room for half an hour .

i know that she may have wanted a chat but we had planned to got out and she knows about my condition .

i expected her to say , just in this instance ,, oh ok mum i will leave you to your routine. See u in half an hour . She knows its a thing .

but she didnt so i got up .

Does
anyone think she may be angry that i have this routine.. like i have no right to it . Yea its in a communal space in the house but there are two other reception rooms .

i know she wanted to be with me . I also know we had the rest of the am together , it was just my daily thing .

i have a good job .. its little things like this that i struggle to understand .

Bloody hell op

bloody. Hell.

Do you have a diagnosis?

How old is your dd?

Yes i do .

23 and what mean by bloody hell please

What is your diagnosis as may help us understand this scenario better

This.

You blatantly rejected your dd. That's got to have really hurt.

I loathe being interrupted when I am having a bit of peace and quiet in my own home (or anywhere for that matter) but I think as part of family life you have to grin and bear it sometimes. I have been known to stay longer in bed or even lock myself in the bathroom if I want to be alone .

I think your DD was a little insensitive... but as 'mothers' we are often expected to put our needs last, behind everyone else's. So long as you mentioned it kindly, and reiterated that you were looking forward to going out for breakfast then I don't think you did anything wrong.
Quite honestly many adult DC completely take their parents for granted and forget that we have our own routines, needs and desires for peace and quiet at times.

I thought it was bad, but then I realised she is 23, it's not so bad. Maybe take some time to explain to her why you have to be alone. It's something people need explaining, I think.

Rejected a grown adult for half an hour out of the day? When they’ve spent the rest of the time together? OP is perfectly entitled to her self-care routine of 30 bloody minutes to meditate in her own house without someone else muscling in!

Adhd

I am the same as you op but for the sake of a week I’d hide it very well and just put up with your dd invading your space - smile and nod and make her feel welcome.

The daughter was visiting her mother and it was their last morning together

I think that, in the same way it may be hard for you to understand why she has done certain she does, the same is true vice versa. It can be difficult for a neuro-typical person to get their head around the set-in-stone routines etc that are so important to someone who is neuro-diverse. It's not that your daughter feels you don't have a right to this habit, just that she may be feeling a little hurt, as she doesn't realise quite how the importance of this routine manifests itself in your world. It is hard to get into the head of someone else, particularly someone whose brain works differently to your own.

Bit extreme to say the OP 'blatantly rejected her DD' ... if it was her DH or DP demanding her attention he would be accused of being controlling or needy .. why are mothers always expected to be 100% available for their adult DC? They'd already spent lots of quality time together and were planning another nice day out ... too many mothers seem to want to be martyrs.

I wake with a mind full of chaos . I sit by self ro wake up and orgainze my head . If i dont i do things like drop things , am v untidy. Aimless .Odd .. i know .

Your daughter was reaching out to you and you rejected her. Whatever your diagnosis or her age, you are her mother at the end of the day.

Somethingsnappy makes perfect sense ! I was trying to understand

YANBU this is your “medication” just like people have tablets or injections or dialysis etc. you need this to enable you to manage the other 23hours a day.

Not everyone will understand but your daughter should.

You blatantly rejected your dd. That's got to have really hurt

She's 23!

Surely she can understand that people can't be available to her at all times.

Would you expect the OP to let the daughter sit with her while she went to the toilet, had a shower, undressed?

YANBU OP; she is old enough to understand.

I completely understand. I think given that your daughter is an adult it's a perfectly reasonable request.

Did she give any indication that she was going to interrupt you? Maybe she saw that it was beneficial to you and wanted to benefit herself, see what you were doing and do it too?

Sometimes we include our dc in things of that kind ourselves. Sometimes they incorporate it into their daily routine, sometimes they don't.

Xrays i had done that all weelk . Taken her for treats etc .

Nobody likes an interruption in their quiet time. That said, you probably came across as uncaring to your daughter

I'm sure that you aren't uncaring but this is how she would have seen it. Sorry OP