Thread 46 - GCSE Covid Cohort , Searching for Summer Solstice

[OrangeCinnamonLatte]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.

Previous Thread

Totally agree about the Nottingham parents. I would struggle to be so dignified and eloquent. They had so much to look forward to and the older gentleman time to enjoy retirement soon.

I appreciate DS is lucky his first year has gone quite well. Now that he has finished it I told him on the way home how dreadful mine was. I left at the end of the first year. I also have three DN not one has successfully done the straight yr1-3 degree path. All of us have good jobs now despite or maybe founded upon taking the more scenic route!

Thanks @ExtremelyDetermined . He has had two weeks back now, we had a lovely week away together with both DS's GFs and a week at home chilling so far. He needs to start getting on with the studying soon though, I said not full time but a few days a week as he needs a break. But I fear if he leaves it too late he may not 'get round' to it and will surely fail the resits or next year. We have said that he doesn't need to work this summer but that it's all about preparing and putting himself in a better position for year two. Let's hope he steps up...

@Seeline So lovely to hear that your DD is excited about going back. @Cantonet I hope it works out for your son going back in Feb too.

@EwwSprouts Yes, we know loads of people who took the scenic route, DH had to resit his A levels, several friends dropped out of and then went back to uni later. It's not the end of the world at all, but it feels like it to them at this stage.

I agree the Nottingham parents have been so dignified.

I have avoided reading/watching too much about the Nottingham tragedy because I know it would make me too upset. I am glad to learn that the families seem to be bearing up.

I'm a bit behind on the thread. DD has been working incredibly hard at her wfh internship and is producing art for the client at an incredible rate; she has two weeks left to finish the project and thinks that it is do-able (all the tidying up and fiddly details can then be handed over to her fellow-intern who is working part-time for two months rather than full-time for one).

Thanks for the thoughts about DS15 and his sport a few pages back. He is currently thinking that he would rather go down the club/coaching path than the elite racing path, as he doesn't want to give up his other hobbies (music) and also really wants to prioritise academic study in sixth form. I very much approve, although I'd support any decision here! As someone said, if he's wondering whether to take the elite route rather than saying, "Well, obviously," then his heart probably isn't in it as much as it would have to be!

Finally got ds1 home, but he's only here for 1 day, flying to the USA 🇺🇸 early tomorrow morning for Camp America. Dh will cook him a mahoosive Tomahawk steak tonight as a goodbye. He says he's had the best year of his life.

@Oblomov23 Wow so pleased all came good! A flying visit but you gave him those wings so any sniffles should be proud ones.

Aw, that’s so sweet Oblomov. Happy days :)

Happy travels young @Oblomov23

I need some lost phone advice from the experts on here (looking at you @Piggywaspushed) DS somehow lost his phone last night, sometime between paying for a bus and getting up to get off the bus. He and friends searched the bus seats and floor but couldn't find it. So he knows it was on the bus. He's phoned the bus company and no sign of it. It's either switched off or has a dead battery. His bank card and driving licence are in the back of the case of course. I assume his Google pay is safe as the phone will be locked. So what does he need to cancel and who does he need to inform? He has no cash and no access to money 🤦 Luckily he still has his uni card so won't starve.

Oh yes, this sounds very familiar...

He needs to tell his phone provider and banks, and DVLA.

Why do they persist in using their phones as wallets/card holders??!

Thanks @Piggywaspushed . I've told him to cancel his card which hopefully he will. He didn't think he needed to as there is no money in his current account - he transfers as he goes along. His phone is on monthly giff gaff in my name so I'll sort that. DVLA can wait until he comes home. It's very frustrating not being able to contact him, unless he happens to have his laptop on with WhatsApp open. I know how my parents felt now.

DD and I were shopping today and we were evacuated from Primark. It was really odd as we had no idea why. I've just read that there had been a (non fatal) stabbing and one of the perpetrators was in the changing rooms. According to facebook there were armed police running everywhere. We must have been far too busy looking for PJ's to notice anything. What a scary world we are living in.

How do the rest of you manage to be so laid back about more grown up kids and bed time? We have always had really strict routines (and we still do as adults) and last night DS1 (now back and living with us) had a proper paddy because I asked him if he would please go up to is room when we were about to retire at 11.30. I can't be doing with people still up and about after everyone else is in bed. It'd keep me awake. Do other people just have really big sound proof houses!?

He has a telly and laptop in his room so it's not like I was ordering lights out...

I feel like I'd get a savaging on AIBU for this!

He is also sulking about paying us rent (200pcm) from September.

@Piggywaspushed - We certainly don't have sound proof or a large house, in fact it's very open plan downstairs, and we leave our bedroom door open a jar but tbh we let DD come and go as she pleases because she is 19.

Is it a pain when she comes home and goes into the kitchen at 2.00am to make food and disturbs the dogs, yes, but it's her home, I feel she should be able to come and go as she pleases now. If the dog barks I tell her she has to stay down stairs long enough for them to resettle etc. She isn't great at being quiet but she is noisy when just in her room and going into the bathroom/downstairs to the kitchen even if she went to her room before I went to bed. I've found I stop waking up now though so we got used to it (she does try to be quiet but just can't).

We all have different parenting styles/rules etc but I do think that once our children are of a certain age we need to give them more slack if we want them to come home and feel comfortable. My DD would have had a hissy fit at 17 if I told her she had to go to her room because I was going to bed. Although to be fair she doesn't often go into the living room once I'm in bed anyway. But she would have hated that level of control.

Re charging rent - absolutely agree with you - and he's got a good deal.

@mummyinbeds what a pain! Hope it all gets sorted ok.

@Oblomov23 I love that he has had such a good time, how excited to be flying off to Camp America, hope you all enjoyed the steaks :-)

Thanks for the best wishes for me and the dog, we are both getting there. She has her staples out tomorrow so hoping that means the damn cone of shame can come off now. I',m still not better but getting there, last day of antibiotics today so may need to contact docs in the morning. I'm fine sat her typing but as soon as I stand up and go and down something I start coughing and feel rough all over again.

Would be interested to hear what efforts your DD/DS have gone to for Fathers Day. DD has had lots of time to sort something but assumed he would be working today (he isn't) so was going to go and get something later... She had put some thought into it as said she was going to do some painting with him (they both are good artists and he will love that). I haven't planned anything as I feel she is old enough to get on with it herself (plus Im not well enough to go out anyway). DH won't be bothered in the slightest (won't even know it's FD) but the lack of thought and effort annoys me. All her focus has been on getting ready to go on holiday. She says when her friends put thought into Mothers Day and Fathers day it's only because they have siblings.

We have never been laid back about bedtime though heifer so I don't know why he would think we would suddenly change..

maybe he thought that because he's a grown man back from uni it would be different? I don't want to disagree with you etc, and certainly not giving the same grief you would have got on AIBU ;-) but it does sound an unusual situation. Have you tried just going to bed and seeing if he keeps you awake? There is no reason for him to have the tele on full blast or anything so you may get used to it? Does he wake you if he goes downstairs to the kitchen etc during the night?

@283nouveauxnoms @Stillgoings - so frustrating that the marking ban makes everything so much harder: im
sure it’s an unintended consequence but it feels unfair that those who are struggling are so impacted. They are both lucky to have so much home support.
@ heifer - ds bought a card yesterday and came with me to waitrose to buy food treats for Dh (with some encouragement it has to be said); dd bought a present last week when we were in town and is (apparently…) buying a tag. I’ve tasked them with organising and making a pudding for supper tonight and they are doing his favourite. So not bad I think but it needed some encouragement!.

Ds is home for a few days - he got a bit lost going from the structure of revision to a sudden free for all and was finding it tough and withdrawing a bit, then his housemates all
went out without asking him. Which really wobbled him. He’s home for a few days much needed r&r and I can see his perspective on things returning. It’s lovely to see him and he’s very appreciative of being spoilt ;-)

@Piggywaspushed I must confess my inner teenager is bristling a lot at the idea of paying rent AND being told when to go to bed. But not an issue we have with DD as she is in her room by default. I’ve long since stopped concerning myself about when the light might go off in there, I know it’s far too late by even my owlish standards.

She’s in a different timezone now so not my concern 😁 She flew to Boston on Wednesday and then bussed onwards to Vermont. Up at 7 each day and in bed by 10.30, add the 5 hour time difference and that’s about right for her! Travel went smoothly, on her own from security to getting off the plane (met a fellow camp counsellor just before boarding, so they met up for the bus). The only small hiccup was that the automated bag drop at Heathrow didn’t like her so DH had to go find someone - the promised member of staff coming to assist was clearly NOT. We think it was because she doesn’t have an ESTA for the system to pick up. @Oblomov23 where is DS going?

@Heifer fathers day … well, she has an ‘out’ due to not being here. She might message today, but no guarantee due to being at camp. She did call yesterday as she had a spare moment. DH won’t care, he’s far more magnanimous about this stuff than me. I find it a little frustrating though. While she’s been away she’s sent presents but not cards for my birthday and for Mother’s Day, which I know is because presents can be ordered on Amazon from her bed. She was home before my birthday, and has just been home now, so could have left my birthday card/Father’s Day card respectively. She writes good cards when she can be bothered!

But now I realise it’s the lack of sibling that’s to blame! 😉

As the recipient of the Father's Day gifts, my two DCs are currently cooking me a late breakfast and they bought me some computer games (two quirky indie ones and a big epic)! Which was lovely and a bit unexpected.

We have a rule that anyone can go to bed at whatever time they like, 1.30am, so long as they get up for school. And are quiet and respectful and don't keep others awake. So they can watch tv so long as it's very low.

How you doing generally @Heifer?

Father's Day low key here. My two have always only made a homemade card out of coloured filing divider pack I bring home from work.

The steaks were mahoosive. Really tasty. @DontCallMeBaby His Camp America camp is just outside New York so he'll go there for just over a week before coming home.

He doesn't ever do that!

We live in a new build so would definitely hear the telly, doors etc. I have always been like this ; just can't settle until everyone is tucked up.

I think he probably did think it would be different, but then I thought he might be doing his own washing and shopping and do some cleaning... since I just bought him some £70 shoes, he can meet me half way!

Yes, don't, the fact is all this stuff is in his room. He has a telly of his own. I suspect he wants access to snacks...

I think part of this is, as a teacher, I know how important proper and regular bedtimes are! Ours have been regimented since birth essentially so it is hard to relax stuff.

I don't think I could ever ever have been one of those gentle parents. My own parents were very laissez faire , must admit, around parties and stuff but I think I have some faulty memories. Plus my DF was, in all truth, verging on the neglectful end of laissez faire.

Happy Father's Day photodad!

Oblomov you barbeque is very smart. Mine is rusted and falling apart...

Thanks, @Piggywaspushed. Not sure what to suggest about sleep routines, in our household the four of us tend to have very different bedtimes and it somehow works. I suppose it's what you're used to! Could he take snacks up to his room and retreat for the night?

I'm not keen on him taking snacks up to his room. is awful eating is a long term issue. If he bought them himself, fine. But I have to hide crisps and biscuits as he is capable of eating them all within two days!

I think you all may be more harmonious and laid back families than us!

He was quite shocked the other day when I told him how much our monthly DD for gas and electric is.

DSs are cooking breakfast for DH. It is a rushed affair as DS1 has to leave at 12 to catch a flight for work. I have left them to coordinate ingredients l, well I tried to but ended up helping 🙄. DS1 is really good at doing things and being thoughtful, DS2 far less so which frustrates DS1 and us all. At my suggestion he is taking DH to play squash and for a couple of pints this afternoon. They are both taking him out for beers when DS1 is back from his trip.

DSDs both sent cards and one sent a pressie. They have definitely got more thoughtful as they get older (both in their 30s).